Appledashery

by Just Essay

Poke Poke Poke

“What is it?” Lancie asked, poking his talon at the plastic wrapping.

“Don't touch it!” Rainbow hissed down at him. Then, with a deflating sigh, she resumed hanging the item from the very center of an extremely sparse bedroom closet. She ran her hooves over the white covering around the dress. “I had to stop by Rarity's on the way home. Apparently she made this for me over the last few weeks.”

“So, what is it?” Lancie poked at it again.

“I said quit it!” Rainbow knocked him back with her tail. “It's a gift from Rarity!”

“Nnnngh!” The statue picked himself up from a knocked-over waistbasket. “The vampire, right?”

“Yes, the vampire.”

“Then why should you care if I poke it or not?”

“Because, Lancie, believe it or not I care about my best friends!” Rainbow sighed and gazed lethargically at the covered gown. “And Rarity put a lot of her heart and soul into this thing.”

“Pfft! Whenever are you going to wear it?”

Rainbow gave him a double-take. “How'd you know it was a dress?”

“I wasn't carved yesterday, you know,” Lancie said with a coy smile. “I've followed your misadventures closely enough to know who does what.” He counted off the talons on his hand. “Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, the Professor and Mary-Anne—”

“Yeah yeah yeah... I get it,” Rainbow muttered, flying across the room. “You forgot Pinkie, by the way.”

He shrugged. “Who doesn't?”

“Just don't touch the thing, okay? I'll... I'll find a way to make Rarity happy about it.”

“If you ask me, the best way to pacify your friend Rarity is to tell her the truth.”

“Hah!” Rainbow smirked bitterly. “That I'm going on suicidal errands for an impish little volcano turd while simultaneously struggling to prevent myself from becoming a future pony parapalegic?”

“Yes, yes, we all know that you're a mare of many secrets. And I do emphasize many.” Lancie bowed low, smiling. “But, in my eons of cartwheeling around this dimension, I've discovered that everything tends to have its root in one—” He raised a single talon. “—and only one hidden truth. And so long as you keep that one golden nugget from the rest of the giggle-gaggle that you claim to be oh so loyallllllllllllll to, then your problems will only continue to be increasingly tickle-tumorous.”

Rainbow paused at the door and turned to squint at him.

He stared back, grinning a stone grin.

“Since when were you allowed to be so thoughtful?” she asked.

“Hugs will do that.”

“Bullcrap. All you wanna do is go after the next shard.”

“Well of course all I wanna do is go after the next shard!” Lancie flailed his rocky arms as he paced towards her. “But that can't very well be done if the pegasus I'm attached to is too busy battling soap opera sludge in her skull!”

“I can't let my friends know how I feel.”

“And why not, Madame Mysteryyyyyy?”

Rainbow sighed, gripping the door knob. “Because I just... can't.”

“Spoken like a true blue fuzzy deus ex machina.”

“Yeah, well, you're a bucket of dragon snot.”

“Alas, you win this debate yet again.” Lancie raised a gray eyebrow. “May I kindly ask where in Tartarus you're running off to now?”

“Zebra.”

“But we need to get to Manehattan and—”

“For that, my legs need to work, and for my legs to work, I need a potion, and for a potion...” Rainbow sneered back at him as she flew out. “ZEBRA!” She slammed the door behind her.

WHUD!

Comments

[RoboRed]

“Spoken like a true blue fuzzy deus ex machina.”

Yup. And thus, the vicious cycle continues.

[BabySkittleMonster]

“For that, my legs need to work, and for my legs to work, I need a potion, and for a potion...” Rainbow sneered back at him as she flew out. “ZEBRA!” She slammed the door behind her.

The logic hath been broken.

WHUD!

Anyone else concerned about that? Anyone at all? No? Well, alright then. Guess it's just me and my imaginary friend.

“Yeah, well, you're a bucket of dragon snot.”

RD 1 Lancie 0. You need to up your game, Lancie. Nothing can beat that insult. Nothing.

Hah!” Rainbow smirked bitterly. “That I'm going on suicidal errands for an impish little volcano turd while simultaneously struggling to prevent myself from becoming a future pony parapalegic?”

And so, RD becomes thoughtful and introspective. And then the world blows up. The end.

To be honest though, I'd probably do a Lancie in regards to the dress. Now it's time to sit back and anxiously watch my inbox for the next update.

[BabySkittleMonster]

4671957
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm just waiting for that to happen. Or for Pinkie to find out and yell it out around town - I have to admit that would be simultaneously cruel and hilarious.

[BabySkittleMonster]

4670089
That bit made me cry from laughter! I can only imagine Rarity's gleeful face.

[Jay_Baker]

This was so awesome :P

[Lightning Bearer]

Because zebra.

[zaponator]

Wow, what a nice fancy dress she has now. Boy, would that ever be useful if she ever had to attend a big-city party stealthily and without drawing attention to herself.

[HyperMonica]

I can't even right now....

[Scohinyha Sanka]

4675134 I second that notion

[Aatxe360]

Everyone forgets about Pinkie.

[Full-time_Introvert]

“Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, the Professor and Mary-Anne—”

you cheeky devil, I see what you did there. *snickers*

[Future Regret]

RD seems to have an issue speaking...

[DrEggnog]

Now now. Over a Barrel deserves your forgetability fun poking, but not Pinkie Pie.

[arancaytar]

“Spoken like a true blue fuzzy deus ex machina.”

That counts! ding