Appledashery

by Just Essay

Listing. Listing Never Changes

Grinning from ear to ear, Listing rummaged through several items, scooping them off the shelves of the armory and into a large burlap bag. "Yeah... heck yeah..."

"Listy..." Rainbow Dash grimaced... then grimaced harder. The hairs on the back of her neck and flank rose on end as she stared out the door and back into the armory. "...will you answer me already? What in Celestia's name are you doing here?! You're supposed to be upstairs, wooing the donkeys with your wares!"

"Mules, booger."

"Whatever!"

"And, technically, I am upstairs," Listing said with a smug grin. "At least as far as these Hump Gangers know."

"Huh?!" Rainbow blinked.

"I told them I had to use the little fillies' room... which is on the topmost floor, adjacent to the meeting room. But while I left them to drool over my bag of grimey goodies, I climbed out the window, flew around the front, and came down here." Listing grinned as she grasped what looked like a golden necklace. "Awwww yeah! This will fetch the Desert Hounds thousands."

"Look, will you cut it out?!" Rainbow wheezed. "I got what we came here for! Now let's go!"

"Not so fast," Listing wheezed, scooping more things into her bag. "With just enough of this crud, I can glide the Desert Hounds up Easy Street!"

"You... friggin' jerk!"

"Huh?" Listing glanced aside, blinking.

Rainbow gnashed her teeth. "This was your grand plan all along, wasn't it?" Rainbow dragged a hoof, frowning. "You always wanted to get into this armory and make off with all their stolen goods!"

"Don't be stupid," Listing droned. "I just thought of it now!"

"You just thought of it—snkkkt!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Listy?!?"

"I mean, after all, you got in so easy-peasy!" Listing fumbled with the bag. "Why not make off with even more stuff? This could just be the big break I need to even the score with the Desert Hounds! Not to mention the Red Cloud flankholes—"

"Dang it, Listing... you always... always do this!"

"Do what?"

Rainbow snarled: "You get in deep... and then you do stupid impulsive stuff that gets you in deeper!"

"So... you're saying you don't want me to fix all my past buck-ups with these gangs?"

"What? No! I'm trying to tell you that it never works!"

"Pffft... friggin' get with it, booger..."

"Listiiiiing..."

Listing Breeze grinned. "Everything's fine so long as we don't alert the Hump Gang—"

Just then, echoing from two stories above:

"Hey boss! She's gone!"

"Gone?!"

"She's not on the toilet!"

"Where did that crazy horse bitch go—?!"

"... ... ...the vault!"

"Dammit to Tartarus! Go! Go! Go!"

"Oh... uhhhh..." Listing grimaced, sweating. "Whoops. Heheh..."

"Luna Poop!" Rainbow wheezed. Balancing the bits on her flank, she leapt out into the open corridor.

"Wait!" Listing tied her bag up and hobbled after her. "For crying out loud—just wait up!"

Comments

[Hestia]

Gosh darn it, Listing

[CommanderCuddle]

Hey look out that

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

Murphy's Law, Listing. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, then you can be double-damn sure that it will!

Especially given your... and (dare I say it?) Dash's... luck.

[Khao]

What the fuck was she even expecting to happen.

The plan pretty much depended entirely on Listing making that deal without them realizing anything was wrong holy crap this doesn't even make sense listing what did you do for fucks sake listing why listing it wouldve been perfect if you just stuck to the plan listing.

[RoboRed]

1) God. Damnit. Listing.
2) RUNNING TIME.

[Phoenix Kitten]

...It's kind of a bad sign when Rainbow Dash is the voice of reason,
And yep, gloriously sideways.
See Listing, this is why we always stick to the fucking plan.
Improvisation is only for when the plan fails.

[zaponator]

Honestly this is going slightly less horribly than I expected so far.

[Tim the Planes-pony]

Listing's reach exceeded her grasp, and now Rainbow pays the price.

[FloydienSlip]

[Sam the Anti-Ninja]

Rainbow snarled: "You get in deep... and then you do stupid impulsive stuff that gets you in deeper!"

Maybe she thought the plan wasn't stupid enough to work?

[AskWaffles]

"Listiiiiing..."

One of the very few times SS&E properly repeated the vowels instead of the consonants.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Not a clever pony.

[I Thought I Was Toast]

I swear Listing... If you get killed and Rainbow Dash blames herself...

[Keebroo]

Tsk tsk. Immediate repercussions for something impossibly stupid, and after all of that careful planning, to boot. Guess we're really meant to dislike this character.

[DrEggnog]

Listing, you greedy sack of butts.

[remnants]

7228027 That mare ain't right, Peggy.

[Salad king]

Honestly, what else did rainbow expect to happen?

[arancaytar]

Is it too late to go back to the "feed Listing her own organs" idea? That seems like a good idea.