Appledashery

by Just Essay

You Had Me At "Kerplunk!"

A shrill whistle blew, rattling off the windows of the slaughterhouse. Up above, on a looming catwalk, a griffon in a blue collar shuffled up to the railing and hollered to the workers gathered below: "That's time! Ease up, chickadees! Shift rotation's in fifteen minutes! Report your quota at the punch clock!"

The air shuddered with exhaling breaths of relief. One by one, the griffon workers relaxed with slumped shoulders. Several of them chatted and chuckled with one another, while others stripped off their gloves and marched out of the chamber on tired talons.

Gilda was among the latter. However, as she was peeling off her last glove, she glanced aside at a panting blue figure next to her. "Hrmmmf..." Her headcrust rose slightly. "That means you too, dweeboid," she grumbled. "Though I don't see the point of this stupid charade."

"Just... shut... your b-beak..." Rainbow wheezed and hissed, slumped over. Sweat poured down her muzzle, and her legs wobbled. However, she outright refused to collapse, or else risk plopping into the copious pile of blood and meat juices collected beneath her. "Is... is that... the last of... of..."

"Shift's over, genius," Gilda said with a yawn. "Y'know... gotta admit..." Gilda tossed both gloves into a nearby bin and smirked towards the far corners of the musky chamber. "I'm impressed that a soft-hooves such as yourself got as far as you did. Six slabs of meat! I mean... it's nothing like all twenty that I tenderized in the same amount of time. But, hey..." The birdcat shrugged. "When you're lame you're lame, I guess."

"But... but..." Rainbow heaved and wheezed. "...it's all over... right?"

"Dang straight. You happy now?" Gilda cracked the joints in her neck. "Cuz you've still accomplished nothing, idiot. And it's not like you're gonna see a single bit for all your—" She turned to look, but Rainbow was nowhere to be seen. "—...hard work?"

"Hraaaaaaaaullkkttt!"

Gilda spun about.

Rainbow had flung her forward half deep into the nearest trash bin. Her wings drooped and her tail flicked as she vomited a copious ribbon of technicolor yawn into the container.

"Hmmfff..." Gilda smirked. She smoothed her headfeathers back and shuffled across the bloodied space between them. "You see what I mean? This ain't no pony vacation getaway."

"Unnnnghh... fuuuuu..." Rainbow Dash pulled herself out of the trash bin. She wiped her muzzle clean of slime, but found her legs giving out beneath her. "I didn't come here... to relax..." Wincing, she stumbled over to a bench against the wall and collapsed on rubbery limbs. "I came here on a mission... mmrmmfff... as if you care." Fiddling, she reached beneath her bloody work coat, grabbed a potion bottle from her saddlebag, and struggled for a half-minute to unscrew the cap. "I'm not asking you to care... just for you to lend a talon..." She sneered and hissed, finally popping the cap free, but not without bruising up her fetlock something terrible. "Owww..." A sigh. "Then you don't have to worry about me bothering you ever again." She raised the bottle to her muzzle.

Grip! Gilda's talon clasped around Rainbow's hoof. The pegasus was powerless to move the numb limb against the griffon's grasp.

"Is this what your precious friendship's gotten you, Dash?" Gilda's eyes narrowed fiercely. "Being soft is one thing. But stupid?"

"Let. Go." Rainbow scowled, eyes burning. "I've got this. The potion here—"

"Answer the friggin' question," Gilda said in a sneering tone. "Or should I answer it for you?" She huffed through her beak, gripping Rainbow's fetlock tighter. "Cuz from this angle, it looks like you're falling into the same damn hole as always."

The two glared at each other, until a loud swat of Rainbow's tailhairs against Griffon's side interrupted the silence. Gilda took a step back, releasing Rainbow's hoof.

"Some of us get farther in falling than those stupid enough to think that they're flying straight," Rainbow grumbled. She took a long, liberal gulp of the potion, then leaned back with a sigh. "Tell me, Gilda. What's a bigger dump? This place or Griffonstone? What a reeeeeal nice slice of the pie you've cut for yourself, in either case."

"Heheheheh..." Gilda bore a bitter smirk. "Is that somehow supposed to hurt me? Y'know, if I gave a single crap about you, then maybe your words would mean something."

Rainbow's eyes slowly opened. "Then why are you still standing here, talking to me?" She smirked.

"... ... ..." With flaring beak nostrils, Gilda spun about. "Screw you, Dash." She marched off. "You can melt into a numb puddle of pony goo, for all I care."

"Gilda, a little foal is dying," Rainbow grunted.

"So what? Eggs get smashed here all the time."

"I'm serious," Rainbow said, standing up on wobbly legs. She took another swig of the potion and pointed. "She got bit by a super rare snake with crazy deadly venom. In a matter of days, she'll be deader than rocks, and she totally didn't ask for it to happen either!" She pointed out the nearest window. "Now, somewhere beyond that bigflank wall of wind there's a cure that I can find, fetch, and fill her up with to bring her back to the world of the living! All I need is passage beyond the ancient magic gate your feathery forefathers built, but the only bird-brains around this town who've got the key are too juiced up and psychopathic to listen to pony words! But you?!"

"But what?!" Gilda turned and glared over her shoulder. "You're talking about Fibb, aren't you? The Governor's Grandkid?" She shook her head. "I can't speak crazy any more than you can, Rainbow. I wouldn't even want to."

"But at least you stand a chance!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "And so long as you stand a chance, than so does Apple Bloom—"

"'Apple Bloom?'" Gilda grimaced through her beak. Her eyes squinted at Rainbow Dash. "Are we talking about someone related to one of your prissy prancing pony friends?"

Rainbow stared at her. After a tense pause, she eventually nodded. "That's one way of putting it, yeah."

"Well, what do you know." Gilda slowly grinned. "This changes everything."

Rainbow stared, blinking curiously.

"... ... ..." Gilda grinned. "Head back to Ponyville and tell your friends... that if they want crows to eat the meat off the foal's poisoned little body, then they're free to drop her off here anytime."

Swooooooosh! A potion jar flew straight at Gilda's skull.

"!!!" The griffon dodged. As the jar shattered against the wall, she turned to look, then turned back—

WHUMP! Rainbow had speared Gilda with her body. The pegasus shoved her hard across the workspace and slammed her up against a brick wall. WHAM!

Gilda winced. Something glinted in her peripheral vision. She looked aside and gasped to see that her skull had narrowly missed a meathook. In fact, the thing was so close that it severed two of her feathers at the stalks.

This was when Rainbow leaned in, sneering hotly into Gilda's face. "You tell me when you want me to stop being nice, 'girlfriend.'"

Gilda blinked.

Rainbow frowned.

And then... Gilda squinted. "So... now you're demanding my help instead of asking for it..."

"Looks like it," Rainbow grunted.

"...well then." Gilda suddenly smiled. "That's more like it." She threw her skull forward, headbutting Rainbow in the brow. WHAM!

"Guhh!" Rainbow stumbled back only two and a half-steps. She caught herself and squatted low, wings outstretched. "You really wanna do it?!" Her nostrils flared as she scraped the wet floor with a hoof. "Right here?"

"Heheheheheh..." Gilda chuckled.

Rainbow blinked. She stood up, an eyebrow arched. "What...?!"

"You took it!" Gilda pointed with a talon. "You used to never be able to take that! Not without falling down like a stupid donkey!"

Rainbow gritted her teeth. "If you're trying to say that I was ever a pushover..."

"No, but you are your father's foal," Gilda said with a smirk. "That potion's doing quite the work, isn't it? Heh... leave it to you to cheat, Dash."

"If you think that medicine is all that's keeping me on my hooves these days, then you don't know a single damn thing about me."

"You're right," Gilda said, her frown returning. "I don't."

Rainbow merely blinked at that.

With a long sigh, Gilda shuffled out the large chamber, stripping her work coat off in the process. "We're going to need lots and lots of crackers."

"Crackers...?" Rainbow did a double-take.

"To appease Fibb and his gang. Bitches love crackers."

"Uhhh..." Rainbow did an even harder double-take. "Huh?! But just the other second—"

"Griffons don't dig begging half as much as ponies do," Gilda grumbled. "If you have a scrap of memory in that stupid head of yours, then you should remember that. Now flap along." She waved with a wing and was gone. "Before I think twice."

Rainbow exhaled, blinking thoughtfully.

Lancie stuck his head out from beneath the coat. "Well, that went swimmingly."

"Speak for yourself," Rainbow grunted. "I... I kinda forgot how useful horseplay was with her."

"Are... we talking figuratively or—"

"We're not talking at all," Rainbow grunted, trotting off as she removed her own bloodied uniform. "Stay stoned."

"Done... and done!" Lancie made himself scarce.

Comments

[MidnightReflection]

"Looks like it," Grainbow grunted.

And suddenly they were one entity.

"To appease Fibb and his gang. Bitches love crackers."

[RoboRed]

"Bitches love crackers."

I believe the correct term is "Saltine-Avians", thank you.

[unknownbore]

Stay stoned.

[Hestia]

How to Train Your Griffon.

. . .
I have got to stop watching that movie.

[Autumn Rush]

Gilda redemption time?

...as she vomited a copious ribbon of technicolor yawn into the container.

I never thought I'd see vomit described as something so poetic as this.

[Fishberry]

Yeah... I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapter.

[Chewierulz]

6202739 Between those two lines, I can't help but imagine a fusion of Gilda, Dash and Grain Waves. I wonder what chicken/horse/sour-cream-and-chives would take like...

[michaelb958]

6203000 Delicious, most likely.

[viofriedsevey]

Fuckin loved that reaction, I was honestly expecting it to get real dark real quick.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Tired of beating your meat, Dash?

[zaponator]

Headbutting solves everything, as per usual.

[YoshiFawful64]

6202940
inb4 Photo Finish creates a work of art out of vomit.

[HopelessRomanetic]

6202890
There's a series too and its pretty darn good.

Amd great chappie Just Essay! Maybe its just me, but i sense a litte unrequited love right here...

[Gammahoof]

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that headbutting will solve all your problems.

[DrEggnog]

What a messed up chapter, but I suppose it worked out in the end in it's own crazy way. It was obvious Dash was wearing her down. It was just a matter of time, determination, and anger.

I like this meat punching factory setting too. It's really vivid and has a dark cartoon logic to it. I can buy it existing in Equestria.

[kluck]

Bitches love crackers

lmao

[Boop-Happy Lass]

8443550
Bitches love crackers.

WRONG CRACKER.
CRACKER CRACKER...
CRACKER.
CRACKER CRACKER...
CRACKER CRACKER CRACKER...
NEED CRACKER!
GOT CRACKER!
FIBB, I GOT CRACKER!
LEMME SMASH!

[arancaytar]

"So what? Eggs get smashed here all the time."

Am I just misremembering stuff, or do the griffons in Austraeoh canonically have mammal births?

(In which case, is this the definitive confirmation that the settings are entirely different?)

"Speak for yourself," Rainbow grunted. "I... I kinda forgot how useful horseplay was with her."

Let's not even go there.