Have you ever woken up somewhere you don't recognize? I have, once before. This time was not all that different. Headache? Check. Dry mouth? Check. Upset stomach? Check. Hooves? Uhm, that one is new.

Hi, I'm Bruce and I'm 32. Currently, I'm in a light blue Earth Pony foal's body no one has ever seen before. The rest of Equestria thinks I'm 9 and something really traumatic happened to me. It doesn't help I swear like a sailor and I could really go for a smoke right about now. I just hope that the Everfree Forest, rampaging monstrosities, evil dark abominations against God and the Cutie Mark Crusaders don't kill me before I have just one last drag.

Oh, and ponies are hella creepy when you really think about it. Geez.

A little comedy side project. EDIT: HAHA Main project. More characters to be added if I get that far. Categories might be refined as I write. Entire thing is unplanned except vaguely. Don't Expect excessive cursing to be written out, just hinted at. Oh, and as the character is a 30-ish year old in the body of a 9 year old, sexual jokes might exists but sex itself will not occur.

Special thanks to user Momomojito for the awesome-tastic picture! First fanart, I'm so HAPPY. I've gotten more since then! I should collect it all here. Collected!

I was known as Frank DeFontaine. I was going to a Halloween party. I was a pretty intelligent kid, starting my first college term, and decided a little dress-up couldn't hurt.
My buddy Richard got involved, though. And like everything, he took it a bit too far. This time, I didn't say no, though. I really should have.
Next thing I know, we're going all-out on making my Dullahan costume. Because he's my favorite optional boss, and all.
Really shoulda known something was up when that guy behind the counter just so happened to have a sword that fit our specifications perfectly.
Next thing I know, I'm in Equestria. And I'm missing a head.
Sakes, I could use a drink. And a neck.
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Featured on 2/19/2014.
I'd like to leave it at "Holy mother of-!" but that doesn't capture what I'm feeling!

Rainbow Dash has never been to the eye-doctor. One afternoon Twilight takes her to the clinic to check her eyes after a minor flight accident. They end up finding out something that makes no sense whatsoever to any pony in Ponyville.

Woke up this morning to see that my random story that was published for no reason got featured 2/28/14. I'm not complaining, but it isn't a work of art :P. I guess anything a teenager writes about multicolored ponies amuses you.

After GLaDOS is uploaded into a potato battery, Wheatley humiliates the AI even further by uploading her into a project that was abandoned by Aperture a long time ago. In the blink of an eye, she finds herself in a deformed body of flesh and bone that resembles an equine, and is just as powerless as one too. It comes with all of its needs and bodily functions as well. To make matters worse, she's trapped in a land full of insufferable creatures that just want to make 'friends.' Will GLaDOS' cold, sadistic sense of humor and morals get the better of the ponies? Or will they peel away the once artificial being's metallic shell and find that there's a softer side? Probably not, but it's worth a try.

Story Theme: Tyler Bates - I Love You (Watchmen OST)

Thanks to Meeester, MrJoshy, and funkyferret for proofreading/reviewing.

Cover by Fedte16.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. I used to wonder, how cold should it be? Well, I know now. The sort of cold that comes from eternal night and being locked in stone for over a thousand years. The sort that comes from the only person you think you can trust betraying you.

The sort of cold that comes from a knife in the back.

The Moon betrayed me. The Sun entombed me alive. And they were going to pay.

For the League of Humans Acting Villainous

Taking a vacation in a nice relaxing and peaceful country? That's good.
Taking a vacation and being blamed for the the theft of some very important jewelry? That's bad.
Taking a vacation and becoming public enemy number one? That's really bad.
Taking a vacation and being hunted by adorable pegasi, unicorns, and ponies? That's... different.

A mage decides to take a respite in what he assumes to be the peaceful and safe land of Equestria. Unfortunately he's accused of stealing the "Elements of Harmony", a powerful set of magical regalia, and goes on the run from the law. Now stuck in a land of magical ponies, cut off from his only way home, and now the most wanted creature in Equestria, does he have any hope of proving his innocence and going home?

Maybe, but let's laugh at him as he gets beat up by cute equines!

Scootaloo may just be the world's most unfortunate filly. She gets the short stick on everything. Of course, it just so happens that that short stick will always entail dying. It's a good thing she doesn't seem to notice that she dies a lot, otherwise things might start to get a bit complicated.

Short vignettes which reimagine each episode of MLP such that Scootaloo dies in increasingly spectacular and insignificant ways. Updates twice a week, every Tuesday and Friday.

This story is a sequel to Cheating Death

Equestria is a land filled with many amazing myths, legends, ponies, creatures, and monsters. But what happens when something new is thrown into the mix?

After the events of 'Cheating Death', Felix awakes to find he had survived his excursion into Equestria. Now a much different man then when he first set out, Felix decides to go and explore the Equestrian countryside. Change isn't the only thing that followed Felix though, as Death, or Harvey Stir in this universe, has been made his guardian until the ramifications of his actions can be fully calculated by the celestial bureaucracy. Harvey Stir keeps a close eye on him, hoping that Felix won't cause any major problems.

Such as, being involved in a bank robbery, starting random musical numbers, getting captured by a murderous cult, setting fire to a nest of changelings, or inadvertently releasing a dark god of destruction from ages long past...

...Not that any of that would happen... right?

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Special thanks to: Hortense, Wazaga, Fantoche the 13th, Sallythemanatee, munomana, and Alamais.