//------------------------------// // Scootaloo's Labyrinth Pt. 2 (The Return of Harmony Pt. 2) // Story: Scootaloo Dies a Bunch // by alexmagnet //------------------------------// “So, wait a minute,” said Scootaloo, “did I just die back there?” “Well, that’s just it,” said Discord, in between bites of roasted rubber chicken. “We’re making assumptions, now.” Scootaloo frowned. “Nah, I’m pretty sure I died there.” “Ah, I suppose it is hard to imagine surviving a hypersonic impact with an effigy of your biological mother, but still…” His eyes focused on something, seemingly very far away and apparently beyond the confines of the metaphysical plane upon which they stood. “Can it be said that something happened if no one was there to observe it?” She looked around, trying to spot what his gaze was focused on, but to no avail. “Uh… I don’t know.” “Well, think about it. Is this the same conversation we were having earlier? Or did something else happen between then and now? Just how did I get this braised rubber chicken, anyway?” He scarfed the thing down in one bite. Her frown deepened. “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.” “And you expect me to know any more than you?” A bright orange dinghy suddenly materialized beneath the two of them. “I’m in the same boat, I’m afraid. And we’re both rafting down a great winding river of ambiguity until we reach the falls.” “Or,” said Scootaloo, holding up one of the boat’s oars, “you’re just completely crazy.” “Flattery will get you nowhere, I’m afraid. Look at it this way. Everything has a beginning and an end. Anything that goes up”—he produced an anvil, effortlessly balancing it on a talon before tossing it skyward—“must come down.” Spreading his arms wide, he smiled serenely toward the sky in anticipation. The smile turned to a frown of confusion as nothing happened. He shrugged. “Well, you get what I mean.” Scootaloo blinked like a faulty traffic light. “I don’t think I do, no.” “Okay then, different metaphor.” He snapped his talons once again, and suddenly the maze seemed to pass by them, as though they were rafting through it without moving. “If we were to wander this maze, there’d be any number of twists and turns, but there’s only one way out.” “Well yeah, unless you’re a pegasus and can just fly out. Or if you’re a unicorn and can just teleport.” He stroked his beard. “Hmm. That’s a good point.” A notepad and pen appeared next to him, and he scribbled something down before somehow pocketing them. With another snap, the raft disappeared and the maze halted its dizzying march, bringing them back where they started. “But the point is, we know there’s going to be an end to the maze. What matters is the time spent inside it.” Scootaloo blinked like she was trying to induce an epileptic fit. “No, I think I’d rather just escape and be done with it.” “Oh, that’s no fun.” He swam up alongside her. “Just enter the maze and then reach the end? Boring.” “Not as boring as just standing around inside the maze.” She motioned to the surrounding hedges. “Only if nothing important happens while you’re standing around. Look at us. Here we are, having a conversation, and that’s what keeps it interesting.” His gaze turned distant again. “I mean, think of how boring it’d be if we just stopped talking all of a sudden…” “…It’d get so boring any onlookers would probably start searching for some hidden meaning in the silence that probably isn’t even there. The dumb ones wouldn’t even get that far. Without something happening between the beginning and the end, there’s no point.” Scootaloo blinked like it was going out of style. “Okay, so what does this all have to do with me dying?” “Why, everything, my unlucky duckling.” He spread his arms wide. “Because what matters isn’t that you die, it’s that you die a bunch.” Scootaloo blinked—just once, but with all the deafening weight of a locomotive leaping the tracks. “…What?” “It’s just like I said. It’d be one thing if you just died once, but you need to die more than once. That’s what’s important. That’s why you’re important.” For a long moment, she was silent. Then she nodded once, sharply. “Right. Thanks for wasting my time. Leaving now.” “Oh, come now.” He grinned. “Is it ever a waste of time when you make a new friend?” “You’re not my friend, buddy.” “Aw, you wound me,” Discord somehow said with just the top half of his head. “Well fine, if you’re going to be that way, I suppose I won’t keep you further. Besides,” he cocked an ear to the wind, “it sounds like I have… other friends to make.” “Great. Go bother somepony else.” “Can do, will do.” He produced a pink umbrella. “Ta-ta, my little pelican! Remember to always brush your teeth!” Hoisting the umbrella above his head, he began rising into the air. “Like I care!” she shouted after him. “That’s the spirit!” A bolt of lightning suddenly struck the umbrella, and after being silhouetted for a moment, Discord vanished. Scootaloo blinked for what felt like the twenty-thousand-eight-hundred-and-sixteenth time that day. She waited, anticipating another sudden appearance and roundabout comment from the draconequus, but all was quiet. The nearby hedges rustled in the slight breeze, as though giggling at her. “Well, guess I’ll just have to keep trying to find my way out of this maze. Or starve. Whichever comes first.” Sighing heavily, she took a step deeper into the labyrinth. And then an anvil fell from the sky and squashed her flat.