Chapter 1 - A Mage Mistaken for Misappropriating Magical Medallions
Equestria's Most Wanted
Chapter 1 - A Mage Mistaken for Misappropriating Magical Medallions
Written by Wil_I_Zin
Edited by BradtheBrony, AuthorGenesis
(Last updated 1/21/17)
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Let me start off by saying that first impressions are everything. Clothing, hygiene, actions and even your words will determine whether others find you to be a delightful sort, or a disgusting sight. It can be said that entire nations have gone to war because someone accidentally offended the others’ relatives, religion, or pasta dish―and sometimes all three, though not necessarily in that order―leading to a lot of deaths, economies crumbling, and entire buffet tables overturned.
The reason that I brought this up to you was that I had found myself in a similar situation of cultural faux pas, and the locals were only just slightly perturbed at my transgressions.
“Come back with the Elements now, thief! And we’ll beat you within inch of your life!” shouted one particularly angry mook from the legions of guards pursuing me.
“Don’t you mean ‘Or’!?” My query was responded to with a large spear embedding itself mere inches from my face. I broke into a sprint of panic from the guards, but they were faster than I was and they closed in with a thundering of hooves.
Yes, I said hooves, and no they weren’t on horses, they were horses; well, ponies actually. They were around four feet tall and about the size of a large dog, and just as cute. However, the cuteness was marred by their angry expressions, heavy armor, and a slew of pointy objects aimed at me.
I was being chased in dead of night through an uptown district of one of their cities, Canterlot, where the buildings were made of white marble, oak wood, and styled directly from a fantasy novel. I had been trying to lose my pursuers by weaving in and around the various alleyways, but due to some of them having wings they were able to follow me through the skies. Meaning there were also pegasi here as well, and they took every opportunity to try and dive bomb me whenever I stepped out out into the open.
“For the last freakin’ time, I didn’t take your stupid Elements of ham boning or what else!” I yelled back at my pursuers.
“Then stop running!” the lead guard called back and right after, a volley of arrows soared over his head and began to rain down toward me.
“Sweet Jimminy!” I shrieked and dove at nearest point of escape through a nearby windowpane. With a shattering of glass and a heavy whump to the ground, I stumbled to my feet, ran through a nearby door, and barricaded it with a dresser.
“Okay, that should give me a few seconds t-” I said before I was whacked in the head with a frying pan. Now, I don’t know about you folks, but solid iron frying pans hurt. A lot. I stumbled back and saw my new assailant: a unicorn mare with a frightened expression, wielding said frying pan of ultimate pain in a telekinetic grip. Yeah, this place also had unicorns too. They did magic; the zappy kind.
“Eeeeeeeek!” she screamed. “Monster!”
“I’ll have you know I’m quite civilized you crazy git!” I retorted before she began swinging away with the frying pan at me.
“Ahhh! Civilized monster!” She screamed again as I flailed around dodging her blows. I bombarded her with whatever I could grab from the nearby shelves, pictures, plants, potpourri, in the hopes to slow her down, but she just came at me swinging like a seasoned batter hopped up on steroids and PCP.
“Holy cr-” I said before the pan slammed into my gut, knocking the words right out of me. That was followed by a frying pan to face again and a swift conk to my gonads. “My progeny!” I squeaked as I fell to my knees, my mind blank with white hot pain and the thought that I was now fifty percent infertile and one hundred percent in agony.
The mare stepped in front of me and raised her frying pan in preparation to strike again. Quickly, I grabbed the carpet beneath her hooves and yanked it up. The mare went tumbling head over hoof and her deadly cooking utensil went flying away. I stumbled to my feet and ran down the hallway of her home hoping to find the door outside. I came to what I thought was a living room and saw a chance for escape through a door in front of me. I swung it open hoping to greet sweet freedom, but was instead greeted with bitter cast iron to the face. I stumbled back to find the manic mare had somehow circumvented my escape and stood at the ready to give me yet another wicked beating with her cooking utensils.
“Sweet Jesus lady! What the hell did I ever do to you!?” I screamed in both shock and terror. Forget Freddy Krueger, this mare was going to haunt my nightmares for eternity after this, assuming I survived. She then brought the pan up high with the intent to cave in my brain matter, screaming like a barbarian housewife out for blood.
“Lady, you are crazy!” I shouted as I dove out another nearby window, saving me from meeting pan fried death. I rolled to my feet and brushed off the wood and glass off my robes. My body was sore and I was very out of breath, but at least I didn’t have that psycho mare following me. Things were starting to look up. Fate however, being a bitch, ended my reprieve as a person made an attention grabbing cough just to my right.
It just so happened to be the group of guards I was trying to lose a second ago. Out of the frying pan and into the fire … literally, as the unicorns in the guard started lobbing fireballs at me. Thankfully my saving grace, a nearby alleyway, provided me with an escape as fiery death flew past my backside.
That grace however was running out as I saw that the alley ended and opened up to a wide open area. As I ran out into the expansive plaza, I saw a whole slew of pegasi fly past me beginning to wall off my chances for escape. Soon all around me every exit point was blocked off, and there was no place to left run.
“Give it up, creature!” called out the leader of the guard. “We have you completely surrounded. Surrender now, and I may just have them take it easy on you.” He smirked back at me, looking like he had just bagged himself the world’s fattest man. Which I’m not. No matter what the scale says. It’s lying.
Slowly the pegasi with their spears and the unicorns with their charged horns advanced toward me. What did they have to fear, after all? All they did was corner an unarmed, completely innocent and devilishly handsome human. I obviously didn't have any way to defend myself. Plus I was just beaten up by a deranged housewife with a combat bloodlust rivaling Genghis Khan. Also I had no weapons nor fighting skills, so it should be easy to force me to surrender in this situation, right?
They apparently didn’t consider I might have been a Mage.
I reached into my small satchel at my side and brought out two small white crystals. Putting one in each hand I raised my fists up at the pegasi and focused deep, channeling forth mana into the crystals. The first clue for them to start backing off was when my hands started to glow. They either didn't notice or didn’t care. The mana coalesced around my appendages and I visualized what I needed: power, momentum, and force. Bright light burst from my clenched fists as the crystals let out a high pitched whine
“He’s doing something! Stop him!”, the leader of the guards shouted. All of them dived right for me, each one hoping to stop me before I had a chance to pull off whatever last ditch effort I had. Too bad the spell had been ready five seconds ago and I was just waiting for them to get closer.
“Fus Ro Dah bitches,” I taunted as I slammed both of my arms into the ground. In an explosion of sound and air, a concussive shock wave flew out from around me with the force of a class five hurricane. Guards were sent flying back and pegasi were either hurled further into the sky or were slammed into nearby buildings. I charged up again and hurled another concussive force, this one more direct, at the thinnest group of guards. They were sent tumbling back even further, most of them crashing hard to the ground and a few smashing into nearby empty vendor stands and kicking up large plumes of dust.
Both of the crystals in my hands shattered into a fine powder, rendering them useless. With that reagent gone, I couldn’t do that heavy of a spell again ... not without consequences. I took the chance I had provided myself and sprinted off once again from my pursuers. “Oh, that’s gonna hurt in the morning,” I chirped at an unconscious guard as I ran through the gap and down the street away from the scene. “You can bill me later for the damages, May the road rise up ta' meet ya', you tin can bastards!” I called back, laughing as they tried to regain their senses.
As I ran I tried to think of a solution out of this mess. I couldn’t outrun them since they had double the leg power, and with those pegasi flying around anywhere I run to I’ll be spotted. That left hiding, and with the sounds of a few shouts and a rallying cry behind me attested that the chase was once again on.
It was my hope I could eventually elude the group and slowly sneak my way out of the city, but any hope of that was shattered when I saw what was up ahead. Canterlot was a city built on the side of a mountain—either by mechanical engineering madponies or magical geniuses—and due to its location the city was separated into large platforms which made the districts of the city. The problem with such a design, however, was that there were a lot of drop off points. Like the one directly ahead of me.
I backed up and ducked into a nearby alcove to hide and think for a moment. I could try scaling down the side of the mountain, but that would leave me wide open for a pegasi attack. I could also just jump and try to use magic to slow my fall; except, I had never attempted anything like that before and it would be a real trial by fire. The nearing shouts of the guards forced me to instead improvise.
With a flash of magic cast on myself, I burst from my alcove and sprinted toward the dropoff. Coming right up to the railing I took a look over the side to see- Sweet Jiminy was that a long way down! It had to be nearly 10,000 feet or more, which on the bright side would give me enough time to wave goodbye before I went kersplat.
“You there! Halt!” cried a familiar voice from behind me. The guards were still a good distance away from me, so I asked myself the age old question: To jump, or not to jump? “Don’t you even think about jumping!” Shouted the guard. Small fact you should know about me, I have a problem respecting authority figures. Which is why I jumped over the edge while flipping him off.
The guards all sprinted at me, hoping to stop me before I went over the edge. A couple of pegasi shot past the group and flew toward the dropoff. They dove down like bullets, hoping to catch me only to find … nothing.
“Well?” questioned their superior. “Did you catch him?”
“Uh,” responded a nervous pegasi guard. “He’s ... gone sir.”
“What do you mean gone?” shouted the leader. He put his forelegs on the railing and looked over to see a lack of a captured (or falling) suspect. “There’s no way it fell to the bottom that quickly, it must be hiding along the rock face. Fan out and comb every inch of this cliff. The rest of you, position yourselves along the west side in case it tries to sneak back up.”
The guards dispersed and began to look for their missing quarry. I couldn’t help but snicker at the look the guard leader gave when he realised I threw him for a loop. They could scan every inch of that cliff and around it but they would never find me. Considering I never left that alcove back in the alleyway, and now I was moving farther and farther away eastward from them. Illusion magic had always been my forte, but pulling off a complete illusionary construct like that in a few seconds had really pushing myself to the limit.
I snuck through the alleyways, now further out of breath than I had been before. I used the darkness for cover, and hid the second I heard even the slightest flap of wings or stomping of hooves. Small groupings of guards patrolled the streets, taking time to examine anything they deemed suspicious. Every few seconds I was looking over my shoulder and around corners, trying to avoid being seen or heard by them. I had a few close calls but I was able to keep my presence hidden with an illusion each time at the expense of more and more energy.
Alley through alley, and building past building, I worked my way to what I hoped was the city gates. My breathing became more labored, and my head was starting to pound with pain. The constant running and casting small illusions really put a strain on my stamina, and unfortunately mana did not regenerate as quickly as some video games or stories would have you believe.
I spotted a nearby covered wagon that was parked outside a larger warehouse. I peeked inside and found it stuffed full of crates of differing size, the smells coming off of them ranged from sweet to spicy. I thought that this would be the best spot to hide for a bit, and I jumped into the wagon and sat down on the floor behind some of the larger boxes. I took this moment of respite to catch my breath and clear my head. This was supposed to be a dream vacation, but in a matter of seconds it’s turned into a nightmare. Slowly my exhaustion got ahold of me. I began to drift off, thinking back ... back to how this whole messed up situation started.
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28 hours ago on Earth …
“Okay, just a few more turns and-” an explosion interrupted me as the crystal construct I was working on released all its stored energy violently into my wall. I fell backwards out of my chair from the force, while smoke and dust plumed throughout the room. I scrambled to my feet and flung my arms about like a crazed windmill trying to clear the air. My astounding acrobatics did not produce the desired result so I then instead flailed over to a nearby window and threw it open, allowing the warm summer breeze from outside to blow in.
“Oh sweet Jiminy that smells like death warmed over!” I exclaimed to my empty room. I turned back to look at my experiment, or what was left of it anyway. The crystal had fractured and bore a large crack right down the middle, and the wall behind the desk I was working at … wasn’t there. A large gaping hole into my kitchen could be seen along with the remains of the toaster oven that was sitting on the counter. Eh, the thing always undercooked my bagels anyway.
I sighed, going to my pantry closet to grab some reagents. That was the fourth time this month my wards in the room had failed, I was starting to think I wasn’t using enough salt, or yak’s blood. My search proved futile as I had neither in stock anymore. So that meant I would have to bump up grocery and foreign import shopping on the list of things to do. I plopped down onto my couch and grabbed my mail from the endtable, hoping there would be some good news to cheer me up.
“Let’s see,” I mumbled, “bill, bill, letter from Mom, bill, letter from Bill, junk, and paycheck! Awesome!” I gleefully ripped open my good fortune to see how much of a good thing was headed my way. Sadly it wasn’t nearly as much as I had expected, just enough to cover the pile of bills with me and get some groceries for the week. I sighed heavily. Another week of living paycheck to paycheck it seems.
Now you might think, ‘But you’re a mage! A controller of the sources of the universe. Why not just magic up some gold and live the easy-free life?’ Three reasons: One, transmuting gold costs a crapton of energy and is rarely worth it; you could pour hours of energy into making one small gram and it would probably kill you three times to Sunday before you’re finished. Two, always exchanging that much gold for regular cash would eventually arouse someone’s suspicions, and then I’d have some crooks or the men in black showing up wondering where it all came from. And finally, while there was no real mage organization like some might think—Harry Potter was a load of tripe, you get more than five magic users in a room and they’ll begin arguing about their egos, and it isn't long before a fight breaks out and half a city goes boom—other magic users would frown on you trying to destabilize the economy: They use it too after all. Thus even with having the forces of nature at my whim, I still needed to work the nine to five drag.
I gazed around at the state of my laboratory and sighed. Piles of paper with my notes on my magical experiments littered every table top. My computer screen in the corner flickered, still suffering from the fallout of the magical explosion. My lab table was piled with random crystal bits that were other samples of failed experiments, although they were never as explosive as that last one. Through the hole in the wall I was able to see the dishes that had piled up in the sink and that the windows needed a good scrubbing. Overall, the whole house was a mess and I was too exhausted to do jack about it. I needed a vacation.
With as little effort as I could muster I rose to my feet and sauntered over to a large book that lay on a pedestal. I sat down in my office chair and rolled up to the book, flipping it open. The pages inside were all blank. They would continue to be so for anyone who would look upon it; unless you knew what type of book it was, that is.
“So, what’s the best way to teleport to Italy?” I asked the book. Which might sound like a silly idea, talking to a book. And it would be, unless the book responded. The sound of an invisible author writing filled the room as words and diagrams began to line the pages. Each one supplying a different method: From translocation runes, to ley line surfing, to apparently sticking your thumb out and catching the next UFO that passes by. Each ‘solution’ was well out of my ability or paygrade, and even then I needed to be back to work on Tuesday. After all who else would they find to make steak and soup filled with grease and salt for the average customer?
“Man,” I sighed leaning on the book, “is the only vacation I'm ever going to get a fictional one?” To my surprise the book began to scribble new words on its pages. “Trans-Dimensional Travel?” I read outloud. What I read past the title began to make me grin wider and wider with each line. “I swear, you were the best twenty bucks I ever spent.” I spoke hugging the tome. Where did I get a book like that for such a small amount you might ask? Meh, I’ll tell ya later.
According to what the book was telling me, travel on the same plane of existence is extremely challenging. Anyone who’s ever tried teleportation can attest to that. However, what you don’t know is that alongside our universe are a multitude of others and all of them are based off of ours. Better yet, traveling between them barely uses any energy at all. It's practically like opening a door and walking through. The biggest deal? Fiction doesn’t exist, or at least not like you understand it. What may be fiction in one universe is fact in another, meaning that there could be a universe out there for every story, movie, book and song. A Star Trek universe, a Lord of the Rings universe, a Doctor Who universe, all existed; it was just a matter of finding out where they were.
I had in my grasp the greatest chance at a vacation possible. Before becoming a Mage and even afterwards I was a humongous geek. Fantasy, science fiction and drama, these were my playgrounds. With the ability to travel to any one of them, it was a dream come true. I could pop over to Coruscant in Star Wars and explore the whole city, or go relax in the fields of Hyrule, or sneak onto New Zack’s Island from Dead or Alive … Oh yeah, that would be sweet. A moment of clarity hit me and, I began to think on the matter. I came to the conclusion that I would have to be very careful on which world I pick, as this would be a large step into uncharted territory for me.
I went back to the book and began reading the finer details about this spell that could be used to travel the dimensional divide. Used a circle with sigils for Focus; any form of mana would be good enough for a Source; and Intent just had to be a precise location based on name and imagery. I was surprised at just how easy this spell was; even a novice with very little experience in magic could pull this off if he had a tiny bit of mana concentration and the knowledge of sigil drawing. I wondered briefly if there was a reason it was so easy, but threw that thought away as I had things to pack and plans to make!
A whole day later and I was completely ready to depart. My large travel bag was slung over my shoulder, filled with clothes, towels and assorted knives. Because you never know when you might need them. My light traveling pack slung over my opposite shoulder housed my ever-so-handy tome and a few knickknacks like focus crystals, emergency granola bars, and a bottle of rum. I wore my nice robes fresh out of the dryer and pressed for presentation. I looked like the stunning impression of some mage walking right out of Comic-Con, but unlike the pretenders, my skills were very much real.
After much deliberation on where to go I finally had a destination: Equestria, home of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe. While not even on my top three of places I wanted to visit, it was still by far the safest option. Compared to the hundreds of other worlds, Equestria was a nicer place compared to the deserts of Arrakis, or the darkspawn infested world of Ferelden. No, the land of fluffy pink ponies and rainbows would be my much safer, quieter, and a lot less deadly destination. They also had a powerful system of magic, so if anything went wrong I would find a way to fix it easily. Plus the locals looked like quite the accepting and joyful bunch, so at least I wouldn’t be too hard pressed to find some peace and quiet.
I myself only had a passing knowledge of the world and its lore, I had not fallen in love with it as much as one of my co-workers had. However, I had enough to get by in my opinion, and maybe if this trip worked out well I’d take a trip to Minas Tirith. What’s that? You don’t believe your world is one of fiction to me? Listen, I’d rather not get into a metaphysical debate of existence and what it means, but just believe me, this place is a fairy tale to my people.
The plan was simple: pop in, sell some junk at a high price to the right person, take it easy for a few days, and pop back with enough time to rest before work the next day. Easy.
The portal circle had been written out in what I called experiment room #3: also known as the guest room. The wooden floor had been covered in a large white chalk circle with multitudes of small symbols surrounding it. It was a sigil circle: A perfect circle surrounded by sigils. Each symbol represented a different force or power that could channel magic; you might have seen the more popular version in fiction where it’s just a big circle with a pentagram. I wouldn’t suggest ever doing one: you’ll either fail, blow off your own arm, or summon something you’ll wish you never knew existed.
In reality the sigil circles are a type of magic that was for the scholarly or patient. Unlike casting from your own will, all you had to do was scribble some lines, splash it with some energy, concentrate on what you want it to do, and bam!: Instant effect. It wasn’t my favorite method. I prefered a more hands on approach, but when you had the time it was a great way to be absolutely sure everything went smoothly.
I stepped up to the circle and knelt down placing both of my hands upon the edge. The sigils started to glow as I charged them with mana, and the room began the thrum with a low sounding hum. I stepped over the line and stood in the center of the now illuminated sigil circle. I took a deep breath and grabbed the bags at my sides, the next part would be the most important and I couldn’t afford to mess it up. If I did I might have ended up in the wrong place, or halfway into the ground, or with my small intestines missing. I took a deep breath and mentally visualized where I wanted to go.
“Canterlot, Equestria.”
Instantly I felt like my entire body was stretched out to a fine point before snapping into the sky above. Colors and lights whirled by my head faster than I could comprehend. I felt like the whole of creation was flying by me and I was witnessing all that could ever be. The experience was as short as it was amazing, as I felt gravity take ahold of me and I fell to my knees. I felt like I had just gone on the most extreme roller coaster ride of my life and considering I had just technically flung myself though the barrier that separates reality itself, that wasn’t too bad a comparison.
I carefully rose to my feet and the feeling of nausea washed over me, causing me to stumble a little. It was rather dim wherever I was, the only light seemed to be from some small flames along the wall. As my vision cleared I realised they were torches. The flaming beacons which adorned the walls in between the windows that stretched up to the very tall ceiling above. Wherever I was, it sure was roomy ... and empty. Aside from the torches and a long red rug lining the floor, this room was rather sparse on decoration.
The only other thing of notice was the large ornate door at the end of the hall. Now I wasn’t a major fan of this universe, but the door ahead of me I recognised as that weird door the Princesses kept those Element jewelry thingies. Or at least they did before the only cool villain this place had stole them. I moved in closer to get a better look and that's when I noticed that the door was slightly open. That wasn’t a good sign. As I moved closer I could hear in the far off distance behind me a low rumbling. I turned my head around to see if I could spot the source, but when I did I heard a gasp in front of me making me snap back to see a very startled pegasus in the open vault doorway.
The only parts of his body I could see were his blue eyes and chocolate brown wings. He was entirely wrapped in black clothing, obscuring his mane and any distinguishing marks. There was also a pack of saddle bags on his back, and sticking out of one of them was a golden piece of jewelry; specifically one tiara with a starburst purple gem on it. My eyes went wide when I realised what he was carrying.
“What-?” I asked in confusion, but before I could say any more the door behind me burst open with a legion of pony guards behind it.
“Stop right there thie- Sweet Celestia’s toned buttocks! What the hay is that!?” shouted one of them when he looked at me.
“What?” I asked out loud even more confused than before.
The pegasus who was most obviously a thief, took this moment of confusion and leapt through one of those large windows into the darkness outside. The glass shattered, breaking the guards out of their shock of my presence and the leader raised his spear at me.
“After him! I got the freak.” He shouted as he charged at me.
“What!?” I shouted this time terrified.
There is a time in most people’s lives where the world tends to slow down, just so it can show you in glorious detail how much shit is headed your way. Now scientifically this is the adrenaline kicking in your flight or fight response. And usually most people pick one and go full bore with it. Nature must have dropped me a lot as a kid as I somehow did both while screaming the entire time. Not like a girl mind you, the high pitched squealing must have been from someone in the other room.
I whipped my large traveling bag off my shoulders and threw it at the guards like hurling a discus. It collided with the first few in the front row and sent them flying back into their leader behind them. The mess of guards were dazed, and I raced to the window the thief jumped out of and followed suit. I leaped over the broken glass and flew out into the abyss; which was about thirty feet above the ground.
“Holy Cr-!” I swiveled my body around hoping to grab the ledge and prevent my body from become the next big hit on Canterlot, but my hand found nothing as I had already gone too far. I was able, however, to see that long cloth banners ran down the outside of the building all the way to the ground. Concentrating with my mind I willed one of the banners to flow over to my hand, and with a small push of mana it telekinetically flew into my hands. I grabbed onto the banner and held on for dear life as it strained under my weight, swinging me back and forth like a pendulum.
Before I could think of a way to follow up grabbing the banner, I heard a loud ripping sound, and then I began to fall again. Although it was slower this time, the descent was still too fast for my taste. The banner above me tore itself down the side as I fell, ruining the once nice looking piece of drapery. The ground rose up to meet me and at the last moment I pushed off the wall, aiming to land in a soft pile of hay placed conveniently nearby. I unfortunately overshot, instead colliding into some vendor’s stall that was completely full of cabbages.
I flopped out of the now squished produce and wiped the messy greens off my robes. Up above me I could see the guards flying out the window, diving down to capture me. I took off running and hoped I could somehow outrun them. Suddenly, a whole platoon of guards appeared behind me from around a corner, one throwing a spear that sank into the ground right beside me.
“Come back with the Elements now, thief! And we’ll beat you within inch of your life!” shouted one of the legions of guards pursuing me.
“Don’t you mean ‘Or’!?” My query was responded to with a large spear embedding itself mere inches from my face. I began to sprint even faster away from the guards, but they were still faster than I was and they closed in with a thundering of hooves.
“Take care on the road, Silver,” said one of the guards as they chased me.
“What?” I asked, confused as to what the heck the (oddly) mare sounding guard said to me.
“Don’t worry Willow,” responded another guard, “I’m used to early morning travel like this.”
I was unable to figure out what the hell was going on before the entire world shook around me and I bolted awake. My eyes focused to find that I was still in the back of the covered wagon that I fell asleep in. The noises from outside and the twilight of dawn in the sky meant I had dozed off for a few hours. The wagon jostled a bit as it felt like someone was hitching something to it.
“I know, you old coot,” came the mare I heard in my sleep earlier from outside. “Just don’t be pushing yourself so much. You’ve got your health to think about now.”
“I’m just as spry as I was thirty years ago!” argued a stallion from the front of the wagon.
“Your mane says otherwise,” teased the mare.
“Bah, it’s still its natural color. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.” The wagon lurched forward as the stallion hooked up to the cart began trotting down the street.
This actually worked out in my favor: I could get out of this city easily hiding back here. After I got out I could find a nice secluded place, recast the spell, and get the heck out of Dodge. I came here for a vacation. Not to be caught up in the theft of magic jewelry. Honestly this whole mess could sort itself out, it always would, it’s a kids show world afterall.
I reached into the satchel on my side to fish out my Tome. When I did, I realized I had lost my travel bag back in the vault when I used it as a projectile against the guards. It would be annoying and would be the loss of a few of my favorite shirts, but compared to being in a jail for who the heck knows how long it was a small sacrifice.
“Okay buddy,” I spoke to the Tome as I opened it, “looks like we’re cutting this vacation short, so pull up that transdimensional portal again, ‘kay?” I sat there waiting expectantly for the Tome to begin, but as the seconds ticked by nothing seemed to happen. “Uh, I want to see transdimensional portals?” I asked again, and still nothing happened. I tried flipping through the pages and asking again, and still nothing had changed. This was not good. Not good at all.
With Tome not working, my only means of escape were gone. That meant I was trapped here until I could fix it, find another way to teleport home, or hope that they could catch the real thief. I slumped back into the wall of the covered wagon at a loss for what to do. I was brought out of my thinking, however, when the cart stopped and I heard a commotion from outside.
“Hold on there. We need to check your wagon sir,” came an authoritative voice. I swore internally: please don’t let that be what I think it is.
“What do you mean?” asked the stallion pulling the cart.
“There was a theft in that castle last night.” It was going where I thought it was. “The perpetrators have yet to be caught and we’re checking everyone who leaves the city.” There was a pregnant pause before the older stallion spoke.
“Bronze Shield, are you claiming what I think you're claiming?” he asked with a hint of venom in his voice.
“Um, not that you’d be the thief or anything, Mr. Silver,” stuttered the guard. “It’s just we’re checking anypony be-”
“Colt, you’d best not finish that sentence before I get angry. I’m too old to deal with this and I don’t have the time either,” the stallion spoke like talking down to a toddler.
“But we have to check every cart leavi-”
“Bronze ... I know your mother, and I’m willing to think she won’t like to hear how you were pestering an old stallion when he’s trying to go about his business.” The guard gasped and coughed, sounding like he was trying to save face.
“You wouldn’t.” He sounded apprehensive; perhaps his mother was a really old nag?
“Maybe, but do you want to risk it?” I could practically hear the smugness flowing from his words from back in the wagon.
“... All clear! Let this one pass,” the guard called out to someone else. The sound of a gate being opened creaked through the air and the wagon lurched forward again.
“Much obliged, mah boy,” chuckled the stallion “hopefully I can make it to Ponyville before all the stalls are taken in the market.”
So this guy was headed for Ponyville, I thought to myself that could possibly be a solution. I would just have to find Twilight Sparkle (the show’s heroine) and convince her of my innocence. I just would have to be tactful. From what the show had expressed she was no pushover mage herself. She even outclassed me as a spell-slinger by far. I would have to be as careful as to how I approached this situation. If I did that, then I could just sit back and let them take care of the rest while I try and salvage this vacation.
As the vehicle moved down the road towards my new goal, I sighed and slumped back into a comfortable position. It was going to be a long ride to Ponyville, which gave me enough time to plan my next move. I was also hoping that fate would stop messing with me and cut me some slack.
“So long, Canterlot,” the stallion pulling the cart said to himself. “Now, let’s see just how ‘old’ these bones are, he ha!” With a laugh, the driver broke into a gallop and raced down the bumpy road. The jostling of the wagon back and forth gave me a moment of seasickness before a smaller crate fell on top of my head, making me see stars. A larger crate then fell sideways on my legs, trapping me while my upper body was thrown around into boxes and the wagon’s side like a medieval flail.
Fate is a very VERY mean spirited bitch.
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lol
This character might as well be Lily.
Can anyone find that recent youtube video of her? My search isnt working.
Can someone make one with Vaas? Please? Also I like this one!
3982232
What? Make one with what?
A mage in Equestria? Interesting.
Hohoho. . . I did indeed enjoy this, even though I'm still waiting for Cheating Death Paht 2.
Still!
This has some potential, methinks. . . .
Alas, those poor cabbages will never know a tasty salad...
I wonder what will happen when he sees the mane 6? probably get throne thro a wall and dive bombed by dash.
Edited: Damn!
Thanks bronies for getting this featured the same day it was published! 
I already know Wil is going to be ecstatic. 
3982588 As one of the editors of this glorious tale of misunderstandings and hilarity, I cannot tell you much. Save for one thing:
Ya'll be in for one wild ride!
3982611 I am pretty shear that is an under statement of what is to come later in this story.
"And loitering"
Okay, it's taken some time for me to get on the bandwagon, but I guess I'll give this a go.
3982752
Bandwagon?
3982785 Oh. Uh...Just the whole "human goes to Equestria and becomes public enemy number one" thing. It's been happening a whole bunch lately.
But hey, you have good cover art. So I'm going to read it.
Dat getaway scene...
Beginning to think the hie subgenre is evolving. First it was porn. It never really got past that, but some did. Then it was porn and wish-fulfillment. Now it seems to be epic tales of hyper-powered humans engaging Equestria in any number of ways. Flight, Fight, or simply wreck everything in unbridled demonstrations of borderline-godlike powers. Gotta say, I prefer the last. Still, magic is always fun. I'll join this one.
3982805 I wouldn't count this one in with those. All of the League's stories involve normal people becoming some sort of fantasy villain when they get there, but this one doesn't change the character in the slightest. That is why I love it so...
3983125 That's fair enough. Sorry, I just sort of assumed based on the title.
3983131 Oh don't worry about it...
Cassie...
hue hue hue...
3983134 Dammit Twig. I literally just noticed your username.
3983136 I didn't notice till it said SWIFT ETHAN HAS REPLIED TO YOUR COMMENT!
BUTT ANYWHORE! I really do love this story. I can not wait to see where it goes... in the meantime, I'm going to stalk your other stories... This Cheating Death one seems interesting.
I faved this and upvoted before i even read it. Why? Because the author wrote the cheating death fics, i need say no more.
Interesting
Let's see where this goes...
Would ponies have public indecency as a crime?
Still, this sounds like a fun silly adventure so I will be keeping an eye on it.
Your alliteration is marvelous.
Happy 100th!
This sounds way too epic for me to ignore.
Great job on your first part. Now a question for you. How often will you be planning on updating?
Don't have time right now, will read later.
Just wait until he meets Twi. Teleporting is practically her specialty.
Lol!
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!
NOT MY CABBAGES!
3984360 I unfortunately overshot, instead colliding into some vendor’s stall that was completely full of cabbages.
That wouldn't happen to be a reference to Man of War would it?
3982097
He should have screamed back:
Don't you mean or
I see what you did there.
3984524 It's a reference to Avatar, The Last Airbender.
MY CABBAGES!
Liking the story so far, can't wait until next chapter is released. You have a new fave
oh this is good
3984747
The guy just can't get a break, no even in The Legend of Korra, it seems.
"Fus Ro Dah Bitches"
I love that
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQvlgEHT_gXkGTRmJdWopKFGVcz0Lo8AW279UosdJOGahdI_xUR
Why do I have the suspicion meeting Twilight may not be a good idea? after all, Celestia should have already warned her via Spike about the robbery and the bipedal mage.
write moar soon please...
I must admit I would very much want to see more of this
3984524 I was thinking more along the lines of Avatar: The Last Airbender.
3984747 Darn! Beat me to it! Oh well.
My sides...... They ache
Mage Managing Mistaken Misconduct? bet you can't say that fve times really fast Mage Managing Mistaken Misconduct...
Maze Magganing Mistaken Mscnduct
Ah, never mind.
Is Billy Witchdoctor .com going to need to pay this story a visit as well?
OH GOD WRITE THIS RIGHT NOW.
This looks almost exactly like the HiE I'm writing...