Days of Blunder (May the Best Pet Win)
“Hold up!” Scootaloo shouted, panting as she sprinted across the rocky plateau. “Don’t start the race yet!” Skidding to a halt in front of Rainbow Dash, who had her eyebrows raised, Scootaloo hung her head, breathing heavily. She held out a hoof, wheezing, “Gimme a sec.”
Rainbow Dash looked at her friends behind her, raising her eyebrows further. They shrugged. She turned back to Scootaloo who was now coughing. “Uhh… hey, squirt. Whatcha doin’ here?”
Scootaloo sucked in her breath, looking up at Rainbow. She wore a huge smile which only faltered slightly as she was forced to take another breath. In between gasps, she answered, “I’m here for the race.”
“You mean to watch?”
Scootaloo shook her head. “No, I mean to win!”
Rainbow Dash chuckled. She reached out a hoof and patted Scootaloo on the head. “Good one, squirt. You had me going there for a sec.”
Pouting, Scootaloo pushed Rainbow’s hoof away. “I’m being serious! I want to win the right to be your pet.”
“I don’t think that’s legal. That’s, like, child slavery or something.” Rainbow glanced back at Twilight, nodding to Scootaloo at the same time.
Twilight held up her hoof. “Hey, don’t look at me. The only thing I know about law is that ponies can’t marry books.” She paused, thinking to herself. “Well, they couldn’t before,” she added under her breath.
Rainbow Dash, grimacing, turned back to Scootaloo. “Wait, I thought you couldn’t fly?”
Scootaloo waved her hoof dismissively. “Nah, I can fly. It’s just that they won’t let you hang around the orphanage unless you have some kinda disability.”
“Riiiiiight,” said Rainbow Dash. She rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, I guess you can compete if you want to. You better be able to keep up though. I don’t want a pet who can’t move as fast as me.”
Scootaloo’s tiny wings buzzed with excitement. She grinned. “I’ll do more than just keep up. I’m gonna win!”
Chuckling, Rainbow said, “Tough talk for somepony so small. Better be ready to put your wings where your mouth is… wait. Um, better be ready to, uh, win… yeah.” She shook her head. “Anyway, head up to the starting line and get set.”
Nodding furiously, Scootaloo rushed past Rainbow and placed herself next to the other potential pets. Lowering herself to the ground, she wiggled her hindquarters in preparation for leaping off the edge of the cliff. Rainbow came up beside her and started counting down to zero. Three seconds later and Scootaloo pushed her hind legs hard, leaping off the cliff.
She let herself freefall for a moment before spreading her wings and allowing the momentum to carry her forward. Realizing pretty quickly that she was already in last place, and that Rainbow Dash was just a blue speck up ahead, Scootaloo started to wonder if maybe she hadn’t gotten a little in over her head. She bit her lip, then beat her wings as hard as she could, struggling to even catch up to the tiny bat ahead of her.
It took a bit of effort, but soon she was on pace with the other racers, and the canyon below was speeding by as she dodged over rocks, and under ledges. She whizzed around a turn, rolling out of the way to avoid a spindly tree that stuck up out of the ground like a big stupid tree. “Oh, crap,” Scootaloo muttered to herself as she saw the obstacle up ahead growing closer. Licking her lips, she set about ducking and weaving through the tangled web of vines that criss-crossed in front of her.
All the other competitors got stuck in place or another, and Scootaloo smiled widely as she soared past them. When she’d finally made it past the vines, she found herself having to beat her wings harder and harder as she moved through a tunnel, but she made it. She looked over her shoulder and saw the rest of the racers struggling to make it through, and her smile grew even wider. “I’m gonna win!” she yelled.
Up ahead of her, Rainbow Dash was dodging past a horde of giant Quarray Eels. Scootaloo’s brow narrowed as she stretched out her forelegs, pushing herself harder. Soon she was were Rainbow had been, and now she was the one dodging eels. “Whoa!” she cried just as one of them snapped at her, just barely missing biting off her legs. Flying high to dodge another eel, Scootaloo noticed that Rainbow Dash was flying backwards, laughing to herself.
Suddenly, she flew straight into the wall and knocked a giant rock loose from the canyon wall. Scootaloo gasped, dodging another eel just in time. She watched in horrified slow motion as the rock fell. “I’m coming, Rainbow!” she cried.
Lowering her head, she made it past the last of the eels and flew up underneath the rock just in time to catch it from falling. Well… that had been the plan anyway. Unfortunately for her, Scootaloo hadn’t really thought about how heavy a boulder is, and as she flapped her wings, trying to keep herself afloat, she was quickly being pushed down to the ground by the massive rock. About two seconds later she was a Scootapancake.
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>self-promotion intensifies
Scootacake.
4461752
Hey, kids, if you didn't get that joke, go read my other fics!
>self-promotion intensifies even more
Well, that would be a delicious pancake pet. Always a nice time to get squashed under a boulder during a race.
: … I'm not cleaning that up.
Well looks like her hopes and dreams were just squashed.
I'll let myself out now.
I'm sure someone's said this before, but I have to.
"They killed Scootaloo!"
"BASTARDS!"
4461766 It's a good read, cracky but good. *Self-promotion deflates*
Excellent! Thanks to Scootaloo's noble sacrifice, Rainbow Dash is spared and won't suffer through the character-building humiliation of being saved by a turtleoise and learning that there are other virtues to consider other than the one you like the most, thus ensuring that she'll remain a completely two-dimensional character!
Which means that she'll match Scootaloo's current situation perfectly!
4461809 no no no no no your saying it wrong it goes
OH MY GOD THEY KILLED SCOOTALOO!
YOU BASTARDS!
4461798
Nah. More like now she knows the consequences of getting stoned.
Or that reality likes to rock everypony's world every now and then.
Care to take another look? Methinks one thing should stick out—or rather, the thing of which there is one that is also one should stick out for lack of oneness.
I think this may be Scootaloo's most noble death yet. I just hope Dash remembers it. If nothing else, the kid tried.
Also, I'm curious to see how you handle "Flight to the Finish." Presumably, Scootaloo will just be annihilated by the unbridled professionalism that constantly radiates from Ms. Harshwhinny.
In any case, looking forward to more.
About two seconds later she was a Scootapancake.
Pancake....mmmmh....getting hungry...
Scootaloo made it in ten seconds flat.
"We Will, We Will... ROCK YOU!"
Someone needs to write Scoots being RD's pet. I would read it.
Alex my friend, you have earned my very first like
4463608 I want to read a story with Scootapet! And RD!
Wait a minute, if Scootaloo was fast enough to catch up to Rainbow Dash, and she flew her hardest against the rock that fell on Rainbow... Oh my Celestia, Scoots saved Rainbow's life! She must have slowed down the rock enough that it didn't kill Rainbow but instead just injured her.
4462482
You mean she was flat in ten seconds.
4463608 fimfiction-static.net/images/avatars/134238_256.jpg?1379687203
Dash won't suspect a thing...
Well, after scoots saw dashie fall, she had to bury her dreams. Or maybe her dream was to be buried by dash? Nopony knows.
4466004 "God Tier" Scootaloo?
Well, I guess she's already beaten Jesus at the resurrection game
I guess I know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow
I knew that Denny's was adding something new to their Grand Slam menu, but I didn't think they would be so bold.
chicken pancakes? I wounder what that would taste like.
4463608 I'm pretty sure there are multiple clop fics dealing with that very idea
4466412 Wait where did those dislikes come from?
4461809
Yes, yes, the joke's been done to death. Ironic considering the subject matter.
4470488
That explains the orange feather I found...