“Ma! I’m heading out, all right?” Scootaloo was standing at the front door as she yelled to her mother in the other room. “The snow’s finally cleared up, so I’m gonna go hang out outside.”
Scootaloo could hear her mother shuffling around as she replied, “Make sure you’ve got your hat and scarf. I don’t want you getting hypothermia, or frostbite, or pneumonia… or the clap.”
“The what?”
“Nevermind! Just make sure to dress properly. And don’t talk to any strangers!”
Scootaloo waved her hoof, even though her mother couldn’t see it. “Don’t worry, Ma. I’ll be fine.” Throwing open the door, Scootaloo stepped out into the chill air, muttering, “Scarves are for babies and old ponies,” under her breath.
She took in a deep breath through her nose, relishing the feel of the crisp air in her lungs. Glancing up at the beautifully cloudless sky, she grinned. “Man, it feels so great to be out in this cold with no protective clothing. I feel something weird happening in my stomach.” She ran a hoof over her belly, trying to calm the family of butterflies that had recently taken up residence there. “What is this? It almost feels like… like I have to sing.” Her grin split into a wide smile. “Yeah! I feel it in my gut. A song’s coming on!”
As Scootaloo started skipping down the street, she felt as if some outside force was compelling her to sing. So, not wanting to give it any trouble, she obliged.
“Three days of homebound lameness
And not a friend to see.
Ma kept me by the fire
And stuffed me full of brie.
She doesn’t seem to understand.
No, she really doesn’t know.
I can’t stand to eat that cheese
Not since I’ve seen it grow.”
Scootaloo leapt on a nearby park bench, ignoring the cries of protest from the old stallion she was standing on.
“The time has come to set me free!
I’m sorry ‘bout your face.
You really probably should’ve sat
Way over there someplace.”
Grumbling, the crotchety old stallion stood up and hobbled away. Scootaloo shrugged, stepping off the bench.
“But now since that old man has gone
Oh, what am I to do?
Forget this scarf and lose this hat.
I’ll never get the flu!”
Scootaloo leapt into the air, tossing her scarf and hat to the side.
“Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Don’t need anymore of that crap.
Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap.
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!”
With her smile beaming like a lighthouse beacon, Scootaloo trotted through the town, waving at random ponies and giving strangers cheery winks. Most of them just looked away.
“Trottin’ down the southern street
A pegasus says hello.
Whoops, I forgot his name. Oh well
I guess I didn’t know.
I’ll look away
And pretend I didn’t see!
When he looks back up
I’ll be down another alley!”
She turned down a different street to avoid the nameless pegasus and jumped right back into the chorus.
“Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Don’t need anymore of that crap.
Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!
Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!”
As Scootaloo skipped down the side street, she felt a gust of wind blow by. She shivered, suddenly feeling a bit cold.
“Feeling pretty temperate.
Actually, that is not right.
Pretty sure the word I want
Is chilled, cold, or ice.
Look, I know that that didn’t rhyme
But cut me some slack.
It’s hard coming up with this stuff
Without any feedback!”
Throwing her hooves wide, Scootaloo dove right into the chorus as she did a pirouette in the middle of the street. All the ponies passing by averted their gaze, or pretended not to notice.
“Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Don’t need anymore of that crap.
Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!
Hats and scarves suck! Hats and scarves suck!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!
Ain’t gonna be a cold snap!”
Coming out of the chorus, Scootaloo fluttered her wings, making her hop just a bit, before she continued on walking. She wandered off towards the park, still caught in the song, though all the while feeling a nagging feeling in the back of her mind.
“It’s starting to get a bit cold.
Wish I still had that hat.
Well, hypothermia
Gotta be better than that.
Frostbite, cold sore, pneumonia
Influenza too!
Things like this’ll never stop me.
Won’t ever see me blue!”
Just as Scootaloo was about to start the chorus again, she was wracked by a fit of coughing. She was doubled over a nearby trashcan, hacking her lungs into it. When she finally had calmed down, Scootaloo muttered to herself, “Maybe we’ll skip the chorus this time…” Of course that didn’t stop her from moving on to the next verse, although she was admittedly a bit more lethargic this time around.
“Now that I know Ma was right
I gotta get back home
And maybe find that hat and scarf.
I don’t have long to roam.
How will I make it without them?
Survive with all my limbs?
I can’t be a cripple, so I must
Sing a few more hymns!
Sing a few more hymns!”
Reaching what she was increasingly sure would be her last chorus, Scootaloo started dragging herself along the ground, no longer able to walk. Darkness closed in all around her as she managed to squeeze out a few more bars.
“Hats and scarves rock… Hats and scarves rock…
Probably shoulda kept mine on.
Hats and scarves rock… Hats and scarves rock…
Won’t be another song.
Hats and scarves rock… Hats and scarves rock...
Won’t be another song.
Won’t be another song.
Won’t be… another…
Scootaloo never finished the last word. She died of hypothermia before she could finish. And somewhere deep in her subconscious, in the far reaches or her mind, she could hear her mother’s voice echoing. “This is why you always listen to your mother.” Then she died in the middle of a crowded street with no one really paying much attention.
If I had known how much fucking work writing a song parody was... I would never have done this. I've spent the last few days wracking my brain to come up with the stupid lyrics for this bullshit. I just hope to Vishnu it pays off. I swear, if I ever do this again, I'm writing the song parody chapter waaaaaaaay early. Writing this in only a few days was difficult and surprisingly stressful. Anyway, hopefully this was actually funny, because if not, then I just wasted all of my time...
God dammit, alex.
That has to be the fast appearing case of influenza ever!
I put this to the tune of "It sucks to be me," but I know that wasn't the right song.
This was greatly enjoyed.
4070734 Nah, it rocks. I sang it out loud and got a few "Shut up! It's almost midnight!" 's from everyone else.
4070799
't wasn't influenza, it was hypothermia.
Hypothermia was too expected. She should have been trampled at the end by a panicking purple unicorn and a herd angry animals.
Edit: or flattened by a magically accelerated snow plow.
Well I somehow nailed that song first time round.
Can i give a story something better than a like and a fave? please?
Great chapter. keep up the good work!
The RED and BLU teams would like to have a word with you, Scootaloo. They might also want to share some bullets, explosives, and fire.
Well, I guess Scoots got cold comfort being able to get out and sing.
And then she died.
4070734 I thought the song was pretty good. A lot better than what I could do, at least.
The parody worked very well. That being said, I do offer my services as a lyricist. I actually enjoy this kind of thing.
In any case, nice work. Looking forward to more.
4071982
That shouldn't come as a surprise in this story.
4072253 Well no. But this one just... sort of happened.
I like rewriting songs too. Really, I wish more people would add those in.
*Shakes head slowly* This is just so wrong... Keep it up LOL!
Goddammit, Alex.
Her mother's worried that she'll get Gonorrhea? ... Dammit Scootaloo, there's a reason why you always die when those stallions offer you free candy.
4073296
The clap is actually Chlamydia.
4073325 if you google "the clap", gonorrhea comes up.
4073330
...CURSE YOU MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR SPREADING FALSE INFO
4070734 Songfics never, ever work, but you did pretty well, considering.
4073455
Good enough for me.
4070899
...that's still exceedingly fast acting hypothermia for average winter day temperatures.
Common misconception: You don't actually lose 80% of your body heat through your head.
Hats are still helpful, though
As are scarves
as soon as I realized it was a full-on parody, I decided to open my Winter Wrap-Up and sing on it.... I'd say, it was pretty well-made.
What did the small text between verses and choruses say again?
4070734 This is genuinely hilarious
Well... that happened.
Wow, that was actually kinda sad.
In the world of Hollywood, if you go singing and dancing down the street everyone you meet will instantly know the lyrics and the dance routine and they'll be compelled to join you. That is not the case here.
I honestly would have freaked out. "Oh god scootaloo is happy and singing! The apocalypse is coming, run for your lives!!!"
...really, you guys? *mumbles* I gotta do everything around here...
At first, Scoots was like-
img.pandawhale.com/post-36026-the-cold-never-bothered-me-any-9FUQ.gif
But then she was like-
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140309153915/disney-fan-fiction/images/b/b5/Frozenheartanna.jpg
Scootaloo, nine mercs with funny hats would like to have a word with you.
Oh my god! Ive died from hypothermia before!its not as fun as it sounds.dont even get me started with the clap...it all pays off in the end!
4127406
Great song parody. It made her death just as enjoyable as most opera deaths.
4070734 If you did it that fast I'm actually kinda impressed that you for the most part got the amount of syllables right. That's what bugs me the most in song parodies.
4070734 cheer up , it was a good parody. Also I think Frozen beat you to the whole " throwing off clothing in freezing weather " thing
Holy crap, it's already 1am! I was hooked on reading! Fantastic story!
4070734 Im good at song parodies... I could halp if ye want.
Lol just did this on Gizoogle.
When the song started a fund the music to winter wrap up and sang the whole thing, I really am a no-life aren't i?
Holy...
That song was awesome. It's like Scoots should've drank some hot chocolate before she went out. She would've lasted, like, a minute longer. And I'm pretty sure it would've improved her singing. Hot chocolate does that, I'm pretty sure. I imagined Scoots to sound more like Russel Crowe through her musical number, but I bet cocoa would've made her performance as heart-rending as Anne Hathaway's emotional performance.
4072253
HI FOAMY!!!
*waves idiotically*
4070734 Definitely expected the ol' Scarf-caught-in-the-magically-living-snow-harvester skit, but this was still a bad death for Scoots.