“So, wait a minute,” said Scootaloo, “did I just die back there?”
“Well, that’s just it,” said Discord, in between bites of roasted rubber chicken. “We’re making assumptions, now.”
Scootaloo frowned. “Nah, I’m pretty sure I died there.”
“Ah, I suppose it is hard to imagine surviving a hypersonic impact with an effigy of your biological mother, but still…” His eyes focused on something, seemingly very far away and apparently beyond the confines of the metaphysical plane upon which they stood. “Can it be said that something happened if no one was there to observe it?”
She looked around, trying to spot what his gaze was focused on, but to no avail. “Uh… I don’t know.”
“Well, think about it. Is this the same conversation we were having earlier? Or did something else happen between then and now? Just how did I get this braised rubber chicken, anyway?” He scarfed the thing down in one bite.
Her frown deepened. “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.”
“And you expect me to know any more than you?” A bright orange dinghy suddenly materialized beneath the two of them. “I’m in the same boat, I’m afraid. And we’re both rafting down a great winding river of ambiguity until we reach the falls.”
“Or,” said Scootaloo, holding up one of the boat’s oars, “you’re just completely crazy.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, I’m afraid. Look at it this way. Everything has a beginning and an end. Anything that goes up”—he produced an anvil, effortlessly balancing it on a talon before tossing it skyward—“must come down.” Spreading his arms wide, he smiled serenely toward the sky in anticipation. The smile turned to a frown of confusion as nothing happened. He shrugged. “Well, you get what I mean.”
Scootaloo blinked like a faulty traffic light. “I don’t think I do, no.”
“Okay then, different metaphor.” He snapped his talons once again, and suddenly the maze seemed to pass by them, as though they were rafting through it without moving. “If we were to wander this maze, there’d be any number of twists and turns, but there’s only one way out.”
“Well yeah, unless you’re a pegasus and can just fly out. Or if you’re a unicorn and can just teleport.”
He stroked his beard. “Hmm. That’s a good point.” A notepad and pen appeared next to him, and he scribbled something down before somehow pocketing them. With another snap, the raft disappeared and the maze halted its dizzying march, bringing them back where they started. “But the point is, we know there’s going to be an end to the maze. What matters is the time spent inside it.”
Scootaloo blinked like she was trying to induce an epileptic fit. “No, I think I’d rather just escape and be done with it.”
“Oh, that’s no fun.” He swam up alongside her. “Just enter the maze and then reach the end? Boring.”
“Not as boring as just standing around inside the maze.” She motioned to the surrounding hedges.
“Only if nothing important happens while you’re standing around. Look at us. Here we are, having a conversation, and that’s what keeps it interesting.” His gaze turned distant again. “I mean, think of how boring it’d be if we just stopped talking all of a sudden…”
“…It’d get so boring any onlookers would probably start searching for some hidden meaning in the silence that probably isn’t even there. The dumb ones wouldn’t even get that far. Without something happening between the beginning and the end, there’s no point.”
Scootaloo blinked like it was going out of style. “Okay, so what does this all have to do with me dying?”
“Why, everything, my unlucky duckling.” He spread his arms wide. “Because what matters isn’t that you die, it’s that you die a bunch.”
Scootaloo blinked—just once, but with all the deafening weight of a locomotive leaping the tracks. “…What?”
“It’s just like I said. It’d be one thing if you just died once, but you need to die more than once. That’s what’s important. That’s why you’re important.”
For a long moment, she was silent. Then she nodded once, sharply. “Right. Thanks for wasting my time. Leaving now.”
“Oh, come now.” He grinned. “Is it ever a waste of time when you make a new friend?”
“You’re not my friend, buddy.”
“Aw, you wound me,” Discord somehow said with just the top half of his head. “Well fine, if you’re going to be that way, I suppose I won’t keep you further. Besides,” he cocked an ear to the wind, “it sounds like I have… other friends to make.”
“Great. Go bother somepony else.”
“Can do, will do.” He produced a pink umbrella. “Ta-ta, my little pelican! Remember to always brush your teeth!” Hoisting the umbrella above his head, he began rising into the air.
“Like I care!” she shouted after him.
“That’s the spirit!” A bolt of lightning suddenly struck the umbrella, and after being silhouetted for a moment, Discord vanished.
Scootaloo blinked for what felt like the twenty-thousand-eight-hundred-and-sixteenth time that day. She waited, anticipating another sudden appearance and roundabout comment from the draconequus, but all was quiet. The nearby hedges rustled in the slight breeze, as though giggling at her.
“Well, guess I’ll just have to keep trying to find my way out of this maze. Or starve. Whichever comes first.” Sighing heavily, she took a step deeper into the labyrinth.
And then an anvil fell from the sky and squashed her flat.
Posted a bit early because I wanted to see what it'd be like updating three stories at the exact same time.
Huh. A brick joke. Nice.
And I admit, I did go back and highlight the silent expanse, just to see if there was a hidden message.
In any case, Discord certainly tried to clarify things for Scootaloo. Maybe she would've understood if Pinkie had been there as a translator. Oh well...
Looking forward to more. Especially since I think I can guess how Scoot will die next... which probably means that's going to be how. Eh. I'll wait and see.
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can i rite the next chatper? ????
i promiae my gremmer is good enhough!!!!!1!!!! im suhch a bigfan of youre storie
adn ill preten dto be youre freind to if its a recquiremant
4360534
Nice attempt at parody, bro. Coulda been better...
Totally seen that coming!
Not sure what I was expecting, but I totally saw that one coming. Love it.
4360543
Well . . . yeah. I should really apply myself more when pretending to be stupid.
Haha, you said the title
That was awesome, almost should have saved the anvil landing for discord's redemption episode. Discord's voice was really strong in this I loved it.
4360605
This entire fic is an exercise in stupidity.
>>>“Can it be said that something happened if no one was there to observe it?”>>>
Who was around to observe the Big Bang?
GOD: I WASETH. NOWETH I SHALTETH SMITETH THEE FORETH BEINGETH A TROLL!!
*Alondro falls to the ground trembling in abject terror*
>>>And then an anvil fell from the sky and squashed her flat.>>>
And Chekov's Gun was fired.
And naturally the figurative bullet managed to hit Scoots in the head and kill her again.
Well, I guess Discord just...
ironed out some of Scoot's issues in a most anvilicious manner.
4361394
So, you can't remember how did you come where you are right now; strange things are happening, but nopony cares or even notice them; and you definitely can't die. It's time to wake up, Scoot!highdefdiscnews.com/screenshots/inception_38.png
4360692
It was more of a Brick Joke than Chekov's Gun.
4361992 Well, it was clearly going to be a weapon to kill Scoots.
Of course... pretty much everything in this story is a wapon to kill Scoots.
Updated yesterday? How did I miss it? Probably because I don't have this in my RL list of Favorites. I'll put this in both because,
blog.chewxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Por-Que-No-Los-Dos.jpg
This… is a stupid masterpiece. Let's see what happens through the rest of S2!
fucking brick joke.
saw it coming from the start
4360671
That's the difference between Celestia and Molestia, you know.
Celestia was around to see the Big Bang; Molestia was around to participate in it.
Wait... there's not gonna be some sort of plot, is there?
I'm not your buddy, guy.
4374505
I'm not your guy, pal.
4369710 It was renamed the Big Unf.
4374544
I'm not your pal, friend.
4470436 I'm not your Friend Compadre.
4769101 I'm not your compadre, amigo!
4903489
I'm not your amigo, buddy.
Ung... An avil from the sky? What a way to go. Also, I have the urge to watch edge of tomorrow again. Actually I have the book, I guess I could just read that until the bluray comes out.
Brick Joke (Or should that be Anvil Joke?) at its finest.
4361559 Need some ham with that cheese?
Roll credits.
5540401
oh, you reminded me of a VERY silly story called Brick.
Thank you Discord.
4954503
I’m not your buddy, dude