The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dying (Owl's Well That Ends Well)
“Whoooooooa,” Apple Bloom muttered, looking up at the starry sky.
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. “What are you looking at?” she asked. “You do know the meteor shower hasn’t even started yet, right?”
Apple Bloom waved her hoof. “I know that. Doesn’t mean I can’t ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ like all the other ponies.”
“Usually the ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ starts after the thing you’re supposed to be ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ over starts,” said Sweetie Belle as she shook out a blanket, attempting to straighten it as much as she could before laying it on the ground. “By the way,” she said, looking over at Apple Bloom, “why did you bring a towel?”
Apple Bloom frowned. “Whaddya mean, why? It’s a meteor shower, ain’t it? Y’all think I’m goin’ home all wet and stuff?”
Scootaloo massaged her brow. “It’s not literally a shower, AB. It’s just the term for—”
“A celestial event in which a number of meteors are observed to radiate, or originate, from one point in the night sky. These meteors are caused by streams of cosmic debris called meteoroids entering the atmosphere at extremely high speeds on parallel trajectories,” said Twilight, interrupting Scootaloo.
Scootaloo glanced over her shoulder at Twilight who’d just walked up behind them. “Oh, hey, Twilight. Apple Bloom thought meteor showers were real showers. Pretty funny, huh?”
“I did not!” shouted Apple Bloom, hugging her towel close and sucking on one corner. “Towels have more than one use, ya know.”
“Actually,” said Twilight, raising a hoof in the same way a teacher might raise their ruler before smacking you on the head, “they call it a meteor shower because the celestial ponies of old used to bathe in the meteor trails when they wanted to wash the reek of the lesser beings off.” She sighed, looking wistfully up at the sky.
“Told ya,” said Apple Bloom, sticking out her tongue.
“You just got finished saying that wasn’t what you said,” said Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle groaned. “Can’t we just agree that you’re both idiots and get to the more important matter of this thing about lesser beings?” She turned to Twilight, giving her a saccharine sweet look. “Now what were you saying?”
“Oh, well celestial ponies, like Celestia and Luna, who came from the sky, used to bathe in the tails of comets and other heavenly bodies to rid themselves of the filth of the proletariat.” Twilight looked yet more wistfully at the sky.
Sweetie Belle, meanwhile, rubbed her chin with a hoof.
“All right, so I think this spot should be good,” said Sweetie Belle as she bit her lip, making a square with her hooves like was looking through a camera. “The meteors will come down and shower us in their celestial light. Then finally, after all this time, I’ll be free of this mortal coil.”
Apple Bloom heaved herself up onto the rock Sweetie was standing on. “What was that?” she asked. “I only heard something about light and coils. You makin’ a diorama?”
“Pah,” said Scootaloo, pulling herself up after Apple Bloom. “More like diodrama. Stop being weird,” she added, shooting Sweetie Belle a quick glance. “You’re messing with AB’s head.”
“Is it weird to think myself above mere mortals?” Sweetie Belle turned around, standing up on her hind legs and cackling wildly. “The hour of reckoning is upon us!” Behind her the sky lit up with the lights of a thousand meteors burning up in the atmosphere. “The end is nigh!” Her voice cracked just as she said ‘nigh’.
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow, grinning.
Sweetie Belle coughed awkwardly, covering her mouth and turning away. “Um… so it looks like the meteor shower is starting.”
The three fillies huddled together as they watched the sky fill with meteors. Apple Bloom let out a few ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’, while Scootaloo just stared open-mouthed and Sweetie Belle wide-eyed. Suddenly, as they were watching, one of the meteors appeared to be getting larger and larger.
“Whoa, look at that one,” said Scootaloo. “It’s huge.”
Sweetie Belle’s eyes went from ‘oh my’ wide, to ‘oh shoot’ wide in the space of about 3 seconds. “Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, get down!” she yelled, diving off the rock and attempting to take Scootaloo and Apple Bloom with her. Unfortunately, she managed to grab Apple Bloom, but knocked Scootaloo off the other side.
The meteor, meanwhile, was busy thinking to itself, “Oi, this again.” Scientists, mostly Twilight, have speculated that if Scootaloo had known why the meteor was thinking this, she might well have had time to dodge out of the way.
Instinctively, Apple Bloom threw her towel over herself and Sweetie Belle just before there was a loud crash and a lot of heat from the meteor striking the ground. When the ringing in their ears finally stopped, Apple Bloom took the towel, which had been burned to a crisp, off.
They scooched around the side of the rock and saw a big burning hole in the ground where a patch of grass and flowers had been before, and under what was left of the meteor, a little hoof stuck out.
“Do ya think she was bathed in celestial light like Celestia and Luna?” asked Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo’s hoof twitched.
Sweetie Belle cringed. “I’m starting to think that story isn’t true.”
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Oh God...
Good lord...Scootaloo was the meteorite as well!
At least they didn't read her Vogon Poetry. Even Scoots might not come back from that.
Man, AB is a really hoopy frood who knows where her towel is.
And Applebloom? I believe that it's pronounced, "Weeeeelaaaaah!" as the wonderful Zipo Bibrok 5×10^8 would have you know. Then again, you would have had to have been there to know exactly why he said this.
Note the chapter number.
it's 42 backwaaaaaaaards
Well at least she went out with a bang this time.
Looks like Scoots was just part of the Proles after all; she just got 'showered'...
Why do I get the feeling that this is the forty-second time Scootaloo has died?
Also, I really like mostly harmless Megalomaniabelle.
Looking forward to more.
4292584
Eh. She's just this guy, you know?
Silly Sweetie Bell, of course the story's true, Scootaloo just got hit by the meteor instead of the meteor trail.
It was probably sick of hitting Celestial Ponies that didn't know the difference.
The meteor is reverse Agrajag!
Well... Atleast she is immortal....
4292652 Ooooo I see what you did there!
Coincidence?
(That's me posting that BTW.)
(Coincidence or not, I approve.)
Trackorzod?
>>>“By the way,” she said, looking over at Apple Bloom, “why did you bring a towel?”>>>
"Ah didn't!" Applebloom growled. "This dang thing just showed up and kept wantin' ta 'get high' or something, and now it won't go away!"
buddytv.com/articles/Image/weeds/towelie.jpg
Hitchhiker's reference made my day.
LOLOLOL!!!
Ignoring the obvious (but hilarious) Hitchhiker's references, I noticed this little gem:
You Shakespearian reader, you!
Applebloom is a hoopy frood.
Edit: Damn. Someone took it.
This is chapter 24. Or 42 backwards.
It would probably have worked better if you wrote something like this on the actual chapter 42, but whatever
So, the twist ending in this one was that there was NO twist ending.
i c wut u did thar
Now where's my bowl of petunias?
I know where my sperm whale is, don't worry about that.
By the way, this episode was mostly harmless. That is, harmless to everyone BUT Scootaloo.
That was quite the rocky ending.
s3.amazonaws.com/mtggoldfish/images/gf/Meteorite%2B%255BM15%255D.jpg
Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don’t know why I bother to say it, oh God, I’m so depressed. Here’s another one of those self-satisfied pink balloon-butt ponies. Life! Don’t talk to me about life.