• Published 21st Feb 2014
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Scootaloo Dies a Bunch - alexmagnet



Scootaloo has some extraordinarily bad luck, which is unfortunate for her since it means she's going to die... a lot.

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Foals Who Chase Lost Rainbows (Hearts and Hooves Day)

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom stood in the doorway of Scootaloo’s room, the shadow from the figure inside cast across their faces. Rolling her eyes, Sweetie said, “She had to go and be dramatic, didn’t she?”

There, in the middle of the room, hanging from the ceiling fan was Scootaloo’s body, a bedsheet tied around her neck. As she gently swayed back and forth, Scootaloo’s lifeless corpse started to slip off the edge of the fan blade until it eventually flopped onto the ground.

Sweetie Belle shook her head, turning away. “Come on, Apple Bloom. Let’s go wait for her in the usual spot.”

“Wonder why she killed herself this time? Seems kinda weird, doesn’t it?” asked Apple Bloom as she turned away too, following Sweetie Belle.

“Who knows what’s going on in that filly’s mind,” said Sweetie Belle with a twinge of annoyance.


A few hours later, after they’d all met back up again at the clubhouse, Apple Bloom said, “So, somethin’ on your mind, Scoots? I mean… ya kinda killed yourself a little bit there.”

Sweetie Belle added, “If you say it’s for some stupid reason, I swear I’m gonna—”

“I’m asking Rainbow Dash to be my very special somepony,” said Scootaloo matter-of-factly. She leaned back against the clubhouse walls, silently enjoying the dumbstruck expressions on her friends faces.

“All right, let’s back things up a bit,” said Sweetie Belle once she’d regained her composure. Tapping her hoof against the floor, she shut her eyes. “You’re going to ask Rainbow Dash to be your special somepony? We are talking about the Rainbow Dash we all know, right? Isn’t she way older than you?”

“My sister once told me Rainbow Dash already has a special somepony,” said Apple Bloom, shrugging. She glanced over at Scootaloo. “It was kinda awhile ago, though, and when I asked her about it recently, she told me to go play in the yard. I dunno, maybe y’all got a chance.”

Sweetie Belle cocked her head to the side. “Are you guys kidding me? You’re completely glossing over the main problem here. It’s not whether Scootaloo has a chance, but that it’s really weird!”

Scootaloo rounded on Sweetie Belle, her eyes narrowed into thin slits. “Maybe you’re the one that’s weird. I just want Rainbow Dash to love me so she’ll adopt me.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Sweetie Belle wiped her brow. “Oh, thank goodness. I was worried you were going to ask her out on a date or something. So, do you have a plan then?”

Grinning like a fool, Scootaloo produced a small crystal bottle with a small amount of pink liquid inside it. “I’m gonna give her this!” she said, proudly holding up the bottle.

“Is that the love potion from earlier?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Yup,” chirped Scootaloo. “And I’m gonna give it all to Rainbow Dash. I figure since I already love her I don’t need to drink it.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head slowly. “You idiot… don’t you remember what happened the last time we used that? Are you trying to make Rainbow love you, or fall in love with you?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters!” shouted Sweetie Belle, suddenly standing up. “You can’t date Rainbow Dash! She’s way too old for you! Plus, I think it’s illegal or something.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Duh, I already told you I don’t want to date her. I just want her to love me. What aren’t you getting about this?”

“The part where you’re using a love potion!”

Laughing, Scootaloo retorted, “Yeah, so what? I want her to love me, right? It’s not a date potion, is it?”

“Well, shucks,” said Apple Bloom, standing up and making her way to Scootaloo’s side. “I think it’s a great plan.”

Thank you, Apple Bloom,” said Scootaloo, dragging out the thank you as much as she reasonably could without looking like a huge jerk. “See? Why can’t you be supportive like AB, Sweets?”

Sweetie Belle threw her hooves in the air. “Okay, fine. Whatever. But this still doesn’t explain why you hung yourself.”

“Huh?” Scootaloo cocked her head to the side. “Oh, right. Yeah, see, I figured that I usually die, like, once a day or something, so I figured if I killed myself early on, it wouldn’t come back again later on, and I knew I didn’t want anything to go wrong when I went to talk to Rainbow Dash.”

Nodding slowly, Sweetie Belle said, “That is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say…”

“Seemed like a good plan to me…” said Apple Bloom quietly.

Scootaloo waved her hoof dismissively. “Well, whatever. Anyway, I’m off to go win Rainbow’s heart!” She spun around, tucking the bottle under her wing, and headed for the door. As she threw open the door, and let the sun hit her face, she gave one last look over her shoulder at the other two ponies, shooting them a confident smirk.

“Good luck!” cried Apple Bloom, waving her hoof enthusiastically.

“When you do die, try not to make it too embarrassing,” said Sweetie Belle unenthusiastically.

Scootaloo laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m the epitome of coo—”

THWAK!

Slumping to the ground, Scootaloo’s dead body looked almost comical with the loose board plastered to her forehead by the rusty nail.

Sweetie Belle sighed. “Didn’t even make it out the front door.”

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