Scootaloo, as she was often wont to do when she was feeling particularly bored or brave—but mostly bored—was wandering through the Everfree forest. She jumped over a fallen log, scrambled through some brambles, and popped out in a clearing. Most of the forest was cast in shadowy darkness, even though it was midday, but right here the sun fell in great swaths of light that illuminated the forest floor.
A patch of blue flowers were growing around a pile of rocks that sat in the middle of the clearing. Scootaloo recognized them immediately. “Oh, right. Those are Poison Joke plants.”
They’d learned all about Poison Joke in class last year when Ms. Cheerilee went through her botany phase. It was basically the annoying friend everyone has of the plant world. Scootaloo rolled her eyes at the plant. Smirking, she turned away, determined not to let it prank her.
It was at that moment that Scootaloo realized the fatal error in her plan. Right as she turned around, she saw a pack of timberwolves surrounding her. She gave an exasperated sigh.
“Timberwolves? Really?”
The second word had barely left her lips when she was attacked by the wolves. Within a few seconds, she was completely dead, none of that ‘nearly’ dead nonsense. Her broken and maimed body lay out on the rocks surrounded by Poison Joke as the sun laughed derisively at her.
What happened next, Scootaloo could never have expected… because she was dead while it happened. A zebra who serendipitously was wandering through the forest came across Scootaloo’s dead body and hauled it back to her hut. Along the way, the zebra got caught up in an epic adventure that involved dragons, seaponies, prophecies, and giant mountain snakes, but since Scootaloo was dead, she had no idea about any of this. The first thing she did have an idea about was why she was in a cauldron when she woke up from being dead.
Scootaloo looked around the room she found herself in, utterly lost and confused. “What the…”
“Ah,” said a voice, “it appears you are awake. Perhaps you’d like me to bake you a cake?”
Spinning around, Scootaloo saw a zebra standing by a table covered in potions and potion ingredients. She was busy mixing up something in a bowl, but her eyes were on Scootaloo.
“I was asleep?” asked Scootaloo.
The zebra chuckled. “Well, no, dear pony, you were merely a phony.”
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. “Uhh… what?”
Taking the bowl with her, the zebra approached Scootaloo and gave her a sweet smile. “You were dead when I found you, but the Poison Joke instead rebounded you.”
Scootaloo brought a hoof to her forehead, massaging her temple. “So, you’re saying the Poison Joke brought me back to life?”
The zebra smiled. “Indeed it did. Your death it did forbid.”
“Why are you rhyming everything?”
“It’s part of my heritage, don’t you see?” said the zebra, taking the bowl and pouring it into the cauldron Scootaloo was still inexplicably sitting in. “Where I grew up, all rhymed in three.”
Scootaloo’s eyebrow rose higher. “But you’re rhyming in couplets… poorly, I might add.”
“Don’t question my tradition, or I’ll send your life into remission.”
Her lips curling into a sour frown, Scootaloo groaned. “You’ve been doing this your whole life and you’re still this bad? Ugh.”
“What’s so bad about my rhymes? Are they not right on time?”
Scootaloo mimed dry-heaving into the cauldron she was in. “Seriously, who taught you? Get a friggin’ rhyming dictionary or something. This is just painful.”
The zebra’s eyes narrowed into thin slits. “You speak of pain, but you know not what you strain.”
“Oh, sweet Celestia… that one didn’t even make sense.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes as sarcastically as she could manage, which, unfortunately for her, meant she was too preoccupied with obtaining maximum sarcasm levels to notice the zebra’s hoof before it collided with the back of her head.
There came a knock at the door, just as the zebra was taking her first sip of stew. She looked over at the door, and said, “Come in, come in.”
As the door swung open, Apple Bloom trotted inside, closing the door behind her. “Were you even trying that time?” she asked, shrugging off the saddlebags around her back and pulling out a bag of mushrooms she had gathered. “I got everything you were looking for, Zecora. You gonna be able to make that potion for my sister and her friends now?”
Zecora set her stew aside and quickly gathered up all the mushrooms from Apple Bloom and set to work cutting them up. “The mushrooms were not for they, but instead because I was tired of hay.”
Apple Bloom grimaced, then, realizing what Zecora had said, sighed. “Wait, so you mean I gotta go back out there and get some more stuff?”
Zecora nodded. “Unless you want your sister to be forever small, the ingredients to me you will haul.”
“Fine. Fine. I’m going.”
“Good,” said Zecora, returning to her stew. “Leave me with my pony stew, and you go get those items few.”
“Uhh, you mean stew for ponies, right?” asked Apple Bloom, raising her eyebrow.
“Yes, Apple Bloom, if that is what you thought. It’s not as if I’ll be caught,” said Zecora, giving Apple Bloom a sly wink before she took a sip of stew, smacking her lips.
“Riiiiiight,” said Apple Bloom, backing away slowly. “I’m gonna go now. Bye.” And with that, she threw open the door and disappeared off into the forest, leaving Zecora by herself with her stew.
Licking her lips, Zecora brought the spoon to her snout. “Reminds me of my home,” she said. “Mother’s stew always had the best arom… a.” She frowned. “Maybe I should get a rhyming dictionary…”
mistake at the end, technical stuff
Little problem with your italics at the end, there. otherwise... Scootaloo, are you addicted to dying, the way you were mouthing off at Zecora, there?!
What?
fail!
4035240
wont
wônt,wōnt/
adjective
literary
adjective: wont
1.
(of a person) in the habit of doing something; accustomed.
"he was wont to arise at 5:30 every morning"
synonyms: accustomed, used, given, inclined
"he was wont to arise at 5:30"
(also, I fixed the italics tag... my bad, everyone)
4035247
> vocabulary updated
Missed the 't' in the word 'thought' toward the end. Otherwise, awesome as always.
Hmm, what would poison joke administered properly do for Scootaloo here? I'm thinking it would make her look like a zombie or ghost.
oddly enough, when I saw the title, I expected Scootaloo to be eaten.... but because I had mixed up the episodes, I thought it was going to be the parasprites eating "chicken" after Twilight turns them off-ish
Oh well... chicken stew anyone
Eh, this one felt kind of week to me. Good, not great. You know, like a small smirk instead of a grin or laughing.
At the border between life and death, there is a door that leads back to the former... at a price. Many are the scars it bears from those who could not satisfy its silent demands, yet still it stands firm.
Scootaloo sighed and looked at the all-to-familiar sight, the words above the fell portal practically etched into her memory:
ADMISSION: RECITE ONE (1) FRIENDSHIP LESSON
"Dear Princess Celestia," the filly said in the singsong of long repetition. "Today I learned not to look a gift necromancer in the mouth. Your posthumous subject, Scootaloo."
The door swung open. Scootaloo waved goodbye to the Reaper, both knowing they'd meet again soon.
So I guess that Zecora left Scoots...
In A Stew.
I REGRET NOTHING!
uhmuhmhumhuhmhhmmmmmmhm... I was thinking about commenting something but I've forgotten what... OH RIGHT! When scootaloo dies where does she come back? In the same place she died? In her bedroom? Sugarush es confuzeded
Eh, between this and the last chapter I think your taking the whole "fake out" thing just a bit to far. I mean, its sorta clever to not have Scoots killed by the obvious sources of crazy murder, but then we just end up with "And then she died off camera" or "And then she got hit in the head... again." Call me crazy, but I would rather have a wacky and creative kill that is a bit obviously foreshadowed over a bland kill that comes out of left field.
Stickin' with it, because I still think its a funny premise, but you got to step up your game, man! Lets see some hilarious 80's OTT slasher move stuff!
Um... Nothing personal kid...
I guess you could say that this fic is...
*puts on glasses*
Chicken Soup For The Soul.
4036335
...wait a second.
You're that person who writes comments on that story where Twilight writes letters to Celestia and they're both sarcastic jerks! I always love your comments, with them basically being the other replying.
4036499 Indeed, I am the writer of the responses to Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
4035931
Fair complaints, and I do plan on trying to be more creative without constantly doing a "fake out" in the future. This was just my poor attempt at going for a double fake out where she dies, is brought back to life, and then dies again. But anyway, I'm glad you're sticking with it, because I've got some good stuff planned for future chapters. Some of the episodes lend themselves really well to interesting deaths, others... not so much. Oh, but one thing:
I'm going to assume you didn't mean for it to come across this way, but calling someone you don't know "kid" is a little condescending. Normally I wouldn't say anything, but for one reason or another, this irked me a bit.
Anyway, glad you're enjoying the story so far. I've still got an assload more chapters to go.
4035505
Man, if only the afterlife worked like that.
Might just explain why Equestria is such a sugar-bowl, though. All the really nice people are functionally immortal!
now this is a good chapter.
4036775
Sorry, the "kid" thing was meant to be a "Oh Scootaloo ... ya sorry, nothing personal about wanting to see you die horribly... I mean its not like I don't like you as a character, its just that I am a generally terrible person."
It just struck me as sorta funny that while writing about wanting to see Scoots die in terrible ways, there was this little Scoot angel in the side bar, so I used that for a bit of improv comedy.
Sorry if that came across as being directed at you.
4038479
Whoopsie daisy... Now I feel like a dick. Had no idea that was supposed to be a Scootaloo joke... though now it seems obvious in retrospect. Oh well, no hard feelings.
Well, this makes me look at one of my old favorite episodes with a new kind of horror. Well done.
Seriously, the ending always kills me.
4038593 Ah, no worries. I should have made it a little more obvious that it was a joke.
Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter!
Zecora fed Scootaloo to the Mane 6 that means the Mane 6 are CANNIBALLS!!!
4038593 I like what you did in this chapter by making the Mane 6 into cannibals
:>
lol
Oooooo...
Poor Scoots.
But never piss off the zebra revving you.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Okay, that happened...
4043589 I think she was going to kill Scoots anyways.
4039606
It's not cannibalism if a pony eats chicken.
Okay I might be crazy but for some reason this whole part right here:
Made me think you made a Portal "The cake is a lie" reference....no idea why...but...just thought I'd say something on that
I keep counting the times she died even though it's one per chapter it's to hard not to count
Zecora is bad at pb&j with her striped poison joke roadkill on the freeway head ass
4107800
I THOUGHT THAT SAME THING
Ahh, soup is the best.
For all my rhymes are becoming too wary.
(In response to that last line, I needed an exit that I could define.)
Nigga, please, I rhyme with ease.
Scootaloo got gobbled up in a big tasty stew.
Looks like Zecora caught on to Pinkie's cupcake idea. . .