Residential Evil (Green Isn't Your Color)
Scootaloo grinned, sweat dripping from her forehead which she ran a dirty hoof over. Spitting a tooth on to the ground, she flexed her wings and then lifted a hoof. "Die! You son of a—"
"Scootaloo! Scootaloo!"
Scootaloo looked up from the mangled remains of a decaying pony and saw Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom galloping towards her at full speed. As they skidded to a halt in front of her, Apple Bloom happened to catch sight of the thing Scootaloo was standing over.
"Whoa, what's that?" she asked, a disgusted look on her face.
"Forget that!" shouted Sweetie Belle. She grabbed Scootaloo by the shoulder and shook her. "Photo Finish is in town! Did you hear?"
Scootaloo wiped a bit of blood from her face and said, "Who the hell's Photo Finish?"
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Only the most important fashion photographer in all of Equestria! Or maybe Eqaustria? I can't figure out where she's from."
Raising an eyebrow and nodding her head towards the diseased mass of flesh under hoof, Scootaloo said, "Uhh, maybe you didn't notice, but we kinda got bigger problems than some stupid photographer."
Sweetie Belle shot Scootaloo an 'Oh really?' look, then said, "Oh really?"
"Yeah, I dunno, maybe the zombies are a slightly more pressing concern." Jabbing a hoof over her shoulder, Scootaloo shot back her own 'Yeah really' look.
As she looked past Scootaloo to where the filly was pointing, Sweetie Belle saw a bunch of shambling figures making their way towards Ponyville. A low moan could be heard emanating from the crowd, and it only grew louder the nearer they got. One of the zombies gave a bone-chilling cry, ripped its own leg off, and then fell on its face. "It doesn't look so bad, " Sweetie Belle mumbled.
Apple Bloom grimaced. "I don't know about that, Sweets. There's kind of a lot of zombies out there. Do you think we should warn the ponies in town?"
Sweetie Belle waved her hoof dismissively, turning back to Scootaloo. "I'm sure they'll be fine. Nopony has even noticed yet."
"Yeah, that does seem weird," said Scootaloo. "Like, there's a lot of zombies." She swung her hoof out just as she finished speaking, striking a zombie in the head and cracking its skull open. Flicking her hoof to get all the brain goop off, she added, "Is Photo Finish really that big?"
"Oh yes," said Sweetie Belle like she forgot they were in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, "she's the most famous Ponyville has ever seen!"
Frowning, Scootaloo ducked as a zombie took a swipe at her, swept its legs out from under it, then did an elbow drop on its face. She wiped her hooves off on the grass, saying, "Are you including both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna in that?"
"Of course!"
"And all the Elements of Harmony too?" added Scootaloo, arching a brow. "I mean the ratio of normal to famous ponies in this town is pretty high."
"My sister's the Element of Honesty!" chirped Apple Bloom happily.
"Yeah, no one cares, AB," said Scootaloo, rolling her eyes.
Sweetie Belle brought a hoof to her chin. "Now that you mention it, there are a lot of famous ponies in Ponyville. Why do we even care about Photo Finish?"
Grabbing a zombie by the mane and headbutting it as hard as she could, Scootaloo tossed the lifeless body to the side and said, "Now we're talkin'!" She kicked in another zombie's knee, broke another's neck, and flying press'd a third zombie before saying, "So, are you girls gonna help me kick some zombie ass, or what?"
"Yeah!" shouted Apple Boom as she dove at a zombie recklessly.
"Bloom, watch out!" Scootaloo tackled Apple Bloom out of the way before a zombie could bite her flank. Unfortunately, in doing so she herself got bit on the flank.
As she extricated herself from Scootaloo's grasp, Apple Boom cried out, pointing at the other filly's behind. "Scootaloo, look! Your cutie mark! You musta got it for zombie killing."
Scootaloo stared blankly at Apple Bloom, then shook her head slowly. "Shoulda never saved you." She sighed. "Great. Just what I've always wanted, to turn zombie ass first." She turned to Sweetie Belle and said, "Well, if I'm going down anyway, might as well do it fighting." Then, without so much as a second look back, she dove headfirst into the mass of zombies and started kicking and punching her way to the center.
As she helped Apple Bloom up, Sweetie Belle watched Scootaloo start to head the zombies away from Ponyville.
"Well, at least she'll die doing what she loves," said Apple Bloom with a shrug.
"What, being eaten alive by zombies?"
Apple Bloom frowned. "Huh, doesn't sound so good when you say it like that."
"No... no it doesn't."
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Suddenly zombies
I feel I should mention that I was quite disappointed that either no one got the Scootaloo Diaries joke in the last chapter, or no one called it out, since I've come to expect people pointing out even the most obvious of references. Tsk tsk, I say. Tsk tsk.
Nice rip on how gaga over celebrities ponies in Ponyville get, considering their residents and regular visitors.
Wish it hadn't involved zombies, though.
4218302 I suck at references xD
What do zombie ponies eat?
GRAAAAAIIIIIIINS!
4218396 I don't know whether to laugh or facepalm at that comment.
4218302 Wait, what was the joke? I don't think I've read that fic.
4218482 I think you mean... Facehoof!
4218502
It's a fairly notorious story that was about Scootaloo and Cheerilee being in love, and Rainbow Dash reads Scootaloo's diary to find this out. The joke I made was here:
4218624 Oh.
4218624
I'll be honest, I never heard of that story.
I love you right now
4218482
It was the best thing I could think of.
If those zombies were all cows, would they be called the Mooving Dead?
I love her cutie mark.
4218624 Well Spike mentioned zombies in one episode so I guess zombies are kind of canon
4218624 See, that's a tough connection to make. It's very specific, when there's an easier assumption to leap to: maybe she has a thing for Rainbow. That she has a diary is mundane beyond the fact that that's seen as girly and Scootaloo is the type to avoid that sort of thing—characters having diaries isn't at all uncommon, so it's not weird that folks aren't jumping to thinking about a specific other story in which the same character had a diary.
So I guess that Scoot's search for her cutie mark...
Came back to bite her is the flank.
4218833
It's not so much that she just has a diary, but what was said before that:
I specifically said "older pony" because I was making a reference to Cheerilee. I'll admit, it's a lot more subtle than most of my references, but it was fairly clear if you knew what to look for (which I guess was the part that tripped people up).
4219023
I've heard of that fic, and even I didn't get it.
Also, this was the best chapter for a while. It's the chapters like these which prevent it from being stale. The ones where the humour comes mainly from jokes aside from the single running gag the premise built on.
4219314
Between you and BP, I'm pretty sure you guys are right. The reference was pretty vague, and I can see why it would be hard to get. But meh, it's no biggie.
Also, I try to include lots of jokes that aren't just dependent upon the premise in every chapter, but yeah, some are better than others at that, heh. Here's hoping I can keep this thing going without it becoming stale. Having almost finished the whole first season, I gotta say I'm pretty proud of myself.
4218624 could I possibly have the name of that story please?
4219380
I've tried to read formulaic comedies like these a few times before. I'm not sure just how many I've read, but I only really remember two. Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo and Letters From a Disgruntled Friendship Student. Neither were all that funny towards the end. The gold standard you have to meet is to catch up to current time in the show while keeping a favourable ratio of good chapters to bad ones. Doesn't sound like that high of a requirement, but I've yet to see a formulaic comedy meet it yet. That's the challenge. That's what you have to beat.
Thank you for your sacrifice, brave orange filly. Your heroism will be remembered for generations to come.
..... her name was Scedaddle or something, right?
4219439
There ya go.
4219458
Welp, I'd like to think that ratio's doing all right so far, so I just gotta keep doing that. Shouldn't be too hard, right? ...Right?
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/008/d/9/i_got_this__guys__by_atryl-d5qvx6g.png
4218624
I've read that fic, but I didn't catch the reference. What I took from that line was that Scootaloo has been recording her deaths in a diary and was indignant that the dogs got it wrong, rather than annoyed that they got it right (your intent). I interpreted "older pony" as referring to Rarity.
4219534
So far. But tread carefully, adventurer. These are uncharted lands.
Forget zombies. Scootaloo was murdered by Twilight for making such a simple math mistake.
4218624
I read that story, but it was pretty shit, and blatant clop, so...
Also, now that you've said that, I can't help but imagine Scoots made the whole thing up. Just to fuck with Rainbow.
OH wow LOL! This is great! Wrong but Great! LOL!!!
AB is so denice but at the same time... Poor Scoots LOL!
At least Scoots died a hero this time.
Have any smutlords out there caught on to Scootaloo's potential as the greatest snuff porn actress ever?
I love how Scootaloo keeps pointing out obvious stuff. The zombies didn't even surprise me. Scootaloo seemed to be handling herself until her friends showed up.
I like to think Scootaloo then performed Thriller with her new zombie horde. Then became Equestria's first pegalich. Oh, sure, she respawned, but this one's still out there somewhere, possibly performing population control on the Everfree.
In any case, looking forward to more.
4218302
Sorry, never read that one. Child-adult romance in on my "not a fan of this" list. Unless it's Sparity, because dragon double-standards.
4219504
I may have to use that name for her daughter, should I ever write such a situation.
4218302
I knew those lines stuck out to me for some reason.
4221992
Why is this not a thing yet?
you know who else keeps dieing and coming back? these magnificent bastards i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/529/293/599.jpg
I'm going to guess that most of those zombies were Scootaloo's previous bodies
4230357 what?
4222590
...
They don't actually come back, you know. They're cloned and each individual clone is trained. Each clone is independent of his brothers, which means that when one clone dies, all his memories die with him.
4235062 the empire actually recruited soldiers as opposed to the clones
4240446
4218624 Ah, never read it.
Never read Scootaloo Diaries myself. But I might in the future.
Now, this is just beating a dead horse.
4545111
Well done sir!
But, Scootaloo is essentially a zombie--or is she more like Marvel's Morbius character?
9114478
I think it would be more like zombie deadpool