The Bridge Over the River Die (Look Before You Sleep)
It was a dark and stormy night—well, it was actually mid-afternoon, and the rain had only just started to trickle down—but that didn’t matter to Scootaloo. She just had to get out of her house, away from her alcoholic, abusive, charity-working, stepfather. Tonight was any given night of the week, and that meant he was going to get drunk on virgin piña coladas and non-alcoholic beer while he forced Scootaloo to watch as he beat her mother at Scrabble.
So, as Scootaloo flew across the town, wondering if her wings would ever grow strong enough to allow her to fly, she found herself looking for a place to stay for the night. Eventually she came to the town square where she saw Applejack and Rarity entering Twilight’s home.
She dove down and landed at the front door, peeking in to see the three mares all sitting around talking with one another. Scootaloo knocked, and Twilight answered, a confused look on her face.
“Scootaloo? What’re you doing outside? There’s a storm coming.” She stepped aside and let Scootaloo enter. As she closed the door, Twilight asked, “Are you lost or something?”
Scootaloo shook her head. “Nah, I’m just looking for a place to stay.”
“Uhh…” Twilight glanced over her shoulder awkwardly. “Rarity and Applejack are already staying over for a slumber party, but I guess you can join too.”
Scootaloo waved her hoof dismissively. “I’m just looking for a place to sleep. Can I use your kitchen?”
“Sure, I guess. I was just about to go cut up some cucumbers to put on our faces. We’re doing makeovers,” said Twilight, leaning in and whispering like she was telling a secret. She ruffled Scootaloo’s mane. “C’mon, you can help me cut them up.”
Immediately regretting her decision to knock, Scootaloo now had no choice but to follow Twilight as she led her into the kitchen. The first thing Scootaloo noticed was the metal and wood contraption sitting on the dining table. A large, heavy-looking blade was suspended by a bit of rope and a small basket sat in front of it.
“So, uh, what’s that?” she asked, nodding towards the object.
Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Oh! That’s my miniature guillotine. We’re going to use it to cut these cucumbers.”
Scootaloo frowned. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to use a knife like a normal pony? You’ve got a perfectly good one sitting on the counter.”
“Well, yes, but I already had this up here from before, so I figured why not.”
As Twilight busied herself washing the cucumbers in the sink, Scootaloo examined the guillotine more closely. “It’s kinda small,” she noted.
“Yeah, well, so are mice.”
“I can barely fit my head in,” said Scootaloo as she tried to stick her head in the hole. As she tried to pull her head out, she realized she was stuck. Jerking her head back, she tried to rip it out, but all she succeeded in doing was loosening the blade, which slipped out of its hold and fell straight towards her neck.
Right before it hit, the blade was caught in a purple cloud and lifted back up. “Hey, watch you don’t lose your head, Scootaloo,” said Twilight, chuckling. With a bit of help from Twilight, Scootaloo managed to get free, and right after that, she had some recently-cleaned cucumbers shoved into her hooves. “Here,” Twilight said, “cut these up for me. I’m gonna go start the ghost stories with Applejack and Rarity.”
As Twilight walked out of the room, Scootaloo rubbed her neck sheepishly. “Heh, that was pretty close. Welp, let’s cut these things up.” She quickly got to work laying the cucumbers into the guillotine, sending the blade downwards to slice pieces off. Once she had one cucumber down, she was left with a basket full of cucumber slices.
Picking up the basket, Scootaloo felt a sudden sense of vertigo as she realized she’d accidentally stepped on a stray cucumber slice and her hooves were coming out from under her. She stumbled backwards, right into the counter where she hit her head against the wood, dazing her. Little birds were flying around her head as she lay on the ground, blocking her vision of the knife she’d just dislodged from its place.
Scootaloo barely had time to re-regret her decision to visit Twilight before the wide-bladed knife fell over the edge of the counter and came right down on her neck.
“...Standing right behind her… just inches away was…” Twilight paused for melodramatic effect. “The Headless—Scootaloo?”
Just as Twilight was finishing her story, Scootaloo’s body stumbled into the room, knocking over a few things since it couldn’t see where it was going. Rarity and Applejack screamed like the little fillies they were, but Twilight just threw her hooves up. “Scootaloo! You ruined the ending of the story. Ugh, now I have to start all over again.”
Scootaloo gurgled an apology.
“Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?”
Realizing that the thing that had just bumbled its way into the room wasn’t the dreaded Headless Horse, but in fact Scootaloo’s decapitated body, Applejack let out a boisterous laugh. “Whoa nelly, you got us good there, Scoots. I guess it’s true what they say about headless chickens.”
Rarity groaned. “Do you have to be so crass? You’ve could’ve at least gone with a Louis XVI joke.”
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Woulda published this yesterday, but it was delayed due to the Great Fimfic Crash of 2014. So yeah... one day's not gonna kill anyone.
It's funny how casually they talk about her dying.
That BASTARD!
Scootaloo the Everdying - saving the day with her inability to stay dead!
Now we just need some cryptic comments from the princesses about 'destiny' and 'necessity' and 'seriously that buzzing is annoying'.
4019587
I loved that line.
I knew the guillotine wouldn't get her!
So, Scootaloo's life is completely normal - aside from constantly dying and reincarnating - and she uses every Scootabuse cliché in the book to pretend it's more exciting?
...I don't know how to feel about this...
...still not sure how to feel about her pulling a Kenny...
...but I can't look away...
Seriously, one of these... loops, I can see Applejack using her death for profit.
4019671 False lawsuit anyone?
4019559
Except Scootaloo.
Yes.
Just... yes.
That has got to be one of the best lines I've seen in an MLP fanfiction.
Have my follow.
Before? What was she doing before?
Eep! Twilight how could you!?
Oh wow... Just wow... LOL... Scootaloo is so clueless and so darn unlucky!
Alex, you beat me to all the best puns!
I guess all I got is that Scoots has a new Mistress...
(extra points as well as a cymbals rim-shot if you get the reference).
4019677 Nah, Scoot just has a really weak neck. And everything else, as long as it's funny. Throw her a baseball and it'll go through her chest. Give her a glass of water and she'll drown herself. Give her a big dull book and she'll be bored to death. Take her to the museum of drills and she'll be bored to death.
4019664
She has yet to pretend that Rainbow Dash tries to push her off a cloud. I mean, it actually happened, but at least she's not pretending. Because that would be horrible, imagining such things about her idol.
4020036
"It's part of an experiment! First I feed the mice magically charged feed. Then I deep-freeze them. Then I cut them into thin slices. Then I photograph the slices with magically-sensitive film."
"So you'll learn how the magic moves though their body?"
"No, because it's cool! Also, I hate mice."
4020245
: "You'll put the slices back together when you're done won't you?"
4020443
"I'll use extra-strong staples!"
I just realized something. Scootaloo isn't a chicken. She's a phoenix, only without the fire. That'll make for a pretty awesome cutie mark if she ever gets one.
Pft.
That last line. All my yes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
What you did there
I see it!
4020480
"And they'll be okay right? They can go back to living their lives?"
4020756 Should I be worried that you say that with such factual authority?
Of course, if anypony in Ponyville could have a depleted uranium knife, it would be Twilight. For science.
I honestly want to know why everypony just shrugs off the fact that a little child dies over and over again. Could someone explain that to me
o-o
omg idk why i find this so funny!!!
4021047 Because it fits better with the story if all of them are indifferent.
4021379 I know, but someone should at least wonder why she dies and acts like nothing happens. At least someone should be like, i don't know, " do you need help" or some bullcrap like that. Man, Ponyville's life/death ratio must be really low.
Random thought: Scootaloo always manages to come to life after getting killed, no matter how impossible it may seem. Is her father Captain Jack Harkness?
4021433 Maybe everyone got used to Scoots dying so much, and it's just something that happens in Ponyville. Like Pinkie Pie.
4021713 That...... actually makes sense. Join us next time for the next mystery: how she revives.
Seriously, Scootaloo dies so many times it's getting ridiculous
4021047 Well, people have been doing that for years with Kenny from South Park. How is this so different?
4021842 not sure what you mean. (btw, i don't watch south park.)
4019737
I was going to make that joke, but then I realized the whole, "low hanging fruit" aspect. Still, a set-up like that had to be used...
Thank you for taking the hit and sparing me.
4021605
Does Jack get drunk and beat women at scrabble?
No!
He gets drunk and beats women at Monopoly!
4021605
4022889
You two just became my new best friends for that!
I'm still waiting for someone to go.
"Oh my gosh, they killed Scootaloo."
"You bastards!"
I love the false setup with the guillotine and the knife.
Thought it was done then, but suddenly headless Scootaloo breaks into the ghost story, and chicken joke. 
4021433 You seem to forget, Cerberus sucks at his job.
4019671 "The apples from this tree taste better than the rest because we sacrifice a Scootaloo at its base every Friday. Admission to watch is only 5 bits per adult and 3 bits per foal. Apple concessions are available for 1 bit each and are available in the CMC clubhouse."
4020245
i177.photobucket.com/albums/w220/Davis_Andrews/what-you-did-there-i-see-it.jpg
So Scootaloo is the headless horse and she still managed to talk without her head and now her voice sounds gurgled
4019559 I hope we don't get another crash anytime soon nopony could access Fimfiction for 10 hours and it was not fun at all. And you did a good job on this chapter making Scootaloo the headless horse and it seems that Scootaloo really does not need her head to speak only to see. So I guess she really has nightmares of herself then since she is the headless horse
...Seriously? Wheres the horror? Is... Is Scootaloo immortal? Does everypony know this? Even then, WHY WON'T ANYONE CARE!?
4106808
)
I think the best part about this series is seeing your comments get slightly more hysterical by the chapter
(That's a compliment if it came out sounding like an insult btw
4019559 That was a Scootadeath in itself.
WHY WOULD YOU DELIBERATELY STICK YOUR HEAD IN A GUILLOTINE?
That first paragraph was awesome
The little guillotine is from something. I know because of Twilight's comment about mice.
I'm sorry but is no one going to talk about the part where SCOOTS ACTUALLY F*yaaay* ING FLEW?!
While at the same time thinking about when she will fly? WHY HAS NO ONE TALKED ABOUT THIS?!!??!?!?!!??