//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 - The Reaper is my Co-Pilot // Story: Cheating Death Act II: Five of a Kind and One Joker // by WIL_I_ZIN //------------------------------// Cheating Death Act 2: Five of a Kind and One Joker Chapter 2 - The Reaper is my Co-Pilot By WIL_I_ZIN Edited by Alamais ---         Felix had expected many things since landing in Equestria. He expected to be treated like an oddity, an outsider. He expected they would probably want to scientifically study him and make sure he wasn’t a threat to them. He even expected that Princess Celestia herself--or maybe her personal student Twilight Sparkle--would come visit him. What he didn’t expect however, was to see again the person... pony... being that he had just recently had a war of wills against within the Everfree forest.         “Death,” Felix asked groaning and mashing his hand into his face “What the Hell are you doing here?”         “Ah the question of the millenium,” responded Death with sarcastic enthusiasm. “Tell me Felix, what do you think you did back there when I was originally filling out your paperwork for reinsertion the first time?” Felix became pensive for a moment. When he died the first time (which was a really odd thing he thought he'd never have to think about), Death was about to send him back to Earth because he wasn’t supposed to die then. When Death had first met him in limbo, they also had picked up the soul of a pony from Equestria. Felix, realising that Equestria was real, decided to trick Death and have himself sent to Equestria instead of Earth.         “I just messed around with some paperwork of yours and got sent to Equestria,” Felix plainly answered. “Oh nice job by the way, you dropped me off in a killer forest, real nice.” Death responded with a smirk. “Oh trust me, you being sent there of all places, was random chance, though in hindsight it still didn’t help much.” Death complained. “Even though you were surrounded by so many things that wanted you either dead or broken or eaten or all three, you still refused to die. People like you make my job a living hell, you know that?”         “Eh, it’s what I do best.” Felix responded grinning and shrugging his shoulders.         “Indeed.” Death became more serious as he continued “But back to the original point, you didn’t just ‘mess with some paperwork’ Felix, you changed fate.”         “...I did what now?” Felix asked giving Death a skeptical look.         “You changed fate, Felix, and that’s not something that happens easily. Originally, it was your fate to go back to Earth, fix your messed up life, and then have a family with four kids, and die at the age of ninety-one of a heart attack.”         “And you’re telling me a simple paperwork error changed that?!” Felix questioned with a tone of shock in his voice.         “No. The paperwork only helps us keep track and speed things along. You did it yourself, Felix, you changed your own fate by altering your path,” Death explained while Felix stared right at him, absorbing his every word.  “When you changed your reinsertion, the bond to your old fate was weakened, and when you had lived in Equestria for more than 24 hours, your soul was then bound to this plane. That was the straw that broke your fate’s back.”         “So, if my old fate is gone, is that why I was sent here?”         “Partially. You were sent here mostly because your body was near the point of no return. Without a soul to guide it, a body can decay rapidly. That’s why I had to rush you back as quickly as possible, lest you not have a body to come back to.”         “Oh, well thanks for that,” Felix said smiling at Death “didn’t know you cared.”         “I don’t,” Death flatly said. “If it were up to me, I would have let you fly around as a poltergeist. Sadly, I’m a good little reaper and I prevented that from happening. The second reason you were sent here is that your soul is now bound here. Like it or not Felix, Equestria and Equis are now your home.”         This was quite a bit for Felix to take in. While he had understood a little of what Death had told him before he was flung back into his body, it was only now that he was starting to realise the gravity of the situation. His whole previous life WAS now and forever gone, the only things that would remain of his own world would be the memories and experiences that he had imprinted upon his soul and mind. The news of finding out his old fate was rather disturbing to him, yet also exciting. Exciting in that since he was going to have lived that long he probably would have had a pretty good life, but disturbing in how... planned it sounded. As he thought on it, he remembered that there was still one unanswered question.         “If my old fate is gone,” Felix pondered out loud “then what would my new fate be?” Death grimaced and formed a nervous look on his face, this made Felix feel uneasy; whatever the news, it wouldn’t be good, he thought.         “That’s... where it gets complicated,” Death explained warily, “as of right now... you don’t have one.” Felix was shocked, not because of the news, but more because out of all the answers that he could have expected, THAT wasn’t one of them. “I... don’t have a fate?” he echoed back.         “Yes.” Death responded with a nod. Felix took a moment to ponder this before asking another important question on his mind. “What, the heck does that mean?” he asked completely befuddled.         “What it means, is that you have no ultimate destination. Fate is not to be confused with destiny. A being's destiny is their defining traits and behaviors summed up into a single element. For example it could be someone's destiny to be a hero, or a baker, or even a wizard. Destiny is what a person is best at being. Fate on the other hand is what a person is meant to accomplish. For example starting a revolution, or creating a masterpiece of art. Fates, unlike destinies, are always fulfilled, but fates are loose and very flexible to existence. Maybe it’s that’s baker’s fate to be crowned king, but how would it happen? Would they marry into royalty? Or would they be part of a coup meant to seize power? Whatever the course of action, it was that person’s destiny to be a baker, and it was their fate to be crowned king. The actions leading to both of these are what defines a mortal’s soul. And sometimes, destinies are never discovered, but fates will always happen no matter what.”         “So what happens when a person is fateless?” Felix asked the obvious question. Death’s face darkened at this and he looked at Felix with the most serious expression imaginable. “Rarely do the fateless exist, and with good reason. A fateless being affects all that it touches: it can warp and even destroy the original fates of all the lives he interacts with. Because of this, whenever a fateless being is born, we strive to be sure they become as secluded and introverted as possible, lest they cause an entire land to become unhinged at the seams.” Felix didn’t like where this was going, the way Death was looking at him didn’t help matters either. “And do you plan on doing that to me? Locking me up somewhere, away from all the residents of this land like some dangerous criminal?” Felix asked accusingly. Felix and Death stared directly into each other’s eyes. The unsteadiness was palpable within the room, like the taste of dark chocolate with habanero sauce.         To Felix’s surprise, Death backed off, smirking. “Again, you suggest something I would love to do to you Felix, but alas, it’s not meant to be,” Death said forlornly. “No, the higher ups have decided on a more... outlandish solution.” Death said, the last two words with as much distaste has possible. “They’ve decided, instead, to have someone be permanently placed as your supervisor, someone to make sure that you don’t go around altering all the fates that have been set in motion. A chaperone, if you will. Though in my opinion, ‘babysitter’ seems more apt.” he grumbled.         Felix stroked his chin in contemplation before snickering, “And let me guess, you were the lucky winner they chose.”         “Wow,” deadpanned Death “however did you come to that ingenious conclusion.” Felix chuckled at Death’s lack of enthusiasm. “If it wasn’t bad enough, they also told me to treat this like an extended vacation!” Death fumed. “Vacation? ME?! I’ve been doing this gig for the past two thousand years and I haven’t had a single blemish on my record. But you let ONE Center-Universe human screw with your papers, and BAM, you’re suddenly given a pink slip and a low-grade task they should have given to a cherub! That’s not a vacation, that’s a demotion and a mail room job!”         Death finished his tirade by stomping his hooves firmly into the ground as he finished. His nostrils flared and his eyes burning with rage. The spectacle didn’t last, as he seemed to realise how he was behaving and straightened up before wiping his forehead and sighing. Felix took this moment of calm to add in his own two cents. “Why don’t they just make me a new fate? If not having one is this much trouble, why not just make a new one and be done with it?”         “Oh, you don’t think we’ve TRIED that? Every time one is written, it’s immediately burst into flames and turned to ash in seconds. No matter what is written, nothing sticks,” the disgruntled reaper explained. “So until they can find one that will stick, I’m to follow you around and be sure you don’t fuck up too much.” Felix contemplated everything Death had told him, and it was quite a doozy. He tumbled back and forth ideas and thoughts within his mind before deciding what he should do next. Before the surprised reaper could react, Felix grabbed him and put him in a headlock. “Aw, little reaper guy actually cares about me doesn’t he?” cooed the condescending human as he gave Death the mother of all noogies. The ponified reaper struggled to get free, but the suddenness of the assault left him unbalanced with no firm ground to get any leverage on. “Piss off! I’d rather have you thrown into the damned river of damned souls!” he shouted indignantly. Felix paused in his attack to ponder Death’s words. “So... technically, they’re double damned? Can you do that? Can you be damned twice?” Felix asked in a childish voice before resuming his administrations of the dreaded noogie. “Silly reaper, that’s not possible in the least.”         “Do you WANT me to kill you in the most gruesome ways imaginable?” shouted the embarrassed reaper. “Hell, just for you I’d think up some new ones!” Felix once again stopped his assault on Death's head and tapped him on the nose. “Now my little reaper, if you could do that, you already would have, wouldn’t you?” the human asked with a smile.         “Gah... I-” Death started to speak, but couldn’t find the words to finish.         “If I had to guess, it’s that same paperwork you loathe isn’t it?” Felix hypothesized. “There’s some clause or something that prevents you from treating me like your personal punching bag, and I’m guessing that as long as I don’t have a fate, it’s also your job to keep me alive, isn’t it?” Felix booped Death’s nose at the end to emphasize his point. Death roared in anger and darkness flowed off of him. Felix immediately let go and Death bounded away to the other end of the room. The dark tendrils of wispy smoke formed into a scythe which he grabbed with his telekinesis and held it at the ready. “If you ever do that to me again, I’ll cut your body into a thousand tiny pieces, and I won’t CARE how much paperwork I’ll have to fill out to reassemble your body, because it will have been worth it!” Death spoke in a voice that sounded like the very bowels of the underworld opening up and screaming forth darkness from the nether pits of the universe. Felix responded by leaning back into his bed and resting his head on both of his hands. “Well, at least you’re honest about it.” he responded plainly. Death stumbled for a second before pointing the blade at Felix. “That’s it?! I threaten you with something that would have most other mortals quivering in their boots or soiling themselves, and you aren’t even fazed?!” the reaper shouted both confused and slightly insulted. ‘Am I losing my touch?’ he thought.         “Oh, it was a good threat,” the laid back human responded. “That thing with your voice? Shivers down my spine man. But overall, I’m not that afraid of dying again, been through it twice and really, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” Death face-hoofed with his foreleg. Out of all the humans he was tasked to keep watch of, it was one of the crazier ones. He dissolved his scythe before moving closer to Felix’s bedside, but not so close that he couldn’t avoid another grapple attack by the deranged human. “As I said, I’m here to be sure you don’t screw up other beings’ fates,” the reaper said, continuing his explanation. “As for protecting you, I do just have to keep you alive.” Felix smirked on getting that right. “But do keep in mind, there are SO many things much worse than death, and you’d be surprised what you can live through.” Felix immediately lost the smirk and swallowed hard. “Well then, there goes my idea of jumping off cliffs.” Felix chuckled. Then a thought came to him. “Hey Death, If you’re so pissed about this whole thing, why did you heal my body?” The reaper’s eyes bulged for a second and shifted rapidly. “I have... no idea what you are talking about.” he adamantly denied.         “Oh come on,” goaded Felix, “I’m torn to shreds, poisoned, and wasn’t my leg broken? I shouldn’t have been walking this easily if my leg was snapped in two.”         “Actually it was just dislocated...” Death began before cutting himself off.         “AH, HA! So you DID do something didn’t you?!” the human giddily accused.         “Alright FINE, I may have temporarily increased your healing rate. But my reasons are my own,” he replied in a huff. Felix gave him the biggest smile he could manage without dislocating his own face. “Awwwww, you really DO care, don’t cha?” Felix gushed in the most saccharinely sweet voice possible, while batting his eyes. Death blanched and kept his distance. Felix snorted and began to laugh heartily. “Hahaa, oh gawd, the look on your face, absolutely priceless.” Before Death could respond, a deep cough was heard from the doorway. Both Felix and Death turned to see a royal guard standing in front of the open doorway waiting for their attention.         “Her majesty, the honorable Princess Celestia, requests your presence in the throne room at your earliest convenience,” said the guard with authority. Felix and Death shared a glance and Felix grew a large smile on his face. “Well hot damn, I get to meet the princess this soon?” he exuberantly expressed. “I mean, I knew I was going to see her eventually, but not this quickly.” Felix was quite excited; he was going to see one of the most famous characters of the MLP:FIM universe, and she had personally requested that he come to her! His mind raced thinking of all the things she would want to talk about. And then his mind raced thinking of ALL the things she wanted to talk about. What if she knew about the darker aspects of humanity? What if she was a tyrannical leader in secret? What if she secretly thought humans were attractive and I was to be her slave for eternity?! … Felix then realised he was listing off bad HiE cliches. He knew Celestia was a wise and good-tempered person... pony... at least, what the show had shown of her seemed reasonable. “You have the next 15 minutes to prepare yourself, I shall wait outside,” said the guard and he immediately turned around and left through the doorway, leaving a smiling Felix and a disgruntled Death. “Well, there goes explaining everything before she sinks her claws into you...” mumbled Death. “Claws?” Felix asked slowly losing his smile. “Only speaking metaphorically,” Death corrected, but then gained his own wicked grin. “...Or AM I?” Felix leaned away from the reaper, who was currently creeping him out. “I am. Seriously, you may act tough, but man are you easy to scare,” teased Death. “At least I'm not afraid of being hugged,” retorted Felix. Death scoffed and made his way out the door. “Just hurry up and clean yourself, you smell horrible. Like you, died, or something,” Death said over his shoulder before bursting into a series of guffaws as he closed the door behind himself. Felix gave him a one finger salute and proceeded to get out of his bed. As before it was surprisingly easy for him to move, considering his previous injuries. He was actually quite thankful Death was a little nice- last thing he wanted to do was spend the next 6 months in rehabilitation while outside was a whole new world.         Moving over to the tub was a simple feat; however, Felix realised that cleaning himself wouldn’t be. The tub was on the small side, and the shower head only went as high as his neck. While the size and shape made sense for the normal patient that it would be cleaning, for Felix it would be a challenge in hygiene. Since he was short on time and still had bandages all over his chest, Felix decided cleaning his messy hair would be top priority.         Grabbing one of the bottles that he guessed was shampoo, Felix set it within reach and turned on the water, only to be greeted with a blast of cold rain cascading down on top of him.         “Son of a- bagel shop!” Felix screamed catching his language. He was in Equestria now. Whether or not that had as colorful a language had yet to be determined, and he didn’t want to ostracize himself with his... colorful language just yet. Quickly he jammed the lever all the way to the right to make it warmer, only to have the temperature suddenly shift to scalding hot. Felix shouted in shock and scrambled to shift the lever to a less painful setting.         “Having trouble with modern plumbing?” asked Death from the doorway.         “Go jump off a cliff, which is all of Canterlot, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding one,” Felix spat back at him without turning his shoulder. Detaching the showerhead from its holder Felix brought it down and began to soak his head with the warm water. As the feeling of warmth spread from the back of his head and down to his face, some of the stress he had been holding in melted away. He decided that as soon as these bandages were off, he was going to find the nearest hot tub and soak for days, just to relax.         Felix then grabbed the shampoo and began to lather his hair with it. It smelled vaguely of vanilla and sandalwood—a rather nice combination, he thought. He then rinsed his hair and squeezed the remaining water out trying to avoid getting any on his bandages or in his eyes. Then, taking on of the nearby towels, he began to dry his hair with reckless abandon. After a creating enough friction that would ignite a small forest fire, Felix removed the towel and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair poofed out to both the left and the right while remaining perfectly flat on top, a very messy look. He also noticed a light beard forming on his face.         “Man,” he complained “One month in a coma and this is all the face fuzz I can grow? Genetics is a bitch.” He threw the towel over the shower curtain railing, and stood up stretching. Felix thought he didn’t smell too bad, and if he wanted he could clean himself more thoroughly later, for now there was a princess in waiting! And a good gentleman never keeps a lady waiting. As he was about to leave, he realised he was only wearing the pants he woke up in, and there was no closet for this room either.         “Hey, where are my other clothes?” Felix asked poking his head outside the room.         “They were taken and cleaned for sanitation reasons,” Answered the guard. Felix waited for him to elaborate... he didn’t. “So, can I get them back?” he asked.         “I do not know where they are,” The guard responded. “However, the doctors were instructed to give you this, should you so desire.” The guard pulled out a folded piece of red cloth and handed it to Felix. Taking the cloth from the guard, Felix unfolded it to reveal a bright red cloak with gold embroidery on it. It felt somehow, familiar to him. Sliding it on, Felix swore he heard the song ‘Separate Ways’ in the distance, but it was just his imagination. The cloak was a nice fit for Felix, it stopped right at his knees and made him feel rather stylish. Why with this cloak he could go on a epic... quest of some sort. Maybe through a desert, some ruins, and climb a mountain—and look snazzy all the while too.         “If you’re done feeling pretty, I think we should go,” snarked Death.         Felix chuckled and gave the pony reaper the one finger salute. “Right behind you,” he said.         The guard, ignoring their antics, turned around and began to lead the way down the hall. Felix and Death followed with Death walking slightly behind Felix. The hall soon came to two large double doors guarded by a group of four guards. Felix was rather surprised, such heavy security for little ol’ him? Was he really that much of a threat that required a high level guards? Then again, he kind of arrived in a condition that you wouldn’t get from picking daisies. Unless the daisies were man eating and 50 feet tall... and breathed fire.         The guards in front of the door looked at the one escorting him and immediately stood aside, the door swinging away to reveal an elevator. The escort guard walked onto the lift and Felix and Death followed. The other guards closed the gate on the front of the lift and hit a button on the side. The lift jerked upward and then slowly gained momentum as it began to rise. Lights in the elevator shaft wizzed by faster and faster as they ascended. Felix began to wonder just how far down they had been keeping him as the elevator began to slow to a stop. A soft ding rang out as the gate opened along with an elevator door, exposing the new level they were on.         “We will be taking you via carriage to the Castle, follow me,” ordered the escort guard as he left the elevator and took a left. Felix took this moment to look around further, but was disappointed, as all he saw was more hallway. He and Death continued to follow, but thankfully for Felix’s boredom they didn’t have far to go before they came to a door leading to the outside. The lack of other ponies was starting to become a little worrisome for Felix, but he rationalized that it was probably just the guards trying to limit his contact with the general populace.         Passing through the doorway, Felix shot up one of his hands to block out the sunlight beaming down into his eyes. The rays of the sun felt harsh at first, but then felt like a welcome relief. He took a deep breath and reveled in the fresh air. He may have been conscious for only a few hours, but after having his body cooped up for over a month, the fresh air was just what he needed. “Ah, now that’s more like it,” he spoke to no one in particular. He felt a slight jab in his side, which he found was Death trying to get his attention.         “You can smell the roses later, we got places to be,” Death said shortly. Felix rolled his eyes and followed the guard to the carriage that was parked outside the door. It was one of those sky carriages that he remembered Twilight rode in back in the season premiere of the show. He also saw that there were no harnesses in the carriage itself.         “Um, aren’t there like, seat belts or something in this thing?” he asked warily as he stepped into the sky vessel.         “Nah, they consider falling overboard to be a part of the process of natural selection,” answered Death. Felix stared at the reaper, half terrified and half unsure. Death chuckled darkly at Felix’s discomfort as the the pegasi guards began to pull the carriage into the air. Felix was amazed that the carriage was staying upright; Isaac Newton was probably rolling in his grave over this blatant disregard for physics. The human was clutching onto the side of the carriage with all his might, and hunkered down low, trying to keep as much of himself in the vehicle as possible. “Oh stop being such a nancy,” chided Death. “I thought you would love to be flying in Equestria.” “I like flying, I just dislike the idea of falling,” grumbled Felix. Slowly, he stood up, not letting go of the side, and looked down. Vertigo was the first thing to hit Felix, followed by the exhilaration of seeing all of Canterlot below. The city was huge compared to what was shown in the show. The entire city sprawled up and down the mountainside, and even into the plains below. Spires of smaller towers poked through the city skyline, and roads like multiple rivers wound their way down the mountain. Felix then looked to where they were headed and said what anyone else would say in his position, “Mother of God...” Ahead of them was Canterlot Castle, and out of all the things Felix had seen the show get only partially or half right, this was by far the most off. Nothing in a 2d cartoon could hold a candle to the architecture and splendor of the majesty before him. The castle was at least three times the size of what it had been suggested to look like, with more spires and towers dotting the side of the mountain face. It was carved into the mountain more than sticking out of the side of it and two waterfalls fell from the mountain, into the castle, and then fell into the valley below, creating a mist below refracting a multitude of light into streaks of rainbow. Calling the castle pristine would be an understatement. The stone that made up the walls and towers was of the purest ivory, and the trim was decorated with the brightest shining gold. The whole superstructure shimmered in the midday sun, its reflection bouncing off the waterfalls and reflecting its light onto the ground below. It was such a bright visage, Felix was half-worried he would go blind staring at it. “Quite a sight, huh?” asked Death. “I will admit, that when it comes to shock and awe, these ponies sure do have it down.” Felix could only nod and smile with excitement. He had never had an experience like this, flying into a city which radiated light, and it was enthralling. “It’s... astoundingly beautiful.” “Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can kid. We’re going to be landing soon, and architecture will be the last thing on your mind.” Felix turned to Death with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean by that?” “You’ll see,” he said as he took the hood of his cloak and put it over his head. True to his word, the carriage passed over the walls of the castle and began to descend into the courtyard. The main staircase leading up to the front doors into the castle became larger and larger the closer they got. The carriage rumbled as it touched the ground and slowed to a halt at the foot of the stairs. One of the guards disconnected from the carriage and stood at the foot of the steps waiting for his charges to hurry along. Felix realised he was still holding on to the carriage's side with a vice grip, and let go of it, hoping no one would notice the slight indentations his fingers had left there. He laughed nervously, as he stepped down out of the vehicle and walked over the Death. The reaper just rolled his eyes under his hood and they both followed the guard up the stairs. When Death got to the top of the large staircase, he noticed Felix was lagging behind. “What’s the matter? A few steps too hard for you?” “Oh fuck-*gasp* you man,” Felix yelled up at Death as he slowly ascended the stairs. “You weren’t in a coma, and these are NOT a few steps!” “Well, if you weren’t so out of shape, you wouldn’t have anything to complain about.” “Hey!” exclaimed Felix, “I am not fat! And I’m not so out out of shape that I can’t kill a beast 4 times my size,” Felix countered as he finally reached the top of the stairs gasping for breath. “And secondly, I don’t have any damn shoes! You try walking around with no foot protection...and without hooves.” Ahead of Felix were the gigantic double doors that lead into Canterlot Castle proper; two guards stood like still statues on either side of them. The escort walked up to them and after an exchange of glances he continued to the door and began to push it open. “Come along fatty,” chuckled Death as he followed him through the doorway. “I’m NOT fat!” Felix called out to him as he slowly walked to the giant doorway. “I’m just not used to climbing so...many...” Felix passed through the doorway, into the entrance hall to the castle. Said hall lead straight to the throne room, but it was up yet another flight of- “stairs...ffffuuuu-” Felix caught one of the guards giving him a raised eyebrow. “-uuuuudge. Yes, fudge. that’s what I meant.” “Sure it was porko,” called back Death as he went up the new—and possibly larger in Felix’s opinion—staircase. “Are you really going to start calling me every slang term for being fat? I’m not even fat to begin with!” Felix said as he made his way over to the bottom of the stairs. “Don’t tempt me,” the hooded reaper said with a smirk. He turned and continued to walk, leaving a disgruntled Felix at the bottom of the steps. “Gah... who designed this place, Sombra?” grumbled Felix as he began to slowly walk up the incline. After an exhausting 3 minutes, which felt more like an hour, Felix lay on the top step in an exhausted heap. “Couldn’t... you have just... teleported me?” he asked, trying to catch his breath. “Eh,” shrugged Death with a smile, “it looked like you were having fun.” “Gentlecolts,” said their escort, now in front of yet another, slightly smaller set of double doors. “The princess awaits inside.” The guard pushed open one of the doors and motioned them to enter. Felix scrambled to his feet and brushed off his cloak while hurrying over. Death followed him through the doorway and it slowly shut behind them. The hallway that stretched in front of them was indeed the Royal Throne room, stained glass windows adorned both sides with ivory pillars stretching from the floor to the ceiling. Banners of both the sun and the moon intertwined the pillars and a large, bright red carpet ran down the center of the room, creating a great feeling of symmetry. At the far end of the room, a white alicorn sat on a raised golden throne. She was busying herself with a long scroll. As Felix made his way closer to the throne her features came into view. She was considerably taller than the rest of the ponies Felix had met, but she was not larger. Her frame was that of a thin and delicate mold, yet had strength and a strong constitution underlining it. The most striking thing about her was her mane—you’d have to be blind to not notice it. It swirled with the multitude of colors of the aurora, flowed in a non existent breeze, and shimmered like a geode. This was without a doubt the Keeper of the Sun, Princess Celestia. A practical deity was standing in front of Felix, and he could not be more excited and terrified at the same time.         "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Jackson, we have much to discuss." Celestia spoke with authority and no trace of emotion as she looked beyond the scroll she was reading. Setting the parchment down, Celestia bore down on him with an expression that was unreadable. God help him if she challenged him to poker. "The... honor is all mine, Princess," he sputtered in reply. Celestia was an intimidating presence within the room. While she may have stood just an inch above Felix's eye level, it was the power that radiated off of her that made Felix's legs suddenly take on the consistency of Jello. The pure, raw, unadulterated, and overwhelming strength that emanated from Celestia's being was something Felix had never felt before. It was like standing knee deep in a rushing river, and he had to steel himself to the ground, lest he be swept away by the current. Celestia seemed to notice his discomfort, and the feeling of foreboding lessened. "Forgive me," Celestia expressed, her visage softening, "I forgot that humans are not as used to magic as my little ponies are. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable." "No, it was just," Felix responded struggling to find the words, "unexpected. I didn't think I could actually feel magic, let alone that much of it, considering it doesn't affect me." "Fire cannot harm an ifrit, yet the creature can still feel it, nevertheless," She responded with a slight smile. "Good creator, not more than 5 minutes here and she's already speaking in parables," Death grunted from beside Felix. Celestia turned her attention to him and a frown formed on her face. "And who might you be young stallion? Remove your hood so I might see your face." Celestia made the request calmly, though Felix felt it was more of an order. Death responded with a hearty laugh. "Oh, the young one am I? I guess that makes you the withered old hag," Death said pulling down his hood, "doesn't it now, Celly?" Celestia's face flashed with a range of emotions, first of shock, then irritation, then of smugness. "Harvey Stir." Celestia spoke with an air of remembrance. "Well now, yours is a face I would never have guessed to see again." "Trust me, if I wasn't required to be here, I wouldn't be," he groaned casting a side glance at Felix. Felix however, was shocked at the causal way these two were speaking, as if they were old friends. "You- ... You two know each other?!" Felix practically shouted in befuddlement. "H-How?! And... and... Your real name is Harvey Stir? ... Seriously?" Death, or Harvey, puffed up his face in indignation. "I always thought it was an adorable name," added Celestia. "As for how we know each other, well that's-" "None of HIS business," Harvey spat out, with a death glare at Celestia. Harvey looked like he was on the edge and nervous as could be. Celestia grinned and continued. "-because he used to date my dear sister." ... "WHAAAAAAT?!" Felix shouted breaking the silence that had hung in the air when Celestia had spoken. He turned to Harvey with the biggest shit eating grin possible and asked, "You and Luna were a couple?!" “WERE. Now if you don’t mind, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover and-” spoke Harvey before he was cut off by Celestia. “Why Harvey! You’re using contractions. What prompted that sort of change?” she asked. Felix suddenly realised Celestia was right. Back when he first met Death, the reaper always spoke without using any contractions. It even caused Felix himself to flub a few of his own sentences. “Now what could have happened to have you speak plainly?” Celestia asked again. “...It was...grumummm,” grumbled the Reaper into the ground. “Come again?” she prodded leaning in closer. “They turned me... into gamoml,” he answered only slightly louder than before, but still unintelligible. “They turned you into a mortal?” guessed Celestia with a devious smirk on her face. “...Yes.” “Oh, how exciting!” Celestia told Harvey warmly. “I always told you spending a few millennia as a mortal is a wonderful way to relax. Glad to hear you took my advice.” “It wasn’t by choice!” snapped Harvey. “I would think YOU of all would know that. Didn’t you get the notice?” Felix looked back and forth from both Harvey and Celestia. Something was amiss here, why would Luna date Death of all things... people... ponies? “I'm afraid I haven’t received anything of the sort yet. In fact, the only reason I was able to know of this young man’s presence in Equestria was that he happened to come into contact with my personal student.” “Twilight saw me!?” blurted out Felix, who immediately slapped his hand over his mouth. Outside Felix stood as still as a statue, on the inside however ‘Ohhhhhhh shit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit. She never said Twilight's name.’ “I don’t believe I ever said her name... did I?” Celesta spoke as a small glare formed on her brow. ‘Whelp, I’m screwed,’ thought Felix.         “Yeah. That’s the reason Celly,” Harvey explained as he nudged the slightly trembling human. “You know about dimensional traveling regulations?”         “I know that its extremely frowned upon...” she recalled. Then she seemed to get his implications. “You mean he-?”         “Yeah, he’s a dimension hopper.”         “Well, we’ve had a few cases like that happen before. Not a human though mind you, but its nothing new.” She glanced at Felix when she said ‘human’. “Let me guess, he from one of the outlying planes, possibly from the Sigil?”         “Higher,” responded the reaper.         “Oh, so he’s from one of the Universes with all those ‘super-heroes’. I always did love those creations, so silly with their bright colors and spandex,” Celestia guessed, chuckling to herself.         “Higher,” Harvey’s face began to harden.         “The plane of sword and sorcery?”         “Higher.”         “Ah, the Alter-center planes then.”         “Higher.”         “That’s impossible Harvey,” said Celestia with a matter of fact tone in her voice. “There IS nowhere higher that he could have come from.”         “Oh, there is.” Harvey sighed wistfully.         “No, there isn’t, Harvey. The only thing above that is the Center Universe and there is no way that-” Celestia cut herself off as her eyes went wide. She looked to Felix, then back to Harvey, then back to Felix again. “...no...”         “Yep,” responded the reaper, he braced himself for what he knew was coming. Felix was not so lucky however.         “YOU BROUGHT A HUMAN FROM THE CENTER UNIVERSE HERE?!” Celestia boomed with all the power of the Royal Canterlot Voice. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU’VE DONE?”         Harvey only straightened his cloak and spoke right to Celestia in a much less bombastic voice. “Technically, he brought himself here.”         “WHAT?” she shouted looking over at a now nervously smiling Felix.         “Oh yeah,” explained the reaper pointing an accusatory hoof at Felix. “This guy dies and it wasn’t even his time, so I go and try and send him back, and what does he do? He screws with the return form and he winds up in the middle of YOUR forest of living monstrosities.”         “Then why didn’t you just send him back?” Celestia asked now with her Royal caps lock disengaged.         “Because he had to be DEAD for me to do that,” Harvey explained with as much aggravation as possible.         “Hey, isn't my fault you suck at killing,” quipped Felix. “Though to be fair he did eventually get me.”         “Then why is Mr. Jackson still here?” questioned Celestia.         “Because there was an old clause that said if a new soul was in a different Plane than its home for more than one whole day, its new home would be where it currently was,” Harvey said simplifying the skullduggery that was celestial bureaucracy.         Celestia looked a little taken aback. “Since when was that added?!”         “Hell if I know. All that matters is that this idiot is now stuck here and I’m supposed to be sure he doesn’t muck things up,” the reaper said plainly.         “That still doesn’t make complete sense,” Celestia thought out loud. “Even if he did something like that on your watch, that isn’t nearly enough of a reason to have an angel of death as his handler.”         “He’s fateless.”         Celestia just stood there, eyes staring off into the distance. She began to rub the temples of her head with her hooves, hoping to relieve some of the tension she what recieving. Unfortunately, all her previous methods of calming herself down in stressful times were not working.         “Celly,” sighed Harvey “I know you're upset and th-”         “Upset?” Celestia shouted at Harvey. “Upset doesn’t even BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT! You dropped not only a Center universe human in my world, but he also happens to be FATELESS?! Harvey if I didn’t know better—and wasn’t immortal—I’d say you’re trying to kill me.” She took a deep breath and groaned. “I could use a drink right about now. Not like it’d do anything though. Curse my metabolism of celestial might,” she mumbled to herself, though it was loud enough for Felix and Harvey to hear.         “Um, I know what being fateless means, Harvey—hehehe—explained to me what it meant. But what does being from the “Center Universe” mean?” asked Felix of both Harvey and Celestia.         Harvey sighed and elaborated. “It means, kid, that you are from the source, the trunk of all the other universe’s branches. Every legend, myth, fact or fiction, exists at some point in space and time for your world. You being here presents a problem on so many levels, it would take too long to even begin to list them. You already provided an example already too. You know about Celestia, her student, and even this world. That alone is a problem of many proportions.”         “Your knowledge, even second hand, is dangerous,” added Celestia. “You hold the legends and myths that govern this world. What that could do... even I can’t fathom.”         Felix’s expression fell from his usual smile and frowned at Celestia, “Okay... that’s it. Who are you really?”         She was rather surprised at his questioning. “Excuse me?”         “Oh don’t try denying it. Something is up here.” Felix said as he began to rant. “First off your SISTER, Luna, dated this guy?” Felix said jabbing a thumb at Harvey. “And you said he was an Angel of Death? Since when does Luna date powerful beings and how do you even know what an Angel of Death IS? Furthermore, how do you know about all these other dimensions and even my ‘center universe’? Or how about how you know about all this ‘celestial bureaucracy’ mumbo jumbo and how do you understand everything he’s saying when I’m barely keeping track!” He ended his rant by crossing his arms and impatiently tapping his foot. He was slightly ticked off at Celestia for her little explosion earlier and his confusion on just what was going on added to his irritation. He wanted answers.         Celestia straightened up and stared at Felix, “I am a Princess of Equestria, I am tasked with a many great things and knowledge about what is beyond my realm is one of them.”         “Bullshit,” Felix called out. “You know more than you’re letting on. The Celestia I know of isn’t some all knowing being about the workings of the universe. Sure she’s a wise and good leader, but not someone who would know this much about the universe. Just who the heck are you?”         Celestia looked sternly at Felix, her eyes glaring into his. Suddenly she sighed and looked away. “While I may be different from what you may have expected Felix, I am still Celestia eldest Princess of Equestria.”         “Bu-”         “But,” she continued, “That is not all I truly am. Are you sure you wish to know?”         “Yes,” Felix responded.         “Are you SURE? Once I have told you, you will be forbidden to speak of it to anypony or anyONE,” asserted Celestia. “And if you do, the price you pay will not be pleasant.”         “...I’m sure,” Felix said being more unsure about anything then he had ever been before in his life. “Its something I need to know, or else it’s going to annoy the heck out of me for the rest of my life.”         “Hope it’s a short one,”grumbled Harvey. Felix shot him a look but turned back to Celestia waiting for her response. She looked one last time into his eyes, and there she found his insistence. She sighed and closed her eyes.         Light began to fade from the room, was the sun setting? No. It was getting darker all around, no, even that was wrong, the room wasn’t becoming darker. Celestia was becoming brighter. MUCH brighter. Her whole body shone with a radiating brightness that pierced even the already existing light streaming in from the windows. Slowly her body shifted form and shape within the light, it was hard to make out what was happening as it was too hard to see over the glare.         Then existence exploded into brilliance.         The whole throne room was set ablaze with pure energy and shining ethereal power. In front of Felix now stood a creature immeasurable and near-indescribable in mortal terms. She had 3 faces upon her head, each one with eyes of gold looking into the veil of the beyond, her otherworldly mane now ablaze with fire so hot, it blazed with the intensity of the creation of the universe itself. Her horn as long as a sword and sharper than any lance stood atop her head, gilded with a flowing aura of magic as it spiraled around her horn and into the beyond. Her wings were outspread in full view—all six of them—reaching in every direction, with each feather luminescent like shining diamonds.         Her visage burned into the very corners of his mind. She wasn’t just glowing with light, she WAS light. All of it, streaming everywhere in all of its truest form. It was magnificent...and horrifying. He couldn’t look away, she was too beautiful, too enthralling, and too overwhelming to do so. He screamed, in confusion, in jubilation, and in terror. His wailing ceased when his voice gave out, as she lifted a forehoof to his shoulder and laid it upon him.         “Do Not Fear Me Felix. For What You See Is Not Seen By Mortals Often.” She spoke. Her voice a harmony, a chorus of many voices, all singing, yet still speaking in perfection. “Do You Know What It Is You See?”         His voice locked up as he tried to find the words. But none left his mouth, there was no power behind his speech, he couldn’t find the will to do so. She smiled lovingly at him, and he was filled with a warmth that spread through his whole body.         “You Need Not To Say. For You Have Already Told Me With Your Eyes.” She said as she ran her hoof under his chin. She tilted his head up to look her directly into her eyes. “You Are Blessed, For Many Do Not See The TRUTH In  Whole Of Their Existence.” Then everything disappeared. Felix stood there, dumbfounded at what he... saw. His brain reeled itself over the events over and over, and over again until he could deny it no more. What he had seen, what he had felt, no, what he KNEW was the truth without a single doubt. “You’re... an angel,” he spoke as he slumped into a chair that appeared behind him. “Archangel technically, but who’s really keeping track,” smiled Celestia. “How...why...wha-” Felix stammered trying to find something to say. “Most ponies find it easier to organize their thoughts if they take deep breaths...” she chuckled. Felix took her advice and took some long and deep breaths as he tried to clear his thoughts. Though it didn’t work much, it provided him a chance to come up with a question. “What are you doing here?” “Vacation.” “...Vacation?” he repeated back at her. All feelings of anxiety immediately left him, replaced by confusion. “Yes. As I said to Harvey, it's a nice relaxing—though not always— excursion. I decided to take one and unwind after the last time I was on your universe,” she explained. “And what happened las-” “Ah, ah, ah,” tsked Celestia, “That would be telling.” Felix gave her the stink eye, but she just smugly smiled back at him. “Okay then, so you know Harvey, because you, Luna and he are the same species?” “Well, to call us a species is rather a gross oversimplification... but yes, I guess you could say so,” she said while tapping her hoof to her chin. “Though, to say that we are Angels at the moment would also wrong. Since we are on vacation, we had to take... a step down from our old selves. So we are much like Harvey in his current regards. Either way, while we could revert back at any time, I still quite enjoy guiding and protecting my little ponies, and the same extends to all creatures within my borders. No matter how aggravating some of them can be...” Celestia grumbled the last line while looking away from Felix and Harvey. “Oh whew, that’s a relief,” Felix said, relaxing. “I was worried you were going to throw me out of a window or imprison me.” “And did I ever say I wouldn’t?” she countered. “...Eyhahaha,” Felix laughed, “very funny Princess. You had me going for a second there.” Celestia’s expression however did not change as Felix’s laughter died away. “You are joking, right?” Celestia looked down onto Felix with both disteem and...regret? “Felix. You are a danger to my citizens, not only as a human, not only because you know of us through your origins, but most importantly, because you are a fateless.” “HEY!” shouted Felix with anger. “I’m not some crook or mass murder! I haven’t done anything against you or anyone... pony.” “It is not a matter of what you have done Felix. You are a threat, even by standing here in this room you have already affected the lives of my citizens, even ones that are near to me. I will not risk their lives by letting you go freely into Equestria,” Celestia was still in body, but her eyes burned down upon Felix like a hot blade ready to strike. “So, you’re going to imprison me over something I MIGHT do?” Felix growled at Celestia. “I’m not without sympathy,” Celestia spoke, her tone soft and motherly. “You will be cordoned off to the castle grounds, but nothing beyond. I will be able to be sure you don’t affect anypony's fate this way.” Felix jabbed his hand, pointing right at Celestia. “It sounds like you're afraid of me more then anything. Is that it, Celestia?” He spat with contempt. Celestia glowered down on Felix, the two of them seething distaste for each other. “You think I fear you?” she asked with scorn. “I think that’s exactly what his words meant, sister,” jutted in a new voice from behind Felix and Harvey. Everyone in the room looked to find the source of the voice was the other diarch of Equestria, Princess Luna. “I, for one, am inclined to agree with his statement at the moment.” Luna walked past both Felix and Harvey, giving only a short glance at the reaper before she moved next to her sister on the throne.         “Luna, you know what would happen if we let a fateless loose,” Celestia admonished her sister.         “Do I? The last time I remember a fateless got loose, nothing terrible happened,” Luna thought out loud her hoof tapping her chin.         “If you call having to stop an invasion of mind-controlling parasites created by an artificial intelligence that thought itself a god, ‘nothing’,” chided Celestia.         “Sister, I believe you are letting your emotions get the better of you,” said Luna.         “Luna, I-”         “Did he not also save your student's friend, fair Fluttershy, from a Manticore?” interrupted the night princess. “Such an action should prove his good character, should it not?” Felix was surprised, having thought it was his sister that he saved. However, he was hallucinating heavily back in the forest, so it must have been someo-pony else. It would also explain how he woke up in Fluttershy’s cottage back before he died a second time. He chuckled internally at that last part, ‘Since when did dying become so cheap for me?’ “Luna, what he-” started Celestia before she was interrupted again by her sister. “Furthermore, if you insist that the human might be a danger for something he hasn’t done yet, then maybe I should be sequestered as well,” Luna stated stomping her hoof for emphasis. “What on Equis are you talking about?” responded a confused Celestia. “Oh? You didn’t hear?” Luna told with mock shock. “There are rumors floating around that I’m just biding my time, waiting to plunge the world into nighttime eternal again.” “Luna, even you know such rumors are baseless lies told by those morons in the aristocracy.” “Ah, but there is the chance that I might anyway, is there not my sister? It would be best for you to isolate me. Then you will be able to observe me and be sure that it never comes to pass,” Luna droned, raising her eyebrow on the last sentence and looked right at Celestia.         The sun princess opened her mouth to retort, but stopped. Her words failed to come forth and she took a deep breath before speaking. “Luna, I know what you are trying to impress on me, but I can’t take the chance. He doesn’t know how dangerous he is.”         “Hey, worst thing about me is my horrible jokes,” interjected Felix.         “Not to mention the smell,” added Harvey.         Luna turned to them and laughed at their commentary. “Do you not see sister? He is no more dangerous than a foal.”         “A foal with a loaded crossbow,” scoffed Celestia.         Felix stepped forth and bowed on one knee, the action surprising the rest of them. “Celestia,” he said with conviction, “I swear to you that I would not bring disaster to any of your subjects. I have no desire to hurt nor harm, nor to cause strife.” He looked her right in the eye. “That said, I have no plans on being ordered around or letting myself be thrown to the whims of others. Give me to the chance to prove this to you, to settle your doubts, as I will have no problem proving them wrong. After all, if you’re an angel, you should know humans better than anypony else.”         Celestia sat there, her mind contemplating her sister’s and Felix’s words. Anxiety nipped at the back of her mind. She knew much about humans, and their ways of being liars that even rivaled the Beast himself. She also knew that they were capable of great acts of good. She sighed internally, she had taken her reprieve from her duties in Equestria for a reason, and humans were that reason. She really didn’t have the time for this either, tomorrow was the gathering of the the major noble houses of Equestrian Society and with Felix here it would only complicate things. Wait, the gathering... yes, that would be a good test indeed.         “Alright then, Mr. Jackson,” Celestia said, much to everyones surprise. “If you wish to prove it to me, there is an upcoming meeting of the nobility. If you can prove to me and to them the honor and merit of yourself and humanity, then I will be willing to let you loose beyond the castle.”         Felix was a little shocked, he didn’t expect her to change her tune so quickly. True most of what he said was straight out of his acting lessons... he wondered if she recognized that? If she did, it meant she was probably up to something. “What’s the catch?” he asked.         “If you fail, you will stay within these walls for the rest of your life.”         Luna was about to object to the outlandish stipulations, but Felix answered before she could.         “Deal,” he agreed with a smirk. Felix knew the odds were against him, but if being able to deal with the nobility would earn him some respect, then by joe he was going to do it.         “Hope you know what you’re getting into kid,” Harvey whispered to him. The reaper didn’t like it, he knew Celestia was playing this guy like a fiddle. Her emotions were all over the place, going from benevolance to anger at the drop of a hat, and even showing Felix her true form? Most normal men would go crazy after viewing that. And she used all of that emotional pressure to have Felix make a snap decision. Celestia always was the more devious of the two sisters. True, having Felix in one place would make his job easier, but he was not going to be stuck in this castle with... her, any time soon.         “Well then,” Luna said to them all, “I think it would be a grand idea to retire from all this doom and gloom for lunch wouldn’t you agree?” As if to agree with her, Felix and Harvey’s stomach rumbled in hunger. Luna chuckled at their response. “I shall take that as a yes. See you in the dining hall sister.” With that said, Luna teleported out of the room in a flash of blue light.         “I trust you can escort your charge to the dining hall Harvey,” Celestia said as she lifted back up the scroll she had previously been reading. Harvey turned and walked toward the doors out of the throne room, Felix following not too far behind. As they exited, Felix took one last look back at Celestia on the throne, before Harvey called to him and he rushed to catch up. Celestia set down the scroll and deeply sighed. Lunch was going to be an awkward affair. ---         “Well that was interesting,” said Felix as he followed Harvey through Canterlot Castle.         The reaper turned to him and snorted, “You’re lucky you caught her on one of her good days.”         “Then I would hate to see her bad side,” Felix gulped. Harvey only grunted in reply. “So, Harvey...” Felix drew out the last word, letting it roll on his tongue.         “Yes?” the annoyed reaper responded.         “You and Luna-”         “Yes, we WERE together, and that’s ALL I’m saying about it,” he spat.         “Touchy subject?”         “...Very.”         “Alright then...” Felix backed off. He decided to wait and crack open that Pandora’s box later. “So, do you think I have a chance?”         “Hrm?” grumbled Harvey.         “The challenge.”         “Ah,” said the reaper “No. You’re screwed. Royally.”         Felix smirked, “Oh what? Think I can’t handle a few prissy nobs?”         “There aren’t going to be only a few,” corrected Harvey, “she said all of Equestria, and last I remember there are a total of over 150 noble families all ranging in importance and power across the country.”         Felix’s face paled slightly, “Oh...”         “And lets not forget that their heads are so full of themselves they barely have two braincells to rub together,” Harvey added “Dealing with them is like paddling up a river with no paddle... and the river is made of razor blades.”         “Well, you’ll help me right?” Felix practically begged.         “I don’t think I’ll be much help,” the reaper said shrugging his shoulders. “I haven’t been a mortal in ages, I never bothered to read up on any of that etiquette crap.”         “Well fuck,” Felix groaned. “So, I’m boned then huh?”         “Unless you get a tutor before tomorrow you are,” Death laughed. “And it would take a miracle to find one that would take you on.” ---         “Spiiiike! Are were out of doughnuts again?” called Twilight the Princess of Friendship to her dragon assistant. Her head was within their refrigerator trying to find some sort of unhealthy, but oh-so-delicious snack food.         “We ran out yesterday when you pulled one of your all-night reading sessions.” deadpanned the dragon as he walked into the room with a scroll in hand. “By the way, this just came for you.”         Twilight closed the fridge door, grabbed the scroll with her magic, and began to read it. “Dearest Twilight Sparkle, The creature that you and your friend Fluttershy found within the Everfree has awaken- Oh my goodness! Spike, it woke up!”         “Color me shocked,” snarked Spike.         Twilight—ignoring his comment—continued to read, though not out loud. After she had finished, she quickly galloped to her room down the hall and grabbed a few items, shoving them into her saddlebags. Then running back into her library, she began to rapidly pull some books off the shelves and shove them within her bags as well.         “So, what does the letter say?” asked a confused Spike running alongside Twilight.         “I’m to report immediately to the castle; the Princess wants me to be one of the first to try and communicate with it!” she said exuberantly. “Eeeee, this is so exciting! First contact with an undiscovered species and ‘I’ get to be part of it!” She finished stuffing her bags to the brim with books and grabbed Spike with her magic. “And of course I’ll need my number one assistant as well,” Twilight said with a smile.         “Of course you do, you’d probably forget to lock the castle doors if I didn’t tell you,” ribbed Spike to Twilight as they left Twilight’s castle.         “Oh Spike, I am not THAT scatterbrained,” chuckled Twilight. Spike however raised his scaly eyebrow and looked back at the castle. He coughed, grabbing her attention, and pointed back to it. Twilight took only a second to realize what he meant, then sheepishly trotted back to the castle doors and locking them. Some snickering from her passenger earned him a glare.         “What? I didn’t say anything did I?” Spike said with an extremely innocent voice and a mischievous grin.         “Come on wise guy,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes before launching to the air and flying away towards Canterlot, “we got a creature to interview.”