My Little GLaDOS

by TheApexSovereign


Wait... Glados did WHAT!?

"The right man in the wrong place -can make all the difference- in the world." - The G-Man


   

How to survive the Everfree Forest
Written by Fluttershy
Edited by Angel Bunny

The Everfree Forest: A claustrophobic jungle full of bloodthirsty monsters, unusual weather, and ancient ruins that only the boldest or dumbest of Equestria would dare to traverse. Though the average traveler would find a town built right next to this perilous forest to be crazy, the denizens of either side keep to themselves, for the most part. If one would dare step inside the boundaries of the Everfree, they are placed in immediate danger. You might as well slather yourself in barbecue sauce.

To the naked eye, one would see that this is nothing more than a spooky woodland inhabited by strange, isolated creatures. But to the experts who are amicable with the land, they know the hidden creatures, the stalkers. From the treetops to underground, nowhere is safe in the Everfree.

Has the constant chirp of the crickets ceased? Don't be fooled, you've got a sasquatch on your tail. Gross, what happened to that poor goat? Keep on your toes, there's a chupacabra in the area. Eugh, what is that horrible smell? If you're in the Everfree, odds are that it's the raunchy odor of a krenshar's undead flesh. There is nothing in that forbidden jungle that would be willing to pass up a tasty meal. This guide has been written so you can keep your friends and families safe when camping in the Everfree Forest, if that's what you're doing. If not, then I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.

"Scootaloo? Are you sure about this?" Sweetie Belle asked nervously, trying to focus on levitating the guide before her.  The minty green glow shimmering around the book flickered, betraying the unicorn's still-budding magical talents.

The addressed filly looked over her shoulder, "Totally! We find the turtle, bring it back to Fluttershy, and BAM! Cutie marks!"

"Didn't we already try somethin' like this?" Apple Bloom pointed out, then the memory suddenly came back. "Yeah, we did! An' then a cockatrice attacked, an' Fluttershah’ saved us!"

The survival guide slammed shut, ensuing a smack that echoed throughout the encompassing trees. "Alright, this book is terrible," Sweetie stated, laboriously levitating the book into her saddlebag. "I'm sorry, but Fluttershy can't be an author."

"Why? What's wrong?" the pegasus filly asked rhetorically, putting much of her attention into trying to find Fluttershy's turtle.

"Well, it was more of a gradual thing. I mean, at the dragon's page the only words were ‘Stay away! Dangerous! Do not approach! Write to the Princess if you come across a dormant dragon!’" The other fillies laughed at Sweetie's over-exaggerated impersonation of Fluttershy. "So I was thinking, 'Okay, this is just Fluttershy being herself.' But as I got further into the book, at the Manticore page, it said 'show a little kindness.' What!?"

Scootaloo burst out with laughter, "Wh-What? Kindness!?" she said in disbelief, trying to catch her breath.

"That ain't nice, girls," the custard-colored earth pony scolded, staring at her immature friends with a shamed glare. "Y'know how Fluttershah is, an' maybe she's right."

The pegasus filly's laughter died out, followed by a cryptic remark, "Yeah, okay. Say we find a manticore. It's hungry, hasn't eaten in days, and lo and behold, it spots three supple, little fillies to snack on."

"Scootaloo! Quit it!" Sweetie ordered, her eyes nervously darting around the twisted, claw-like branches of the enclosing trees.

The sunset-shaded pegasus ignored her friend's pleas, "You walk up to it, Apple Bloom, just to see what happens. Show the hungry beast a little kindness." She shot the earth pony a dextrous grin. "Then... it... SNAPS!" With emphasis, she jumped up in a shameful way to get a scare out of her friends. While it reduced Sweetie Belle to screaming, Apple Bloom was unfazed by her friend's pitiful attempts at scaring her.

After being friends for two years, Apple Bloom grew resilient to Scootaloo's foalish scare tactics. But Sweetie Belle, on the other hand, quivered with fear. What the adolescent also learned was scolding Scootaloo is like questioning Pinkie Pie: It hurts your brain, and in the end, you realize you've wasted your time.

Instead, Apple Bloom smirked and counterclaimed with, "Ah think if we came across a starving manticore, it'd go for the chicken first."

Sweetie Belle giggled softly, whereas Scootaloo's face flushed angrily. "Whatever, you're no fun anymore!"

"Yeah, yeah. Grow up, Scoots. Anyway, who remembers the turtle's name?"

"Mary Shelly," Sweetie recalled.

Wanting to get a better view of the area, Scootaloo made a futile attempt at flying by jumping in the air and buzzing her callow wings. Growling at her failure, the flightless pegasus said, "Well, I guess we're doing this on hoof. Here, Mary! Here girl!" She turned and asked her friends, "What sounds do turtles make?"

"Um... clicking?" the motley-maned unicorn guessed. Her two friends shrugged in response and began clicking their mouths.

Unbeknownst to the naïve trio, their clicking attracted the attention of a dangerous predator within the Everfree Forest. Its pair of malice, red eyes locked on the group, razor-filled beak dripping saliva zestfully. Its massive airfoils flapped, slow at first but gradually faster. The surrounding area, its perch in the trees, swayed and rustled among the increasing gales. After gaining enough speed, the monster leaped from its hideout and took flight, keeping close tabs on this magnanimous brunch.


Why'd I agree to this? Glados glanced up at her clock, annoyed to find that it was almost noon. Two hours have gone by. Two hours of Ditzy relaying several stories about her... 'interesting' life in Ponyville. Though by 'interesting' Glados really meant ‘the faint urge to stab herself in the head with an ice pick’. It's not that she hated Ditzy. In fact, she found her to be one of the more tolerable residents of Ponyville.

'Tolerable' does not mean 'friend.' Glados would always assure herself, She's just a fascinating specimen to simply watch, like a turtle trying to roll off its back.

The problem with Ditzy Doo was, of course, her intelligence. Or lack thereof. She'd tell Glados the most bizarre of stories, trip over her own hooves, or simply just 'zone out' at random points in a conversation, like she had a legitimate condition.

When Glados asked Ditzy, jokingly of course, if she was dropped on her head as a baby, the wall-eyed pony nodded.

For the past three days, Glados has been holed up in her remote home in Ponyville, gladly taking up the nurse's advice on staying off her hooves for a few days in order to recover.

She got around her house via use of a temporary wheelchair. She hated the wheelchair. Many accidents occurred when going up and down the stairs to her science lab. Luckily, the chair's need would be obsolete tomorrow.

While the extended periods of time in peace have been nice, she always dreaded the morning, when Ditzy Doo would deliver her mail and randomly delve into a topic of local news in Ponyville. Because the mailbox was out of commission, the mail had to be delivered through the front door.

Why didn't Glados just not answer the door? Well, she never considered not answering the door. After decades of opening doors for test subjects, the whole gesture was kind of engraved into her brain.

"And so I said: 'Muffiiins.' And the next thing you know, I'm laying on the floor with my face in a bucket. Hilarious, right Bored?"

"GLaDOS." The earth pony said flatly, staring past Ditzy's head at the building blocks in the distance reprehensibly named 'Ponyville.'  

"What?"

"It's GLaDOS. I was pulling your leg earlier. I just wanted to see how long I could keep up the 'Bored' thing until you finally realized it's the dumbest and most unrealistic name ever, right up there with 'Twilight Sparkle.'" Waiting for a response, Glados crossed her bandaged hind legs, trying to get them into a more comfortable position.

After a brief moment of recollection, Ditzy said, "Oh," she laughed, "Well, I guess ya got me!" Her laugh trailed off awkwardly, realizing that her friend didn't find it quite as humorous. Ditzy's left eye, her good eye, glanced around absentmindedly. She whistled to herself, then twisted her hoof into the doorstep as if she was waiting for a train.

Seconds passed, then minutes. Glados propped her elbow on her lap, then rested her chin on her hoof. It was quite possibly the most awkward situation in Equestrian history. Out of the blue, Glados randomly asked, "Ditzy, why're you doing this?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" She cocked her head to the side, innocence displayed in the form of a curious smile.  

"You only talk to me. And don't lie, I know you do. Down the street, at the other three houses, you simply give the residents their mail and leave. But with me, you talk of the most asinine things that I honestly, truthfully, don't care about." Ditzy blinked, processing what Glados just said. "Care to elaborate?"

The ash-colored pony tapped her chin, taking her time to think up a rather weak excuse. "Well... uh, I like to learn about who I'm delivering mail to."

Glados sighed, brushing several locks of hair out of her eyes. "Alright. I would believe you if it weren't for two things. One: You've yet to actually ask a single thing about me. The only thing you've asked me is what my favorite muffin is."

"Yeah! It's banana! I remember! Did you like it?" The mailmare smiled, recalling the muffin she baked for Glados yesterday.

"Actually, it was very good, thanks. Makes me wonder if those 'cutie marks' actually even mean anything."

"Eh, it's hit or miss. You see, I got mine because I can blow a bubble that lasts three seconds longer than normal bubbles." She dropped her head for a brief moment, laughing at how ridiculous her 'special talent' was. "And look at me now! I'm a mailmare, I bake, and I'm a... a..." Her cheerful facade vanished, now adopting a sullen look. "And that's it." She mumbled just loud enough for the chair-ridden mare to hear.

Glados nodded, intrigued by this pony's story. "I see."

"Eeyup." Her expression never lifted, her good eye still gazing at her hooves.

Glados didn't even need to ask what was wrong. She could read Dizty like a book. Instead, she curtly said, "And second: It's Sunday. There is no mail on Sunday."

The pegasus knew she was caught. Her rock-filled mailbag wasn't fooling anybody. She'd have to come clean. "Um... I think I'm... gonna..." Ditzy's speech trailed off as her other eye, the 'derped' one, caught sight of two mares sprinting down the path from the Everfree. A filly on a scooter tailed them, with a wagon carrying some cargo hitched behind.

"Holy graham crackers!" Ditzy yelled, completely disregarding the fact that she was dead silent several moments ago. She then broke out into hysterical laughter. "Who knew Flutters could do that?"

"What? Do what?" Glados asked, slowly wheeling out the door. Her heart immediately dropped like a stone at the sight of what the wagon was carrying. Glados could feel her chest tighten and foreleg go numb as she saw the mares run up the path to her house, bringing the cargo-filled wagon even closer.

The other mare, Rarity, nearly pounced on the broken pony. Her pristine mane was now disheveled, mangled into cringe-worthy twists and locks. Uncharacteristically, she didn't even care about her appearance at the moment. "Glados! Oh, Oh thank Celestia you're here! I need your help!" With pleading, red eyes she looked back at Fluttershy and motioned her closer. "Bring them in, Fluttershy. Oh and, please do be careful."

The duo simultaneously shrilled, Ditzy in delight and Glados in horror. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF DARWIN IS THAT!?"

Fluttershy carried the wagon with a sob-shaken Apple Bloom and Scootaloo trailing behind. "Please! Please, let us explain!"

The wagon held two things: One of them was, of course, Sweetie Belle. Except she was a rock. Well, petrified to be exact. And behind her was quite possibly the most horrific thing Glados has ever seen in her entire sixty-eight year life span.

"Alright Glados, now don't scream, or you'll just agitate it even more." Fluttershy spoke very slowly, like she was talking to a small child.

"Too late." Right as Glados took in a deep breath to scream, Ditzy shoved a hoof in her mouth and shushed into her ear rather obnoxiously.

"Glados," Fluttershy began, carrying the wagon closer with Glados moving deeper into her house. "This is called a Cockatrice. But don't be afraid. It's not a regular, viscious, Everfree Cockatrice. It's a member of a sub-group. They're just simply a little..." Her glistening cyan eyes slowly trailed up the beast's figure. "...bigger."

The Cockatrice, or this 'cousin' of a Cockatrice, was unlike anything Glados has ever seen before. It was about as big as Princess Celestia, maybe a bit taller, with the build of a griffin; its hindquarters resembled a lion's with a pelt of midnight blue fur. It's forelegs, bound together by a lengthy lace of vine, resembled an eagle's or other related avian. The creature struggled against its bonds, evoking the vine to futilely dig into its taut, leather-esque wrists. The Cockatrice's massive, curved talons dug into its palms, drawing small trickles of blood. The creature's mighty eight-foot wingspan was bound together by a metal bar, clearly manipulated by magic.

The monster attempted to let out a screech, though it only came out as a muffled whine due to another vine wrapped around its tooth-filled beak. As an extra precaution, a piece of cloth blinded the beast. There was, of course, the notable feature shared between all Cockatrices: the pale violet comb and wattles. These fleshy appendages distinguishing the monster appeared to be lacerated and shredded, like it had been through many battles with other denizens of the Everfree Forest.

Of course, with Glados' already present fear of birds, she wasn't all too thrilled with having one presented to her like a Christmas present, let alone one that truly intends to kill. "Get that thing off my lawn! It's avian! Kill it! With fire! Poison it! I don't care!" The mare backed up into her house like there was no tomorrow, only to be stopped by Ditzy.

"It's fine, Glados. Really. It's tied up, see?"

"Hands off, birdbrain! Yes, indeed this monstrosity is tied up. I'm not blind," she shot back. "What I want to know, is why are you bringing a giant flesh-eating bird to my house!? Isn't this more of Twilight's thing?" Glados squirmed in her seat, knowing the monster was glaring at her through the fabric, like it sensed her very presence. I'm gonna enjoy dissecting you.

Fluttershy felt it was her duty to point out, "Actually, Cockatrices turn their victims to stone, then eat them. The minerals are healthy for their immune system." She closed her eyes and smiled brightly.

"Great. Thanks Steve Irwin. Now how about telling me why it's at my doorstep, tied up?"

Rarity levitated a handkerchief to her face and dabbed away the mascara running down her face. "I-It's Sweetie Belle. She's... She—"

"She's a rock," Glados pointed out, wanting to get the elephant out of the room.

Rarity sobbed loudly into her handkerchief, invoking Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to comfort her. "This's all our fault." The cowfilly wept into Rarity's foreleg.

"We should've never gone looking for that stupid turtle," the pegasus filly added, trying her best not to cry, to not seem weak.

"You know what that is?" Glados said to Scootaloo, who peered up with glossy, violet eyes. "That's failure's talk. Are you a failure?" The filly wiped her eyes and shook her head. "Good. There's no point in crying over every little failure. Then you end up looking like an American. Are you an American, orange baby horse?"

Scootaloo rose an inquisitive brow, and shook her head once more. "I don't even know what an 'American' is."

"You don't want to know. So what do you do if you fail? You try again. And again and again until you get it right." Glados smiled, knowing she just saved this world from having to support yet another belly-aching failure.

CRACK!

'Or maybe you feel good about showing a little kindness. You should do that more often.'

Glados blinked several times, even batting her ear a bit to make sure she didn't mishear. Um... I don't remember saying that.

"She's right, girls," Rarity said, her voice thick with emotion. "It isn't your fault. You had the best of intentions, and that's all that matters."

The wheelchair-bound pony couldn't pry her eyes away from the monster, just awaiting that fateful moment where it would lash out and slit her throat. With its mind. She knew how deadly birds could be; their craftiness was unparalleled.

Fluttershy stepped forward, away from the thrashing Cockatrice. "Please, try and understand, Glados. Sweetie Belle is Rarity's little sister, and she means the world to her." If Glados wasn't flinching every time the monster moved, she'd have her trademark 'uninterested look.' "I know you think it's scary, but alls it wants is to be left alone. Isn't that right little guy?" She gently pawed a hoof into the Cockatrice's side, resonating in a strangled scream.

Little guy? Okay, every pegasus seriously has something wrong with them. This thing looks like it wants to rip her throat out! Tear flesh from her bone, bathe in her blood... actually, that sounds pretty exciting. I wonder if I can get Ditzy to cut the bonds and set it loose on this town. And I'll finally have a use for my telescope. Speaking of bonds...

"How'd you get that thing here anyway?" she asked.

Fluttershy blushed, "Uh, well..."


The colossus raked its claw across the tree, creating four parallel indentations in the worn bark. The Cockatrice, enraged that it missed its target, let out a furious roar. Rarity held her ground, standing between her fossilized sister and a starving Cockatrice.

She pawed at the ground, the creature mimicking the motion, and charged. Right as they were about to collide, Fluttershy jumped in the way, halting the two. "WAIT!"

"Fluttershy?" her friend whispered, watching her turn towards the growling Cockatrice. Saliva dribbled down its hungry beak.

The caretaker drew closer, keeping her eyes shut to negate its petrifying spell. The Cockatrice in turn bared its jagged, yellow teeth. The timid, yellow pony decided to use the same technique she used on the manticore, where she gently nuzzled its leg.

The monster growled louder, though Fluttershy remained vigilant. "Shh, it's okay." The monster rose a claw, balling it up into a fist. "Now I don't want to go and tell your mother on you." The feathered beast still held its fist in the air, pausing to release a guttural roar. The sheer force behind its scream bedraggled Fluttershy's mane. Almost gagging on its sour breath, she lightly chuckled and said, "You're no monster, are you?" The Cockatrice pleasantly responded by throwing its fist into her stomach, sending her flying back several feet and slamming into a tree.

Almost hacking up a lung, Fluttershy managed to choke out, "Ugh... you... you BUCKER!" She let out a wheezed cough, "Rarity! Help!”


"... And then we fought. Rarity got the idea to use a part from the wagon, and now we're here." Fluttershy stared at the ground, ashamed for losing her temper with another animal. "I just feel awful..."

After hearing that entire story, the only thing Glados found to be 'out of place' was, "Wow, you threatened to tell its mother? What a stud."

"Actually, Moth Men are terrified of their parents."

"Please, Fluttershy," Glados said, rubbing her forehead. "For all our sake, stop talking."

The buttercream pegasus shied away as well as protectively lifting a hoof. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you should be. Well," Glados gave Rarity a cruel smirk and said, "Good luck with your sister."

"You're not going to consider helping?" she chastised.

Half-lidded, Glados replied with a blatant, "I'm a scientist, not a biologist. There's a difference, like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal. You want my advice for your rock-kin? Get a hammer." Rarity gasped in shock at the mare's crass solution. "Thanks for stopping by. It's been fun. Don't come back."

Right as she was about to close the door, Rarity stuck a hoof in the path of the door, stopping it. "Please Glados, you have to help me. I'll make it worth your while!"

"Send me home." Glados said, knowing this was well-beyond Rarity's ability but enjoyed the emotional deterioration it inflicted.

Unfortunately, the fashionista kept a level head, "You know I can't do that. Just, please, hear me out."

"Harassment and disturbing the peace. Tsk tsk tsk, I'm adding that to your file." Glados opened the door a little and slammed it onto Rarity's hoof, causing her to cry out.

"Glados!" Fluttershy barked, "You don't do that!"

"You horrid brute!" Rarity cried, rubbing her swollen ankle.

"You disease of society!"

Before Glados could shut the door, Ditzy placed a rock in the way. "Glados, help her!" she yelled apprehensively.

The science mare peeked out through the crack of the door. "I'm not letting a giant, flesh-hungry monster into my house! Why can't you just bring it into Ponytown?" she demanded.

Another voice, Fluttershy's, spoke with uncharacteristic bitterness, "I can't bring a Cockatrice into Ponyville because it would cause a panic, and the critters at my house are scared stiff of anything from the Everfree." A moment of silence passed. "We're not even going to bring it into your house. We just need to leave it on your front lawn and get Twilight. Maybe she can cast a spell to persuade the Cockatrice. Please Glados, it's not much. I'll pay you!"

Glados rubbed her chin, squinting into the darkness of her home. Hmm... Well, the monster is tied up, I'll get paid generously, and... and... Her eyes lit up as a sudden realization came forth. And I have an idea. For science. But I need to prepare.

Trying not to appear gratified, Glados opened the door and said to the five equines, "Fine, I'll help. But, and I know this'll be quite a challenge with Rarity's plump posterior, but do hurry."

Rarity blinked several times, processing what Glados just said. "Are you calling me fat!?"

"No, plump. There's a difference," she assured her.

Rarity looked as if she was about to say something but knew it would be pointless. She turned, hiding her flushed face and said, "Come on, girls, let's get Twilight and the others."

The mares and fillies ran off, leaving a cloud of swirling dust in their wake.

"That should keep 'em busy for a while," Glados said, then turning to Ditzy. "I need you to do something very important for me, okay?"

The pegasus did a double take, making sure she heard correctly. "You're... You're asking for my help? Oh, what is it what is it what is it!? I won't let you down, Glados, I promise!" She dropped to her knees, wrapping her forehooves around the smaller wheels of the chair.

I admire her enthusiasm. Though I find it a little... distressing. I hope I'm making the right decision here. "Okay," Glados started warily, "I want you to head into town. Find and locate Vinyl Scratch. Once you achieve that, bring her back here. I'll explain the rest once your current objective is complete."

"Okay!" she said enthusiastically, taking flight, ready to take on the world. "But why Vinyl?"

It took a short period of time for Glados to come up with an answer. When she did, it wasn't a very good one. "She's the only other equine I've talked to."

"Righto! I'll be back in a flash!" Ditzy dashed off in a blur of grey and yellow, becoming no more than a small dot within seconds.

She flew right over Ponytown... Ugh, I think I gave her too much credit. Glados' gaze fixated on the struggling Cockatrice, then Sweetie Belle. She was frozen in time, eyes calm, yet widened in surprise.

"You and I," Glados spoke to the Cockatrice, who turned in her direction, "We're going to be lab partners. I'm going to give your life purpose, meaning. For science." The creature thrashed in the wagon, as if responding to Glados' words and understanding what she meant. That sounded a lot better in my head.

Glados wheeled towards the wagon and grabbed the still-attached scooter. She held it in one hoof as the other worked the tires.

Backing into the house, with the low doorway hitting the Cockatrice in the head, Glados felt her grim smirk grow even wider. Like I said before, I'll enjoy dissecting you.


Ditzy Doo bucked open the front doors and bolted into the store, bobbing and weaving through the aisles whilst screaming, "Vinyl! Hey Vinyl!"

The disk jockey was found stationed at the front counter, wearing a set of oversized headphones. Either she was completely ignoring Ditzy, or her music was too loud, but she just continued bobbing her head to the beat of the song.

"Vinyl Scratch!" the worn pegasus called again. Instead, Vinyl turned and motioned her front hooves as if she was playing a set of drums.

"Are you doing this on purpose?" No answer. Ditzy took a deep breath of air just as Vinyl's song ended and she took off her headphones. "VINYL SCRATCH!"

Disturbingly enough, the unicorn seemed quite unaffected by Ditzy's outburst, which was three inches away from her ear. Rather, she looked pleasantly surprised to see anypony, let alone Ditzy, entering her store. "Ditzy! I haven't seen ya in ages!" Her greeting smile slowly diminished. "Kid," she sighed, "You know your butt's not allowed within ten feet of my store. Not after what happened last time."

"You mean this morning?"

"Exactly. So," Vinyl propped her elbow on the counter, shooting her old friend a devious smirk. "What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

Ditzy, still a little worn out from her needlessly long flight, breathlessly explained, "Glados... she... she needs your help." She paused, then added, "How'd I not hurt your ears?"

The D.J. grinned, taking off her sunglasses and setting them on the counter. She whipped her heedlessly-cut mane to the side and said, "Tch, I've been goin' deaf since I was like, what, five? Eh, forgot. So, why stop now?" She grinned, looking off to the side for a moment. "Anyway, you said Gladis? That crazy pony who just moved 'ere? Count me in! Hey, do ya mind if Octi comes along? I think she's gettin' a little pissy, stayin' indoors and all that."

The wall-eyed pegasus shrugged, "Sure, the more the merrier!"

At the mention of her name, Octavia sauntered in from the back room. Her eyes were bagged, like she hadn't slept in days. "Ugh, what? Where do you want me?" The musician's violet eyes struggled to remain open.

"My friend, Glados, needs our help! A Cockatrice froze Rarity's little sister and I think she's gonna fix it! She said she wants our help, and that it's super important." Ditzy leaped into the air, using the propulsion of her wings, and clapped her hooves together enthusiastically. "We'd be heroes!"

The musician rubbed her eyes, intrigued by this proposition. "Glados? The new pony with a dash of good sense? Very well. I can spare the time."

Octavia looked down, and sullenly added, "Not like I got anything better to do. Besides," she said more optimistically, "Vinyl is like a parasprite."

She shot a nasty glare at her immature cousin, "Uncle Fancypants actually gave me instructions. Instructions! On taking care of a full-grown mare! Can you believe it?" Vinyl Scratch pounded her chest, letting out an obnoxious belch. Octavia groaned, "Eugh, you're such a foal."

"And proud of it! Come on, ladies! We're burnin' daylight!" Vinyl vaulted over the counter and leaped past Ditzy, who awed in amazement at the unicorn's surprising athletic skills.

The trio bolted out of Scratch's Vinyl Emporium, making a beeline for Glados' house.


Glados set Sweetie Belle on the coffee table. She placed the chestpiece of a stethoscope on the filly's cold, stone chest, occasionally sliding across its coarse surface. No heartbeat. Not even a pulse. Interesting. She scribbled some notes on a notepad, then removed the stethoscope.

Glados gently placed a hoof on Sweetie's forehead, then flipped it over. Not even warm. Fascinating. I guess this giant chicken really does turn you to stone. Glados tapped her chin with the pen, then wrote another observation. If there's no pulse, then how does the equine not lose brain cells?

She peered over her shoulder at the groggy Cockatrice lying on her kitchen table like a big, feathery mattress. The beast was sterilized through an injection of crushed fire flowers and poisonous moondrops. It's amazing what you can find in your backyard. At least I was able to test something yesterday, even though it was high school science level of research. But this... She smiled with glee at the multitude of tests and experiments this creature could bring forth. This is what I live for.

Glados really didn't want to make a mess in her kitchen, but there was no way in Hell she'd be able to carry that thing upstairs to her science lab in a wheelchair. So instead, she shot a portal upstairs and placed the other beside her makeshift workstation.

The mare rushed to the table, knowing she had little time before Twilight and her friends would return and shut this whole experiment down. On the counter behind her was an old copy of 'How to Survive the Everfree' with the book opened up to an entry on Cockatrices.

I'm gonna smack whoever wrote this. Glados told herself scornfully, wishing the author's name wasn't faded out on the cover, Seriously. This thing has NO viable information on the actual monsters, just how to avoid them and ways to 'show kindness.' This thing'll get you killed faster than you could dive into a vat of corrosive acid.

Glados rolled over to the other side of the table, pinning one of the Cockatrice's jostling legs to check if— "Eeyup. You're a male." She snuck in another peek between the monster's legs, degrading the poor thing even further. "And a rather unimpressive one at that." She scribbled a speculated measurement then looked back at the blindfolded creature who had slipped into unconsciousness. It didn't even register what Glados had said.

The scientist narrowed her eyes at the unresponsive test subject. "I prefer it when my test subjects can actually understand what I'm saying." She shrugged, "Eh, at least I'm back to doing what I love..." She picked up a bonesaw and placed a doctor's mask over her muzzle, "So, let's see what makes you tick, my disgusting, feathered friend."

The instant Glados started carving into the Cockatrice like a Thanksgiving turkey, it immediately reacted via screaming and kicking. The mare pressed a foreleg on its wings while the other continued sawing. Ugh, it's like sawing through a hippopotamus. I think. The Cockatrice's skin had the consistency and durability of leather, which was appropriate, but that just made the whole process all the more difficult. No, it's like sawing through a sofa with a spoon.

Eventually, the Cockatrice was in enough pain to snap open its once-secured beak and let out a bloodcurdling scream, snapping the vine like dental floss. Glados had to throw herself onto the beast, from her chair, to prevent it from escaping. I'd nuke a country just to get some restraints for this damned thing.

By the time she was halfway down its chest, with blood spurting from every thrust of the saw, the Cockatrice opened its jaws wide enough to swallow a bowling ball. But no scream was unleashed. Instead, a strange mist-like gas seeped from its throat. Whatever the mist made contact with, in this case the kitchen wallpaper, instantly turned to stone. The creature's aim was sporadic, trying to hit Glados while creating stone zigzags on her kitchen wall.

She reacted quickly enough to slam her wrist into the beast's throat, causing it to choke. Just-a little-MORE! Glados arm began to tire, making her loathe her organic vessel even more.

Am I almost done? Glados was so busy trying not to turn into a lawn ornament that she wasn't really focusing on the cutting. She realized the bonesaw was only halfway through the stomach. Glados' eye twitched, not realizing that the Cockatrice was getting ready to blast another round of its petrifying mist.

Glados noticed this and nearly lost her mind. "Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING ME!" She threw one hind leg over the Cockatrice's belly so that she was face to face with the beast. Glados grasped the bonesaw in both hooves and held it over her head, letting out a defying scream just as the avian emitted its gas-like spell. The mare jammed the bonesaw down the beasts throat, resonating in several repulsive gurgles from the beast's gullet.

Glados twisted the saw, then tore it from the Cockatrice's esophagus and painted her wall a new coat of scarlet in the process. The monster let out a final twitch in its claws, then went limp; Glados angrily chucked the splattered medical tool into the sink.

Now, Glados is a being of patience. She's cold, calculating. Always judging test subjects from afar, but never afraid to take physical action in an experiment when necessary. The difference between that and now is that she was once a powerful, inde—no, near-indestructible machine armed to the teeth with legions of loyal turrets, her wits, and a yacht of neurotoxin. Here? She's a powerless organic, as an equine no less, armed with only her wit-turned sheer stupidity, intelligence that doesn't really help in a world run by magic, and, of course, brute strength. And she has the durability of a china cabinet.

So it makes sense that after this tiresome battle won with her weakest skills, Glados lazily slumped back into her blood-sopped wheelchair, ripped off her soaked doctor's mask, placed a hoof over her aching elbow, and shouted into the heavens, "By great Aristotle's BEARD that was awful!" She panted heavily, already penitent of her extraneous outburst. This place really is changing me... and I can't fight it.

"Ugh... I feel like scum." She eyed her blood-caked body, growing nauseous at the raunchy odor of the beast's innards. "Eugh, so this is what an organic smells like? Dear lord ALMIGHTY! Open a window!"

Glados cycled to the window stationed above the sink and pushed it open, allowing the room to fume out. She took a brief moment of respite, disconcerted with how different testing was when you're no longer an all-powerful supercomputer. What used to be...

That was the life.

No, Glados thought with certainty. I'm not letting this place change me. I'm finishing this experiment! Even if it kills me. Hopefully.

She took the book off the counter, not even caring that her bloodstained hooves were marking the pages. I'm sure Twilight won't mind. This is for science, after all. She'd understand.

"Alright, let's see if the next page has any real information on this creature's biology." Glados flipped the page and skimmed through the warnings on Cockatrices. Most of them were just how to avoid them, or how to know you're being followed. Basic stuff. But what caught her eye was the last warning, written in bold red.

'WARNING: Killing a Cockatrice will leave its prior victims petrified forever!'

Glados' placid facet slunk into a frown. My wall! And... oh God. She whipped her head up and looked at Sweetie Belle, still frozen, still as a statue. "Uh-oh." There was a knock at the door. "Oh crap." There was another knock, this time more urgently.

Alright, let's weigh in the pros and cons. First the cons. I'm covered in blood, the disease's sister is going to be shovel coal the rest of her life, and I've got a rank behemoth draining its life essence and... ugh, other fluids onto my kitchen floor. The pros... um, I've made viable research on one of the area's inhabited creatures. That's worth not getting my head chopped off, right? Right!?... Ugh, I'm so dead. Glados' paranoia and fear grew tenfold as she stiffly cycled towards the front door. A trail of blood from her chair to the kitchen followed, making this whole situation seem worse than it already is.

Glados slowly turned the knob, knowing these ponies would probably serve her up on a silver platter just for having the best of intentions. Well, in her eyes they were the best of intentions. Well, I've had a good run. Well, it WAS a good run until Chell came along and screwed everything up.

She came to a relieved surprise to find, not Twilight and Rarity at the door, but instead Ditzy, Vinyl Scratch, and... and... "And who are you?" She rose an inquisitive brow at the asphalt-colored earth pony.

"I'm Octavia, remember? At the store?" Glados narrowed eyes widened in realization as she silently said 'Oh yeah' to herself. "Why are you covered in blood?" The former Canterloin cringed at the red and white earth pony, but wasn't as 'prissy' as Rarity was about a little filth.

"I'm a candy cane. Can't you tell?" she replied sarcastically. Vinyl and Ditzy shared a small chuckle whereas Octavia rolled her eyes. "Alright," Glados continued, "No time to explain. It's Cockatrice blood. Long story, I need time. As in, a lot of time. I promise, I'll make it worth your while if you help me." She spoke fairly concisely, very urgently.

Vinyl, not really sensing the seriousness of the situation, casually replied with, "Sure, jus' spill it."

"Okay," Glados said in a secretive tone, ushering the mares to lean in a little closer. "I need you three to stand watch out here. No one gets in. I don't care how you handle this. Tea party, kill 'em, I don't care. Just don't let anyone get in. Understand?" The three ponies nodded hesitantly. Vinyl slowly reached behind her and pulled out a novelty buzz saw imprinted with record decals. Octavia narrowed her eyes and smacked it into the bushes.

"Good, any questions?" Three hooves shot into the air. "Okay, I'll just go out on a limb here. Yes, this is legal. No, I'm not a candy cane. Yes, you can be one too if you'd like, just not right now." The trio lowered their hooves, expressing looks of both relief and eager.

Glados continued, "Alright. Just do your job, and you will be rewarded. Fail," she adopted a darker tone, "And... well, there's nothing I can do. If you fail, I die."

The ponies stared at her, dumbfounded. "What're you talking about, Glados!? What do you mean die!?" Ditzy cried, "What about us!?" She buzzed towards Glados and grabbed her by her shoulders, almost lifting her off the ground.

"Ugh, why can't you things take a hint of sarcasm!?" Glados tossed her head back, groaning into the cloud-filled sky. Smiling sheepishly, Ditzy carefully lowered the science pony into her chair. "Seriously, stop being so dense. I'm not getting killed and neither are you! Well, that's a lie. Sort of." These three, these... misfits are clearly unfit for society. Well, except the octave one. She's okay. But still, it's an easy job! All you need is a block and an ax. Basket is optional if you don't care about a mess.

"Don't worry, dear." Octavia assured her, "We won't let you down. I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done." she paused, then quickly added, "And I care not for any specific reward. Knowing I'm finally making myself useful is reward enough."

"Very well." Glados turned to the other two, who were engaged in a losing battle of 'rock, paper, scissors.'

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot." Vinyl droned as she and Ditzy pumped their hooves in rhythm. "Shoot, tie again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! And it's a tie again!"

"It's always tie. We don't have fingers." the pegasus pointed out very profoundly.

"One more time!" the D.J. begged, like her life was on the line. "Rock, paper, scissors-"

"You're an idiot, Vinyl!" Ditzy proclaimed, throwing her hooves into the air.

Octavia couldn't help but burst out laughing. Teasingly she asked, "Burned by Ditzy. How do you feel, cousin?"

"Enough!" Glados barked, her eyes scanning the road for any signs of Twilight and her friends. "Enough of your incessant bickering! I need to concentrate, so just do your job!"

Ditzy and Vinyl ceased their arguing in an instant and immediately fell in line like soldiers at a boot camp. Octavia, still grasping what little dignity she had left, stayed where she was positioned and dutifully held her nose high.

Glados turned and slammed the door behind her, returning to her little 'project.' Oh well. They're a moronic bunch but, hey, they're faithful. The same can't be said about... other companions.


Alright, I'm not gonna lie here. The odds of me fixing this are about a trillion to four, and that was some rather generous rounding on my part. But if I know biology, which is as basic as it gets, I know the important thing to do would be... would be...

Glados smacked herself in the forehead, trying to formulate a plan, a cure to fix this. Come on. Think! There's a cure for everything, right? Except the plague. Sometimes you'll have to follow it back to its roots. Except the plague. But still, for everything else there's always a cure from its source. That's basic logic 101. Her gaze swapped from the tray of medical tools to the gored remains of the Cockatrice. Ugh, I'll have to dig deeper into this thing. Great. Hopefully I don't catch a disease. Or if I do, it's hopefully one that plagues the town.

Glados reluctantly picked up the bonesaw, its crimson handle almost slipping from her grip. Once again, she began slicing through the bird's lacerated gullet. For the first time in her life, Glados didn't even want to look at what she was doing. Every artery snapped; every squish and squash of metal grinding against flesh was just nails on a chalkboard. Not to mention the nauseating smell. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing.

Throughout this whole experiment, Glados repeatedly muttered to herself, "It's just for science. Come on, you can do this. You're doing these morons a favor."

She couldn't help but periodically glance up at the door. I shouldn't have trusted those morons with such a crucial assignment. I just shouldn't! I'm a mockery of science itself!

Glados furiously pounded her hooves into the beast's open stomach, sobbing into its dark pigmented feathers.

CRACK!

'You call yourself a scientist? Get the hell outta here!'

'You'll never amount to anything. Get out of my sight!'

'So, what makes you eligible of joining Aperture Innovations miss... Car---ine?'

Glados picked her head up and angrily wiped her eyes. What was that!? What's wrong with me!? No, a better question would be: Who was that? I didn't catch a name. Her gaze darted around the room, at the dissected Cockatrice, at the medical tools, at Sweetie Belle.

Well, whoever that was must've been a terrible scientist. Smiling with confidence, she grabbed a scalpel from the medical tray and began making an incision around the beast's uncovered eyes. And I'm not like her. I don't give up that easily.


In the short time Glados returned to her work, her three 'bodyguards' were confronted by a group of very bewildered ponies. Twilight Sparkle, accompanied by Rarity, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy came bolting down the path.

Equestria's fastest flier ran into a jump, then flown up the hill. She didn't even stop to acknowledge the three mares standing guard, determined to stop Glados from any insane plan she has for Sweetie Belle. Right as Rainbow was about to breach the door, there was a violent tug at her tail, and she tumbled to the ground.

Vinyl's horn dispelled its dark red glow just as Octavia helped the downed pegasus up. Rainbow jerked away from the earth pony's gesture and said, "Hey, what's the big idea!? What the hay are you doing!?"

"Hey, no one gets in! Not until Glados says so!" Ditzy stood on her hind legs with her forelegs outstretched, shielding the door with her body.

Rainbow smacked herself in the forehead, "Ugh, you've gotta be kidding me."

"Trust me," Vinyl started, walking up beside Ditzy and standing on her hind legs as well. "If this was a joke, I'd be laughing. We ain't movin'."

The rest of the group caught up to Rainbow just as she was about to explain, "Come on, girls! Glados is dangerous! You're really letting her hold Rarity's sister hostage?"

"She's helpin' her!" Vinyl snapped, breaking her laid-back demeanor. "I don’t' expect you to understand, Rainbow. You've always been the one with a mouth bigger than her brain."

"You wanna say that to my face?" the pegasus spat, taking a fighting stance in the air.

"She just did," Ditzy countered flatly, now sitting on her flank with an innocent smile on her face.

"What's going on here?" Twilight asked intrusively.

Rainbow landed beside her friends and said, "They're not letting us get to Glados! She has Sweetie Belle in there!"

"My little sister!" Rarity cried, pushing through the group and confronting the trio. "Please, girls! I have to see my sister! Ditzy, please, you had a daughter! You should understand!" Rarity covered her mouth, immediately regretting her words.

Ditzy bared her teeth like a savage and slammed her flank into the unicorn's side, knocking her into the rest of the group like bowling pins. "How dare you bring my little muffin into this!"

The faded grey pony would've torn her apart if Vinyl Scratch didn't encase her in a restricting, red glow. "Chillax, D.D.! This isn't how it should go down!"

Octavia stepped forward, getting ready to assist the downed ponies. "Yes, I do believe we should try and be civil about—"

Just when things couldn't get any worse, Pinkie Pie squeezed from the bottom of the pile in a random burst of confetti. "Yeah! Woo-hoo! Let's do that again!"

The once well-mannered Octavia was gone now. She practically went berserk at this point. "You..."

"Yup! Me!" the party pony yipped, unaware of the imminent danger she was in.

Octavia took an angry step forward, "You unrepentant, uncouth pile of-!"


-Primary organs seem to be in the right place.

-Main stomach full of smooth grindstones. These 'grindstones' are very fragile, and inside is a sort of green paste that may contain healthy nutrients. Refusal to confirm this.

-Secondary stomach attached to main stomach and heart. Release of 'petrifying mist' upon incision.

-The heart seems to pump the needed energy while grindstones in primary stomach conjure up the mist. Then it leaves the mouth, freezes target, and the cycle repeats.

As Glados continued making observations, she heard a disturbance outside. Oh no, they're here. What am I gonna—NO! You are to remain calm and finish this test like a scientist, not like a coward crying in her room. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the eyes.

Along with the other organs splayed out on the table, with flies buzzing around the aroma, the Cockatrice's eyes were lined up before Glados, looking away from her of course. What struck the knowledge-hungry mare as peculiar was how the eyes seemed to not affect inanimate objects. I should write that down.

-Eyes affects only organics. Mist affects both and probably takes up a lot of energy, and used only as a last resort.

Glados took her scalpel and made a gentle slice through each eye down the middle. The layouts of these wondrous trinkets were probably the most complex part of the Cockatrice's anatomy.

Glados couldn't stop smiling. I think I'm getting somewhere with this. About time. But first, she looked at the small, blueberry-sized orbs sitting on the tray. I need my microscope.


"Whoa! What'd I do?" Pinkie cried out defensively, hurt and confused at the enraged mare before her.

"What did you do? What did you do!? You ruined my life, that's what!" Octavia had a murderous look in her eyes. She probably would've gone through with it too if Vinyl and Ditzy had not restrained her.

Rainbow Dash wrapped a protective foreleg around the sniveling pony and said, "Your cousin's crazy, Vinyl. Pinkie would never do something like that."

"Hey, don't call my family crazy!" the addressed mare fumed.

"She destroyed my career!" Octavia screamed. Hot, angry tears slid down her face. "Play the Pony Pokey! It'll be fun'," she squealed, mocking Pinkie voice. "I had no choice, because I'd get fired for not fulfilling the wishes of 'a friend of Celestia's student’. So, I was fired for doing my job. Thanks a lot!" Octavia broke down crying while Pinkie walked behind her friends with a heavy heart.

Fluttershy briskly flew past her friends and calmly rubbed Octavia's shoulder, gently hushing her. "Shh, it's okay."

The musician pushed Fluttershy away, causing her to cower back to her friends. "Don't 'shush' me! You're just as guilty as she is for ruining the Gala!"

Twilight’s face brightened up as she said, "Oh yeah! Now I remember!"

"Yeah, forgot about that, didn't you?" Octavia growled. "While you and your fat friends were munching donuts with her royal highness, those 'boring ponies' were panicking, hiding under tables, trying to avoid getting mauled by those stupid animals. And by the way, where the hay was the guard on duty?"

"I'm sorry," Fluttershy whispered, "I didn't mean to—"

"Yeah, it's all okay Flutter-cry," the distraught earth pony shot, her hair growing increasingly ragged the more she ranted. "You ruined the most important night of the year! But that's okay, because you had 'good intentions.'"

"Hey, leave her alone!" Rainbow spoke with her trademark tenacity, landing between her friends and Octavia with an intimidating slam. "What makes you so great? What—"

"No no NO! What makes YOU so great!? Pestering the Wonderbolts like an obsessed fan-filly? Get a life, Rainbow Dash. And stop chasing a school-filly's dream of joining them. Maybe if you didn't crash all the time, they'd let you tryout."

"No, they give you an invitation to tryouts!" The hotheaded pegasus seethed, feeling tears prickling in the back of her eyes.

Octavia whipped her head back and laughed maniacally. On the sidelines, Vinyl and Ditzy shared a bucket of popcorn while spectating the entertainment.

"I love a good drama..." the wall-eyed pony muttered wistfully, engrossed by the events playing out.

Vinyl respectfully disagreed, "Eh, I'm more into action flicks. Can't wait for the new 'Transformares' this summer."

Octavia paced back and forth, keeping her crazed eyes on the group of friends. Each one of them displayed mixed faces of hostility and sadness. "Now I have to live HERE! With Vinyl blasting her wub-wub crap all damn day, and I get a job flipping veggie burgers at Cecil's bucking Bar and Grill! Yeah, that's just the life I want!"

With a quivering lip, Twilight softly said to the broken-down pony, "I'm sorry miss—"

"Octavia! I'm bloody OCTAVIA! Former first chair cellist for the Royal Canterlot Symphony!"

"I'm sorry," the studious mare said heavy-hearted, "I'm sorry about all of this. But we can help, really!"

"Would you stop screaming?" an all-to-familiar entity quipped from behind Octavia, "I bet if I was in space I'd still be able to hear your little sob story."

The eight ponies slowly shifted their gaze to a familiar, blood-coated mare sitting in an equally slop-covered wheelchair with a white little filly resting on her lap, eating a cookie.

"Oh, and by the way, hear that? It's the world's smallest violin."

Like a switch, Octavia instantly snapped back into her high class demeanor. Even her hair magically combed itself in place, giving her mane its primp and proper appearance once more.

"Hi Rarity! Glados gave me a cookie!" Sweetie happily nibbled on her treat as Rarity galloped over and swept her off Glados' lap.

"Oh, Sweetie Belle!" Rarity cried into her sister's curled mane, "You're okay!"

"Of course I am!" the filly claimed, just as her sibling began checking her body for

anything out of the ordinary. "Glados saved me! She's so cool, I think I wanna be a scientist when I grow up!"

"Excellent." Glados spoke up, "You may have a bright future ahead of you yet." Eight mares stared at Glados, baffled.

Twilight was beyond speechless. Instead of rejoicing, she was utterly appalled. "Wh-What!? Why're you covered in blood!? What happened!?" Fluttershy lost consciousness at the very sight.

Glados dramatically looked up into the sky and whispered, "Science."

"No, I mean it." the unicorn demanded sternly, "What. Happened."

Instead of answering a fool's question, Glados backed up into her house and retrieved a fairly hefty packet. She lazily tossed it to Twilight, who caught it with her magic. "These are viable notes on the biology, psychology, and behaviors of Cockatrices. Well, this sub group at least."

Jaw-dropped, Twilight flipped through the packet as Glados continued. "It's a whole ten page report on the creature, including diagrams of its insides and how its powers of petrifaction work. Basically, I did ten years of research in just under an hour. Sloppy, to say the least."

The unicorn's friends were now leaning over her shoulder, their eyes growing comically wider as they delved deeper into the packet. "Glados," Twilight breathed, "You've just made a... a huge breakthrough! F-For all of ponykind! This is invaluable information! I've gotta send this to the Princess!"

“Wait, I don’t get it,” Rainbow inquired. “If that’s.... what I think it is.” She pointed a quivering hoof at Glados’ blood-encrusted form. “Then how’d you turn Sweetie Belle back to normal?”

        “It’s quite simple, really.” the seated pony explained, “The gas found in its secondary stomach is flammable at higher temperatures—”

        “So that’s how Fire Cockatrices are made?” Twilight asked eagerly, though backed down when everyone began to stare.

        “Anyway, I had an idea. I sliced open the Cockatrice’s eyes, and found these sort of ‘contact lenses’ that serve as amplifiers for its stare. While conducting this, I found out the eyes are still in effect, even after death. Anyone want a free squirrel statue?”

Fluttershy, who just regained consciousness was out cold once more.

“But how?” Glados asked rhetorically, “They’re not connected to the brain. Thus, the Cockatrice is actually blind, and it travels via a heightened senses of smell and hearing, making this disability near obsolete. Anyway, I crushed the lenses into a fine paste and mixed it with the substance found within the stomach’s grindstones. So, I guessed that the two petrifying mixtures would cause both effects to cancel out, and extreme heat would create a new element altogether.”  

“That makes no sense!” Rainbow yelled, bewildered.

“Honestly, I was just throwing science at the wall with this one. Some part of my brain told me this would work. Anyway I heated the mixture up, rubbed it on the statue’s surface, prayed to science that this would work, and viola! The baby equine is no longer fit for shovel coal. Have fun freezing this winter.”

Rarity, ignoring Glados’ vulgar comment, approached her with gratifaction. Sweetie Belle was curled up in a ball on her back, snoring softly. "Glados, I... I wanted to thank you for saving my sister. You put your life at risk to save hers." Glados fought every instinct to say that it was just for science.

"And don't tell Twilight I said this," she whispered surreptitiously, "But I think she had no idea how to fix this." Rarity lightly chuckled, then slipped back into a friendly, but serious tone, "But really, I'd like to make it up to you sometime." The science mare gave a single nod in recognition. "And don't think I forgot about my poor hoof!” she hissed.

Glados blinked slowly, unthreatened by Rarity's hollow threats. Honestly, she was exhausted, dirty, and sore in at least three different places.

"And clean yourself up!" the fashionista snapped before walking off, returning to the Boutique after saying her goodbyes to her friends.

Rainbow flew up to Glados and playfully punched her in the shoulder, “Y’know, you’re alright, Glados. You’re not the insane, cold-hearted pony I thought you were.”

        “That’s an understatement.” she muttered beyond the winged pony’s range of hearing.

        “Well, that’s all I gotta say. Catch ya’ later! Come on, Ditzy.” She motioned to the cross-eyed pegasus, who joined her in the air. “We gotta clear the clouds before Mr.Stratosphere fires us.”

        “Uh... okay?” Ditzy didn’t question Rainbow’s ambitions, even though she had full knowledge that Ditzy was a mailmare, not a weather pony. “See ya later, Glados!” she called before taking off with the sky-blue pegasi.

Now was the time for Octavia to step up. "Pinkie Pie?"

The addressed pony kept her distance from the group during this conversation. She slowly turned with a sniffle, wanting to be eschewed from this pony's life more than she already is.

Octavia took a deep breath and spoke in a quick, paced, manner. "Neither you nor your friends ruined the Gala. Even the snootiest of Canterloins found it to be quite the show. You did not ruin my life; my boss actually loves the Pony Pokey. I do not actually live in Ponyville, but I am just staying with Vinyl because my house is being fumigated, and no, I do not hate you or your friends. I barely even know you." She broke into a panting mess after such a long-winded explanation.

Pinkie Pie's face broke into a wide smile; her body rattled into a violent spasm, reminiscent of a highly carbonated beverage ready to explode. Like a rocket, she blasted off into the air leaving only a pink pigmented trail of sparkles in her wake.

Glados' jaw dropped at the sheer impossibility of what she had just witnessed.

Octavia laughed, "Well, I can see she's happy."

"Uh-huh." was all the physics-driven pony could utter, still baffled by the impossible display.

The musician and her cousin began their march down the trail leading to Ponyville. Before departing, she told her friend, "It's like I said before: I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. If you ever need help again, or just want to chat, let me know."

"Uh-huh."

Now it was just Twilight and Fluttershy. The lilac pony went up first, practically sputtering with excitement from the information Glados recorded. "Do you know how much money you'll make? This could be the finding of the century!"

Money? I could always use more kindle for the fireplace. "Yeah, I know, and I don't care. Keep your money. I just wanted a chance to test again." Glados scratched her chin, causing flakes of dried blood to flutter to the ground like snow.

Twilight grinned sheepishly, knowing she just made a complete fool of herself. "Sorry, but this is just way too big to ignore. And Glados..." she addressed dolefully, "I'm sorry I misjudged you. You know, I think there's some good in you after all. Anyway, I've gotta send this to Princess Celestia and tell her what you did!"

The mare closed her eyes and turned away, as if she was refusing a gift. "No, I'm not trustworthy. I'm dangerous. Never come back, I don't want you or your friends here. I'd like to be alone." When she opened her eyes, Twilight was gone without a trace. She presumably teleported to Princess Celestia to turn in the report personally.

Wow. With my background, and my love for science, me labeling someone as 'a nerd' would be inappropriate and quite immature. But in all seriousness, Twilight Sparkle is the biggest dork I've ever laid eyes on. I mean, yeah, Wheatley's a dork, but there's a certain charm to him that you just can't ignore. Even if he is a complete and utter moron. Hm, perhaps Twilight and I could form a certain bond. Yeah! And we could create all kinds of inventions and tests! But sadly, that'll only be a reality when pigs fly. In my world, not this one, because I'm not sure if pigs actually fly here, and I don't want to get caught in a loophole like—

"Um, Glados?" a meek voice penetrated Glados' thoughts.

Oh yeah. Fluttershy.

"Um, what... uh," She was hesitant, growing even more anxious as the seconds ticked by, "What did you do with the, um, Cockatrice? I mean," she laughed sheepishly, "I mean that red... science... mixture looks an awful lot like... blood, and—"

"Ah yes, Fluttershy. My reward for holding that Cockatrice of yours. You promised." Glados spoke with such surprise, almost letting the favor slip her mind. She rolled back into her house to retrieve something 'special.' For the memories, she'd say.

"Oh, um, okay," the unassertive pegasus squeaked, dismissing the question she had prior to her interruption.

Glados returned and tossed the gory remains of the Cockatrice onto Fluttershy. "Yeah, could you find a taxidermist for me? I have just the perfect place for it in my bedroom."

Fluttershy's head poked out of the pile of cut up and dissected entrails. She took one look at the mess around her and let out a bloodcurdling scream.

"Oh, and clean yourself up. You look you were baked into Mrs. Lovett's meat pie." She shut her door, leaving poor, innocent Fluttershy alone, in a horrified shock, covered head-to-hoof in blood and guts.


Next Time: Disturbing Possibilities: The Side Effects of Insomnia - Glados' lack of sleep may very well lead to the destruction of Equestria.