• Published 28th Feb 2014
  • 17,330 Views, 454 Comments

Rainbow Dash, Please Describe Red - x Silver Tongue x

Rainbow Dash finds out she is colorblind. Everyone in Ponyville cracks up at the irony.

  • ...

An Ironic Diagnosis

Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle sat nonchalantly in the waiting room of the Ponyville Clinic. Various ponies present in the room eyed them briefly, completely disinterested by their presence on this particular day. It wasn't unusual to see them around, anyways. Someone in their band of six ponies always seemed to get injured every. Single. Week. However, most ponies could tolerate walking in and seeing yet another one of Twilight's friends in some sort of state of disarray.

It was an average Saturday, like any other. The mare at the front desk was pleased to see rays of sunshine seeping through the window for a change. She was the only hospital authority in the room, but this wasn't unusual. Fillies and Colts getting their regular check-ups crawled playfully on the floor, toying with the building blocks the medical facility had arranged for youth. The mothers of these children flipped violently through skyscraper-tall stack of newspapers informing them of the latest Canterlot news. There didn't appear to be anyone in the room carrying out a conversation, besides Twilight and Rainbow. However, whatever pointless information they were discussing had drowned out, and Rainbow's boredom level rose accordingly. It wasn't until Pinkie Pie burst through the transitional door that connected the casual room to the actual hospital did anyone pay any attention to their surroundings.

Rainbow Spoke up. "Pinkie Pie, you work here too?" she uttered, knowing that Pinkie worked several jobs already.

"DUH!," Shouted the gregarious mare, who inched her way towards Rainbow Dash. "How else do I pay for all my parties? Sheesh, it's not like I spit money out of my hair. What are you, crazy?"

"Well...," started Twilight, conjuring an argument that may demonstrate how Pinkie is very unpredictable, and could potentially do so. However, Pinkie Pie was thinking two steps ahead of her, silencing her words and opening up a new topic.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here, anyways? You both look pretty healthy, but I'm not a doctor, so there's no telling...,"

"But," began Rainbow Dash, completely perplexed by what Pinkie just uttered. However, she simply sighed. There was no telling with Pinkie. "Oh, never mind."

"Anyways," shouted the mare with great positivity," you still haven't answered my question!"

"It's nothing life-threatening," reassured Twilight. "Rainbow Dash was simply practicing her newest flight routine, but failed to complete a move and injured herself. She claims she's alright, but technically we are supposed to check key abilities of her body to make sure certain motor skills are still intact."

"Twilight," contradicted Rainbow Dash, "Why do I have do be here? If my motor skills were defective, I don't think I would've been able to get over to the hospital,"

"Well, clearly there's something wrong with your brain," retorted Twilight. "Anyone with common sense would care about their health!"

"Girl's, calm dowwwn," interrupted Pinkie. "Just deal with it."


The mare at the front desk flipped amicably through her files, completely oblivious to the conversation. Coincidentally, as their conversation came to a close, it came time for Dash's appointment. The mare stood up, walked reflexively to the podium in which she announced the names of patients, and read in a calming tone, "Rainbow Dash, please come to the front desk for your appointment. Rainbow Dash,"

"Well, that's our cue," said Twilight, who quickly ushered Rainbow to get up on her hooves. "Have a nice day, Pinkie,"

"Will do!" Exclaimed Pinkie, in her usual cheerful mood.

The two mares trotted over to the front desk in a timely manner, and checked in for the final time for confirmation of their presence. The desk mare signed them off, and then accompanied them to the door, and into the hospital.

The smell of medicinal products fluctuated in the atmosphere of the hallway, which was lined in an array of identical rooms stocked equally with similar products. The walls were adorned with various pieces of art donated to the clinic by the Ponyville Community Center. The facility itself was painted a dim white, and the width of the lengthy hallway was enough to make anypony claustrophobic. Few nurses ambled through the halls, but ironically, the hospital had a record number of patients that day. The incoming crowd was so extensive that Twilight and Rainbow had to walk at least two-hundred meters to arrive at the next available room.

When they finally arrived at their specific room, #345, they were pleasantly surprised to see that Nurse Redheart was working a shift and was elected as Rainbow Dash's nurse. She shared a welcoming smile, dismissed the desk mare back to the waiting room, and allowed both mares to enter the room.

Twilight was the first to speak. "Pleased to see you, Redheart! We haven't seen you since the last incident."

Nurse Redheart nodded in understanding. "Yes, I remember. Let's keep that odd visit to ourselves, though. I'm still trying to forget the details." She stiffened up into her professional posture. "Anyways, let me guess what it is this time..."

Twilight sat there sarcastically, as if the nurse should know by now.

"Flying accident?"


"Crashed into a tree?"


"New move?"


"Did she really think it through?"


"Motor skills check-up?"

"Bingo," Twilight concluded.

"I thought so," affirmed Nurse Redheart, who trotted towards her desk to retrieve supplies from the upper cabinet suspended directly above her muzzle. She quickly retrieved a mechanical hearing machine, color pallets with various numbers printed on them in multi-sized circles, an eye-chart, and a reflex hammer. "I'm going to start with the basics before going any deeper into diagnosis. If her sight, hearing, and mobility/reflexes are intact, and she isn't experiencing any physical pain, I can insure you she will need no further inspection."

Rainbow rolled her eyes in disinterest as Nurse Redheart expanded upon the details of her visit. Twilight simply rolled her eyes. "Well I'm sure Rainbow Dash will be delighted to know if she is healthy or not. She takes great care of her health."

"Hey what's up with all the emphasis on your words?" Questioned Rainbow. "No need to be sarcastic. You're bad at sarcasm."

"It's mean, but it's kinda true," added Redheart.

Twilight gave both of them a you-better-shut-up-or-i'm-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep face. Both mares immediately muted themselves. "Well, I guess we might as well begin Rainbow Dash's brief check-up. Something tells me if she sits in this room any longer, she's going to explode."

"Oh don't worry, only Pinkie Pie does that,"



Nurse Redheart retrieved her first piece of equipment, filled out some paperwork, and then lifted her head from concentration. "Twilight, will you please leave the room? Patients need to be alone so that they can accomplish every task asked of them to the best of their ability."

"No problem," agreed Twilight. I understand that you want some privacy." She turned to Rainbow Dash. "I'll be in the lobby when you're done. Don't do anything stupid."

"Twilight," asked Dash, "Do you really think I would misbehave during a doctor's visit?"


"Don't answer that question,"

Twilight excused herself from the room, ambling out the door with a bemused expression painted on her face. Clearly the mechanics of how the hospital worked fascinated her. She hadn't visited the place ever in her life, as it was unusual for Twilight to get sick when she washed her hooves for 30 minutes straight after every meal. Once Twilight was a good twenty meters down the hallway in which they entered, Nurse Redheart broke the silence. "Ok Rainbow Dash," she started. "I'm going to start with several eye tests. I'm not in the mood to start with the expensive, laborious task of setting you up in the machine that alters magnification, so I'm going to start with color-blindness tests. Though one can't receive colorblindness from an accident, as it is a genetic trait, I understand that you have never seen an eye doctor, so we might as well test you now."

Rainbow Dash watched as she carefully selected a stack of papers with randomly sized dots across their surface. She lifted them up with her hooves, and placed them in Dash's lap. "Now Rainbow, this is very simple," she began. "All you must do is state what numbers you see on each color palette with spots, if any. You must then recite to me what number you see? Simple?"

Dash was perplexed. She saw no numbers on the first palette. However, she never admitted confusion or failure. "Yes," she responded, leaving it as that.

"Good," confirmed Nurse Redheart. She swiped the first page of the stack from its place, much to Rainbow Dash's relief. However, a new problem awaited her on the next page, which once again bore no numbers. "What number do you see?" asked Redheart.

Perhaps it is a trick question, thought Dash. Confidently, she reflexively responded back. "Funny, Nurse Redheart. I'm not stupid. I know there are no numbers on this page."

Redheart gave her an odd look. "Perhaps that was just a misconception," she muttered to herself, as she revealed the page under the previous one. Dash lifted an eyebrow. This one was more obscure than the first one. All she could possibly make out was a long grayish line that ran down the page. "Um, the number is one?"

At this moment, Nurse Redheart started to grow concerned. "No, the number was 34," she responded. Without thinking, she threw the stack of papers at the ground, which then scattered across the floor. "Um, forget this exercise...," She said hesitantly, looking around the room for ideas. An idea popped into her head. "Rainbow Dash," she announced, leading into a question. "How would you describe the color red, in your own terms?"

Rainbow Dash contemplated this question carefully. After several moments of thought, she spoke, "Oh, I don't know. I guess I could say dull. Damp. Boring. Nothing out of the ordinary."

Nurse Heartheart was not pleased with this peculiar answer, addressed to such a rich, vibrant color such as red. She immediately came up with an alternative question. "Point to something in the room that you think is red, and then to something else that is also red. At least, in your interpretation of the color."

Rainbow rose from her seat, and slowly trotted over to the wall mirroring the one her chair sat against. With her hoof, she gestured towards a navy blue flower bouquet arranged in a bowl. Then she pointed to one of the cabinets, in which were painted a vibrant shade of yellow. Nurse Redheart's expression made her appear as if she was dying inside, and was paralyzed with shock. Uneasily, she walked slowly over to her desk, which supported nothing but a black landline-style phone. She dialed several numbers, and then held the device up close to her ear. The voice that came out the other end was that of the mare at the front desk. "Ask Twilight Sparkle to return to room #345 as soon as possible. I have a diagnosis for her friend."

"Already? It's only been what, fifteen minutes? You can't seriously be done with everything."

"I don't really need to check anything else on this one, Tracie," answered Redheart, "I discovered something early on that, well, doesn't make any sense at all to me, and probably won't to you either."

"I don't care, tell me!"

"Well, I don't know how to say this...," she took a deep breath. "But, does it make sense to you that a pony with a rainbow mane and a rainbow-based cutie mark is colorblind?"

Author's Note:

For those who like this fic: Well, keep liking it :P I can't stop you!

For those who DON'T: Excuse any typos please. This is incomplete: keep that In mind. If it isn't FANTASTIC, excuse that too. I didn't intend on this getting so many views; it is simply a children's-level fic written by a teenager.

Also, thank you for the criticism on the open end question that follows the end of this chapter. I thought it was a good way to end the chapter,
but it leaves too many questions out there about technicalities of the situation that people figure will not be answered in later date. The next chapter is an explanation chapter.