It was an unbelievably bright and sunny day when Scootaloo left her home to meet up with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom in the park to bounce balls on their faces. In fact, it was almost too bright. Scootaloo squinted up at the sun. “I’m on to you.”
The sun squinted back.
Scootaloo squinted harder. Her eyes started to hurt. “You win this time… sun.”
Hiking up her trousers, which she was not wearing, Scootaloo skipped down the street, attempting to not stop on any cracks lest she break her mother’s back. She whistled a nameless tune, simply enjoying the fact that she was not in any immediate danger, as she often found herself to be. Waving at a random passerby, she said, “Good morning. Lovely day isn’t—Gah!”
She dove backwards just in time to dodge something dropping out of the sky. As she stood up, dusting herself off, she noticed that the something that had nearly crushed her was not a something at all; it was a someone.
“Twilight?” said Scootaloo like she was asking a question she already knew the answer to.
Twilight, who was lying face down on the ground slowly pulled herself up like a puppet being on strings. She wore a crooked smile on her face and her head was tilted at an awkward angle. “Oh, hello there, Scootaloo. I didn’t see you there.”
“Riiiiiiiight,” said Scootaloo, looking around for Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie, anyone to suggest this was some kind of bizarre prank. “Whatcha got there, Twi?” Scootaloo had just noticed that Twilight was holding something behind her back, and she was slowly advancing towards her.
Twilight’s head twisted around to the other side. “Oooooooooooh, it’s nothing,” she said in a voice that suggested it was not nothing. “Just something to help my good friend out.”
Scootaloo cocked an eyebrow. “We’re friends? Uhh, since when? I barely know you.”
Twilight laughed, waving her hoof. “Oh, don’t be silly, Scootaloo. I know that we’re the bestest of friends, and as one of your bestest friends you know I would do anything to help you when you’re in trouble.”
Scootaloo started to back away a little further. “Last I checked I wasn’t in any trouble, so, uhh… go away please. You’re seriously starting to give me the creeps, like a lot.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. The kind of wide that makes even an owl’s eyes look tiny in comparison. “Oh, but you are in trouble, Scootaloo, I can tell.”
“Nope, pretty sure I’m—”
“You’re alive!” Twilight shouted, suddenly revealing the whisk she had hidden behind her back. She lunged at Scootaloo, attempting to stab the poor filly with the floppy utensil.
Scootaloo rolled out of the way just in time, narrowly avoiding the deadly weapon. “Thank Celestia for all those invul frames,” she muttered under her breath. “What’s your problem, Twilight? Why are you trying to stab me with a whisk?”
Twilight tugged at the whisk which had become stuck in the ground. “I’m trying to kill you,” she said rather matter-of-factly. “I’ve seen how you die all the time, and since you’re alive right now, that must mean you have a problem.” She tugged extra hard, ripping the whisk out of the ground. Brandishing it about like she was William Wallace, she yelled, “And I’m gonna fix it!”
“Since when is being alive a problem!?” Scootaloo cried, dodging out of the way as Twilight made stab after stab at her exposed underbelly. “I’ll have you know I like being alive.”
Twilight leapt into the air, blocking out the sun for just a moment as she shouted, “Well, the universe doesn’t!” Holding the whisk directly beneath herself, she dove down and landed right on top of Scootaloo who’d been unable to dodge this time. Twilight heaved a sigh. “It’s done.”
“Owwww,” grumbled Scootaloo, rubbing her chest. “That actually hurt. I’m gonna have a bruise now, you jerk.” She pushed Twilight off herself and tossed the whisk away. “You’re acting crazier than usual, Twilight. I don’t know what’s up with you, but I’m getting the heck out of here.” She turned to run away, but Twilight stretched out and grabbed her back hooves, causing her to fall down.
In falling, Scootaloo accidentally bumped a foodcart which rolled into a building. One of the watermelons from the foodcart was in turn knocked off the cart and landed on a plank of wood with a bucket on the other end. The bucket flipped into the air, hitting a bird in the face. Spiralling downwards, the bird crashed into a hanging sign which swung backwards and hit a passing stallion in the rump. He jumped forward, hitting a mare carrying a large box. The mare tossed the box into the air. Scootaloo’s eyes went wide as she saw the box coming down towards her face. She rolled to the side, the box smashing harmlessly on the ground beside her.
“Whoo,” that was close,” she muttered, wiping her brow. Suddenly, she looked up and saw a familiar object above her. “Cra—” was all she managed before the anvil crushed her.
Somewhere, somehow, from his stone prison, Discord was laughing his rocky head off.
Twilight stood herself up and looked at Scootaloo’s limp body. “Does it count if I didn’t kill her?”
No one answered her.
The sun moved a few more inches closer to setting. Twilight threw up her hooves. “Fine! I’ll go make a friendship problem, then!”