[Present]
[Spy]
“You have a plan?”
I turned to Luna. “Kill Celestia, avoid Discord.”
Luna sighed. “Do you have a good plan?”
“What would you have us do?” I asked. “There is nothing we can do about Discord, unless you’ve been holding out on me or one of those things you picked up in the Vault is stronger than it looks.”
“A fair point. Have you considered retreating for now? Let my sister deal with Discord, and return when he is no longer a problem.”
I shook my head. “I’m not leaving until either Celestia is dead for good, I’m dead for good, or Equestria is a burned out husk of a country. And since the last needs the first to happen, that really only leaves us two options.”
“That it does.” She looked out the valley below us. We were hiding in a cave in the side of the mountain Canterlot was built on top of. It was nice, for a cave. Not wet, or smelly, and we didn’t have to share it with anything else. Not a lot of space, but you can’t have everything. We were maybe a hundred feet from Canterlot’s lowest point, don’t know how far from the highest.
“Anything we might run into that I should know about?” I asked Luna.
She frowned, then shook her head. “Not that I can think of. We have the most powerful items from the Vault, not counting the ones that can think for themselves, which I doubt Celestia would or could use. You removed the Captain of the Guard and her pupil, the two most powerful unicorns, and there aren’t any other unicorns with a talent for magic in the city. There is nothing else in the city that should give us pause.”
“You’re sure?” I ask her. “Absolutely sure?” She gave me one of those looks. I held up my hands. “Just checking.”
I took a deep breath and thought.
“Did I tell you the changelings were helping me?” I asked. Luna shook her head. “Yeah. I convinced Chrysalis to switch to my side, said I would help her get one over on Celestia. I may have also promised she could rule Equestria after. ‘Course, this was before Discord decided to be an arsehole.”
“I doubt Chrysalis was on your side,” Luna replied. “Help you she may, but she is always on her own side first and foremost. I doubt she would help us against Discord. She was always one to see which way the wind blows, and to move with it.”
“So it’s just us two then.” I dropped to the ground hard. Just because I’m crazy doesn’t mean I’m delusional. I knew our odds weren’t good. Luna must have been thinking along the same lines.
“At least Discord is unlikely to take an active role in things. And on a long enough timescale, we’re almost assured success. Being immortal does tend to give one more than enough time.”
“I’m not immortal,” I told her. The look she gave me said I had best explain or else bad things would happen to me better than any words could. “Well, for one thing, I do die, I just get brought back. It doesn’t do anything for aging. The only reason I’m not all decrepit is because Celestia put me in stasis.”
“And your second point,” Luna prompted.
“Hold your horses,” I said, waving her words away and ignoring the weird look on her face. “My second point is, well, you know how I’m crazy?” She nodded. “Well, while I am crazy, it’s not in the way you think. It’s the voice in my head thats the murderous psychopath, not me.”
“That does not fill me with confidence regarding your sanity, nor does it answer my question.”
“Yeah, well, you’re a horse. Anyway, at first the voice was just little things, a whisper here and there to help me out. But it grew, and so did it’s hatred for your sister. It’s the voice that wanted her dead at first, and I just went along with it because what the fuck else was I going to do? But when Celestia locked me up, it explained some things. Now, most of it you don’t need to know and I’m not going to tell you, but the long and the short of it is that it’s got a bone to pick with your sister, and would happily sacrifice you - literally sacrifice you - in order to kill her. It was the thing behind you whole ‘eternal night’ phase. Forcing the sun from the sky for long enough could probably make Celestia weak enough she wouldn’t be able to reform, which is as close to death as she’s likely to get.”
“And if that did not work?” Luna asked. She was taking notes of this. I don’t even know where she got paper.
“Plan B was do to Discord what it did to you, then destroy the Sun and Celestia, in that order. Which is bad.”
“Yes, Luna said, talking slowly. “Destroying the Sun would be bad. Would you also like to tell me water is wet?”
“Water’s wet. Anyway, it’s mostly bad ‘cause at that point I’d also die, along with everything else. And I kind of like being alive. It sucks sometimes, but mostly it’s okay. You’re alright too. Everyone else can go jump in a lake for all I care.”
There was a few moments of silence. I like to think it was because Luna was thinking over what I had said, but it’s more likely she was trying to dumb her response down enough for me to understand.
“Why was Plan B not Plan A? Was the entity not sure of it’s ability to control Discord?”
“I don’t exactly get to ask it questions. It tells me what it thinks I should know.”
Luna hmm’d in response, staring down at her notes. “I do not see anything we can do about that, so I think it best to just ignore it for now.”
That’s unexpected. “If you think it’s best.”
“I do,” she said. Her horn lit up as she split her notes into two separate bundles. “Have you thought of a plan yet?” I shook my head. “Then here is mine. A simple one, to start with.”
This ‘simple plan’ was about eight pages covered in Luna’s tiny, square writing. It had diagrams and contingencies. It was to my plans what Everest was to an anthill. “Alright,” I said looking through it. “When do we start?”
“Tonight is my sister’s birthday,” Luna said, a smile tugging at her lips. “It seems as good a time as any.”
[Present]
[Celestia]
“Your little sis has switched sides, y’know.”
Celestia glared at Discord. He couldn’t be trusted farther than he could be thrown, but like all things concerning the crazy draconequus, how far he could be thrown changed depending on his whims.
“Explain,” Celestia ordered. Discord looked at her, head tilted slightly, and she could hear him asking ‘Explain, what?’ even though she knew he hadn’t made a sound. She took a deep breath and tried again. “Explain, please.”
Discord sniffed, and her fur and mane whipped around as if caught in gale force winds. “Spy got to her,” Discord said, when the winds were gone. “She’s back to how she was when you two were play fighting, only crazier and not wanting eternal night. Seems an improvement, if you ask me.” A mirror appeared in front of him, with his reflection sporting a beard. He reached into the mirror and took the beard, wearing it as a hat.
“But Luna was never shy about attacking civilians. I thought you didn’t like it when people broke your toys?” It hurt to refer to her little ponies as toys, but she would do what had to be done.
“True,” Discord said. Celestia watched as his beard hat leapt from his head and started stalking a pair of the serving ponies.“But ponies are beginning to bore me. I’m thinking of moving away for a while. Maybe I’ll find where this ‘Spy’ fellow is from.”The beard wrapped part of itself around the forelimb of one of the ponies and pulled it free with a squelching sound, then did the same to a wing of the other, switching the limbs around before vanishing with a wobbling sound. “I like the cut of his jib. He’s got balls, spunk, pizzaz!”
Celestia knew better than to get her hopes up, she truly did, but the thought of being free of the threat of Discord suddenly no longer finding ponies funny was too much to hold at bay. Hope dawned like the light of her Sun.
“But you still need to hold up your end of the deal,” Discord said. Celestia’s heart dropped, but only slightly. It was to be expected; Discord would not leave one of his ‘games’ unfinished.
Celestia nodded, thinking. If Luna had swapped sides, then there were a few things that had to be done. She waved over Captain Flash Shield, Shining Armour’s replacement. This Captain of the Guard was much more battle-scarred than his predecessor, and she knew he would not like his orders.
“Captain Flash Shield, you are to take all remaining members of the guard and use them to secure the refugees in Ponyville and the surrounding area, effective immediately.”
“Your Highness,” Flash Shield began. Celestia cut him off.
“Effective immediately, Captain. This is no place for you now, I’m afraid. You do not want to be here when my sister and I meet. It would not go well for you.”
“With all due respect, Your Majesty, I do.”
“You are a parent, yes?” Celestia asked.
Flash Shield was only confused for a moment. “I see. I will ensure no guards or citizens remain in the city; the battle will be a difficult one without the distractions.” He turned to leave, but paused halfway across the room. Turning back, he asked, “And should you… fall?”
Celestia gave him a sad smile, “The sun always rises, Captain. Should the worst take place, look for me to the East.”
The Captain nodded, and left. Celestia could hear him shout orders to the few troops he had left.
Looking around, Celestia realised Discord had left at some point. Possibly. Only Spy came close to Discord for skill in invisibility.
“I cannot let Spy and Luna attack me at once; it would be two easy for Spy to slip around my flank and take me out,” Celestia mused. Talking aloud helped her think, she found, but she rarely got to do so. State secrets must remain so. “I could take to the air, but Luna was always the better flyer. A way to split them up, then.”
A quick teleportation spell brought her to the Vault, where a quick look around showed her almost all of the useful items had been taken. Almost. A few of the lesser items that had been acquired since Luna’s absence remained, the ones not dreamt about often. But even the lesser ones could be dangerous. “Still, it’s better to have but not need than to need but not have, especially when outnumbered. I did evacuate for a reason.”
Celestia took a pair of items she felt would be useful and returned to the throne out of habit more than anything. She started pacing.
“Perhaps defeat Spy first?” she asked the air. “Spy is powerful but fragile, while Luna is both powerful and durable. But Luna would need to be kept busy while I did so.” She looked over the items she had taken, and what she knew of the ones Luna had removed. Nothing possible came to mind. Discord was unlikely to help. She heard hooves and looked up expected to see Flash Shield reporting the evacuation complete save himself. That was not the case. Instead, she saw Spike, half again as tall as he had been last she saw him, the remaining Elements and Twilight’s parents, Nightlight and Twilight Velvet. Applejack stepped forward.
“We’re helpin’.” Behind her, the rest nodded.
Celestia could tell they would not leave if ordered. She could teleport them away, but Nightlight and Twilight Velvet could teleport them back. And Spike would be useful. As for the rest…
“Very well. Come, and I shall tell you how I plan to defeat Spy.”