Ugh...I really suck at this whole keeping promises thing. But I'm going to try to shed some light on why and how things went so awry the past few years. What's changed since I stopped cranking out over 50k words a month from 2012-14ish:
For one, I graduated in May 2013, diving head-first into the realm business-first small, and now corporate level.
Ever since then, it just seems like different things keep popping up and distracting me from this whole writing thing.
From different shows like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and now Voltron (to name a few), to the near half-dozen relationships I've passed thru since starting my writings in March of 2012.
Or perhaps my interests have changed over the years...I'd only be human if I kept evolving, right?
That and, after years of pony, I'd gotten just a tad bit burned out a while back...
Other things like family matters and personal health issues have also cropped up, such as me moving back in with my grandparents due to their advancing age, hence my slow taking over of their affairs. Affairs like oil and natural gas platform and real estate management half a state away-and in Texas, that's over 500 miles I'm having to drive at least once a month to check on them-as well as their personal estate affairs (my grandpa has so many old guns and equipment related to them that nobody else in the family is interested in or has the time to fool with so I've been learning how to operate and care for them so he can pass them down to me without worrying about them being abused).
That's to say nothing about his personal cars, my grandmother's ceramic business equipment, and the house itself, which I'm also inheriting and must repair before doing so.
While living with them, I'll also admit that my stance on "love and tolerate" was severely shaken this past year during the election process. I bought into the whole "Hillary is evil" and "she'll take your guns and ammo" scare that ran rampant in red states last year. I got heavily into firearms, both shooting and collecting them as well the reloading, creation, and hoarding of ammo. I see now that those things were waste of my time and money and I've been working like crazy to pay off that debt.
Most of this has been done on my own, and between working 50+ hours a week and the affairs management, has left me with precious little time to write.
There's also my personal health issues, the greatest of which have been workplace injuries (as well as old sports booboos cropping back up) to the nerves in my hands and fingers, limiting me to literally typing with only 5 fingers instead of all 10, slowing me down and making typing uncomfortable. In other words: I ain't the 22 years young I was when I started this crazy journey!
Then there's my personal relationship stuff, which I won't get too deep into. But suffice to say anyone who's ever dated someone who took advantage of their good nature that they can be a serious drag on one's income and time. I'm just glad I got out of those relationships and realized I don't need close human contact when I've got a supportive group like you guys by my side.
Guys like Biker Dash...D48...Tyrannosaurus Tux...TotallyNotABrony...DJThomp...and way too many more than I can count or even remember...God it's been so long.
I'm so sorry for having forgotten about you and the things ya'll did for me over the years. The support I was given...I feel like it's nearly been wasted.
But there's more...much more. Ya'll might get a bit disgusted by what I'm going to say here, but it's a truth that needs to be told.
There's something ya'll don't know about me, or my writings...well, one big story in particular. Ya'll know what I'm talking about.
Let's deal with that first.
Years ago, I fell in love/lust with a girl from California (I won't mention her name here). We met in a completely different fandom, exchanged messages on a forum message board for years, comforted each other in our times of need as we grew up, and generally considered ourselves best friends. She finally visited back in the summer of 2012, and I'm gonna be honest here: we did a lot of things that we (at the very least) semi-regretted. We were young and dumb and horny...I think ya'll get it. Then she went back home. We haven't seen each other in person since.
In the Blue Angel story (which as ya'll may remember began as a one-shot), I used my relationship experiences between her and myself as a rough model for Volare and Rainbow Dash's budding relationship in the story. Does this make the story some sort of self-insert wish fulfillment for an opportunity lost in real like between her and myself? Eh, maybe...though I will say this: though I've based much of RD on my friend, Volare can only be described as the person I strive to be. For I'm certainly not as loyal and dependable and he is in the story.
Maybe that does make it wish fulfillment then...I don't know anymore, to be honest. It's kinda gone a bit beyond anything I could ever imagine myself accomplishing in real life anyway.
But then again, isn't that the goal of fanfiction? Wish fulfillment?
There's more to it than that, but I think ya'll get the gist.
I lost the fire for her and in doing so, I lost a large portion of the fire for the story (and for some parts of life in general).
I retreated into what I understood and could do good at: making money and advancing in the business field (which, depending on your point of view, I've either been doing really good at-I've bought and sold things I'd never dreamed of owning due to my hard work-or really bad-it ate my time and passion for creativity in regards to writing.)
I guess I've been searching for that fire ever since. I was just too damn blind to see it right in front of me
There's one more thing I need to disclose about myself and this fandom, specifically how I originally got heavily into it in the first place.
Does anyone here remember an old story that used to be one here; one by an author named "Coal Buck?"
If ya'll know the author then ya know then story of which I speak. If not, the story was called "My Second Life."
By today's standards, it's sometimes scoffed at as a second-rate, unabashed and cringy Brony banging ponies story. And underneath it all, I don't think the author set out looking to write anything but that.
But at the time, nobody had ever seen such a story like it; it revolutionized the Human in Equestria story trope by giving it more than just bare bones wish fulfillment content: it had life. It had world building, an actual story with fleshed-out characters (this was from before Fallout: Equestria, mind you). Along with those fleshed-out characters was a storyline that refused to pull any punches in the details department, right down to the nitty-gritty, sticky sweaty details.
It was on one of those weird nights between college classes in mid-2011 that I was clued into the brony fandom, MLP:FiM, and the fandom behind it...specifically the darker side of the fandom. I seriously found Fimfiction.net while google browsing for clop stories and found a few chapters from "My Second Life."
I'm not embarrassed to say that I enjoyed those chapters, as well as other clop stories that I found on the site.
However, as I delved deeper into the story those chapters were attached to, as well as the other stories that were attached to this site, I came to have a new-found respect and admiration for these wonderfully wacky folks that could grow and create so much with just a cartoon show about miniature horses as its seed. I wanted to join in, so I made an account and...well, I guess the rest is history. Becoming ancient history in fact. In internet terms anyway.
Ya'll are the first folks I've EVER admitted this to, and if there are any of you still hanging around at this point in this blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can truly call you call friends, brothers, sisters, and fellow bronies. /)
I hope you can forgive me for keeping this a secret for so long as well as my extreme absence from writing and fandom participation for these past few years.
Now then, for the good stuff:
I feel like I've still got a LOT of writing left in me, and with the impending arrival of spring I'm feeling like my hiatus and brony hibernation is coming to an end, and swiftly!
Ok, enough with the bad puns. Here's what I've gotta make time to do this year:
My current "To-Do" list regarding writing and this fandom:
1. Finish watching Season 6 before Season 7 hits
2. Watch the latest movie.
3. Update my own writings
4. Finish the Wingblade Document
5. Write new things.
And when In say write new things, I mean I'm gonna try my hand at short stories and one-shots, starting with a pseudo-sequel to one of the funniest stories I've ever read on this site, written by one of my longest-standing supporters and a man I feel I can call my brother:
by Biker Dash
He's been at times my motivator/shout-at-me-till-I-give-a-damn guy, my editor, and at all times a friend with the patience of Job.
My friend, and I'm sorry to have shown so little progress with my writing despite all that you've done for me.
I hope to rectify that much sooner than later.
Also, I'm probably gonna have to start unfollowing people/groups on this site or something, cuz just since the beginning of the year, I've gotten over 1900 freaking unread updated on my feed!
To say it's a bit overwhelming with everything else in my life is quite the understatement!
Gotta do the same thing with Youtube...or just stay off it all together or something.
Quit eating my life and making me lazy, dammit!!!!
Anyways, to all those who have continued to stick by me, encourage me, yell at me, or just poke me with a stick to make sure I'm still alive...from the bottom of my heart this Valentine's Day I say: