Princess Celestia is in your bed, and you don't know why: what do?

Cute, funny, and short. Have fun reading!

Proofreading by RaylanKrios.
Now with audio reading by CaptainBron3y
Second audio reading by MeloncholyIguana.

Based on this story:
Princess Celestia is (still) in your Bed
Princess Celestia Has Stolen All Your Bed Sheets
Drunk CelestAI Is In Your Bed
Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed
Princess Celestia is in Your Washing Machine

I was known as Frank DeFontaine. I was going to a Halloween party. I was a pretty intelligent kid, starting my first college term, and decided a little dress-up couldn't hurt.
My buddy Richard got involved, though. And like everything, he took it a bit too far. This time, I didn't say no, though. I really should have.
Next thing I know, we're going all-out on making my Dullahan costume. Because he's my favorite optional boss, and all.
Really shoulda known something was up when that guy behind the counter just so happened to have a sword that fit our specifications perfectly.
Next thing I know, I'm in Equestria. And I'm missing a head.
Sakes, I could use a drink. And a neck.
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Featured on 2/19/2014.
I'd like to leave it at "Holy mother of-!" but that doesn't capture what I'm feeling!

This story is a sequel to Headless, not Heartless

Okay, taking it from the top.
Hi, I'm Auric Fulcrum, also known as Frank DeFontaine. For about 1,500 years, I wasn't alive. I instead inhabited my Dullahan costume as a spirit because of my sword, which also brought me to Equestria. Once I got here, after a few years of back and forth, Sunbutt imprisoned me because of a minor misunderstanding.
I heard that!
You were meant to!
Anyways, once I got out, I learned that the Wise One was coming to this reality, so I did what came natural to me.
I sought out the power of the Golden Sun and used it to defeat him so utterly I would never have to worry about him again.
Problem was, the energies that bound me together and the power of the Sun conflicted, so my armor fell apart. And without the armor, I was unbound, unfocused.
I came to a week later in the same basement I had been imprisoned, in my old body, but with a few...upgrades. Like Alchemy being a Thing I can Do.
Now that I'm alive again, my to-do list is radically different, but no less daunting.
For starters, how am I supposed to stop a mountain from sinking into the earth?!

HIE, a Displaced story.
I dont get it. I didn't even wanna go to that stupid convention. I suck around big crowds. Didn't help, what with all the talk of people dressing up in cosplay going missing. I pick up an Escafil cube off some random table to take a look at it, and now I'm stuck in a world of vibrant pony-people?

Holy rusted metal, Batman! Featured on 4/24/15! And again on 8/5/15!...and... again? on 8/6/15?
Thank you guys so much!~

This story is a sequel to Princess Celestia is in your bed.

It's hard to get rid of a sun goddess when she doesn't want to be gotten rid of.

Reading the prequel is highly recommended. Find Chapter 3 here!
Rated teen for mild language.
Now with audio reading by MelancholyIguana
Cover art by SilFoe.

This story is a sequel to The Life and Times of an Alchemist Turned Pony

A tower sits in a plain, surrounded by nothing for miles. It is a faithful reconstruction to one that existed before.
Should one have permission to enter, they would find five doors besides the one they used to enter.
Should they ask and be allowed, they could find their way to the bedroom of the master of the tower.
And should they know exactly where to look, they would find his journal, and learn of what happened back in the old world...
The journal of Auric Fulcrum, and it would detail his adventures in Equestria before forming his new life in a new existence...

Ugh.
Alright, do you want some advice?
Don't go evil if you don't want to have heroes trying to kill you repeatedly. I know, sometimes you have to do things that are morally questionable, but at others, just be a good guy. Wait in line rather than summon a horde of undead to tear the throats out of everybody except the barista. Or just freeze everybody in place. That's at least funny in a conventional sense.
I'm (sort of) reformed now.
Unfortunately, there're these six mares and their ruler who are making this VERY DIFFICULT.

EDIT: After four days, the Featured streak has ended. It was a good run.
EDIT: Featured again on 10 May? Aw, stahp it guys. Stahp.

EDIT: New coverart courtesy of Leila Drake. Go to her and commission stuff.

This story is a sequel to Golden Grace, Headless Headaches

Okay, SO, after stopping Omega and saving Equestria from whatever he had planned, along with Measured from certain death, I kinda, sorta, maybe used up a bit too much of my power.
There's no 'maybe' about it, you did.
And Measured, Twilight, and I are going to do some tests to see how bad it is.
Once you stop flinching at the very mention of Twilight's name.
First things first, though. Someone get me away from Cel, she's gone bananas!