Absolute Domination
I reappeared at my personal fortress of undead FABULOUSNESS. I gripped Mario when he ran up to question me and I hugged him.
"Sir, would you mind getting off me?" I continued hugging him.
"I have great news for everybody. Get the slaves out of the mines and down to the pass, NOW. Go on." I dropped him and skipped merrily through the hoards of minions, shaking their hands enthusiastically as I continued onwards towards my castle.
I needed to celebrate, so what better way than to get some caffeine into my system. I looked around for my teapot, before remembering. "Oh yes, it was destroyed..." For a few moments, I just stood still for a bit. With a chuckle, I reflected on my final battle, my second total defeat...
1,005 years ago
I watched the other army. It was far larger than my own horde of minions. My undead minions numbered about three hundred, while this force was about a thousand strong. This was going to be slightly annoying, but a challenge was still a challenge. Still, I wanted this fight to be between me and those two alicorns. With that, I waved my staff, and I teleported to the head of my army. I slowly walked up, speeding into a run. With a momentary flare of power, an appropriately terrifying piece started playing. If they wanted to mess with me and my boys, then they were going to learn a lesson- just because you're a magic user doesn't mean you can't kick some serious ass. Thanks to a bit of youthful abandon, I had multiclassed to Monk and spent a long time building up my physical abilities.
The first soldier I encountered had a sword, which he swung at me. While the Aurora Missiles surrounding me impacted with seven other soldiers, tearing through their armour, I clobbered him in the face, zipped past and took it from him, attacking two soldiers while parrying blows with my staff. A couple of soldiers tried to blast me, but I retaliated with several of my own blasts, matching their spells and in some cases overpowering them. More soldiers, disturbed by the music constantly blaring, tried to take me out quickly, but I threw the sword at one of them and planted my staff in the ground firmly. I grappled with one, throwing him onto his friends' sword. Another got his face smashed in, and I gripped his sword. With a moment's focus, Aurora Missiles reformed around me and shot off to hit seven other soldiers.
Celestia and Luna's jaws had dropped when he'd teleported to the head of his army of undead, and had dropped further when he'd started utterly decimating their army. No wonder why the Crystal Empire had regarded him as this big a threat even without his magic! They turned, ready to give chase. Unfortunately, his own army, on some unspoken command, doubled their speed. A zombie, grinning, unsheathed his sword, intent on a killing blow. Celestia retaliated by punching the blade and snapping the ghoul's head clean off within the same motion, hitting the next zombie right behind and repeating the same result. Not to be outdone, Luna appeared to dash through several ghouls, flicking her swords afterwards. The affected ghouls simply burst into a cloud of body parts. Those done, they sped off to attack Xante, fighting off undead the whole way.
Now seeking the challenge of taking on an entire army with only my fists and their own weapons, I utilised a spell called Rainbow Reflexes to augment my abilities temporarily. A beam of rainbow light shot out from my eyes, and time seemed to slow down. Thanks to my multi-class to Monk in my youth, I quickly gripped two arrows shot at me and stabbed two other soldiers in the throat. The alicorns were trying to get to me, but my undead army was delaying them. And while they were trying to get to me, I was mowing soldiers down left and right with unarmed strikes and grapples.
By the time they finally reached me, I'd taken down half the force with minimal use of magic. "Let me give you two pieces of advice: first, never take ants to a battle between lions." It was unfortunate, but for a fighter of my calibre, such feeble troops would only serve as a distraction at best and a non-existant threat at worst. I idly retook my staff. "Second: I am over five hundred years old. Unless you yourselves are of a similar age, my experience will trump yours along with my power." They growled. I flared up another set of Aurora Missiles. "Concern yourselves not with ants."
With that, I took them both on at once. The white one attacked from the front, and I simply dodged the hammer blow, fllipping out of the way to let her attack sail towards the other one, who teleported out of the way. Indigo's attack was a long ranged blast of shadows.
"Grand Prismatic Spray." The much, MUCH larger variant countered her blast and bored through it like it wasn't there. She countered with a much larger variant, which flowed towards me. I yawned. That yawn stopped when I felt the heat coming from the side. I focused, calling on one of my Epic-Level spells to survive this double-pronged strike.
Celestia summoned her own wave of plasma, equally the size of Luna's own wave of shadows. The blasts collided with the lich, finally beating him. "Sister, we have triumphed!" Luna raised her scimitars in celebration, but lowered them when they heard his voice, now devoid of good humour.
"Epic Level Spell: Rainbow Guard." Soldiers scrambled back when they saw the gigantic glowing shield that surrounded him. Such magic was incredible, and for it to go up so fast... No longer smiling, Xante dispelled this latest defence.
"Both of you are on the level of gods, I can see that. I'm sorry for taking this fight lightly then." After that simple statement, his aura flared around him. "My kid gloves are off." He took the black gloves on his hands off, and they baulked as his aura tripled in size.
Celestia herself felt fear just seeing that rainbow aura. "Y-you sealed your power with those?" Xante nodded.
"Against such powerful opponents, anything less than my full strength is an insult."
I focused. This spell required a LOT of setup and regents, but it was one of my most powerful spells, both in terms of attack and defence. "Epic Level Spell: Bifrost Mirror Clones." While saying that, I crushed the bag of Rainbow-Magic infused ice, sacrificing it to power the spell. They tried to counter my spell, but a simple Glacier Wave delayed that tactic. Several rainbow tinted panes of ice appeared around me. They retreated slightly as copies of myself stepped out, flexing their joints. While only a tenth of my full magical power, they returned magic to me and gave me several other advantages, such as not saying anything at all when casting spells and magically returning experiences to me. I turned to the alicorns. "What are your names? I told you mine, so you should tell me yours."
"I am Celestia, Princess of the Sun," the white alicorn stated, readying her hammer.
"And I am Luna, Princess of the Moon," the indigo mare responded, already charging up another attack.
I smiled. "Let this fight commence." With that statement, they charged me and my five clones. They retaliated with a simple spell:
"Glacier Wave!" The combined might of five weaker Glacier Waves was enough to delay them. I leaped up onto the flowing ice, barely redirecting a blow from the warhammer of Celestia. Luna's own attempt to kill me was partially successful- she managed to stab through my bony chest, and I damn near screamed as the pain coursed through me. I managed to throw her away from me, and I staggered away, blackish blood slowly pumping out of the wound. This was going to seriously hinder my magical prowess.
Celestia and Luna retreated as another piece of strange music started blaring. They readied their weapons, and charged up their ultimate spells. This wasn't like Discord, where the Elements had aided them. The Elements didn't work on a mortal being in the same way. This was a battle against a mortal being who was nevertheless damn near godlike.
"SUN'S WRATH!" Celestia's magic glowed white hot, surrounding her with flames that were limited with the closeness to her people. Her expression was haughty and proud, the heat shimmering her image.
"LUNAR PENANCE!" Luna's own aura surrounded her in shadows, binding her limbs together in a black shroud dotted with stars. Her eyes briefly shone with teal before reverting to their natural blue colour. In this form, her blades seemed to be longer. Xante raised an eyebrow. "So, we've all taken our limiters off, have we? Then let's really fight. Get your soldiers out of here; I dislike causing collateral damage."
Celestia turned to her commander, who had barely avoided Xante's furious fighting style. "Go." He seemed reluctant to leave.
"My Princess, do not ask me to-"
"NOW." The Royal Canterlot Voice boomed across the entire battlefield. The commander reluctantly left, barking orders to retreat. Xante flicked his staff, and thse undead who hadn't been beaten retreated as well.
"No more distractions." Celestia and Luna charged him.
I flicked my staff at them, and a gigantic meteorite of ice flew at them. While they had to deal with that, I raised my staff higher, summoning both a Glacier Wave and directing my clones to fire Grand Prismatic Sprays at them. Now that I wasn't restrained, I was going all out. Aurora Missiles activated all around me and I readied another spell.
Celestia's mere presence caused the huge meteorite to start melting like crazy, water evaporating and turning into steam. Luna's own shadow magic pulled the Prismatic Sprays into her being, and she glimmered as she absorbed the magic that the blasts contained. She then released a volley of shadowy bolts, destroying all five clones in a single hit each. The Glacier Wave was simply smashed and cut by both of them. But the feeling of an incredibly powerful spell being summoned caused them to turn around.
"EPIC LEVEL SPELL: BIFROST BOLT!" The wall of rainbow energy tore through the very air around it in its haste, impacting with them at such speed that an explosion of rainbow fire surrounded them. As the rainbow coloured flames subsided, Celestia and Luna were still standing, though they were seriously injured. The resulting crater was about ten feet wide and thirty feet deep.
"You know, there is no loss of honour in retreating form a superior force." Xante's voice floated down to them. Celestia glared at him, firing up her horn. Luna sank into the shadows of the pit while Celestia flew out to deliver a more direct assault. Xante was only mildly concerned about the incredible heat that exuded from Celestia, content to simply surround himself in rainbow armour to shield himself.
I blocked the shaft of the warhammer swinging at me with my staff and kicked her in the gut, pushing her back. To capitulate, I advanced, firing a Prismatic Spray at her point blank. Her fiery aura bore the brunt of the damage, but she was still sent staggering back. I was about to finish her off when I felt two blades entering me. I looked down on them, then turned around. Luna smirked as she fully emerged from the shadows. So, she could teleport silently through shadows then? "Thou art finished, lich."
"Not yet." Though it hurt IMMENSELY, I wasn't out of the game just yet. I smirked as my freezing aura started to affect her. "Feeling cold?" Luna struggled to withdraw her scimitars from my body, but the ice started climbing up the blade's length, enveloping her gloved hands. Suddenly, Celestia was in my face, but I retaliated with another Bifrost Bolt at point blank range.
She was sent hurtling backwards form the sheer force, her shield barely up in time. Luna grinned. "I thank thee." She pulled her swords out and flipped away. I cursed- the heat from Bifrost Bolt had been enough to melt the entrapment spell I'd used to hold her. Still, Celestia was back, Now was the time to skedaddle. I raised my staff to teleport-
A cloud of darkness surrounded my body. I looked at Luna, who seemed to be under a great deal of strain. "An impressive use of shadow magic to nullify my abilities, but I shall triumph over this."
"Not for a while though." Celestia and Luna's magic met, and turned into a wall of black fire.
"ALICORN HARMONISATION: BLACK FIRE WALL!"
I was impressed with that spell. "Fascinating. These flames are interesting, and prevent my movement. But I shall teleport out of here right away-"
"IMMUTABLE CUBE!"
A black box sprung up around me. Just before it closed, I looked at Celestia. "That was most impressive."
With that, the Immutable Cube solidified. Celestia panted, the strain of using such magic draining her. Beside her, Luna nodded. Though she wasn't as good in direct combat as her sister, she was a more powerful magic specialist. She cast her second Immutable Cube, sealing the other one over as a precaution. She then slumped down with Celestia, looking at the battlefield.
"It's over Celestia."
"I know." They sat there for a while, remembering the most powerful opponent they'd fought in a while.
Present Day
I smiled, chuckling. My second defeat had been the closest one. The furthest one had been with Sombra. And there had been one duel where I shouldn't have won, except for my unorthodox tactics. He was probably long dead. With a grim smile, I teleported into my wine cellar. I poured myself a glass and raised it. "Rest in Peace, Starswirl the Bearded. I tipped the glass into my mouth...
And immediately spat it back out. "BLEH!" The wine had been left unattended for a thousand years, there was quite a lot of sediment built up in there. I resolved to find a new bottle of wine to toast a fellow magician.
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4228649
Who knows? I believe that I don't suck at writing, and people seem to agree with me, but maybe it isn't that good.
4228657 It's not bad, sure I wish they are a bit longer but bad? As if, it's a bit rare to see a villian turn hero story around these parts. Keep up the good work.
Eh, I like it.
Great chapter
to short
we'll be waiting for the next chapter when you get it out
Nice chapter!
thanks for the quick updating, this story gave me a good laugh so far.....I give it two smiles and a smirk.
I sorda get the ice king from Adventure Time vibe from Xante. Which is hilarious.
This is so goddam corny. I love it.
A TV Tropes page won't be bad.
4228657 Still don't fly away on the winds of appreciation. Yes, your story is nice, but neither it is the time to speak about tv-tropes nor it is the greatest achievement for an author. I myself can't help but feel it as a unmotivated (at least YET) request to the readers.
Was hoping for more in the present, but this was still very entertaining. BTW, I forgot to mention how interesting it is that you've done an anthro version of this kind of story. Nice for breaking the mold.
2fast4me
Also we just went full Lagaan.
…
Ugh, please stop with the flashbacks. I want to find out what is happening now, not get my hopes up just to see a chapter dedicated to a flashback leading to something i already know the end to.
Great story though btw, love it.
Glad this was featured so I could read and fav it. Keep up the work.
That was exactly what I imagine Celestia and Luna to be like on the warpath. The only reason they they are constantly beaten is because of the 'superman complex' (patent pending) where they refuse to allow themselves to cause collateral damage.
4229012
That's the problem with all these villain in Equestria stories. They keep doing these flashbacks to things that we the readers don't particularly care about, delaying the parts that are actually of interest.
4229084
Hmmm... maybe I should make the chapter all about the past...
man we keep getting stories of him getting his ass kicked. I wanna see this guy win at something for once plz.
also he had a phylactery so why didnt he just kill himself before the immutable cube finished? he could've re-spawned and won.
4229110
All shall be explained...tomorrow
4229105
The thing is, it's a foregone conclusion. We know what is going to happen because it has happened. Ask someone who isn't a football fan to watch a football game with you- they are far more likely to agree if it isn't recorded, even if they don't know the outcome. In the same way, action doesn't usually lend itself well to flashbacks for action's sake.
All of the recent cosplay villain fics I've read have had this issue. It's one thing to start in medias res but quite another to keep bouncing back and forth like some deranged timey wimey rubber ball dropped by some dude with two hearts.
Go ahead and read Retired to Equestria, which is unfortunately likely to be on permanent hiatus. We do have some flashbacks used, but it is done in a compelling fashion which deepens Damien's character.
4229215
Fair enough. Here's a promise: the next two chapters are not going to have ANY flashbacks of any kind.
4229372 Mothafucka did you just call me a bitch?
GGRRrr
[I spy another Kill La Kill reference!]
I can't really imagine that Starswirl would have been that much more powerful than Celestia and Luna, but whatever.
This story is seven colors of FABULOUS, but I have just one criticism. Please don't switch between first and third person. It is quite confusing.
4229725
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain
4229374
Do I need to call you deaf?
'From', not 'Form'
Get to it, knave.
Hilarous. First, ecap ym eeht tnarg i. Ecap ni tser, lriwsrats.
(Try to translate this xante.)
Second, up sor a deul of shadow and ice magic?
… I f*cking love you, man… This character is probably who I'd be if I was in that kind of situation… I would go full-on fabulous! Damn… All that Blumenkranz has altered my perspective of the proper entry form… ah, to hell with it! RAINBOWS GALORE!
The story you have written if weird, corny, has a very unusual errr... hard to say who and i am loving it. Perfect thing to read to unwind after an annoying day.
I very much like how you portray the main character: nice, funny, awesome, powerful, and fabulous, all while he is (in the flashbacks) an antagonist to the Princesses. Unlike other stories I have read (and some movies) where the characters are black-and-white, either the good guy or the bad guy, here you have someone who is a villain that has snow ball fights with little kids. That's not an activity you would normally picture with a villainous lich who has an army of undead, and it's that spontaneity that makes Xanto's character a full on rainbow.
As for the flashbacks, I don't necessarily mind them, but I would like to see more present-day development. In all, I greatly enjoy this story, and I am on the edge for the next chapter of this epic tale.
~Honey Glen
I who waits in the darkness..anticipate the next chapter!
While i can safely say love this story and all its faboulishness i do find the flashbacks really annoying and could honestliy careless if you were to drop the flashbacks but more importenliy i want to see how he acts now not how he acted when sombra was around.
It would have been great to see that fight in the cartoon.....but i guess it would be a TAD bit to gory for a Childrens cartoon.
i.imgur.com/l482rnU.png
DO YOU FEEL PROUD NOW, BOY? :D
I think you're writing of fights is amazing. You certainly capture all the action. It's definitely an enjoyable read.
4232199 How do you get 474 favorite updates!?
4232659 Not enough time, simply.
Freakin awsome
4232199 NOWS HES A MAN. A MAN MAN MAN
I'm now tempted to write up a character sheet for Xante in Pathfinder...
screenshu.com/static/uploads/temporary/ui/z8/hk/so91fb.jpg
Hmm, where have I heard that before?
So much win in this story. Got a read later from the title, an upthumb from the title names, and a fave for the references and overall quality of the story. Keep it up good friend
Having the characters shouting out spell names in giant text takes me out of the action. It's like the story randomly takes moments to stop being an okay comedy and start being a generic dragon ball z clone that mistakes loudness for intensity.
Pain's theme made that fight five times more epic, and all this filthy magic usage is turning me off.
Why do they have to say what they are going to cast? It sounds incredibly stupid when they do that. This isn't Harry Potter...