Problems
When the train pulled into Ponyville station, the battle of wills was in full swing. The Elements of Harmony stood right back, watching it from afar.
"How much more can she take..." Pinkie Pie whispered ominously.
"You mean how long before he snaps..." Rainbow Dash mumbled back.
There was a lot of money riding on this. What else could one do in such a tense situation?
Chrysalis had been a puddle of liquid joy on Xante, at least until her brain started to piece together what he'd been saying. Now, after her own disagreements and avoiding his magic hands, they were stuck glaring at each other. Finally, Chrysalis spoke.
"No."
(Pinkie Pie smugly accepted everypony's money.)
"Please? Come on! I got the maid outfit and everything."
Queen Chrysalis glared at me. "I agreed to the peace treaty, not being your maid. So go shove your maid outfit somewhere else."
"Yeah, I agree that the whole maid thing was pleasejustbecomemymaid. Please. I'll give you more orgasms if you do~."
The Changeling Queen kept glaring at me. "I'm not going to become your maid just because you did some weird magic thing with your hands."
"It's not magic, it's chakra. Slightly different. Magic is mental energy, chakra is physical energy." It's not often that I have to make that distinction. Regardless, Queen Chrysalis looked at my two new serfs and shook her head.
"You're not all-powerful. If you didn't have that trick, how would the fight have gone then?"
"Well, it would've still been in my favour, but-"
I was cut off- both quite rudely and literally- by Queen Chrysalis' hand going through my neck like a knife through butter. "Really?"
From my new position on the floor, I pouted. "Only a sanctified weapon is enough to kill me. Other weapons hurt a lot, that's all. Your move."
"What about magic?" Chrysalis burnt my hand off in demonstration. My body eventually managed to find my head and reattach it.
"That was uncalled for." With a burst of focus, rainbow light surrounded my severed hand and my stump, both leaking a black ichor. They reattached without a hint of a seam.
"Rainbow Magic is the magic of healing, undeath and general destruction. Very versatile."
"So, you can heal. And apparently you think that's enough to take me on?"
"Lady, I fought Celestia and Luna to a standstill, and I would've won had they not gotten a lucky shot in." Power flared up around me, quashing her objections. "Beat that."
Chrysalis glared at me, but grudgingly backed down. "Fine. But I'm not your damn maid. In fact, oh Mr 'First Among Liches,' if you're so powerful, then how come it took you so long to escape Shining's barrier?" She waved at the stallion, who glared back.
"I don't and never will trust you, Chrysalis. No matter how repentant you act, there's something up with this deal." He glared at the two Changeling drones who had accompanied them. "And what's the deal with these two bozos, Xante? What possessed you to take them with us? As if taking the Changeling Queen wasn't enough."
"That is simplicity itself, Captain Shining Armour!" I grinned happily as I explained.
"You see, I don't often get living creatures to be my servants, and zombies suck at cooking things, or doing anything really. So, I interviewed them on the battlefield- which is totally awesome, by the way- and now I have two servants who can shapeshift as my followers! Neat huh?"
"... you know what, I give up." The train finally rumbled into a stop.
Shining Armour glared at me. "If I hear even the slightest hint that something's up with you and my sister, I'll-"
"Put me in that shield thing? Like that worked so well last time."
Shining kept glaring. "That was a dirty trick you used, you insane old bastard!" Twilight looked at Shining.
"Come to think of it, how DID Xante get out from the barrier anyway?"
Shining Armour sighed. "He got me in the heart."
Earlier on the train...
Shining Armour watched as his magic started glowing around him. Xante grinned.
"Ready? Okay, I'll strip."
Shining Armour's jaw dropped as Xante started removing his clothing. Curiously, his nipples started glowing.
"Stop that, Xante! My sister's on this train! Stop it!"
Xante blew a raspberry and threw his upper robe off entirely.
"Make me, Shining Armour!"
Shining knew that this was a bad idea, messing with an old and insanely powerful lich. However, there wasn't anything he could do aside from compressing the barrier.
With a flare of power, the cell tightened around him, at its highest possible strength. Xante grinned, and with a bright flare of light he disappeared. Shining glared around.
"Where are you?"
"Right behind you."
Shining Armour whipped around, trying to catch the lich, but he was gone. Cautiously, he removed the barrier-
"Sucker punch."
-and he was winded as a fist like iron smashed into his gut, denting his armour. Xante grinned unpleasantly.
"I'm old, I have an excuse to have mastered ventriloquism. That was just embarrassing."
He preformed the same gestures for his Immutable Cube.
"Sorry to put you in an inferior barrier, Shining Armour. Yours is a true work of genius."
With that, the Cube surrounded him.
"... and that's how I bested him: with cunning, wit, skill and an ungodly amount of luck."
Twilight shook her head. "Ventriloquism and bending the light around yourself. I'm honestly surprised that worked. Anyway," here she took my arm gingerly, "follow me to your new quarters, please."
With that, she dragged me off. However, before we really got moving, a coin fell into my hand. I looked it over- a golden coin with the helmet of a Roman soldier on it. Not wanting Twilight to see it, I quickly stuffed it into one of my pockets for safekeeping. I was going to examine it later.
After a brief tour around 'Ponyville,' where I was barely focusing as I tried to think about the coin, we eventually arrived at the place where I was going to be kept. Golden Oaks library. It was a literal treehouse-library thing. Whatever, I'd been in odder places.
"Nice place." I commented, wiping a finger along the tops of the bookshelves and finding it spotless. Wow, obsessive-compulsive much? Nobody looks up there.
Twilight chuckled a bit. "Thank you. Nice of you to say so." It wasn't the best of places, but compared to my previous accommodations it was practically heaven itself. Everything was pretty damn good here- it had books, books, a kitchen, all this nice stuff. Perfect. Except for a few decorations...
Which reminded me. "Do I have a room or similar? I could really use... stuff. With other stuff." I've never been a good liar under pressure, don't judge me. Thankfully, Twilight didn't seem to be the most observant of ponies.
"Sure, I can show you your room. No problem!" Spike seemed to be a bit suspicious.
"Um, Twi? Maybe we should keep an eye on him."
Mentally I applauded his forethought and caution. However, I really wanted to have a closer look at this coin and figure out what it was exactly. Fortunately, Twilight was as oblivious as ever.
"Spike, I think we should give Xante a small measure of trust, you know?" Spike looked at me. I waved in a friendly manner. He kept looking at me cautiously. "Alright, Twi. Whatever you say."
My room, such as it was, was located in the basement. I raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry, but this is the only spare space that I have here. I'd rent you an apartment or something, but money's a bit tight at the moment."
Money a bit tight? Why would it be? She's the student of the Princess herself.
"Um, I don't want to seem rude, but... you could be rolling in money. Why aren't you?" Twilight smiled gently.
"Yeah, that's what a few ponies asked me. Just because I'm her student doesn't mean that I get more privileges than any other pony. Plus, if I had limitless money I think it might go to my head."
I nodded sagely. "Ah. I was just curious. This room shall suffice for what very few needs I have. Thank you." I then hurriedly escorted her out before she noticed the glimmer of silver on the table that had literally appeared there in a few moments.
I walked over to the table and picked the silver object up. One side had an angelic figure with Columbia 1900 inscribed, and the other had what looked like a sword and key superimposed over a scroll. Whatever it was, it was no coin that I recognised. It seems as if I'm extremely lucky with random coins just falling out of the sky to meet me. I flicked the coin reflectively, then pocketed it with the other, where they clinked and jingled. Why coins? It didn't make much sense to me at all. Maybe they travelled better than other mediums. As I recall, that mysterious being sold enchanted merchandise so that he could transport people into this realm known as Equestria. And from what Gilgamesh'd said, there were other Equestria's, scattered through this chunk of the multiverse.
If I wasn't imprisoned here against my will, then I would've clapped at the audacity of the salesbeing. Good on it for knowing that humans, like magpies, enjoy shiny stuff. So, set up a stall filled with shiny stuff, distribute it where you'd get angry, disaffected people- a comiccon or something, I don't know- and watch the ball roll. Quite impressive, with a lot of destruction achieved for almost no effort on your part at all. It did rely on those humans' greed and need for shinies... ah, who am I kidding. Those humans LOVE money and shiny objects. I liked them a lot, but their obsession with money and recognition was simply fascinating to me. They were like tall dwarves, if that made any sense.
Well, time to set up a mirror. I simply walked over to the wall with the mirror. Power flared around me. I focused on my hands. Twin magic circles surrounded them- a pale blue circle in my left and a seven-coloured one in my right. I slammed them together, and created a new circle, one still rainbow coloured but now tinted white and light blue on the edges. Bifrost magic was what I was after to make a truly stable mirror portal. The other one I'd built in my castle was a simple stop gap measure born of desperation. With a fine, flowing script, I traced on the mirror several powerful wards, intent on keeping this a secret from everybody. Should I need to escape, I could do so. Then, I simply called up a familiar spell and shoved it in.
Whereas my previous measure was crude and unstable, with a lot of static, the images I got now were crystal clear. I watched with mild interest the man dressed as Darth Vader flee a collapsing Canterlot. I didn't know how to feel about the huge man in golden armour, watching over Celestia in another world. I even managed to spy out a pair of humans flitting through reality, brother and sister. When I saw two humans from alternate universes having sex with each other I quickly wrote a rune to record it for my personal viewing pleasure. In fact, I was having so much fun with the mirror portal I almost didn't hear the door being opened. Quick as a wink I shut off the portal and started acting naturally- which was to say, I quickly sat on the bench and picked up a random book. I flipped through the pages as Spike came down, just to check up on me.
"Hey, sorry I was intruding." He noticed me reading and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, I was just asking- why are you reading that book upside down?" Crap.
"It's good for my mental processes. I'm afraid of going senile in my old age." Mr Spike just kept watching me.
"Right." He doesn't believe me. Then again, he is pretty cautious and sensible. Maybe if I got to know him he'd be an okay guy to be around, but with my situation the way it is I'm more than a little afraid that he might find out about the mirror. Kid had some real brains in his head. Spike looked unsure and suspicious. Then again, I was technically an intruder who could take on gods from his perspective."
"Hey, what'd you do to the mirror?" I winced.
"...nothing."
That only made him even more suspicious. "It looks like some of Twilight's warding spells, and I KNOW it wasn't like this before. What is it? If it's dangerous, then-"
I sighed. Well, that had lasted a depressingly short amount of time before being discovered. "Alright, I guess I can tell you." I walked over to the mirror and tapped it, displaying the images again. Spike leant in, curious. "I've never seen a spell like this before. What does it do?"
"Are you aware of multiverse theory, young drake?"
Spike scratched his head. "Yeah, of course. For every action, there's a universe where that action did or did not happen, or happened to a different person."
I nodded. "Exactly. You know this already, but I'm not a denizen of your world. I am a denizen of the world of Ranreia, a world of magic and other things. I would explain more, but essentially, it's much like your world, only without all the ponies and stuff. And there is another world called 'Earth.' For some reason, other Equestria's have had a large influx of humans from that place. There's something behind it, and that's what's been keeping me here. I cannot return to my own world unless it decides to let me. And normally, it wouldn't be a problem, but the damnable creature is in some pocket of reality that I cannot find."
I would have explained more, but unfortunately my main caretaker blundered down here, and I froze in place, the mirror still showing images of other Equestrias- ones where she was a more conventional pony, and others. She stood there for a moment in shock, eyes looking between me and Spike as if we were doing something bad.
"What...? What is this?"
I grinned weakly while sweat dripped down my neck.
"I can explain...?"
So I was going through my writing process a bit like this. 
I usually write like this anyway. This is how I roll.
And now it's done.
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Wonderful chapter
(Wow, ponimotes hate me when I'm commenting through my iPod)
Awesome chapter, and love the constant updates!
Liches can sweat even though they're a corpse? The more you know...
Intrigeresting. That is a word now.
4297883
Yes, they sweat liquid magic.
maybe Xante can take Spike on as an apprentice? it would annoy Twilight, give Spike a level in FABULOUS! and would be the cause of many shenanigans
i57.tinypic.com/u27gg.gif
I captioned a thing. It was Fabulous.
4298004 I approve of this message.
Oooooohh, I can already feel all the bad things that will happen when Twilight learns of that
4298021 Take that and reverse it and you have me.
So that how he escape stripping.....well that was kinda awesome, but it was soooo hilarius
Nice ._.
Everyone know that if you are trapped in a confined space with someone always watching, all you have to do is strip and begin to masturbate. It is simply too akward for the guard to keep watching. In the case with shining armor, the lack of focus would destabilize his spell.
I've never really given it a thought but exactly how anthro are the ponies in Xante's reality?
The tame and cute or hot and sexy kind.
Author's choice please.
4298707
Both
4298724 pick a number...
th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/236/b/c/types__queen_chrysalis_by_shepherd0821-d6ji7w5.jpg
But if you have a preferred type, post a pic please!
And since you wanted chrysalis in a maid's dress, such a thing was hard to find...( she didnt want to pose)
Have a cute drone instead for your troubles.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mad8nzM5mh1qc5ffho1_1280.jpg lol
4298775
3.5. I like holey legs but I also like boobs and clothes.
*Giggles maniacally* This chapter is wonderful.
4298775 I've always assumed we were around to 3 on the chart
4298775
I imagine it's 4, but I'm not the author.
4298775
5 of course!
4298775 Isn't that changeling Doppel from Diaries of a Madman? The one in the maid outfit.
chrysalis in a maid outfit.
4299153 he exploded?
4298067
Xante: ice and rainbows
Spike: fire and rainbows
Both FABULOUS!
Together they fight crime!
....
And annoy the piss out of everyone else (except Discord, he's cool with it)
thanks for the update, I enjoyed it.
… I feel like he needs to play this:
Among other things… By the way, his FAB was a little lacking in this chapter… only at 23,000 (on average, he generates at least 50,000 units of FAB a chapter). I now make it my DUTY to analyze the amount of FAB per chapter! THIS FAB MUST BE CONSTANTLY MONITORED!
By the way, about them notes…
ANOTHER FAN OF JOJO? HOORAY!
4298775 pick number 3 mah lord!
*holds up two fingers*
4302086
I've never watched Jojo's Bizarre adventure, sorry. I thought that the gif was appropriate, that's all.
4298775 Chrysalis looks too loli in 2 and 1. I like the ones that wouldn't make me look like a pedo...because I'm not interested in that.
4299904 Discord just points and laughs, while eating popcorn
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121223225546/mlp/images/b/bf/Discord_laughing_2_S2E02.png
4304937
i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb66/juggasic/dr_evil_rightthumb.jpg
4309926 No, but seriously. 2 and 1 are underdeveloped...though one is interesting, and two is...something. I prefer 3-5.
Not going to lie, started reading this a while back and just now noticed that you changed the picture, it's brilliant by the way.
Aerigim
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11113/111133730/3571243-images23232.jpg
Also Lord of the Dance and Mistress of Magma. Also, this fc06.deviantart.net/fs19/f/2007/287/b/9/LFG_Motivation_Poster_2_by_Taku_The_Legend.jpg
4331300
>wonders if human
>Fic has anthro tag
>mfw:
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/748/416/f3b.gif
Oh my god.
I was going through all the different stories that I am reading to see which ones have updated and I see this... This... absolutely perfect picture... that was updated recently.
I can now die a happy man.
4298775
Here's one by the inimitable John Joseco, uncolored sadly:
derpicdn.net/img/2013/10/7/443382/large.jpg
Interesting so far, but why the general hate on people for enjoying things they can obtain with money?
4299904
And sometimes he joins them as their a-steamed guest
Ba-dum tish
Did Xante caught a scene from Darth Vulcan?
5849963 I think he did. I seriously think he did. :D
Hmm, Chryssie in a maid's outfit... *nosebleed*
Yoooo
Is that Baron Zeppeli and Speedwagon