“THIS TIME I AM PREPARED!” boomed a voice as the ripple in the air opened into a hole in reality. Immediately afterwards a figure dropped out, laughing maniacally as it fell to earth, landing on it’s feet. Inexplicably, music started to play as the armored warrior stood up and began to spin his weapon and strike several poses.
“To you who have called me, prepare to bear witness to my magnificent power, my dashing form of grace that inspires all who see it! To you who I face, prepare for the most spectacular defeat you could have hoped for! I am he who lives for battle, whose armor is soaked with blood, sweat, and dust! Entire armies, dragons, demons, and gods fall before my might! Your defeat is assured, for you face the one, the only,” he finally stopped spinning his weapon, holding it behind him as his other arm extended forwards. He rolled his head three times before proudly shouting “GILGAMESH!”
No one moved. I swear I saw a tumbleweed go by.
“Um…” I began.
“LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!” he shouted before launching himself like blur at the earthen pony, both of his feet slamming into it as a massive shockwave rang throughout the air.
The pony blinked a few times, and the small crack that had appeared on one of his legs was sealed with a burst of Psynergy. I sighed at the display.
“Y’done? Cause if so, I have info you’re gonna want to hear about these guys before you go charging into a terrible situation.”
He jumped back and took a defensive stance beside me.
“Ahem. Yes, well, perhaps I was bit too hasty. I suppose I was just a bit too excited after my most recent victory. Please, any information at all would be helpful.” Rather than sounding fearful or frustrated at his attack being more or less useless, he seemed more embarrassed than anything else.
I nodded and pointed at the one he’d just attacked. “Venus, Earth-aligned. Hard hitting, capable of taking hits as well. Slow, though.” I went around the circle in a clockwise fashion. “Mars, Fire-aligned. Pretty good at hitting multiple targets, is often compared to a living weapon. Vulnerable to non-physical attacks. Jupiter, Wind and Lightning. Status effects are status quo. Fast, but physically vulnerable. Mercury, Water and Ice. Capable of healing status and physical effects, typically physically vulnerable.” I pointed Eureka at Mercury, then Venus. “I’d suggest starting with Mercury, then going to Venus, seeing as they of earth typically have some minor healing abilities as well.”
“Hold on, this sounds familiar… Oh hey, this a Golden Sun Equestria, huh? Man I haven’t played that game in… well, more than fifteen-hundred years!” He sighed. “And I just realized I’ll never know if they made a sequel to the third one. I made myself sad.”
I snorted. “The first rule of Golden Sun is we don’t talk about the ending of the third game. And yeah, I may be sorta responsible for that. Remind me to tell you after. It’s a good story, involving this sword, a suit of armor, and lightning.” I turned to face Venus. “Think you can handle Mercury while I distract the living earth golem here?”
“Just one question. I think I know that answer, but I just want to be sure. Are they living beings I have to worry about killing?”
I sighed while I considered his question. “Technically, yes. There’s a pony under there that’s...fused to his power. A power he should not have. I can deal with that...probably. Never had to, before. But these ones aren’t being controlled, so they won’t go willingly. Knock ‘em out if you can, but don’t be gentle. They won’t return the favor.”
I was surprised to find he actually hesitated. “That wasn’t the answer I was expecting, actually. Hm. Well, considering the earth one was able to take my kick, I guess I shouldn’t worry too much. But for now,” he spun his weapon before charging the Mercury pony. “LET’S MAKE A SPLASH!”
I nodded and pointed my blade at Venus. “Let’s get ready to rumble.” I was about to call up a quick burst of wind, maybe Plasma, but then I recalled something highly worrying. Venus has access to Ragner-
Indeed, a huge ghostly blade materialized and started to rush towards me. My eyes widened and I had to try to parry it. “Watch out!” I screamed as I managed to send it over my shoulder.
Gilgamesh turned his head mid-stride to see me deflect the blade. As it headed towards him he quickly thrust his hand forward and shouted “MISSILE!” Sure enough a missile appeared in front of him and fired at the sword. The two objects met and both exploded, the force sending him crashing through the trees and out of sight.
I sighed at the display. “Well, that went we-”
My sigh of resignation was interrupted quite rudely by a beam of pure fire, followed up by a lightning bolt. As I took a knee to recover from the sudden attacks, I saw the Mercury pony raise a hoof that was suddenly solid ice. Well brain, it was fun while you were in my cranium. Guess we get to test out that immortal thing again.
“PENETRATING BEAM!”
A laser of red energy shout of the forest, vaporising the part of the trees it hit before hitting the Mercury pony, causing it to shake in what appeared to be pain. Gilgamesh dashed out from the forest and stopped right next to it, positioning himself with his weapon held behind his head like a bat.
“Hey, hothead! COOL OFF!” He shouted and swung the weapon hard. It didn’t connect, but instead unleashed a massive gust of wind that sent the Mercury being into the Mars pony. He then turned to me and pointed. “And only I’m allowed to make bad puns!”
I grimaced as my power reacted to my wounds and healed them. “Hey, when the city names are puns based on Earth cities, you quickly get in the mood for puns.” I paused as I stood back up. “And drama. And drama delivered like puns. Christ, Rarity could write Shakespeare with more flowery language than he could.”
“Yeah, point taken.” He turned to our opponents and his eyes widened. “Whoa. Hey, is that what I think it is?”
Indeed, both the Mercury and Mars pony were quickly trying to disentangle themselves, but the ‘damage’ had been done: part of their normal bodies were visible again. I groaned and slapped my head in frustration. “Of course! Opposing elements would be the best thing to hit them with! Now that I’m looking for it, their powers and their transformations are tied together!”
“Really? I wasn’t even planning that, I just kinda wanted to make a pun with my attack.”
I let out a wry grin. “Well, seeing as how many literary rules this world seems to follow, it looks like it might have helped. Now, what elemental attacks do you have? I’ll plan around you.”
“Well, you saw Penetrating Beam, that’s fire. I’ve also got Earthquake, Wind Slash, and Aqua Breath… So yeah, I’ve got everything.”
I nodded at his words. “Well, that helps. Let’s see about taking out Jupiter then; if he gets off a Seal, we’ll be in deep shit. I’ve no idea how it’ll react to my powers, let alone yours, but it tends to target magic and psynergy indiscriminately.”
“In that case, let’s get ready for the finale! Protect, Shell, and Haste for both of us!” He declared before casting the three spells on us both. The tingle of the spells washed over me, enhancing my speed and strength. At least, that I could feel.
“Mighty Guard would’a been nicer, but take what you can get, right?” I pointed my sword at Jupiter, then turned to face Venus. “I’ll take this one for a bit, you take that one. If we can get them to make mistakes…”
“Then we can make the wind scatter the earth! Now for an overwhelming victory!” he shouted before dashing at the Jupiter pony, spinning his weapon as he went. He stopped just in front of it before slamming his blade into the ground, causing dirt and rocks to fly at it like bullets.
I called up what I could recall of Plasma and channeled it into Eureka. The blade lit up with lightning dancing across it. I dashed towards the Venus pony, blocking his hooves as he kept swinging at me. I was waiting for an opening, and he gave it.
Another ghostly blade materialized above him, and I quickly parried it again, sending it over my shoulder. “Heads up, Gilgy!”
Though it wasn’t headed right at him it was still close. I couldn’t see his mouth because of his face guard, but I got the feeling he had the widest grin ever on.
“TIME TO KICK REASON TO THE CURB AND GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE!”
I almost couldn’t believe what I saw next. He reached out and, before the sword hit the ground, actually grabbed it by the handle. He then jumped into the air and raised the ghostly sword above his head.
“FUCK YOU, PHYSICS!” He shouted before hurling the psyenergy blade at the Jupiter pony, which then promptly exploded. Once the dust cleared, it was plain to see that the pony had returned to ‘normal’ and was merely knocked out due to a sudden lack of energy. I blinked a few times at the spectacle before remembering I had a Venus pony to deal with. Fortunately, he was just as distracted as I was, so hitting him in the back of the head to daze him, then zapping him with the blade like it was an impromptu cattle prod served well enough.
“Two down,” I said as Venus’ power-fueled transformation flaked off, “Two to go. You want Mercury or Mars?”
He chuckled before rocketing towards the fiery equine, laughing like a maniac before shouting “LET’S SEE WHICH ONE OF US IS MORE HOTBLOODED!”
I sighed and turned to face Mercury. I barely took a step before I realized something was wrong. My extremities were noticeably colder than they had been a moment ago. Looking revealed a small layer of ice building up on them, and I blanched at how good his control was.
Most people are aware that the human body is a good portion of water wrapped around a calcium skeleton. Wouldn’t you know it, my body had the same dependence on water. The only question now was, would he- yep. That’s my blood freezing. What an interesting sen...sa…
“Jeez, I guess you really did need my help!”
I was shaken out of my stupor when I felt something hot hit me and knock me over. As I regained my senses I saw it was the Mars pony who, despite not really being able to see his face, looked dazed. I turned to see Gilgamesh, one of his hands smoking.
“If you’re that cold, then here’s a hand warmer!”
I blinked a few times and looked back to Mercury. “Well that’s a nasty trick you have there, and it’s not in the usual repertoire. Meaning…”
I picked up the Mars pony and threw him at Mercury. “Didn’t you hear? Opposites attract, ya bastard!”
The sizzling the two made as they came into contact with one another signaled the end of their transformations. I motioned to them with my left hand as I sheathed Eureka. “Care to knock them out? I’ll gather the other two and we can put them all together, it’ll make dealing with them a bit easier on me.”
He chuckled as he clipped his weapon to his back, casually strolling up to the former Mars and Mercury ponies. He picked them both up by their necks, thankfully not choking them. “Hey guys, here’s a question for ya. What kind of butt isn’t soft?”
“Bwuh?” one of them mumbled.
He then slammed his forehead into them both, instantly knocking them. “A headbutt,” he finished before dropping them to the ground. I unceremoniously dumped Venus and Jupiter nearby and focused my power, my hands lighting up with that familiar golden flame as I searched for answers deep within their minds. Or if not that, then their physiologies.
What I got was enough to make me scream in rage.
“You MOTHERBUCKERS! You imprison Djinn and drain their powers, toss them aside when they're of no more use to you, then graft their stolen energy to yourself! They’re living creatures too!”
My rage overcame me as my clothes shifted to their Night coloration, but I was past caring. I drew Eureka again and glared at the gathered former elemental ponies before me.
“There will be no mercy. No justice. Not for you. You. Will. Understand.”
The blade glowed from within as I brought it swiftly onto each one’s head in turn, causing them to slump to the ground, fully out of it. Only a low whistle from the warrior broke through my rage-induced stupor.
“Damn man, I expected that kind of righteous divine punishment speech to come from Luna or even Celestia. Looks like they really pushed a button of yours.”
I sighed at that, recalling why it angered me so. “Terra, Dracen, Puck, Newton. The first four Djinn. They were my companions fifteen hundred years ago, and they helped me imbue the tablets, they made the Stars...and when I was locked away, they found how to propagate their kind. All Djinn know of me, in some fashion. So when any are mistreated, it irks me.”
I looked down at the foursome. “They’re being forced to understand their victim’s pain now. Hopefully it’ll break through whatever fanaticism they’ve got. Seeing as they were some of the ones to actually drain the Djinn and go out hunting for more, I can only imagine what they’re feeling.”
“Whoa, whoa. ‘Fanaticism?’ Just what in the hell is going in this universe?”
I rolled my eyes. “Long story short, I unleashed Elemental Lights to craft a Golden Sun, so I could stand against and defeat the Wise One. Now it seems someone is trying to corner the market on Psynergy. These were four of his more devoted followers. He seems to think he can take Canterlot. He already tried to take the village of Adepts I gathered, and failed. I’m tracking him down, and I will deal with him.”
The warrior scoffed. “You absorbed the Golden Sun, defeated the Wise One, and some shmuck thinks that he’s going to rule over all Psyenergy? Pfft. The only way I see him taking Canterlot is if you let him. Speaking of, you’re trying to help the Princesses?”
I shrugged. “I’m sorta over that whole ‘Oh, we imprisoned you while you were Dullahan because we couldn’t see past our own snouts,’ thing they did. Forgave them a long time ago. All they needed to do was ask, which meant that they needed to see where they went wrong. Which I took great joy in showing them. Repeatedly. Also, yeah, I’m always trying to help. The Sisters just never saw it that way until recently. I think I ‘redeemed myself’ in their eyes when I stopped Canterlot from sinking.”
“Wow, you really are the master of Psyenergy, huh? And yeah, it is kinda fun, to show them they’re wrong about something. Though in my case, I was never really angry about the whole ‘sealing me in stone’ thing. In fact I let them do it, let them think they beat me. Of course, the thing I’m showing them is how weak they’ve gotten after their age of so called ‘peace.’ I mean, seriously, how peaceful can it be if the Changelings are going to come banging at the Canterlot doors in a few months. Plus, me whupping her flank gave me an excuse to call her fat for eating too much cake.”
I stared at him for a moment. “You know things. Okay, well, this world already had that invasion. I think the latest thing was something...about the Tree of Harmony? Yeah, that sounds about right. At least, I think so. I never did ask Dissy for details. Anything I should be aware of?”
“Wow, you’re already into season four? I’m still near the beginning of season two! But yeah, season four wasn’t all the way done when I got warped out, and I don’t remember much, seeing as I didn’t watch those episodes as many times as the previous three seasons. Unless you’re helping with personal issues, like when Luna helps Sweetie Belle with her sister problems, the only thing I could probably warn you about is that Tatzlwurm fiasco. And, that’ll probably get handled on its own if you didn’t have anything to do with helping with the Tree of Harmony.”
I shook my head. “As far as I’m aware, I don’t leave too large a footprint in the world. I meddle, surely. But I try to keep whatever narrative is being told ‘on the rails,’ as it were. I was in the Empire when the world went topsy-turvy for that.” I turned towards the ponies that were still knocked out. “We have their superior, Omega, to thank for that. At least, that’s what he calls himself. I’d best alert Dullahan to their location, he’ll come up with some sort of plan to deal with them, surely.”
I then turned to the warrior and gave a slight bow of my head. “So. Shall we tell each other how we came to be who and what we are in our own respective Equestria-branches, or would you rather I thank you for your work?”
He shrugged. “If you’d like. I’ll be honest, as much as I would like actually being able to talk to someone without them trying to attack me or run from me, I’m cool either way. Although, you said Dullahan? He’s here in addition to you? And you’re working with him?”
I chuckled and waved my hand. “Long story short, that was my costume, the blade is the reason I’m here. Apparently when I was brought here, I became the overriding will, and Dullahan was more of the...instinct. Thanks to the Wise One and Chryssy awakening my anger, he and I developed separate personalities, and when the Golden Sun hit me, we separated. Now the headless armor guards Newvale, the town I founded out of ponies and other Adepts who really don’t like Cel, and I’m alive again. You have no idea how much I love that last bit.”
“Heh, I’ll bet. Also, ‘Newvale?’ Nice. As for my own story, well…” He took a deep breath before taking a deep breath and striking a pose. “Though I would be delighted to tell you all the details of my grand epic, you seem to have some business to attend to so I shall give you the cliff notes version.” He began constantly switching poses. “I, the Mighty Gilgamesh, arrived in Equestria sixteen-hundred years ago, my time of course, during a time of great war and strife. The Minotaur Nomads, the Griffon Kingdom, and of course the ponies of Equestria all vied for supremacy over Equus. My great strength soon proved their efforts to be futile as none, not even the mighty Princesses of the Sun and Moon, could best me! After one hundred years the three warring factions put their differences aside to overpower me! I was so impressed with this that I allowed the Princesses to seal me in stone with the Elements of Harmony… after a land-reshaping epic battle, of course. After fifteen-hundred years I have returned, seeking to battle once again with the mighty celestial diarchs! Unfortunately, rather than increase in power, the two alicorn’s might and grace has waned, so much so that even in my weakest state I could easily best them. In addition, during my imprisonment, they separated me from my many weapons, and with them they also took away my ability to transform. I now seek to regain my lost weapons and power and also convince the Sisters to regain their former splendor for another glorious battle. In other words, I’m gonna get my shit back and whip them into shape before whupping them again!”
I chuckled at his hammy speech. “Geeze, into character much?” He pouted a bit before I waved my hand at him. “I get it, I get it, you’ve got a heart of gold. I could help you with that whole search of yours, but I want two promises from you before I do.”
“Name them, mighty mage of the five Elements!”
“First, you will not misuse your strength. Frankly, this whole Omega thing is getting to me. And second, that you will at least try to make peace with the Sisters. Maybe say you could be their personal trainer, or a drill sergeant of the Guard, or something. Swear on what you hold most dear, and I will try to make something for you.”
He chuckled. “Good sir, what you ask is what I already intended! But if you must hear me say it… I, the Mighty Gilgamesh, mighty warrior and ronin of the Multiverse, do so solemnly swear, upon the very wind that gives me the freedom I cherish, to never use my magnificent strength to oppress or abuse any creature… aside from the occasional prank. I also promise to become allies to the Sisters, and all forces of good in Equus… once I can actually convince them I’m not trying to start another globe spanning war. I guess the Changeling invasion could help with that.”
I nodded at him. “Good enough. Now let’s see how far I can push transmutation.”
I sent my power into the earth, seeking out iron ore deep beneath the surface. Finding just enough for my purposes, I pulled, ever so slightly, on it. It came out of the ground in a liquid form and pooled in front of me. I then molded some nearby wood into an appropriate carrying case and pulled some groundwater and sand up as well. With a little work and know-how, and a lot of energy, I had molded a compass, after a fashion. I then turned to Gilgamesh and opened it up. “Look familiar?”
I hoped it did; I had tried so hard, but apparently remaking Captain Jack Sparrow’s compass was not a task to be undertaken lightly. The warrior still let out a low whistle; I had apparently impressed him.
“What a wonderful reality this is for the most powerful beings in all the realms to be geeks,” he happily remarked before taking the compass. “You have my undying gratitude.”
I shook my head. “Not done. I only made it, I haven’t put the spells on it yet. Hold out your nagatina, if you would?”
The warrior unclipped his weapon from his back before standing it up like a flagpole. “Whenever you’re ready.”
I took the compass back and drew my sword as well. Carefully touching Eureka to the nagatina, I focused on the energies of both my sword and his weapon. “Law of Contagion...Resonating energies...a piece disconnected from the whole is still a part of the whole…”
There was a bright golden flash in the clearing, and the needle of the compass was now pointing firmly at the nagatina. I sheathed my blade and walked away a few steps to see the needle turn to face the weapon and smiled. “Would I be correct in assuming all your weapons are like a part of you? You did say they took your power and transformations when they sealed you and took your weapons, I just wanted to be sure that this will work for the others.”
“Yup, that’s right. I managed to recover one, not counting the naginata here, and I felt my power increase as it disappeared inside me. However, it seems I can’t transform until I have all of my weapons for that particular form back. Which is probably for the best really, I don’t want to embarrass myself by attacking with Excalipoor.”
I smiled and closed the compass up, walking back to the warrior. “This should give you a heading to either the nearest weapon, or the weapon you want most. I’m not certain, I’ve only just now field-tested it. But! In the case of it not functioning well, I will also gift you with valuable intel on the Multiverse and other Equestrias! Which would you like to hear first, the good side, the bad side, or the side that might actually pertain to you?”
“Hm… Hit me with the good, the bad, and the relevant, in that order. I’ll probably remember it best that way.”
I nodded as the warrior reclaimed his weapon and compass. “The good part is composed of a demon lord named Nocturne who answers calls through mirrors...for a price. Along with some sort of Heir of Breath named Typhon, he appears to have gone God-Tier. I suppose if you Call or answer their Calls, they might be welcome allies on the battlefield. The bad is composed of what I call the Triad; Alice with her Vorpal Blade, Pyramid Head with his Knife, and Jack of Blades.”
“You mean the American McGee Alice? And that Pyramid Head?” I actually saw him shudder. “I think I felt a chill.”
I nodded grimly. “The same. They form the Triad of Madness, their weapons can induce it...just like Eureka did.” Here I fingered my sword’s hilt and sighed. “I suppose, were I incapable of controlling myself or it these days, it would instead be a Quartet. I’ve learned to ask it to play nice, though.”
“And I’m sure every creature that has not had their minds broken by having a staring contest with The Rift thanks you for that.”
I shook my head. “I prefer to call it the Void Eternal, but whatever. And for the bits that actually pertain to you: there should be, somewhere in your world, since either you are most definitely a worthy holder or because of the nature of infinity, a coin with my symbol on it,” here I gestured to the eclipse emblazoned on my clothes, “And a black book with Dully’s name in it. They’re our Tokens, much like I suspect these gauntlets are yours.”
“Actually, I already found them both. They hit me in the face mere minutes after I got released from my prison, while I was in the middle of my Freedom Dance. It was one of the reasons I jumped to help you when you called. I didn’t call on you guys ‘cause, quite frankly, I thought it would’ve been selfish. That and I didn’t want Tia and Lulu freaking out about more incredibly powerful entities after I was able to pound her Royal Sunness to a pulp.”
I smiled at him. “Tia’s used to my antics by now, so you coming over here isn’t an issue for me. Typhon helped with that a bit, I think. Still, give me like a week to figure out this Omega guy and I’ll come if you need me. I’ve tested my functional immortality already, it seems to work. Or, if you need help right away, Dully’s experimenting with sending ‘copies’ of himself to others in the Multiverse.”
“Damn, you got some friends in high places. Well, I’ll try to see if I can get on my own for the most part. I kinda doubt I’ll need your help anyway. Also, speaking of this whole doom and gloom stuff with ‘Omega’,” he shook his head, “Seriously, ‘Omega’? Why doesn’t he just come straight and call himself ‘God’? Anyway, I thought you might need a laugh, or at least a chuckle, so here.” He grabbed my wrist and hoisted me up. Once again, music started to play out of nowhere.
“FRIENDSHIP LEVEL UP!”
I actually chuckled at that. “You’re right, I did need a laugh. What was that phrase? I seem to have forgotten...Ah well, it’ll come back to me. Godspeed, you crazy, crazy ronin.”
“And a fond farewell to you, my shiny friend. May the winds of freedom always carry your wings.”
“And may the Golden Sun illuminate your path.”
And with that he cut open a hole in the air above him. “GILGAMESH AWAY!” he shouted before jumping inside, the hole closing behind him almost immediately. I muttered to myself as the hole in the fabric of reality sealed itself.
“Crazy hammy bugger. Useful in a fight, but I almost feel sorry for his ‘Tia.”