The Life and Times of an Alchemist Turned Pony

by Thadius0

Chapter 4 - In the list of horrible ideas, this one is up there.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders. The fillies that terrorize Ponyville on a semi-regular basis, earnestly searching for their cutie marks. The Triad of-

...Okay that's just being unfair to them. I've met the Triad. Still, if there was an opening for Destruction or Mayhem, these three could be prime candidates.

If they aren't already, I mused through my terror.

Oh, why was I afraid? I'm glad you asked! Y'see, even in my...call it a diminished state, I could still sense Adepts. Their powers resonate with my own, after all. It's something like passive echolocation that Adepts have to help them identify other Adepts. Most aren't aware they have this power, though. It's one of those subconscious skills. You can train it, but it requires knowing what you're looking for and about a month's worth of focused meditation.

The reason I bring this up is one of them was a full fledged Adept, and the other two could join her if given the right nudge!

I'd been brought up to speed on the...'antics' of the Crusaders. I could only imagine what would happen if I were to 'nudge' them all into being Adepts. One already was, and if I didn't catch her and train her now, then she'd bring more harm than good when her powers eventually accidentally activated. Or, worse, she'd feel like there was some part of herself that was missing, deep down in her soul.

I may be many things, but I am not cruel to they that have not earned it.

Just terrified of three fillies blasting the hell out of the town with elemental powers.

I would seriously have to weigh the pros and cons of training the fillies. Unfortunately, I was not given time to do that.

"Sorry about that, mister," Scootaloo said.

"Yeah, we were chasing my new pet, and he sorta got away from us," Sweetie Bell picked up.

"Don'tcha mean our pet, Sweetie?" Applebloom looked over to her unicorn friend with a slightly annoyed glance. Sweetie responded by crossing her forelegs and huffing.

"He listened to me more than he did to you two. Hey mister?"

I turned to look at the trio of terror with an expression of hopefully masked fear and genuine curiosity. "Yes?"

"Have you seen a manticore run by here?"

I paused at that. I swear I heard a record scratch, somewhere in the distance, as my brain turned that last question over and over again.

A manticore. These three managed to make a fucking manticore run from them. I'm pretty sure I don't want to know how or why or where they got the manticore from, just that it escaped. And I was considering training these fillies! Well, if they do get trained, then they won't be half as much of a terror. They'll have to learn patience and how to be calm...If they actually listen. Okay, so this might not work out, but let's be optimistic about this. It can't be any worse than my current life, after all! I always have my tower to run back to!

"Why no, I did not see a manticore. Was I supposed to?"

All three of them let out an 'aww' of disappointment at my statement. "Consarnit! We lost 'im! There goes Manticore Taming, I guess..."

I feigned shock. "Manticore taming? You three were going to try to tame manticores?"

Scootaloo rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. "Well, more like a manticore..."

Sweetie nodded. "Yeah-huh! He was real nice and listened when I asked him to do stuff! And he really loved getting his tummy rubbed!" She looked to a side and sighed. "I guess the makeup was a bit much, though..."

...Oh hell. Newvale has a tame-enough manticore that fits that description perfectly. I'll make sure to apologize to him when I can. "And why would three fillies be trying to tame a manticore anyways?"

At this, the three looked at me, shared a glance amongst their number, and looked back at me with a wide smile on each of their faces. "You must be new in town to not have heard of us, mister. I'm Sweetie Bell."

"Scootaloo."

"An' ah'm Applebloom. Together, we're..."

Oh fuck no! Air cushion, air cushion! There was a flash of golden light over my ears that insulated them from loud noises, and not a second too soon. "THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!"

I blinked a few times at the sheer volume three tiny sets of lungs screaming in unison could generate. "I see. You're on a crusade to find your marks. But what does that have to do with manticores?"

Scootaloo looked at me with what I can only term as a 'no, duh' expression. "Isn't it obvious? We were gonna try to be..."

Three tiny sets of lungs inhaled again, and with a flick of my ears, I reaffirmed that my cushion was still in place before the next shout rang out. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, MANTICORE TAMERS! YAAAAAY!"

I blinked a few more times, glad for my powers. Satisfied they would not be screaming that loud again in the near future, I dismissed the cushion. "I see. So you found a docile enough manticore and attempted to tame it further?"

As three heads nodded in unison, I put a hoof to my chin and hmmed. "Isn't that redundant?"

They blinked a few times. "What's redundant mean?"

Sweetie Belle opened her mouth to answer Scootaloo, but I beat her to it. "Redundant. Also known as unnecessary, superfluous, or just plain unneeded. For example, if I were to suggest that Twilight needed more books, that would be redundant, because not only does she live in a library, but she has access to both the Canterlot Library and Archives, and I'm pretty sure she could swing a visit to the Crystal Kingdom's Library and Archives as well."

The fillies made 'oh' noises of comprehension before Scootaloo snorted. "Gee, somepony who knows more fancy words than you, Sweetie. Thought that was never gonna happen."

We both let out an indignant "Hey!" at the filly's remark, but I actually had words for this moment. "A small vocabulary speaks of a small mind behind the one who owns it. If you are unable to express your deepest thoughts properly, then how is anyone supposed to understand you?"

Sweetie's ears flicked at that remark. "Anyone? And he talked about Twilight, not Twilight Sparkle, the Princess' student, or Princess Twilight Sparkle."

...Fuck. Sweetie is sister to Rarity, she who is the mistress of gossip within this town. I shoulda picked my words with more care...

The other two turned their gazes on me, noticed my unusual cutie mark, and then looked back to my eyes. "Come to think of it, he looks sorta familiar, don't you think?"

Applebloom nodded. "I think mah sister read somethin' about some sorta creature with that mark on its clothes...and when it came to town and saved that mare, we all got a real good look at it then...and then he just up and vanishes out ah the hospital..."

The girls were very quickly drawing points and plotting lines that would lead them to the solution that is me. I began to sweat a bit and held up a hoof at them, hoping to stall for time. "Girls, don't you know its rude to accuse-"

Sweetie cut in then. "Accuse? We're not accusing anypony. We're just making some observations. Like how you have the same mark, same eyes, same colors in all the right places...along with the fact that you just show up out of the blue...Tell us, mister Auric, has Pinkie thrown you a party yet?"

I sighed and shook my head. "No, that crazy mare has not thrown me a party yet. And she won't, not until Twilight has calmed down, that was...our...deal..." I just then realized what I had said.

I had just confirmed to the Cutie Mark Crusaders that I was indeed Auric Fulcrum, ponified. Their smiles could not be wider if they tried. "Oh my Celestia! Mister Auric, the guy who wields that strange magic!"

They practically pranced around me like deer before I could get them to stop. "Girls! What is the big deal?"

They managed to assemble in front of me again and Sweetie spoke up this time. "See, it's like this. Only certain ponies can use your magic, right?"

I nodded at them before correcting them. "It's called Psynergy, and those that can use it are called Adepts."

The three grinned, and Scootaloo pitched in then. "That's what that pegasus at the gorge said! It's really him!"

I sighed again and motioned to Sweetie to continue, which she did. "So, because I can see some sorta creatures, he said I was an Adept."

I nodded at her. "Noticed it the moment you three came into range."

They blinked at that. "Wait, really? How?"

I shrugged at Applebloom's question. "There are two kinds of Psynergy beyond the four elements. Active, which is what most Adepts think about when I mention Psynergy, and Passive. Passive is tricky to understand, much less train. It comprises a host of skills that cut across all elements, from saving you from truly lethal Psynergy, to sensing other Adepts, to taking advantage of sympathetic relationships between the elements, and so much more, potentially. I just so happened to have a finely-honed Adept-sense."

Measured blinked at that, clearly not expecting such a fine lesson on Psynergy today. "Well, that's something I should report about..."

I nodded at her and went back to the fillies. "Here, Sweetie, come touch me with a hoof."

She cautiously came nearer, extended a hoof out towards me, but the moment it got within range of me, she pulled it back, clearly afraid of what she'd felt. "You're really warm. It's like you're...made of fire that won't burn you up. At least, that's what it felt like."

I nodded at her. "That's your sense telling you that I'm an Adept as well, and a powerful one, too. Most Adepts don't have near enough power to set off senses without touching another Adept. Come on, try again. Try and tell me which element I am."

Persuaded, the filly actually made contact, and when she did, her eyes closed and her brow furrowed. After a minute, she opened them and shook her head. "I can't tell. It's too messy in there."

I laughed at that and ruffled her mane with a hoof. "And that's because I'm all mixed up as well. I'm an anomaly, there's no other Adept like me for two reasons. I can wield all the elements, and I've got my own, special brand of power as well. Nobody else can get it to the extent that I can."

All four sets of ears were focused on me, and it was Measured who broke the question first. "Others can get Alchemical powers?"

I shrugged. "Just because I wield the Flames of Alchemy does not mean I have a monopoly. From the time the Sun shone on the world, Alchemy, also known as trying to change matter's base composition, or the use of massive machines to manipulate the world around you on a grander scale, has been a Thing that ponies could be doing. It's just...for non-Adepts, it's highly dangerous. You have to know what you're doing, know which rules you're trying to bend, and you have to invest a lot of energy as well to get any real results. Psynergy works best for that. I'm special in that I have...had, a theoretically unlimited wellspring of power to call on. I also understand how it works, so I don't need to bother with any fancy stuff for transmutation. Just picture it working and pour the requisite power in."

Measured looked a bit guilty as I switched over to the past tense when referring to my power, clearly recalling why I'd lost it and feeling guilty, blaming herself for my loss of strength. I scooted over and pulled her close to comfort her before she could get too far into depression. "Hey, no sad thoughts. Given the choice, I would have only done one thing differently."

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, and I smiled. "I'da skipped all the talking and blasted Omega into the Void before he coulda done anything. Failing that, nothing different at all, even that bit. I'll recover. Eventually."

At that, she laughed a bit, and the trio in front of me looked between the two of us. "Are y'all special someponies?"

We both blinked at Applebloom's question before looking back at the fillies, then at each other. Measured smiled and leaned towards me, but I held up a hoof to block her. "No. Just...look, I know a bit about you, but you barely know anything about me. If. If. You decide to pursue this. You will at least make an effort to get to know me, the real me, and I will make an effort to not buck it up."

Measured chuckled a little at that. "Yes, well, I suppose you're correct. Saving me three times is all well and good, but that doesn't replace a good series of dates."

I laughed at that as well before turning back to the girls. "Anyways, like I was...what was the topic? Oh yeah, so Sweetie's an Adept. I'm not sure about you other two, but the answer at this time is looking...like a no."

The other two looked dejected at that, but you could almost hear when Sweetie's eyes lit up. And then I head the sound. The dreaded sound.

The sound of a pony bouncing along. There was only one pony in Ponyville who could bounce and make it sound like her top was made out of rubber and her hooves were made out of springs with every bounce.

That wasn't quite as bad as what she said next, though. "Hey Aury! I brought Twi along to see if you two could get past this little tiff you two are having!"

I yiped at that and turned to see both Pinkie and Twilight walking down the street. One was perpetually cheerful, and the other was the picture of...I can't even put it in words, but I'm pretty sure if looks could kill, I'd be dead, reanimated, and killed again. "Pinkie, no! I'm under a few illusion spells because I didn't want Twilight to find me on my trip into town today!"

"Where is he, Pinkie?! I am going to take that stallion down into my lab and I am going to-"

Pinkie sat ten feet away and pointed a hoof at me while the Lavender Terror looked everywhere in the square but at me. "Silly, he's right there! I would think you of all ponies would know how to spot an illusion spell, Twi!"

I yelped again, hoping my spells would hold up. "Pinkie! Why would you do this!"

She put her hoof to her chin as though I'd asked a real stumping question. "Because...I want all my friends to not be fighting?"

I swear my right eye twitched at that. Along with my right forehoof. I didn't see the flash of lavender coat the area or dispel the ever-present golden glow in the corner of my eyes that indicated my illusions were working, I was twitching due to rage so hard. "Friends? Friends? Twilight Sparkle and I are not friends. At every opportunity she has hounded me, seeking to understand the power I wield so that it may be quantified. She has sought answers for why I am capable of doing the things I do, and treated me like I was an exotic new lab specimen more than she would any other pony."

I heard a gasp, but my tirade would not be stopped. "I only sought to live a normal life, even when I acquired this pony form, and one of the first things Twilight does is test the living daylights out of it! And when I accidentally influence her with one of the worst parts of this body, she has the gall to think of it as a blessing and demands I use my new power on her! I hate every last part of this body! From the clothes that I once wore becoming a part of my coat to the hooves that I can't touch any pony with without accidentally breaking their minds if I say the wrong words! But most of all, I'm bucking tired of the way Twilight looks at me! I just wish I never built my tower here, that the damn thing was on the other side of Equestria! At least then I'd have a week's head start away from the Lavender Terror before she found my door and started trying to blast it to smithereens with her magic!"

Silence reigned. And then there was a sob from out of my field of view. I turned to see a heartrending scene.

Twilight Sparkle, sitting in the road, one hoof held up to her open mouth, tears pooling in her eyes. She was looking directly at me and had apparently heard every last word I'd said. What was that saying? 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?' Yeah, words had just broken Twilight. Words that I would never had said if I knew she could have heard them. I opened my mouth to try and take back what I'd said, but it was too late. Her horn lit up, encompassed her in a glow, and she was gone in a flash.

I sighed and looked at where she had been sitting once the spots cleared from my eyes and said, quite succinctly, "Well, buck."

Author's Note:

Okay, let's be fair here.

How many of you think Twi could be just a little less manic when researching new things?

...I should probably mention that there is a plan to get Auric and Twi to get past this by now, right?

...It might spare me from a bit of your wrath, right?

...I'lljustheadtothebunkernowkaythanksbye!

Comments

[MockBlade]

Good rant. Also First for this chapter.

[Raven]

Eh, she needed to hear it. Shock her out of her stupidity. I can see her avoiding him out of guilt or hounding him for forgiveness.

[DJSkywalker]

He done bucked up, mhmm.

[Laughing Jack]

And the other shoe finally drops.

[SeventhBrony]

the whole of the CMC are Adepts? well, THAT would explain more than a few things

words hurt more and deeper than any stick or stone and how knows maybe Twilight may now calm down a bit around anything new and out her range of expertiance.

nice chapter, waiting for more

[Blatant Chaos]

Hhm, that will not be necessary. I have a Buggati Veyron and a sub-machine gun. You're safe with me.

Also, in my opinion, everything Auric said was technically true. If a bit harsh. He has rights you know.

May the cold winds of the BitFrost never reach thee~Chilly Nights

[Schismatism]

Oh, dear. I'd feel sorry for Twilight, but this is definitely one thing she's had a long time coming, after treating new people and experiences as nothing but things to be analyzed to satisfy her curiosity.

I'm glad that you've a plan in mind to get them past this little tirade, though. Every town needs at least one Mr. Monk Felix Unger OCD-paralyzed nutjob to organize things.

[SomeRandomTwat]

Should we nuke him from orbit?

[King Kenya]

A good solid rant indeed, and don't worry, it is my considered opinion that Twilight needs a firm psychological spanking from time to time to keep her relatively sane.

[LightOnPluto]

He did nothing wrong, twi needed to hear that she isn't a saint who can do no wrong

[Chrome Reader]

I don't know if i can laugh at this story or cry

but then,I feel sorry for Twi

[1st Lieutenant Dave]

4342402 I agree

[NoLongerSober]

4342402 Could not have said it better myself. Sometimes a pony just needs to be told how it is; no sugarcoating.

[Rhodesm96]

I can't wait to see Sweetie Belle get some Psynergy going

[Deadinlight]

you did good. i actually enjoyed this more than youd imagine. i just hope it doesnt do the normal thing where 'the human hurts feelings and is treated like a bad guy. but twilight(or anyother creature) attacks,rapes,nearly kills,etc, and is treated like a good friend', quite annoying when the human is easily cowed by ponies. but your human is a powerful man of awsome.

[hs0003]

Fucking finally! If you fix Auric's little "mistake" too quickly, no bunker will spare you from my wrath.
Drag it out a few chapters, don't shove the solution into the story too quickly.

[hs0003]

4342508 She certainly drew the short straw when it came to magic.

[hs0003]

4342376 I suppose he has rights now that he is a pony, but as a human or an armor? I doubt he had any rights from a legal standpoint.

[Blatant Chaos]

4342705

For now, maybe Celestia and me need to talk...

[Zman537]

Sweetie is Adept. Probably Mars considering she sets EVERYTHING she cooks on fire.

[Xzaves]

4342374 Sap aligned adepts are cutest adepts

[La Barata]

Good on him. Little miss 'I'm god's personal student so I can do whatever I want' needs a reality check.

[La Barata]

4342695 Also, this. So many times this.

[AlouetteSK]

Really don't see why he should be apologizing for anything, given what she's done to him throughout the series. Expecting her friends to defend her and try and call Auric out. Really hoping he doesn't fix this immediately.

Also, Sweetie's gonna be a pyro with Mars. Calling it.

[GameHunter]

Awesome chapter, loved the bit where Auric blew his top. That was so sorely needed! I wonder if his coat changed colour at that moment?

[Gamerteen13]

Words needed to be said.
And not just words, but words.
Twilight was in no state of mind for him to take things gently, for him to beat around the bush and be subtle. He had to be blunt, he had to be brutal, and he had to get his point across uninterrupted.
Twilight can, and should approach new topics less crazily. I mean, it's kind of hard to study a new specimen if you scare it away/to death..
To be frank, the only thing that had me worried this chapter was the concept of the CMC learning Psynergy.
Also, calling it now. Scootaloo is Venus-aligned.
...Assuming I'm recalling the elements right... Venus = ~Earth, right?

[hs0003]

4342724 Nice connection. +1

[SuperWeegeeWorld]

You really think folks would be mad at you? Like some others said, it needed to happen at some point. Best to have it happen closer to the beginning than the end.

[tylerlego623]

Oh, Twilight's gona turn him into a banana now.

[elderwrath]

She honesy deserved every word of it. There are places you just shouldn't srick probes.

[H550]

taking aim with 9001 bunker buster missiles.

[H550]

4343567 agreed... ow

[DeltaOsprey]

Everything he told Twi was right on the money and he really doesn't have to feel bad about anything.

That said Auric just made Twilight cry in front of Pinkie, let us see how well those wards on his tower hold up to She Who Breaks Physics.
This should be fun.

[The Synn Lofsvard]

You know what, as much as I like twilight, and as much as I am a Twifag, I think she deserved every single word that came to her.

Dulahan makes his grand appearance in Equestria, and what does she do? She blindly listens to Princess Celestia and Luna, never bothering to examine the facts of what happened all those many years ago.

Auric ends up in the hospital, and what does she do? She treats him like a test subject; Another one of her books to read, examine, dissect, and quantify. She doesn't bother to get to know him, nor does she try to amend her past grievances, very much unlike her mentor who learned from her mistake, and understood that Auric was a being, not an experiment, nor some malevolent demon, hellbent on destroying the lives of her precious ponies.

Auric lands up in the hospital, in a new form, confused, and quite literally, broken, and what is the first thing she does? Hooks him up to a bunch of wires, and gets pissed when he gets upset, because he wants some rest, and some time to figure out what's wrong with him, and how to fix it.

Not once has Twilight treated him as another living being. Not once has she considered that maybe the sentient primate with god like powers that challenge that of the gods, wants some time to enjoy the lives of those he cares about, because he's immortal, the rest are not, except for two or so. (at least for the most part).

This was just something that needed to be said, she needed to get over her self righteous attitude, and realize that just because shes a princess now, doesn't mean that all bow down to her. Hell, I'm sure Auric would have loved to have her examine him, at least in a less callous manor, so that he can get some help figuring out what's wrong with him, and how he can fix it.

So yeah, words fucking hurt, no fucking shit, they don't hurt you directly, it's the fact that they cause you to change, that hurts, and change is anything but painless. Better to get it over with directly, and quickly, than to draw it out, and have Twilight continuing on, as she was, at least slightly. That's part of the moral territory in being a scientist, you know what you're doing, you prepare for it to all go to shit, you own up to what you create, you make sure you never hurt innocents and treat your subjects fairly and safely, and you never let yourself morals get consumed when you let your passion and ambition take you.

[Pylons]

...Have I ever mentioned how much I love you for updating this fast?

I really should.

[elderwrath]

4343634 worst adventure across the multi-verse ever. that's why you don't trust little aliens that strap you to hospitable beds

[shinigamisparda]

… Smooth.

Also, nice little effect with understand.

[Just_A_Nopony]

Yah, Twi does go overboard alot

[isjor1]

Truth hurts but it needed to be said
Gonna miss crazy twilight who might rape you as an experiment though

[H550]

4344219 no kidding... Wait... We're you in a steel gray ship, about 1000 yards long. And did you see lots of dead bodies? If so I think that I was on the same ship as you... Poor bastards, never stood a chance

[elderwrath]

4345053 YES, who knew weaponized salt would be so devastating against a race of slug people!

[H550]

4345155 no kidding! also, sorry about the mess. I went a little bit overboard with the 12 gauge dragon-breath shells before finding their salt weakness.

[elderwrath]

4345181 I completely understand, although i still wonder were that rabbit managed to find salt rockets.

[H550]

4345186 PFM my friend PFM. Also a health dosage of blatant "fuck-you"s to physics.

[ArchAngelGundam]

Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

[Soul Traveler]

Ouch that last part was pretty rough even for auric, but the emotions were great. Can't wait what happens next yay!

[Snow]

I agree with most other comments to the same effect:

Bout bloody time.

[sjo3989]

thanks for the update!!

[Mr Good Guy]

Hey,that's mean, how come Scootaloo and Applebloom can't be Adepts? They definitely could pull it off, and it's well within their natures....

[pollo loco]

So...pinkie is a tigger