I wrapped my mouth around the slab of toast and munched it back and forth. I had slathered it with butter, to try to cover up the taste of sourdough. It worked. Kinda. Twilight had refused to let me go back to sleep, something about 'keeping my promises'. So here I was, trying to erase the sleep from my mind with food. It wasn't that I wasn't a morning person. I just never get up before sunrise. You try getting up at 5 in the friggin morning.
I let out a yawn, and dragged the back of my hand across my left eye. It still had the yucky eye gunk stuck in it. Blegh.
"Here." Twilight said, levitating something over to me.
"A...watch?" I asked, inspecting the band she had handed...magicked to me? It was just a simple metal band, segmented like an expensive watch. The part where the actual watch should be was a flat, rectangular chunk of rock, with a... A DIAMOND JUTTING OUT OF IT. To heck with whatever it was, I'd keep it just for the diamond. at least I think it was a diamond. It looked like you'd see on tv.
"Celestia and Luna made it for you, Its a magic dial. When you wear it-" She lifted the...yeah I'm just going to call it a watch. She lifted the watch and pressed it to my skin, chuckling as I winced from the cold mineral. "It not only gauges how much magic energy you have," I saw the stone light up white, and what looked similar to a gas gauge. "but it also stores magic energy in the crystal so you don't have another backlash, like you did last night."
"So...what, It just gives me empty to full? Doesn't just tell me what I got?" I wasn't trying to sound ungrateful. But I will admit I still had my early morning cranky in full gear.
"Tap it twice," she said, doing just that. The white light sunk back into the stone, re-emerging as a number.
"Thirty seven?" I asked, and Twilight craned her head to look at it as well.
"Oh wow that's low." Ouch. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant-" She choked off whatever reply she had been trying to form as I reversed the watch and pressed it against her leg.
"Three million, seven hundred and twenty five thousand, nine hundred and seventy three," I muttered, watching as Twilight failed horribly to conceal a blush. "Damn. Is that a lot, or am I just defective?"
At this her blush disappeared and her voice took a serious tone. "Its not an exact measure of ones abilities, there's nothing in this world that can do that, really. Its just like an approximation, more or less. Its exaggerated the more intense ones magical well is." This entire time, she had her eyes closed and was waving her hoof around as she monologued in a bored, 'I'm saying this from memory just as it was in the book' kinda way. It was kinda weird, honestly. "Imagine the difference between trying to remember two numbers on a piece of paper over one that has over a hundred. You'd be able to remember that there were two numbers on the first paper, but the second you'd swear had over five hundred, simply because you were overwhelmed." Guess that made sense. Still did nothing more than hammer in that I was a level one weakling. Maybe level two, if I was being generous.
"You really shouldn't put too much stock in that. That's all I'm saying." At this I did the thing that next occurred to me. I pressed it to my arm again. Thirty seven, again. Guess I'm a glutton for punishment. "Its not going to change just like that. Growth requires time." With a satisfied nod, she levitated a slice of toast(she put some sort of rainbow striped jam on it) up to her mouth and dug in.
"So what, I just keep morphing and hope I...'grow'? Guess that's not too different from what I was already doing. So this thing," I waved the watch at her, "Will stop me from fainting? Seems a bit far fetched." Said the guy in a magical world of talking unicorns.
"The princesses made it, it'll work," Spike grumbled from the doorway. Guess we woke him up. Or, considering the bright eyed and bushy tailed kind of person Twilight was, maybe this was normal wake up time. Friggin morning people.
"Yo, c'mere, lemme touch you," I slurred out, causing him to gape at me like a fish out of water. I did word it kinda badly. "I wanna see what power level you got."
"Oh. I thought you meant...never mind." Spike came over and I laid the watch on his forehead.
"Three hundred and twelve. Well, don't I feel weak." Seriously, this tiny little lizard was more than twice as strong as me, according to the new bling. That's emasculating. "Hey spike-" he looked at me, even more confused than when I laid the watch on his head, "Mind if I acquire you? Never seen a dragon before, and to be honest, I am curious." He took a couple seconds before responding.
"You gotta Pinkie promise you won't use my body to embarrass me, and if somepony asks, you have to tell them you aren't me, okay?" Seemed legit. I couldn't find fault with it, if someone else could look like me I'd hope they wouldn't go out and ruin my image. If I had an image to ruin.
"You got a deal, I pinky promise to your terms." I stuck out my pinky, and held out my hand. To which he looked at it in confusion. "You wanted the pinky promise little buddy, here's my pinky, and I'm making the promise...c'mon."
"What? That's...I meant a Pinkie promise. A Pinkie Pie promise?" He looked at me expectantly, to which I just shot a look of confusion right back at him. "Look, its just a promise that you make by saying a little rhyme, and if you break it Pinkie Pie will get you for it. Just say, 'Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye'. And you gotta follow the moves, too." He repeated the motions, first crossing an 'X' over where his heart must have been and then flapping his arms like wings and plunging his claw upwards, covering his right eye.
"Allright then, I Pinkie promise that I wont do the things you asked me not to. And or anything else I could possibly do to screw you over or otherwise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, " I traced an 'x' over my heart, "Stick a cupcake in my eye. That good enough for you?" Spike nodded his head, green spines wobbling slightly.
I placed a hand on his head, and concentrated. Half a minute later, Spike was getting impatient at seemingly nothing happening. "Is something supposed to happen?"
"Yeah, the acquired is supposed to go into a sort of daze, but I keep getting people that its not doing jack to. First was the bat at Fluttershys, then the annoying pi...uhhh....Pinkie Pie? I think that was her name? Yeah her. She was odd too..." I paused, avoiding Twilights frown at my insult to her friend. "I acquired her, and then my arm went numb. Well, like, after numb. You know, how your arm gets all tingly and pins and needles if you sleep on it?"
"Oh well. I guess it doesn't really matter. Thanks for the morph good buddy." I patted him on the head a couple times until he batted my hand away and crawled up onto a chair. Twilight floated a bowl of cereal with jems in it over to Spike, which he proceeded to chow down on. "Think I'll hold off on trying it out, though. Save my strength for the farm, who knows what Applepri-jack has in store for me." I stretched and flinched as Twilight glared at me.
"You don't hate Applejack...do you?"
"Its not that I hate her... its just that she pisses me off. She acts like I owe her, and I don't feel like I do." She nodded thoughtfully at this, and was...scrabbling away on yet another pad of paper. Friggin scientist.
A chime rang out, and Twilights head jerked towards the sound, levitating an egg timer onto the table. "Hey, you should head off if you want to get there before Applejack comes looking for you. Early bird gets the book, yes?" Early...what? I think she was mixing up her sayings. She did have a point though. If I dragged my feet, she might end up dragging me to the stupid farm against my will.
"Bah." I got to my feet, and grabbed my bag. I had a clean shirt I could change into afterwards. "Guess I'm off then."
"Forgetting something?" Twilight asked playfully, levitating the watch and the Escafil Device up to me.
"Thanks." I slipped the cube into my backpack-avoiding the issue of it once again slipping out my pocket midmorph- and placed the watch on my wrist. It didn't have any visible way for it to stay attached though. None that I could see, anyway. "How do I-"
"~Eximpe~" she muttered, and the two ends of the watch fused together, sealing my wrist in metal. "All you have to say is that. Ex. Eem. Pay. Its voice controlled!" She said cheerfully.
"Then why do I have to tap it to change modes?"
"Its...that's beside the point. Are you ready to go?"
"Just gonna avoid the question because you don't know the answer?" I shot back. I wasn't trying to piss her off. I swear.
"Well if you're going to have a smart mouth, why don't you use that energy constructively?" With a smile bordering on psychotic, she lit up her horn. She let loose a blinding flash, and when my eyesight returned I was standing in front of the farms entrance, a giant archway with a sign in their...cuniform-ish language.
One way trip to manual labor. Guess I'd have to apologize to her once I got back. And walk on eggshells around her from now on. What if I actually made her angry? Brrr.
~--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------~
The sun was just barely peeking over the edge of the world, and the damned roosters were making a racket. I thinks that's 'farmfolks alarm clock' for wake up now o'clock. Guess I couldn't make a bad situation just by going up to the front door and knocking. Some lights were even on inside, so someone was up.
I walked up to the front door, and knocked just like a normal person. Four knocks, all in tight succession. Master knock, heh. The door swung open after a few seconds, and standing there was a....reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally old green pony. Wrinkles upon wrinkles, and pure white hair. She swept her eyes over me, as if trying to figure out what the heck I was. "You the feller what Applejack said was gunna fix up the barn?" she drawled out in a thick accent. Well, now I knew where Appleprick got her oh so lovely accent from. It wasn't that I disliked it, it just sounded super stereotypical to me. Like a cartoon. Imagine that.
"Yeah, that's me. Is Applejack up?"
"Aaaaaaaapplejack! Yer new coltfriends here!" Well. Glad to see grandparents from other universes all have the same "embarrass their descendants" thing hardwired into them. Just hope she didn't push it. There's a line when it stops being funny and treads straight into being painful to sit through.
"What?" a muted voice called from somewhere upstairs. "That aint funny granny, he's jes here tah fix up the barn!"
"So ye say..." 'Granny' said under breath. She then gave me a wink, and wandered off back inside the house. "Make yerself at home, Applejack'll be down when she's good an' ready. You eaten yet? Pull up a chair and have a strudel." For such an old lady she sure could pack in a lot of air. I followed her into the kitchen, and accepted her offer. The breakfast she offered was really yummy. A bunch of apple pastries, the flavor really exploded in your mouth. You really had to be there, try it for yourself. Nothing can compare.
There was a little yellow coated and red haired filly half asleep at the table. Her head lolled up and down over her plate, a half finished pastry dangerously placed so that if she fell completely back asleep she'd smush it all over her face. I wondered if I should do something about that, but my thoughts were disturbed by another sitting at the table. The giant 'Big Red' of a horse. He was friggin gigantic, I bet he ate his Wheaties.
"Good...morning?" Wasn't really sure about my standing with this guy. He didn't seem to dislike me, but my limited interaction with him held two lights. One, the big ass bruiser that cleaned my clock and tied me up like an animal. And second, the insanely awkward interaction I'd had with him yesterday involving the visage of Fluttershy. I hope to never encounter THAT again.
"...mornin'." He huffed dispassionately. Well. At least he wasn't angry. He just sounded miffed. Apparently he was just as much unsure about this situation as I was.
"So, you guys got the tools and stuff? Am I doing that first, or talking to the cows?" Heck, I didn't even know where the cows were.
"Hmmm," he started, "First off, Applebloom here has something she wants to say to you." he nudged his...daughter? Applebloom jerked awake, muttering something about 'carrots from space trying to steal the normal ones'. It was freaking adorable.
"What...I..." she immediately froze when she realized a new guest was sitting not five feet from her. Her eyes darted between her dad and me, before he gave her a look. The kind of look one gives to say 'go on'. "Yer the one that got attacked trying run away from mah brother an' sister, right?" Brother? Damn, got the whole father daughter thing wrong. Horribly wrong. Never was good at guessing age. Add to that the boundaries of a different species, and I was shit out of luck.
"Ummm, yes? Pretty sure I'm the only human running around." I really shouldn't try and use sarcasm on little kids. It just leaves them confused. Most of the time.
"I just...I'm sorry! I saw you and I thought you was the long pony an' I panicked!" Long pony? Great, even the land of unicorns and rainbow dumbasses had a slender man. Wonderful. Couldn't anyone get by without trying to scare the shit out of those around them? I hated creepypasta.
"That's...whats a long pony?" If I could get her talking, maybe she'd warm up to me. It worked with the little tykes I was forced to babysit back home(in this economy, you take the extra money where you can get it).
~----------------------------------------------------------~
The sleepover had started innocently enough. Applebloom had arrived at Rarity's(she had somehow foalishly agreed to host the cmc sleepover again) and Scootaloo had arrived shortly after. They played games, they ate food that was bad for them, and they were in general quite merry. All good things must come to an end, however, and soon enough it was time for bed. The prerequisite pillow fight went off without a hitch(Rarity came in at the end and made it a draw), and soon after the lights went out. But any that was once young knows that this doesn't stop the fun.
Sweetiebelle started off their round of scary stories, one about a diamond dog called "Phil". She wove a story of this errant dog, who went from house to house while ponies slept and stole their clothing. Applebloom and Scootaloo laughed it off, as it was quite apparent a 'scary' story retold from her sister. Applebloom was next and told of the 'applefungus that ate an orchard', Which quite predictably was shrugged off as a 'lame' story.
So Scootaloo was last. And boy did she have a doozy. Rainbow Dash had told it to her about a week previous, when she had asked of a good story to tell at the upcoming sleepover. (admittedly, Rainbow Dash did not have the highest sensibility when dealing with foals.) It was the tale...Of the Long Pony.
"Time was, there was a wicked queen. The evil queen Sanguine. The queen enjoyed foalnapping her citizens, and taking them to her deepest, darkest dungeon. There, she would perform all kinds of experiments on them, and torture them after she was finished. One such pony was a simple mason by the name of Shadow Stone. Shadow Stone was a mystery to the Queen Sanguine. No matter what she did to him, no matter the pains she caused him, he never once raised his voice in pain. He would always glare at Sanguine, and she found herself shaken to her heart. As twisted and black as it was, the look in that simple ponies eyes caused it to fill with...fear? Impossible. Unthinkable. Intolerable." Scootaloo paused briefly to take a sip of water, watching with amusement as her two friends hung on her every word. "Finally, she was fed up with Shadow Stone, and his refusal to bend to her twisted game. She ordered her minion to tie him to...the rack. A truly terrifying device, the purpose of this was to stretch a pony, lengthways. The rack would stretch the pony till his bones broke, and his skin tore. It would stretch him until he died. She stood before him for the entire three days it took him to do so. Silently willing him to scream, to cry out in anguish, to give her SOME sort of satisfaction. Finally, three days since the start, when his body was stretched long and his bones bent and broke. After all of this. He finally screamed. Not in pain. Not in fear."
Scootaloo paused, looking at her friends faces caught in silence. Entrapped, she had them precisely where she wanted them.
"Shadow Stone finally screamed. In RAGE. In FURY. Such was the might of his very voice that his restraints snapped from his body, and the queens minion was struck dead from the force. The queen Sanguine reeled from it, and was lucky to only be struck deaf. Finally, she turned her head back towards the body of the pony that dared defy her. She was filled with an unnatural fear, and fled back to the safety of her chambers. She was never seen, or heard from again."
"For then...they say after he died, It. Came. Back." Scootaloo drawled, enunciating the last three words while she waved her forelegs in front of her in what she assumed to be a 'scary' way. "It took revenge on all those that had hurt it. It would seek out those that wronged others, or those that so much as dared to belittle the humble profession it had held in life. It soon became a pony of legend...the Long Pony. They say that if you ever see it, standing up on two legs and blankly staring at you..." with this Scootaloo rose up on her back legs, fixing her two friends with a dead eyed gaze. "That means...you're next."
~----------------------------------------------------------~
Well. That was certainly some story. I can see why she had an unnatural fear of it. Quite a macabre tale. A bit more graphic than I expected of this world, to be honest. I didn't fault her for being afraid, until only a few years previous, I had been unable to shake my unatural fear of 'scary things'. I had nightmares from watching the Shining when I was 17. Looking back on it, I had been scared of an old lady that turned into a corpse. Ridiculous.
"Well, I guess I accept your apology, and thanks for the story. I'll be sure to use it some time." I ended with a smile, to show her there were no hard feelings.
"Yer...not mad?" she asked with a puppy dog look. Seriously, if her eyes got any wider her head would probably explode.
"I'm not tied to a post in a barn right now," at this Big Red sputtered and choked on his meal, "so why would I be mad? Whats in the past is in the past." My irritation right now was focused on Appleprick, honestly. I wouldn't hold it against a little kid.
"Oh, Okay!" She barked with a wide smile, any trace of sleep gone from her stance, "Mah names Applebloom, its a pleasure tah meetcha!" She held out a hoof over the table, so I obliged and took it with a strong shake.
"Wade Jallecks, and its a pleasure to meet you too, little lady."
"So what are you, where are ya from? Why'd ya come here? Why were you on the farm? Why-"
"Applebloom! You leave him alone, He don' need you pestering him with questions, ya hear?" Oh hey, Applejack was done doing whatever she had been doing upstairs.
"But Applejack..."
"No buts, you gotta take mr. Jallecks here over tah see the cows, then ya gotta finish yer chores before ya gotta go to school." She gave her a knowing look, and Applebloom hung her head in defeat. "After yall do that, show him where the tools are and leave him too it, ya hear?"
"Loud and clear, Applejack." she got down from her chair, and walked over to the door. "Well, ya coming?"
Guess breakfast number two was over. With a slight groan(I don't know how they do it. The chairs look exactly like chairs from earth. But they don't support in the same way, somehow. Made my back sore from the few minutes I sat in it.) I lurched to my feet, and followed after the bobbing pink ribbon.
Applebloom introduced me to the cows, and an interesting facet came to light. One, they were led by a lady named "Mr. Moo." Authority or whatever. I should stop being surprised by this place. Two, apparently I wasn't the thing the herd got spooked by. Eat that, Applejack! What they saw was some sort of red, scary cat. Surprisingly enough, Applejack had never asked WHAT they were afraid of, and just assumed it had been me.
After introducing myself to the lot, (its hard saying hi to your food. Especially when it says hi back. I was going to have to find something I could eat if I had to stay here much longer.) Applebloom introduced me to my favorite building on the farm. Yeah, I was back at the stupid barn. After showing me what I had to work with, ( a bucket of nails, two brand spankin new boards, and a hammer that l swear looked like it was about to fall apart. Seriously, the hammer was cracked, and covered with rust. I was afraid it would shatter at the slightest tap.) she ran back off to the main house. Once again, I was left all to my lonesome.
I started by using the hammer to pry the nails from the old boards, setting them aside in a pile. Maybe Applejack would want to keep them? No matter. I placed the shattered boards to the side as well, they could always use them as firewood or something. I lined the first board up, and used up 19 nails hammering it in(One nail bent into an unusable pretzel). I got almost halfway through with the second board before the universe decided it was time to shit in my cheerios. I drew my hand back, and slammed the head of the hammer into the nail. And the damn hammer exploded. Hundreds of little tiny slivers of shrapnel flew outward, ripping into my face and arm. Lovely. Bleeding and without a device to finish my task, I tried to think of what I could do.
Cry from the pain? No, I was already doing that. Go to Applejack and ask for another hammer? Hell no, she'd probably try to make me pay for her stone age hammer. Wait, hooves are tough, right? I could probably finish this through the highest form of improvisation. I'd need Twilight, though. I sure as shit wouldn't be able to hold the nails with my mouth and hammer them in. Less than a minute later, I stood before the barn as a non pegacorn Twilight.
Now all I had to do was figure out how to use magic, without a guide or teacher. At least my face didn't hurt anymore.
I stared at the bucket of nails, silently willing them to rise, to float, TO FRIGGIN MOVE GOSH DARN IT. So just thinking about what I wanted didn't cut it. I needed something else. I then channeled my inner geek, and 'reached for the force'. You know what I'm talking about. Any kid who's ever seen even a single one of the movies has done this in the privacy of their own home. We all reached a hand out, and tried our damndest to make something move, to twitch, to fly across the room into our hands. Don't act like you haven't.
I concentrated, trying desperately to push some sort of energy out my han-hoof. Concentrating and straining, I eventually felt... something. something different. There was an underlying current, slowly twisting and circling along the path I shoved it. And finally, after a monumentous surge of effort, I managed to get a result. A single emerald tinged spark danced across my hoof. I was floored by the effort, sinking to the ground. That much work, for a single freaking spark? That didn't friggin help me, in fact that in the end It was a detriment. How the hell did Twilight have such ease just floating shit to and fro with her hor...horn. Friggin duh. Obviously the horn was somehow easier than trying to force magic out of a hoof. Friggin idiot.
Once I had collected my breath, I tried again. Concentrating, focusing, pushing the energy to my...horn. And would you believe it, I actually got a result. A single nail was enveloped in an emerald green aura, and I lifted it. Tortuously. It felt like I was trying to lift a 60lb weight. In a word, it was HARD. It was shaky, but I managed to hold it in place long enough to slam my hoof forward. Moving my hoof, I was hit by a welcome sight. The nail, set firmly into the wood. A horseshoe shaped dent surrounded it, but oh well. Can't have perfection. I continued like this, and soon enough the job was done.
Shaking from the exertion, I took a step back to appreciate the hard work I had done. And slipped. My back left leg shot out from under me, and I fell bodily on my stomach. The thing I slipped on? It rocketed forward and ricocheted off the barn, smacking me in the forehead. Nursing my poor head and wondering why the universe so thoroughly hated me, I inspected the thing that had caused me so much pain.
It was a coin. The same type of golden coin that Twilight had used to pay for lunch...I think she called it a bit? Turning it over, I could see that there was a see-saw with the letters A and U above it on one side, and an image of an eclipse on the other. I lifted it, and without further testing that I would not know how to do I could only assume it actually was gold. It was then a voice echoed all around me, coming from nowhere and everywhere all at once. It was similar to thoughtspeak, but wholey different.
I am Auric Fulcrum, the light, the candle, the wielder of Alchemy! Reborn by the Golden Sun, I punish the wicked, no matter their form! You who would bring back balance and peace, I call friends to my cause!
O...kay...Well that's a thing. On the one hand, sticking my hand in a hole without prior knowledge of what was inside it was a really stupid idea. On the other hand...
I wanted to see what this did.
"Uhh...okay, so I have to call...? Auric!" I called out, before stuttering the rest of my words. "I...um, call thee...to...come here?"Okay so I absolutely sucked it the big time. Maybe I could get a do over? No such luck, apparently.
A flash of light alerted me to someone standing behind me. Dragging myself to my feet, I turned around to see who had come upon me. It turned out to be a unicorn. He had an orange coat, black mane and tail that turned to gold at the ends, golden eyes, crystal-blue hooves, and a mark of an eclipse as his butt mark. I admit, I stared. Hey, he stared too. Finally he broke the silence.
"Um. Twilight, where'd your wings go? And you realize that you don't have to summon me to get my attention, right? A social call is acceptable..."
"Umm..."Well that was new, apparently Purple had some 'out there' friends. Who lived in coins of all things. Interesting. Maybe he was a genie? Nah. That'd be stupid. "Not Twilight," I stated, cocking my head sideways.
This...Auric character blinked at that, then turned in a circle, silently taking in the sights around him. He then looked back at me and tilted his head.
"Different dimension?"
"I...guess? If you're looking for Twilight, she was back her crystal castle thing the last time I saw her."
Auric nodded at that. "Ah, interesting. And yet, you look exactly like her pre-ascension form. So...something is going on here. And seeing as how you summoned me...you're Displaced, aren't you?"
"Ascension? You mean how she's a pegacorn? She said something about that too..." I scratched the bridge of my nose. "And...displaced... if you mean I'm not supposed to be here, then yeah. I was somewhere else, and then I woke up here. Right there, in fact, " I said, walking around the corner of the barn and pointing at a spot about halfway towards the front.
"Yeah...you're gonna have to give me the lowdown about how you got to your version of Equestria, and I'll give you the lowdown about this little corner of the Multiverse..."
Well, for such a little guy he sure was insistent. Of course, thinking about it, he was actually bigger than me right now. Bigger than Twilight, anyway. Something about him though radiated presence, so hey, what would it hurt?
"I was at a convention with my friend, and I found...hold on, wait a minute, this'd be better with visual aid." I walked back over to my backpack, and fished out the Escafil device. "I picked this off of random table, asked the guy how much and when I looked back up, I was looking at that stupid wall." I pointed at the side of the barn to accentuate my point.
"Ah. You had the misfortune of meeting the Merchant. Most of us do. And yes, before you ask, you're hardly the first, or second, or whatever number you're thinking of, to be Displaced. However, there's almost always a reason. A purpose behind being Displaced."
Auric then looked at the wall and tilted his head to the side. "Um. I suppose that's the reason this wall isn't colored like the rest, then? And why does that cube look so...familiar? I swear, it's on the tip of my tongue..."
"Its called an Escafil Device. Its from a book series called Animorphs? Big back in the 90's? It lets me morph. Hence why I look like Twilight. I would've just used a hammer to hammer in these boards," I pointed to the two new boards leaning against the barn. "But Appleprick decided to give me the only hammer in possibly ever to just explode on the first hit." I picked up the broken hammer handle in my other hoof, showing it off. "So since I don't wanna go ask for another one-she'd probably try to make me pay for that too...- I figured hooves would work just as well." Wait, why was I venting to this guy? I just met him! He didn't want to hear me bitching at him! "Sorry. Kinda went off on a bit of a tangent there. My bad."
"'s all cool. Believe you me, there's nothing you can say that can top what I've been through, most likely. At least when you popped in, you still had a body."Auric then took the hammer from me, floating it in front of him before...doing something. There was some sort of...flames? The hammer handle, and all of the tiny little splinters of pain zipped back together. Damn. Magic man with the maaaagic. "And thanks for the info. Also, don't try that on me. I'm not sure what you'd end up getting, but believe you me, the Multiverse only needs one of me."
"Yeah, I'm not gonna even bother. I'm assuming you got some sort of...dimensional hoodoo in you? Don't think that'd end well. Acquired Pinkie Pie, and my arm went numb." I shuddered at the memory of the sensation. "Touched her, started the process, and then my arm was all pins and needles. And seeing as I got the nerfed version of Twilight, I'm pretty sure that magic in general doesn't like me. So yeah, I'll be keeping my personal bubble niiiiice and strong around you, don't you worry."
He gazed at the wall, and looked as if he was trying to figure something out. "So...why're you stuck fixing this wall, again? I mean, it wasn't technically your fault, right?"
He floated the hammer back to me, so I lay it back on the ground. It looked better than when Appleprick gave it to me. All shiny and stuff. "Well, I said I woke up here, right? Literally seconds after that, Big Red knocked me out and tied me up in the barn." How many times was I going to have to repeat this story? Once for Twilight and the Apple, and now for the new guy. Maybe I should look into getting it on tape.
"I was still all hazy on the whole...'here' thing. I thought some nutjob was gonna do unspeakable things to me. I cut the rope with my pocket knife, then broke...well I broke this." I waved at the newest addition to the back wall. The two boards I had just nailed in were...well they certainly stood out. The bright red of the main of the barn stood in stark contrast to their light tannish/brown. It looked kinda bad. Heh, maybe Appleprick should get it painted.
"So...while I can understand reacting in the manner you did, really, I can. Such things are sorta-kinda excessive here. Still, I hope you got that misunderstanding patched over between you and Applejack."
"If by 'patched over' you mean she whined at me till I agreed to fix the wall and pay off the cost of the rope, then sure. Lets go with that. Once I pay off the stupid rope, I'll put my bitterness aside. For now though, I'll whine and gripe, as is my right." I smiled at him. "Really though, thanks for the hammer. Maybe she'll knock some dosh off for that. Quick question, before we go on to another topic." I held up the coin, "Hows this thing work? Do you live in here or something? Seems a bit cramped..."
"Oh hardly. I'm from the universe next door, and that coin is my Token. I answer those that call on me, and I return when my business is concluded." He eyed the barn and huffed a bit. "Gah. Got any paint? This irks me..."
"Paint? Well the younger of the wonder twins wanted me to...I would assume she has some somewhere. I personally have no idea where she'd keep it though." I shrugged my...shoulders? Withers? Whatever. "I guess I could go ask her, if you wanted me to."
"It'd be useful," he said. "I can transmute things, but it's easier with a base..." Sounded all Full Metal Alchemist, but before it looked like magic. Maybe he was a jack of all trades?
"Fine. Last I saw, she was back at the house." I started off in the direction Applebloom had dissapeared. I stopped when a thought occurred to me. I didn't need to stick with the hooves, I already finished with the nails, and even if I hadn't Auric fixed the stupid hammer. So I morphed back. True to 'ol sunbutts explanation, I only felt slightly winded. Guess all I needed was a good nights sleep.
I gathered my backpack, and turned back to see Auric giving me a critical look.
"What? I got something on my face?"
He shook his head at that. "Oh! Sorry. It's just...eerily hypnotizing to watch. Anyways, you go ahead. I've got things to think over."
"Oh...kay...then. I'll be back when I find the paint then." I turned and left him to his thoughts. A strange guy, all things considered. Of course, nothing about this situation was normal. Different worlds, alchemical powers, and magic. I guess the norm was bound to get kicked in the balls.
Well then. I walked back to the house, trying to collect my thoughts along the way. He was from another, different world. He had encountered this 'Merchant' as well. Who apparently was a total scuzzbag. I didn't really know what to think about about the situation. I'd have to ask if Auric knew how I could get home.
I walked back inside the house, but the only soul I could see was 'Granny' rocking back and forth in an old chair. "Excuse me? Ma'am?" I tried to get her attention, and the universe actually said 'okay, have a break'.
"Mmmmm? Ah, Applejacks new coltfriend. Whadaya need sonny?" Great, she was still going on about that.
"I was wondering where and or if you had any paint for the barn?"
She drew a hoof up to tap on her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I don' quite 'member last time we painted, but iffin I were tah guess the paint'd be in the barn, don' cha know."
Of course. And here I was, actually saying the universe wasn't trying to have a laugh at my expense. I take that back. It was laughing straight in my face, waiting for me to make a fool of myself at every turn. Didn't have to wait very much.
"Thank you miss Apple," I said, waving goodbye.
"Jes call me Granny Smith, everypony else does," She said with a smile.
"Allright then...Granny Smith. Have a nice day!" I walked out the door, chuckling at the old ponies musing as I left. Grandparents will be grandparents.
"Picked a good un." Really hope she was just making fun at this point.
I walked my way back to the barn and...pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft oh holy crap. He had...done something to the barn. It no longer looked like a stereotypical barn. It was twice as large as it had been, and had a... slightly chinese theatre kinda vibe going on. And...hehehehehehehehehehe it was plaid. The outside of the barn was fricken PLAID. GREEN AND BLUE PLAID. Oh god. Applejack was gonna have an anurism.
"I...see you found the paint?" I watched as he turned around and looked at me sheepishly.
"Yes, yes I did. I modified the barns structure while I was at it, now it can withstand a class 3 tornado. Or Rainbow Dash, whatever your version of Equestria decides to throw at it. I also expanded the cellar, attached it to the house, and gave it an extra four stories, downward." Damn. That was... well color me impressed.
"Ummm...all in the short time I walked from here to the house and back?" I asked, my surprise evident on my face.
"...I got bored." Suddenly, he got a far off look in his eyes. "My apologies, I now have...other pressing matters to attend to. Multiverse, you understand." With a slow huff(he actually sounded upset that he had to go...was he having fun?) his hooves started to glow with...golden flames. "Sorry I have to rush off, and sorry I didn't have time to stick around and explain things. Just call me again, sometime. I'll send over a folder in the meantime. Oh wait, before I go... May I see your 'Escafil Device' again?" I handed it to him, and he turned it over in his hooves for a few seconds. Before pulling a smaller cube out of it.
<Copy attempted. Default Escafil Device produced. Please refer to your users manual for further information.>
"So it has an AI operating system? Interesting. It ever say anything out of the ordinary? No matter. Hold this, and state your phrase. I'll distribute this among the void for you, okay?" I didn't really get what he was talking about, but whatever. He'd helped me so far, so this couldn't be that bad, right?
I took both Devices in my hands and thought about what I wanted to say. "Uhhh, so this is a calling card like yours, right?" he nodded, so I continued. " Uhh. This is the...Animorph...Wade. Call me...if you need any help?" Okay so it was pretty pathetic. But Auric looked like he was in a hurry, so I couldn't just stand here and do endless retries all day. I handed the smaller cube to him, where he held it with his magic.
"You sure you want that to be...okay then. Thanks for having me, see you later. Agh, almost forgot, SUPER important. Watch out for the Triad of Madness, its composed of Alice with the vorpal blade, Jack of Blades with the blade of ages, and Pyramid Head. All three hold weapons that contain madness in them. No offense to you, but if you come across one of them, I suggest you run." With a rush of energy and a clapping of his crystal blue hooves, he was gone.
Well that was interesting. I played with the coin-with the Totem of Auric the Alchemist. I'd have to keep that close at hand. If there was a guy like Auric floating around in the vast multiverse, what other kinds of eccentric people would I end up meeting?
I flicked the Totem upwards before catching it. All in all, this was a pretty good day-
"Mah barn! What the hey happened to mah barn!??!" Oh. Guess I was going to have to explain that to Applejack. She looked absolutely livid.
Wonderful.