I looked over my army of minions as they started hauling various ice beams into place. A couple of my sorceror minions, unicorns with ice crystals sprouting from their horns, were in the process of repairing my fabulous home. Ah, the pleasures of having a hoard of minions to do menial tasks for you shall never get old. It's one of the few pleasures that an evil lich like myself gets.
"Come on, come on, get it all into place. Honestly, I'm NOT going through a repeat of how I built my home so very long ago now that I have minions to do it for me." It was the most awesome and FABULOUS moment of my entire life, that single day of building a rainbow ice castle. It was also one of the most embarassing, and had I not been bored out of my undead skull, I would have never sung it at all.
1,099 years ago
The mountain that I'd had to climb after my disastrous ambush had failed was tall, imposing, and reminded me of a certain film. I looked at the frozen expanse of wasteland in front of me. "It would be a real dick move if I was to sing the YOLO song."
The frozen wasteland seemed to agree. I scratched my chin. "REAL dick move. Especially if I was to sing it entirely for no reason at all."
With that out of the way, I cleared my throat, and launched into THE song; the song that everybody's heard, and everybody's almost sick of, simply because it was the only song I could have ever chosen to sing, with slightly modified lyrics of course:
My lack of shame was palpable. Ice and rainbows joined each other in a beautiful dance of FABULOUSNESS. The castle design that I'd had vaguely in mind sprang up, and it was a castle; a huge model of Princess Peach's castle from Super Mario 64, complete with a colourful ice mural of my handsome face. I stared at my huge, rainbow coloured castle, glistening in the bright sunlight. A smattering of snow on some of the shinier rooftops was required as a quite literal icing on the cake.
"Oh God yes." Only one thing could make it perfect, and I knew precisely what that was. With a flourish of my fancy black ice staff, a snowman popped into existence. More rainbows surrounded him, and now I had a sentient ice servant who looked like Mario.
"Um, I'm alive?" I grinned.
"Come, Mario; we stand in the break of day, and the cold never bothered us anyway." With that, we walked into my amazing castle, which I'd built like a total pro. Man, Elsa ain't got shit on me.
Present day.
"Ah, good times." I chuckled, leaning on my swaggering black staff. I heard a familiar scuffling sound, and I turned to my personal assistant. "Mario? What's gotten you into a tizzy?"
Mario panted, wiping non-existent sweat off of his brow. "Sorry to inform you sir, but... it's time to deliver tribute."
The air around me instantly dropped ten degrees. My minions stopped working, looking at me. I took a breath for the first time in an hour, I was so shocked.
"Wait, we actually have to give him our tithe TODAY?!" My eyes widened, and I turned to my minions.
"ATTENTION MINIONS! GET DOWN FROM THERE AND GET OUR TRIBUTE READY! WE SHOULD STILL HAVE SOME JEWELS IN THE VAULT TO GIVE HIM!" That order given, I waved my staff, and my castle started repairing itself. Mario raised a snowy eyebrow.
"Did you really just try to slack off with your own castle building?"
"Look, it's called delegation, Mario. Which is why," here I gave him a bit of a vicious grin, "YOU'RE going to be the one to tell him that I'll be along in about a day. Now remember what the 'dealing with Sombra protocol' is: Don't make eyecontact, face contact, body contact, just keep kneeling and look at the ground. Off you go champ."
I waved my staff, and a zombified pegasus flier, my fastest, came staggering over. I pointed to Mario. "Take him to the Crystal Empire to inform Sombra that I'll have his tithe ready by tomorrow. Got that?" My minion nodded, gripping Mario with his hands. With a flap of his mighty wings, he soared off.
Present day, Crystal Empire
Cadence rubbed her eyes in exhaustion. Everything about this situation was a mess. For starters, a thousand year old empire reintegrating into modern day Equestrian society was incredibly difficult, what with having things like plumbing, various fixtures, toilets, up to date library's, all of that. Not to mention the education needed. There were stacks and stacks of requests from various ponies about 'slaying the mysterious metal worm,' more commonly known as the common train. Ruling a nation of time-displaced ponies was incredibly difficult, that was for sure. The only real experience Celestia had herself was with her sister; multiply Luna by about ten thousand and you had the Crystal Empire. Not only that, but there were hints from the populace about a threat in the North, of Sombra's sole Baron. There was nothing concrete, but there were vague memories- of the dead walking, and the very air itself freezing. Of... glowing nipples, for some reason, that was something that she didn't pretend to understand. She doubted that rumour, due to the simple fact that Sombra enjoyed having as much control over other beings as possible, and would have been highly reluctant to even allow a baron to rule. Most likely, it was just another bogeycolt that the Crystal Ponies ascribed to being an ally of Sombra, another night-terror that Sombra turned into a guard against rebellion.
"Um, Princess?" She turned to the guard. Cadence smiled gently. "What is it?"
The guard looked torn between nervous, excited, and terrified. "Um, well..." he looked around the room, and opened his mouth a couple of times, then shutting it. Eventually, he just sighed.
"You'd better come and see." She arched an eyebrow, but followed anyway. Whatever it was, it had to be important.
A few minutes later, and she could easily see why the guard was speechless. Standing in the hallway was a sentient snow... creature, with a long, bulbous protuberance on its face, thick stick arms, and large eyes. It didn't look at her, instead preferring to look anywhere BUT her. Before she could extend words of greeting or anything, it spoke, in a high pitched voice.
"Ah, it's good to see you, Sombra! I was sent here to inform you that we have prepared your tribute and are coming for our dues! Ah," he glanced at his arm for some reason, "my master shall be arriving here through Bifrost in about a day. Until then, Sombra. Just a heads up. We know how you like everything to be absolutely perfect, after all." She noted that, though the creature spoke casually, there was an element of fear in its voice. It then scampered over to the window and jumped out. Cadence dashed over to it, only to see...
THIS caused her jaw to really drop. A zombified pegasus, eyes glowing with green fire, was supporting the little snow creature, With a beat of half-bone wing, it practically flashed away before she could even do anything, back to the North. She stared after it for a while, then turned to the guards. "Get Shining Armour up here now. If this is true, then the Baron really does exist." As the guards hurried off, motivated by the fear of this mysterious Baron, Cadence glanced at the liquor cabinet. One drink of gin would really help her out... no. It wouldn't. Hang on a minute...
"Did that snow...thing think I was Sombra?"
Xante's Castle
I was redecorating extensively. For shits and giggles, I put a statue up of Ragyo Kiryuin, and made an ice label stating BEST MOM EVER. Along with that, I put up a statue of Gendo, labelled BEST FATHER EVER. Then, I inscribed NOT after each of them. Apart from that, other redecorations were minimal. My chandeliers were pretty damn icy and stuff. I walked out into the courtyard, seeing all of my zombie minions shambling through my ice and snow gardens, careful not to get on my lawn. It WAS lined with razor sharp icicles, after all. I strolled through, looking up at the clear blue sky. "It looks like today is going to be FABULOUS!" I teleported to my chambers, looking out at my barony- an expanse of mineral rich wasteland, only reachable through a small mountain pass, personally barricaded by a glacier. The only other ways were to fly, teleport, or just climb the mountains like a badass.
My kingdom of the undead mined jewels for Sombra, the crystal obsessed king. I mentally shuddered. King Sombra was the first creature that had ever beaten me...
1,050 years ago...
I got up, brushed some frost off of my robe and walked to my balcony. "Ah, what a marvelous day. Well, time for-hmm?"
My wards had just been tripped outside the castle. Focusing, I spotted a tall, grey unicorn with a curved red horn for some reason. He seemed to be waiting for something. Then:
"Oh, that isn't good." I watched as a wall of black crystals sprouted out of the ground underneath him, pushing him up quickly. Sighing, I summoned an ice meteor and dropped it on him. He retaliated with a blast of shadows that completely obliterated my meteorite. Well, time for Plan B then.
"Creatures of rage and hatred. You who aggravate and feed. I summon thee, WINDIGOS!"
I'd made a covenant with these creatures; well, I dominated them actually. Three Windigos should be enough to deal with one unicorn. They swarmed him, and...
"Oh fuck, that's a magic shotgun." It didn't look it, but this mystery unicorn's hands had shot out, and now three Windigos were dead, turned into an icy mist by chunks of fist sized black crystal.
"OH FUCK, THAT'S A MAGIC SHOTGUN!" This was bad. If there's one thing that zombies fear, it's shotguns. MAGICAL shotguns were a real cut above the rest. Still, as long as my philactery was safe, then I had nothing to fear. With that in mind, I gave my minions a rousing speech.
"Minions, do not fear! He can only take your unlife!" With that, I sent them a mental command; bum rush this unicorn. They complied, running towards him at amazing speeds. While they were focusing, I was building power up. I was going to wipe this smug unicorn off the face of the planet. He likes his magic shotgun, eh? Well, let's engage in a shotgun duel then.
My own tower of ice erupted underneath me, and I fired off a simple yet effective spell.
"Prismatic spray!" A beam of rainbow coloured light, narrowly focused to do as much damage as possible, sped towards him. He retaliated with his own spell. Frowning, I repeated the spell without saying what I was casting, then threw a surprise Frostbolt in as a distraction. He narrowly dodged the freezing cold ice projectile and retaliated with his own blob of darkness. But I had prepared myself. I teleported over to his platform and kicked him off. As he fell, I smirked. That smirk soon turned into horror when he reappeared, red velvet cape having turned into shadowy wings. He glared at me. "A most impressive attack, lich. And an interesting arsenal of tricks up your sleeves."
I backed away as he continued. "Yet for all your power, you are still no match for me." With that, his tower exploded. Had he planned for this? Whatever the case, I quickly teleported over to my island. My scowl darkened. I waved my staff, and my Aurora missiles surrounded me. He seemed curious, but cautious. so I decided to aggravate him a bit-
Shunk.
I stared in horror at the blade now protuding from my bony chest. The unicorn smirked, my missiles nullified by a shadow that had sprung up around him. The clone faded away, into a vaguely unicorn shaped chunk of black crystal. "W-when?" I gasped. He smirked.
"Since before I got here. Now," he withdrew the blade, and I collapsed, gasping, "What is thy name, lich?" I cowered before him. Such power was incredible, and he was showing me mercy? Whatever the case, I didn't say anything at first. Then:
"It's Xante, with an X." The unicorn raised an immaculately groomed eyebrow. "Xante, yes?" I nodded, focusing my rainbows on healing this wound. He continued, seemingly oblivious.
"I am King Sombra, of the Crystal Empire. I know that you have been a thorn in the side of those... Equestrians," he spat off the edge, "and it's fear of you that allowed my ascension to power. Now then, I want to offer you a barony. Kneel," Sombra commanded, and I did so.
"By right of mine power, I hereby grant you the title of: Baron Xante, of the Frozen Wastelands." I accepted.
"Rise, Baron." I scrambled up. He looked at me.
"These frozen wastelands have conditions too harsh for any of my people to work in... at first." He smirked, exposing a pair of wickedly sharp fangs. "But you and your undead are not bothered by this cold, no?" I nodded.
"We're undead, we don't feel the cold any more." He smirked.
"Excellent."
Present day
Since then, I'd secretly gotten a lot stronger, to fight and kill the king if I needed to. Still, it would be good to tell him that his legions of terror wouldn't be getting any more support from my undead minions. I heard the beating of mighty wings, and I saw Mario being dropped off. "Report. How did the meeting go?"
Mario nodded. "He was very quiet today. I was afraid for a bit but then I got it all out. Having air support was good as well." I glanced at said air support. His hand had fallen off AGAIN. I sighed. "God damn it."