The Life and Times of an Alchemist Turned Pony

by Thadius0

Chapter 3 - Perfectly reasonable responses

The next morning was peaceful enough. I awoke, stretched, had a minor panic attack about now being a pony before recalling the previous day, and eventually calmed myself. It was then that a need made itself known.

One pressing, urgent, biological, and very, very basic.

Fortunately my door was compliant and took me to the bathroom. Eventually.

...Let's just say that the next indeterminable length of time was...interesting. Interesting is a useable word for me learning how to use my all-new plumbing.

I walked into the kitchen (sans my dignity) to find Measured sitting at the table there, munching on a bowl of cereal. "Morning," I greeted her while rummaging in the pantry.

She nodded absently at me and kept eating her cereal. Once she'd finished, she spoke up. "Does something seem...odd to you?"

I chuckled as I found a few apples and some celery in the cupboards. "Measured, you're talking to one of the only creatures whose oddity is on par with Discord. Please refine your question."

Measured chuckled a bit. "Yes, well...Does it seem like something is missing? It's far too quiet."

I flicked my ears unconsciously and listened hard. "Hmm." I compared the noises of the tower with the noises from yesterday and hit upon my answer. "Yes, it seems Twilight went home at some point in the night. I'd like to avoid meeting her in town today, and I think I know a few tricks. The question is if I can perform them in my new form."

Measured blinked a few times. "You...intend to go out, knowing she might be waiting for you?"

I turned to her and smiled. "My dear, I do have a plan. It'll probably fail horribly somewhere in the middle and require improvisation, but I have a plan."

As I munched on my celery, I could see Measured starting to take a few steps back. Then a few more. "Should...I be worried?"

My smile only grew. "Good, you're learning!"

-----

As it turned out, I could still perform my favorite illusion spell of hiding my very visual presence from existence. It...it wasn't as easy as it had been, the drain on my power was noticeable now. But it was still a small drain.

It got amped up to a slightly larger drain when I applied a filter to both it and a simple Notice Me Not spell, to make it so that only Twilight would be impacted by them. I would be hiding my presence from her completely and totally and she wouldn't think to look for me.

Didn't take me long at all to 'scrape' some residual magic of Twi's from the wards on the walls for the filter. Honestly, I could probably apply said filters for a year thanks to all the residue she left behind from all blasting she must have done.

So Measured and I took a relaxing stroll through Ponyville, during which I learned a bit about what had happened during my two days unconscious.

Apparently, as the only senior member of the CRA left who was studying Psynergy, she'd been promoted to head of that department and had a gaggle of interns she would have to whip into proper researchers. The Academy had undergone a very rigorous review by all the Princesses, and any remnants of Omega's corruption were found, rooted out, and...dealt with. It was apparently a difficult thing to stop Luna from doing the punishing, especially when the other three Princesses agreed that her methods, while outdated, would be most effective.

This news meant a few things: Measured would be studying Psynergy in some fashion or another, either at Newvale or with me, and at least three times a week she would have to stop in at Canterlot to update them on her findings. She might be able to get by on two, but that would only be if it was a really slow week. She would still have to send a report if she skipped a meeting, though.

But it also meant a very good thing: Measured was getting far more bits for her elevated position within the department, especially considering the exotic nature and potential applications of what she was studying. Which explained how she was able to afford stocking the tower while I'd been...unavailable.

"So let me get this straight," I said as we walked through Ponyville. A barely-visible glimmer of gold flashed in the corners of my eyes occasionally, letting me know my selective illusion was still working. "Your job is now to study Psynergy, or, even better, Alchemy, and report your findings back to the CRA. And, of course, to make decent researchers out of the next crop and what's left."

She nodded once at my statement. "Essentially, yes. Fortunately, I have you, a perfect subject for my studies."

I halted and held a hoof up to my forehead dramatically. "Oh, I knew you were only interested in me for my magic."

She coughed and stammered a bit at my (fake) accusation. "That isn't, I mean, that's not-!"

I smiled and walked over before beeping her snout with a hoof. "And that is what you get for leaving yourself wide open, Measured."

She glared at me and I merely smiled wider. "What? Did you think me becoming a pony was going to somehow change my nature? I'm still me, darnit, and I'm going to act like me."

She huffed a bit at that and rolled her eyes. "Why is it so hard to understand you?"

I drew my hoof back quickly. "Hey, careful with tossing those sorts of words around! Until I figure out what will and won't trigger my hooves, we need to be careful."

Measured blinked before nodding. "You're right, but you still didn't answer my question."

I smiled a bit at her. "M'dear, understanding a human is a life-long endeavor. Now come, we have a village to explore!"

-----

Our first stop was the market, where we saw a wide variety of greens, both vegetable and flowers, on display. What had my attention, though, was the apple cart.

Yes, the apple cart. Apparently the Apple family has a monopoly on apple production in these here parts. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the Apple family, seeing as how they know what they're doing. It's just...it's a bit disheartening to see that since one family does it so well, no other pony will even try their hooves at it. As far as I know, they have every type of apples along with the mythical Zap Apples, but growing those are extremely difficult. Their growth cycles are...quite erratic. And filled with secrets and fokelore that no pony outside the family gets to know.

...Okay, fine, I was given a condensed history of apples from Applejack. She was mighty pleased to give it when I asked about the variety of apples and if her cart was the only one that sold them. Measured picked up a half-dozen apples for three bits, to replace the ones I had already eaten, and we made our exit, to Applejack's parting call of "Y'all come back now, y'hear?"

I mulled over Zap Apples in my mind as Measured led me along through the town. Y'know, I bet with Psynergy, we could force new strains of apples into being. I'd have to go over what other magical apples there are, but it would help. Perhaps try crossing Zap Apples with-

And that was about as far as my thoughts got before I was blindsided by what felt like a football linebacker going far too fast. I reacted instinctively, and thanks to my time in combat situations, in an entirely inappropriate manner.

Guard, to cushion the blow. Ward, in case of Unicorns. Now, to remove the attacker. It is currently attached, so...Whirlwind!

A miniature tornado whipped around me while I flashed both red and purple. I hit the ground while the one who'd attacked me was peeled off thanks to the wind I generated. A high and bubbly voice spoke up then. "Whoooooaaaaah! I didn't know you could do this, Aury! But can you turn the ride off now? I'm getting queasy!"

I blinked from the ground and looked to see a pink blur caught up in my windstorm. Aw crap, Pinkie! I dismissed the energy powering the whirlwind, and it deposited her on the road, leaving her hardly any worse for wear, save for the fact that her eyes were now spinning. After a quick shake to reorient them, she focused on me and smiled.

"Wow, that was so cool! I was just gonna jump on you and surprise you, but you managed to make a tornado and get me off! Nopony besides a pegasus could do that! It was all Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!"

...Did I mention that this was delivered at about the speed of two to three words a second? And that when she said 'whoosh,' she waved her forehooves around like she was flying?

I had nearly forgotten how enthusiastic she could be. I'm not sure if that was a blessing or not.

"Pinkie," I interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Why did you feel the need to jump on me in speeds in excess of fast?"

She giggled a bit at that. "Silly! Since you've technically never been a pony before now, or had many friends before now, I just had to give you a super-duper-ultra welcome-to-ponyville hug! I'm already planning your welcoming party, and-"

I stuck a hoof in her mouth to shut her up and looked her in the eyes. "Pinkie. I am going to take my hoof out, and when I do, I want you to listen to me, okay?"

She nodded, and I removed the hoof before wiping it on my other foreleg to get the residual saliva off. "Pinkie, until Twilight calms down, I don't think throwing me a welcoming party would be a good idea."

She giggled again. "Silly! She left your tower last night and went to her library, so she's bound to be calm!"

I looked over to Measured and shook my head before looking back to Pinkie. "Tell you what. If you're willing to go check on her and can tell me honestly that she seems calm when you do, then you can throw me a party."

At this, she got this...I don't know how else to define it, but there was a flash deep in her eyes, like I had just set a challenge up for her that she would not fail. "You've got a deal, mister! I'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail!"

And with that, Pinkie was bouncing off. I sighed and looked to Measured. "And that's a normal Pinkie. I dread to think what'd happen if she ever got Psynergy, of any element. The laws of physics seem to bow before her, when she doesn't outright break them."

Measured's eyes shrunk to pinpricks as she contemplated the scenario I'd laid out before her. "Oh...that sounds like a bad idea..."

We began walking through the town again, and after a small discussion, determined we would head to Rarity for custom saddlebags for the both of us.

We never made it.

Just after we made our decision, there was a cry of 'GANGWAY!' from down the road, and I was bowled over, again. I could still feel the lingering protection of my earlier Psynergy, so no need to defend myself. It was when I automatically began contemplating methods for counter-attack that I realized something was seriously wrong with my mind.

Unknown threat, heading into the ground at speed again. Possible retaliation involves Quake, Whirlwind, Fros- what the hell am I doing? I'm not in a combat situation anymore! I...oh dear. I think I have a problem...

I picked myself up and shook my head to clear it of the conflict I'd just gone through while trying to place a name to it. Before I could, however, a trio of voices spoke up.

"Consarnit, Scootalo! Ya could at least watch where yer goin'!"

"My sister is going to be furious about this dirt in my coat!"

"Hey, it's not my fault! I didn't see the stallion until he was right in front of me, and by then it was too late!"

At this, there was a tiny poke on my foreleg, and I looked over to see...

Oh sweet mercy. The Cutie Mark Crusaders. My life flashed before my eyes.

...Huh, I didn't know just how dull it was.

Author's Note:

Pick and choose your own Dun Dun DUNNNN here, folks. Plenty of options.

Comments

[The Serpent Mage]

...Huh, I didn't know just how dull it was.

I...
I don't know what to say about this. It perplexes me.

[ParadigmShift]

......Hey, Derpy! Careful with the gravestone!

[Thadius0]

4327632
(He was imprisoned for 1,500 years. That's what I'm referring to, mostly.)

[cosmosain]

4327632 well he did spend over a thousand years in the same room

[DJSkywalker]

'Dull'? 'DULL"!!! His life hasn't been dull for over a thousand years!!

[Sci]

4327701 He was kinda in stone staring at a wall for over 1000 years; I'd say that's pretty dull.

[Mother3Forever]

[Baraka Obama]

4327701 his life was dull for 1500 years, being stuck in a cell and whatnot

[SeventhBrony]

4315214 that would answer a few things about her

And with that, Pinkie was bouncing off. I sighed and looked to Measured. "And that's a normal Pinkie. I dread to think what'd happen if she ever got Psynergy, of any element. The laws of physics seem to bow before her, when she doesn't outright break them."

Measured's eyes shrunk to pinpricks as she contemplated the scenario I'd laid out before her. "Oh...that sounds like a bad idea..."

ya THINK????! are you going to give her any Psynergy? HUH, HUH? are ya? Are ya? I liking this come on, give some

loved the update! waiting for more

[OMGbeta]

4327640 Was that some sort of joke. Some sort of throwback to when he was (Dull)ahan

[GameHunter]

4327640 For some odd reason, that reminded me of Illidan Stormrage from WoW, no idea why..

[Azreal DuCain1]

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ADEPTS IN TRAINING YAY!

[Zappa12]

I think the "DULL" was a reference to when he was Dullahan for a thousand plus years, and while he was chained up in the princess's old basement.

Still wanna know why they even had those down there...

[Philo Hippos]

if your life was so Dull, a hand I offer in friendship. the proposition is of the use Of a Dovakin as a villain. and he can be a cosplayer who turned into a physical god too (the previous dragonborn, Mirak, gained immortality and was the head of a cult the one before that (to our knowlege) Talos became: First the Emperor of a whole continant then he became a god.)
he can even be the origin of the whole "travel to Equestria as a badass" shtick introducing a whole time loop thing

[Lord Death]

4327875 imprisoned for ten...thousand years. Banished from my own homeland! and now you dare enter my relm! you are not prepared

[MalO]

...Huh, I didn't know just how dull it was.

is this a dullahan pun

[DJSkywalker]

Hey, since you have called for allies before, do you think you could call this guy sometime? I think that crossover would amazing !!

[tylerlego623]

First part was the Crusaders having an adept.
Now?
"I think the universe just shivered Part. 2"

[QPaysTaxes]

...Huh, I didn't know just how dull it was.

...Wow. You call that dull?

[SuperWeegeeWorld]

Alright, a poll for you folks reading this at home: What would be worse, Pinkie as an Adept, or the Crusaders as Adepts? Think carefully, now, and I want honest opinions, unless you got a lovely bit of snark ready, because I love me some good snark. Er, take that as you will, I guess...

[Laughing Jack]

4328181 Think of it this way: Why do you really think Celestia chased after and said what she did to Auric when he was changed into a pony?

[Jarimor]

at least the inception noise can get a good work out here.

[Epic Brony 4 Life]

Let me sum this up quickly:
Auric - "Well, yesterday was pretty bad, but I'm sure today will be better!
Will of the Universe- Yeah...not likely.

[Pylons]

So awesome...

[Thadius0]

4331413
I'ma go with 'He delivered the message and then ran off to find Jack.'
Rather unsightly to lose track of one's pawns, after all...

[Kaffeina]

Aluric: What could go wrong now?
Universe: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

[Midnight Loki]

4333604 Indeed never say what can go wrong now, the universe just waits to hear that statement.

[StormLash99]

...Huh, I didn't know just how dull it was.

Well it can be pretty dull when you're DULLahan! Am I right?

[xv22shasokais]

6162923 Ba dum tssh.

[Divine Path]

The CMC engages you~
So it seems this is a time to strengthen relationships.:3

*Flicker pleasantly
A flame's great dance for weary hearts
Bringing warmth to you*

We shall read on.:pinkiemsile:

[Razzy]

... He's doomed.