//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 // Story: Princess Celestia is Still in Your Bed // by ocalhoun //------------------------------// “What the heck is this?” I woke with a start, still enveloped in Celestia's hooves, still tucked into my bed. My girlfriend, Cindy, stood in the doorway, staring at us. She must have just come home from her night shift at the hospital. It took my mind a considerable length of time to process things from her point of view – I blame my having just woken up – but when I did... Oh. Well, shit. It looked bad... really bad. “Hey, Babe... I, uh... I didn't know you'd be coming here today.” “That's obvious.” She put her hands on her hips. “Or else you'd have found somewhere to hide your horsey bimbo.” Celestia cleared her throat deeply from behind me. “I will thank you to not refer to me as a bimbo, mortal.” She yawned. “Nor a 'horsey' either, for that matter.” “I don't care what it is. What I care about is what you're doing in bed with it!” “I am a 'she', thank you.” “I'm not talking to you, horsey bimbo.” Even though Celestia was behind me, I could feel the heat of her glare. This situation needed to be settled down, and fast. I didn't want to be caught between these two. “It's okay, Babe. Nothing happened, nothing at all.” “Doesn't look like nothing to me.” “We just slept here, that's all.” Celestia's knowing giggle from behind me didn't help my case. My back bristled at her, and I wished she'd let me go so I could get up. Time to play my trump card: “And it wasn't my choice. She forced me into it against my will!” The Princess gave an indignant snort. Cindy gave an indignant snort of her own. “Likely story. I've seen your browsing history, buddy.” “Seriously!” She glared at me. “You are going to get up right now, and we are going to have a long talk about our relationship.” “Uh... okay.” I groaned internally. That kind of talk was the worst kind of talk ever. When I tried to get up, though, Celestia's hooves held me back. I tried again, same results. “Hey, let me go!” Watching the scene with her eyebrows slowly rising, Cindy chimed in as well, “Yeah, let him go, bimbo horse!” Celestia chuckled and nuzzled in against my neck. “I will never relinquish my unfuzzy little teddy bear.” Cindy glared at Celestia. Celestia glared back. Well, it looked like getting caught in the middle was to be my lot in life now. Might as well get used to it, maybe set up a tent or something... or maybe a bunker. I had a feeling this was about to get ugly, and apparently there was no way I was getting out of the epicenter of the oncoming destruction. Cindy's eye twitched slightly. Uh-oh. I knew what that meant. I was left sorely wishing for some way to protect myself when Cindy went into her rare, but formidable, 'rage mode'. She jumped at Celestia, her teeth snarling and her hands curled into claws as if she meant to gouge the Princess's eyes out. As I cringed and struggled to free myself, to escape from her path, she froze in midair, surrounded by a glowing yellow aura. She kicked and squirmed, but she just kept floating in air, right in the middle of my room. Celestia snickered. “So, now what should I do with the mortal fly who dares to attack my royal person?” “I will end you!” The Princess ignored Cindy's threat. “Hm... perhaps I should... oh dear, I'm not sure I have access to Tartarus right now.” She bopped me in the back of the head with her nose. “Where do people in your world send their beings of unimaginable horror and evil?” “Congress?” “Very well. To congress she goes.” As soon as Celestia said that, I regretted my ill-timed joke. With a flash, my girlfriend vanished. “Hey!” I yelled. “Bring her back!” She squeezed me tighter. “Don't want to. She's not nice.” “She's my girlfriend! Where did you send her, anyway?” “Congress.” “And how could you even know where that is?” She shrugged. “The teleportation spell doesn't need anything terribly specific to latch onto. The idea is enough.” “Bring her back!” Celestia laughed. “Hm... no.” “But you have to! You need to...” I sighed. “Please?” “Well, perhaps.” Her hooves traced the outline of my arms. “If you swear to be my slave for this week and do absolutely everything I require.” It wouldn't hurt to lie. What more could she do? “Bring her back and I'll do anything you want.” “Anything, hm?” She laughed darkly. “Very well.” With the sound of magic and another flash, Cindy reappeared... with two black-clad security guards clenching her arms. They jumped as soon as they noticed the change, then stared at Celestia. One of them grabbed a radio from his belt. “Security Control, be advised...” I groaned. This was all about to get a lot more complicated than I'd like.