Chapter 2
“What the heck is this?”
I woke with a start, still enveloped in Celestia's hooves, still tucked into my bed.
My girlfriend, Cindy, stood in the doorway, staring at us. She must have just come home from her night shift at the hospital.
It took my mind a considerable length of time to process things from her point of view – I blame my having just woken up – but when I did... Oh. Well, shit. It looked bad... really bad. “Hey, Babe... I, uh... I didn't know you'd be coming here today.”
“That's obvious.” She put her hands on her hips. “Or else you'd have found somewhere to hide your horsey bimbo.”
Celestia cleared her throat deeply from behind me. “I will thank you to not refer to me as a bimbo, mortal.” She yawned. “Nor a 'horsey' either, for that matter.”
“I don't care what it is. What I care about is what you're doing in bed with it!”
“I am a 'she', thank you.”
“I'm not talking to you, horsey bimbo.”
Even though Celestia was behind me, I could feel the heat of her glare.
This situation needed to be settled down, and fast. I didn't want to be caught between these two. “It's okay, Babe. Nothing happened, nothing at all.”
“Doesn't look like nothing to me.”
“We just slept here, that's all.”
Celestia's knowing giggle from behind me didn't help my case. My back bristled at her, and I wished she'd let me go so I could get up.
Time to play my trump card: “And it wasn't my choice. She forced me into it against my will!”
The Princess gave an indignant snort.
Cindy gave an indignant snort of her own. “Likely story. I've seen your browsing history, buddy.”
“Seriously!”
She glared at me. “You are going to get up right now, and we are going to have a long talk about our relationship.”
“Uh... okay.” I groaned internally. That kind of talk was the worst kind of talk ever. When I tried to get up, though, Celestia's hooves held me back. I tried again, same results. “Hey, let me go!”
Watching the scene with her eyebrows slowly rising, Cindy chimed in as well, “Yeah, let him go, bimbo horse!”
Celestia chuckled and nuzzled in against my neck. “I will never relinquish my unfuzzy little teddy bear.”
Cindy glared at Celestia.
Celestia glared back.
Well, it looked like getting caught in the middle was to be my lot in life now. Might as well get used to it, maybe set up a tent or something... or maybe a bunker. I had a feeling this was about to get ugly, and apparently there was no way I was getting out of the epicenter of the oncoming destruction.
Cindy's eye twitched slightly. Uh-oh. I knew what that meant.
I was left sorely wishing for some way to protect myself when Cindy went into her rare, but formidable, 'rage mode'. She jumped at Celestia, her teeth snarling and her hands curled into claws as if she meant to gouge the Princess's eyes out.
As I cringed and struggled to free myself, to escape from her path, she froze in midair, surrounded by a glowing yellow aura. She kicked and squirmed, but she just kept floating in air, right in the middle of my room.
Celestia snickered. “So, now what should I do with the mortal fly who dares to attack my royal person?”
“I will end you!”
The Princess ignored Cindy's threat. “Hm... perhaps I should... oh dear, I'm not sure I have access to Tartarus right now.” She bopped me in the back of the head with her nose. “Where do people in your world send their beings of unimaginable horror and evil?”
“Congress?”
“Very well. To congress she goes.” As soon as Celestia said that, I regretted my ill-timed joke.
With a flash, my girlfriend vanished. “Hey!” I yelled. “Bring her back!”
She squeezed me tighter. “Don't want to. She's not nice.”
“She's my girlfriend! Where did you send her, anyway?”
“Congress.”
“And how could you even know where that is?”
She shrugged. “The teleportation spell doesn't need anything terribly specific to latch onto. The idea is enough.”
“Bring her back!”
Celestia laughed. “Hm... no.”
“But you have to! You need to...” I sighed. “Please?”
“Well, perhaps.” Her hooves traced the outline of my arms. “If you swear to be my slave for this week and do absolutely everything I require.”
It wouldn't hurt to lie. What more could she do? “Bring her back and I'll do anything you want.”
“Anything, hm?” She laughed darkly. “Very well.”
With the sound of magic and another flash, Cindy reappeared... with two black-clad security guards clenching her arms. They jumped as soon as they noticed the change, then stared at Celestia.
One of them grabbed a radio from his belt. “Security Control, be advised...”
I groaned. This was all about to get a lot more complicated than I'd like.
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Does it mean that you will continue this story?
X3 Oh gosh. Please tell me this actually isn't completed.
Another enjoyable chapter. Please continue to update.
I demand a sequel!
EDIT: I also say that you should add another two hundred words to that chapter, or this story, for it would make it so the first story have 1,111 words and this one have 2,222 words.
That is the indirect method of calling for help.
That went from 0 to 100 real quick.
So is this actually the end or are you reviving this story?
oh snap
Things are getting crazy up in here.
The plot thicks
really after 8 mounts you are just going to stop there.
I figured Cindy would have been a little more surprised at the whole talking horse thing.
6175862
Nah, besides, she's seen his browsing history
this is funny
That Congress joke
Too bad our poor protagonist ended up making things worse for himself.
Oh my Celestia...
6175957
Speaking of, was that implying that he's into beastiality?
6176297
Pretty sure it was more to do with him being a brony, in which case what you are suggesting would make him a xenophile. Since, y'know, there's a bit of difference between ponies and Ponies.
6176358
Oh, okay, that works too. I didn't think of it that way.
ahahahahahaha politic is hell
Response to the security guards:
"Yeah, I think your radios are out of range"
Congress...
On a completely "unrelated" note, I misspelled that when I initially typed it and ended up with "Coingress." It was so incredibly appropriate that it took several minutes of thinking before I convinced myself that I really should change it.
OOC
I understand that this is comedy and all... but that is just not funny nor realistic which just makes it hard to read.
To be honest, I expected more from this, both in terms of quality and quantity.
Matter.
6176532
Yup, and it's bloody hilarious.
10/10
Will hire security for extra shits and giggles
Anything...
6176528
Good thing he didn't say "Detroit "
Somewhere....far far...away.
-------*Poor human, he's so lonely here. Gonna adopt him~*-------
I was happy to see another chapter. Gotta love this dickish Celestia. And wow is she dickish.
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Write more of this?
No. Absolutely not. No way. I'll never ever ever ever ever do it. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not a chance.
... unless I do.
6175225
Oh damn, you're right. I really missed the chance to make the word count perfect, huh?
6175317
Heh, that line about Congress really was my favorite bit from this whole chapter.
6175339
It is.
6175397
Yeah... what fun would it be if it was slow?
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6175487
They're only going to get worse.
6175509
It does indeed.
6175611
Yep!
Shameless publicity stunt of updating an undeservedly popular story.
I regret nothing.
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6176269
Looks like I did my job pretty good, then.
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The part about Congress is my personal favorite. ^.^
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Plus, you know, dat browsing history man.
6176495
Don't tell them that.
They'll pull out guns next.
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That's what makes it fun!
6176723
Whoever told you that this was supposed to be a quality story, he's a liar. (I do have some high-quality stories, but this ain't one of them.)
As for the length... well... A story can tell you when you've reached the end of it, and this one did... a mite sooner than I'd have liked, but if I went in and tried to make it longer, that would only be padding and filler, making it even worse.
6176967
Glad to see it's appreciated.
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I don't think that will be enough.
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I said.
And it was, until this came out.
Personally, I would love to see more of this premise, and if you can't think of more than just padding/filler, you need more ideas.
6178361 Fix it then! Make it perfect! And then, if you make a sequel, make it 3,333 words and continue the pattern for all of time!
so...she teleported her, mid-leap, into the middle of congress...knowing Celestia she timed the teleport so that the momentum would send Cindy flying into the nearest congressman.
Cue international incident.
Oh my. This situation has gotten a lot more complicated now. The main character + Celestia + Cindy + two security guards = SO MUCH CRAZINESS!
Also, I bet the first thing Celestia would want is getting a bunch of cuddling from the main human character.
Congress? HA!
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-- Making sure people use the word 'literally' the right way since 2010.
intranational incident.
This pedantic moment has been brought to you by Twilight Sparkle
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I know, I know.
I'm gonna have to simplify things if I continue this.
6181728
That part was fun to write.
6182993 My apologies your adorkableness.
6184666
Princess Trixie?
Uh oh.
I feel another story coming on.
What would happen if Trixie got a pair of wings and a crown?
6185827
That's what makes it fun!
Now why would he need this 'Cindy' when he has Celestia cuddling him from behind like a stuffed animal?
6190738
"Why indeed?" Celly asks.
Huzzah! I have finally found the source of the image used for the cover art of this fic! It's right here:
http://silfoe.deviantart.com/art/Cellybelly-497573662
And that image is soooooooooooooo cute.
6192243
Ooh, nice.
I've updated it and put that on there.
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And that is how you cause international incidents. Dammit, 'Tia.
Author, since you put a number of sequel hooks, I expect you to follow through.
6223454
Maybe someday, maybe someday.