I looked at my castle mirror. This would be the last time that I would see this mirror for at least a couple of months. In the Crystal Empire, the train was pulling in. I HAD to make this work.
If I couldn't, then I really had no hope of returning home. I mean, sure I liked it here, but home's home. And if you can't see your own home when you die (and I knew that eventually I would die, some misguided hero would destroy my philactery and then kill me before I could make a new one) then what is the point? I wanted to see home just one last time before I died. That portal to another world filled me with a need to be back, I'd left so much back there that I just hurried. Come to think of it, a cosmic entity like that merchant might have decided to permanently consign me to this world, in order to teach me a lesson. I called on a familiar spell, I'd cast it so many times that it was second nature to me now. I remembered the first time I'd cast it, my excitement that quickly diminished to just being depressed as all hell. How every day the same results had repeated themselves. It was SO ANNOYING.
I tapped the icy mirror, pumping the spell into it as a way to stabilise it. It seemed to work- the mirror shone brightly with a FABULOUS rainbow light.I stepped up to it, focusing. My mirror shone, brighter and brighter. Then, it stabilised. I wiped some imaginary sweat off my brow and probed slightly. I managed to get a view of some guy's junk. Quickly, I closed the portal and immediately tried to forget.
"AAH! TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF!"
When I was sure that the portal was closed, I decided to focus my efforts more, so I started with the universes that were closest to me. I focused on a universe with a man dressed as an evil armoured sorcerer, another that looked like Darth Vader in medieval times, and a knight of the sun. That one gave me pause. What on Earth was Solaire doing there? It didn't make much sense. Nevertheless, the multiverse has never really made all that much sense to me anyway. Still, this proved that the theory of portals worked. I smirked. Should I want to, I could go to another Equestria and get right into it.
A feeling that the entirety of this reality had been turned into jelly marked the arrival of another interdimensional traveller. I focused on the magical signature, trying to find... my eyes widened.
"Oh dear God no. Nope. Not dealing with this."
Unfortunately, there was no way out of here, and he could feel me. Without much else to do, there was little else but to alert Celestia and Luna to the entrance of a being who even I felt was weird. And considering everything I’ve done over a very long lifespan, including that time I founded a Bearded Lady Yoga class, that really says something.
Crystal Palace, at about the present time
Celestia felt the presence of Xante reappearing. Unlike before, he was panicked, and as soon as he spotted her he ran over. “Ah, hello Celestia, something very nasty coming, felt you should know, now I’m off on the next train out of-”
Celestia quickly gripped him before he could teleport off. “And what, exactly, is this threat?” Xante appeared to be sweating bullets. “Bad. Like, REALLY bad. It’s kind of complicated, but he’s a… frenemy.” Celestia quirked an eyebrow.
“...Who’s Twilight?” Xante reviewed his memory of events, eventually coming up with something undoubtedly wrong. Five minutes of knowing the lich as someone other than some demented murderer had changed her opinion- he wasn’t just some powerful lich, he was a powerful lich suffering from dementia and just about every conceivable mental illness. “Is Twilight the pink one? Fairly sure she’s the pink one.”
“She’s purple, but enough of that. What, exactly, is the threat?”
It was at that moment that I heard his laugh.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHA!”
My heart, had I actually been alive, would have undoubtedly stopped right there. It was all my legs could do to not collapse on the ground. “Oh God… run… hide… save yourselves!” I collapsed on the ground and started shaking. Celestia, bless her heart, immediately readied a spell, summoning her armour from who knows where. “What is coming for us?” I managed to prop myself up.
“BWAHAHAHA!” A pair of crystal guards were kicked through the door, smashing through the opposite walls and continuing.
“GET OUT OF THE WAY, TASTY BLOODBAGS! I TAKE… LARGE STEPS!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!” I raised an eyebrow. This was good! He was maybe a minutes away from us- thrity seconds slower than he normally is! Celestia didn’t seem so amused.
“Friend of yours, Xante?” What- oh, she thinks this is MY fault. She’s glaring at me.
“Celestia, I can explain. That is not my friend. That’s-”
The door is smashed in, and Luna sails through, still guarding. I hear his clumping footsteps, and brace myself for his terrible presentation. Celestia gasps, and puts a hand to her mouth. I can’t say I blame her. EVERYTHING about this guy is just awful.
The six foot six giant of a human being steps through the wall like it’s nothing. His huge body is covered in a huge checked flannel shirt, and a pair of thick denim overalls. On top of his head, a thick red woolen beanie is jammed over thick, spiky black locks. Beetle-black eyes twinkle out of an expanse of thick black hair, and with a shudder I can see that his moustache is host to several live bats. He grins at me, and bellows out a laugh so loud, I swear the Crystal Palace is starting to fracture.
“XANTE MUGWUMP, MY UNDEAD RIVAL! HOW ARE YOU IN THIS BACKWATER PLANE OF EXISTENCE!” This was Alucard, the Sixteenth King of the Vampires, and the longest incumbent of the Alucard title, besting even the original name by a good month.
I glared at him. “Go AWAY Alucard, I’m not interested in your rivalry challenges right this second!” Celestia turned to me, anger in her eyes. Oops, I had denied this was my fault.
“You lied about him not being your friend.”
I tried to articulate some words in response, eventually managing something: “He’s my rival, not my friend! Besides, he’s a raving nutter!” When they weren’t swayed by this argument, I brought out my trump card: “He’s wearing women’s underwear!”
Luna turned to the giant which had briefly thrown her through walls with a mixture of curiosity and disgust.
“Is that true, Alucard?” He grinned, throwing his shirt off, exposing the frilly pink bra that nestled in a thatch of black hair.
“IF A MAN IS NOT COMFORTABLE IN WOMEN’S UNDERGARMENTS, THEN HE IS NOT A MAN! THAT IS WHAT XANTE HAS TAUGHT ME, AND AS HIS RIVAL, I SEEK TO DISPROVE HIS PHILOSOPHY!”
Celestia and Luna now looked at me as if I was completely bonkers. “What? What? What’d I do? I swear to God, I didn’t tell him to become a crossdresser!”
Alucard grinned at me. “NEVERTHELESS, I AM AFRAID THAT TODAY, I SHALL BEST YOU AT OUR COMPETITION!” I suddenly remembered an old trick to delay his even getting close to me. Slowly, carefully, I reached into a pocket, while he continued talking utter balderdash about ‘his epic rival-’ I was in no mood to fight the King of the Vampires.
“Hey, Alucard.” He finally focused on me, just long enough for me to dump open the small bag I kept in my cloak for emergencies like this. Grains of rice spilled out onto the crystal floor, prompting him to jump on them, furiously counting them. I smartly left the room, the alicorn sisters staring after me in confusion. I beckoned them to follow. “Quickly now, it’ll hold him for a bit then he’ll eventually count them all. That’s the problem with vampires- they’re obsessive compulsive about things like that. I once managed to humiliate him by stealing every left sock he owned, then getting him to dance by offering them all back to him. It was hilarious at the time.”
Celestia and Luna followed me, possibly to prevent me from doing any more evil deeds. I wanted out of here. I looked at them. “Do you trust me.” It was a rhetorical question.
“No.” They chorused in unison. I grinned.
“Well, I do apologise for that, but we need to leave. He’s going to get REALLY ANGRY right about now, and I’d rather not be in this fragile place when he finally-”
“DYNAMIC ENTRY!”
“...finishes counting.” I deadpanned before being kicked in the face. The sheer impact was enough to almost snap my head clean off my shoulders, but I was able to, at the last second, focus my chi into turning my body as hard as rock, and all that happened was me getting kicked into the nearby mountain. I coughed up a wad of black blood, already focusing on healing my injuries. “Oh dear sweet gods above that hurts” I groaned, my entire body feeling like absolute shit. He’d be here any moment now-
“CLOTHESLINE!”
Thank God.
I barely rolled out of the way as his fist impacted with the mountain, cracking it. He grinned at me as he withdrew his fist. I briefly wondered when he’d managed to find the time to protect himself from the sun, but shrugged. He’d probably found the spell somewhere in some library. I noticed him pointing at my head while grinning.
“I SEE THAT YOUR HAIR IS STILL AS FABULOUS AS EVER!” I looked up and groaned. Great, my hair was loose. My hat must have been knocked off by the sheer impact.
My long mane of hair, silvered with age and undeath, blew gently in the morning breeze. Its entire length sparkled, and a faint rainbow sheen was shot through it. In short, it was the best hair ever, but it was MURDER to maintain. I raised an eyebrow and pouted, and somewhere in the multiverse a necrophilic got a boner for NO REASON.
“Great. Now I’m going to have to-”
I was interrupted from my philosophical musings as to the state of my headgear by a gargantuan hair-covered fist approaching my face at a considerable pace. Naturally, I got right the hell out of there, the fist only barely missing me. Nevertheless, the sheer force of the blow was enough to graze me.
This was bad. Still, we were out of range of anybody who MIGHT be targeted… and it had been a while since I’d really cut loose with this spell. This one I’d developed specifically for Sombra, as a surprise attack when he wasn’t guarded with wards. Rainbow and ice magic flared around me as I focused my arcane arts. This wasn’t going to kill him… well, not permanently. Unfortunately, my spell casting was interrupted by something literally falling from the sky. This really surprised me- not often something like THAT happens. I picked up the gloves, turning them over for a bit. Something told me I shouldn’t mess with these gloves, but I’ve never been one to listen to reason much anyways.
For some reason, they were titled ‘Gilgamesh, Greatest Warrior.’ Huh. On a whim, not expecting anything to really happen, I simply said, “Gilgamesh, I am Xante, Baron of the Frozen Wastelands, First among Liches, Lord of the Undead and Fabulous Rainbow Magician…” Alucard attempted another punch and I was sent flying. “AND I COULD REALLY USE SOME HELP RIGHT NOW!”
In all honesty, I was expecting nothing to happen. I was not expecting to hear somebody scream from overhead.
---
Above me, I saw a very large figure step out... into mid-air. ”Do not fear, for Gilgamesh-! Wait…”
It was then that he realised that he was in the air and plummeting towards a snowy mountain.
”OH DEAR GOD WHY!?” I heard him scream before he fell, creating a massive hole in the layered powdery snow.
---
I watched the eight foot tall warrior fall through the snow like an ungraceful ballerina, attempting a manoeuvre way out of her league. It seems as if my summons has worked. He coughed, shaking off his rough landing. I facepalmed. Great, we were now BOTH going to die. Nevertheless, I blasted my adversary away with a quick spell and hauled him up.
“Are you okay, big guy?”
He stood up straight and twirled his spear, puffing his chest out heroically. “Fear not, good sir, for no mere fall from the heavens will be enough to defeat me! Now, let us join forces Lich so we may best-!” He stopped when he finally got a good look at Alucard, the frilly pink bra still visible on his hairy chest. It was a whole minute before he said anything. Seriously, I counted. “Ok dude, seriously, the fuck?” That was a normal reaction to some unfortunate soul seeing Alucard for the first time.
“That’s Alucard, King of the Vampires. He was a lumberjack before he was turned. Hopefully that’ll help you understand things better. If not, well, that’s also understandable.” I REALLY didn’t want to alienate a potential ally.
“So basically I’m fighting a vampiric Monty Python reference… You know what, I’ve fought weirder.” I stared at him in response to that. “S-Seriously?”
“No, but saying that helps me cope.”
He twirled his weapon before taking a battle stance. “Defeat or demise?”
“Um, what?”
“Beat him or kill him?”
“Beat him. If you kill him, then you will be considered the King of the Vampires. And that would be bad.”
“INDEED IT IS BAD! YOU MUST RULE OVER A NATION OF BLOODTHIRSTY VAMPIRES! RULING A NATION IS EXTREMELY HARD WORK! NOBODY EVEN BOTHERS TO FIGHT YOU! NOW, MYSTERIOUS WARRIOR, IF YOU ARE AN ALLY OF XANTE, THEN FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!” The mere roar of his voice sent the snow around us back.
“Damn he’s loud. Not as bad as the Royal Canterlot Voice, though,” he muttered. “Indeed, I am allying myself with this Lich mage. And seeing as how I am the only one who has not introduced themselves, please allow me a moment.” He took a deep breath before beginning to spin his weapon in several different ways. “I am the mighty ronin of the multiverse! With my naginata in hand I travel over lands and realities seeking fights and adventure! The greatest of champions and entire armies fall before my might! Will you be an opponent to remember? Or are you just another enemy to be forgotten by THE MIGHTY GILGAMESH!?” He finally stopped twirling his weapon, holding it behind him with his other arm extended forward in a dramatic battle stance. “So, what’s the game plan?” he whispered to me.
“Alright. I’ve found where his portal actually is. It’s not too far away from here. I need you to direct the fight over to the top of THAT mountain.” I pointed to a mountain that was on the other side of the valley.
“If we can hit him hard and fast enough, then you can direct him. I’ll widen his portal, and shove him through.”
“YOU DO KNOW THAT I CAN HEAR YOU, RIGHT? WELL, MY RIVAL, IT MATTERS NOT.” I noticed that his very body was starting to glow red. My eyes widened.
“Gilgamesh, get back! He’s entering his Berserk state, and soon he’ll REALLY cut loose!”
“Protect, Shell, Haste,” he quickly announced, causing three short bursts of light and fanfare to activate on him. He then turned to me and quickly cast the same three spells on myself. He then grabbed his weapon with both hands and swung hard, causing a tidal wave of snow to kick off the ground and rush towards Alucard. Still charging up Berserk mode, he quickly jumped up and continued charging it up. “Physical defense, magical defense, and increased speed, agility, and reduced casting time. Are there any specific spells or abilities I should be worried about or does he just hit things?”
Well, that was easy. “Watch out for when he turns into fog. I saw that dissolve a dragon in seconds. Quite painful, but then again, I just resurrected after that. Also, here. Aurora Missiles. Proximity, home in on targets.” With a wave of my staff, we were now guarded with seven coloured missiles.
“Another thing is, don’t let him grab you. If he bites you, it’s over in a second. Finally-”
I saw him pull his axe out, a simple woodcutter’s axe except for the red trail it left in the air. “Don’t get hit by the axe. That thing tears away magical enhancements. Now he’s in Berserk mode. No spells, but he’s infinitely stronger, faster and durable. Plus, he’s got a healing factor. However, he only stays in that form for about half an hour, so all we have to do is keep him delayed.”
“Hold up a sec. We just need to get him to that other mountain so you can start opening that portal, right?” Gilgamesh asked.
“Uh, yeah?”
“And now that he’s in ‘Berserk mode’, will he come after us even if he knows doing so might put him in a bad position?”
… I hadn’t thought about that. “Yes. He really, REALLY wants to fight me. Some bullshit about me being his ‘rival.’ But yes, he is mindless enough. I like your style. Now, we should run before he decides to get serious. Unless you have a way to take him there.”
He chuckled. “Behold, Lich Xande! For with my naginata time and space is my bitch!” He declared before cutting open a hole in reality with the weapon. He then grabbed me by the waist and before I could even ask what the hell he was doing he jumped through the hole, pulling me along for the ride. There was some sort of trippy rainbow kaleidoscope dimension we entered, but even through all the bright color swirls I could see Alucard jump in after us. Gilgamesh cut another hole in the dimension and we exited high above the mountain top, plummeting to the ground while Alucard followed close behind.
“He’s still on us, you idiot!”
“Just a moment,” he said before cutting open another hole in reality and falling through, this time closing it before Alucard could follow. He cut open reality again and we exited on the mountaintop again, this time with our feet on the ground. As he put me down I saw Alucard hit the ground, sending snow everywhere as he hit, about one hundred yards away. “Odd. I don’t remember The Rift being so… fabulous.” Gilgamesh commented.
“Maybe it’s because of me. Now, hang on a bit.” I focused on the portal, feeling my magic start to flow around me in a rainbow halo. “And my name’s Xante. With a t, not a d.” Nevertheless, I managed to get a hold on the portal.
“So, uh, how long’s this gonna take?” I could tell that the giant warrior was a bit impatient.
“Hopefully not long. Alucard isn’t the most patient of spellcasters, and his ward schemes are utter crap.” I spotted a ridiculous ward in there and frowned. “See? Like that! He’s using a Cat with a sixth grade circle with three layers, when a really good ward would use a Dragon with a five-layered, eighth level pentagram at the very least! And don’t get me started on his writing…”
“...Right. Um, I feel I should mention despite having magic powers I’m more a melee combat specialist, and the magics I do know basically just work because I know what they do and I will them to work. Also, he’s kinda almost here.”
Oh shit. “Ah. That’s bad.”
“RAAAAAAH! XANTE!” Now glowing even brighter, Alucard had abandoned reason and was now focusing only on beating us up. His ax glowed brighter and brighter. Now desperate, I poured more and more power into reverse engineering the portal. “Do your thing, but make sure to keep him around here! Just a little bit more!”
“I admit, I am not used to fighting almost exclusively with ranged attacks, but I will see what I can do!” Gilgamesh shouted before leaping over Alucard, landing about fifty feet behind him. The vampire king didn’t even seem to notice and kept charging at me. Just as I was about to criticize him for leaving me unguarded I heard him shout “PENETRATING BEAM!” A red laser hit Alucard in the back, causing him to stumble for a second, before regaining his footing. Also, the frilly pink bra caught on fire and quickly burned to nothingness.
“Haha! Thy unsightly bra is no more, foul drinker of blood!”
Alucard turned around and even from this distance I could see the fear in Gilgamesh’s eyes in reaction to the face Alucard was now giving him.
“Fuckberries.”
The vampire charged the armored warrior, screaming in rage, as his prey screamed the girliest scream I had ever heard.
The resulting chase had to be seen to be believed. Gilgamesh ran about like a headless chicken, while Alucard, enraged that his pink bra had been destroyed, chased after him. Fortunately, he was keeping on the mountain, allowing me to decode the ward scheme. I focused a bit, trying to get it on…
The Yakety Sax song started playing. I pulled on my ‘wat’ face. Even Alucard and Gilgamesh seemed to briefly pause in their mad chase. Then, they resumed. Gilgamesh kept his distance from the lumberjack vampire king, distracting him with his own ranged moves. Alucard kept charging him and healing from the blows in a matter of seconds.
Alucard’s ward scheme was an absolute joke, though he had a couple of surprises in there. I pulled a face when I saw that the final level of defense was at MOUSE level, generally well known for never being applied to defensive wards. I pulled it apart like a piece of cheese, and the portal opened. “NOW!” I yelled.
Gilgamesh stopped, turned to face Alucard and shouted “FLASH!” causing his body to briefly shine with a blinding light. Alucard stopped and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, and Gilgamesh used the distraction to grab him by the overalls, actually lifting him above his head spinning him in the air. “BEGONE, HAIRY FIEND!” he cried before hurling him into the portal. With a clap of my hands, the portal closed behind Alucard. Thanks to a couple of other rules, he wouldn’t be able to go back to here for a while yet.
For a while, we stood there in silence. I was the first to break it. “So, Gilgamesh. Where’re you from?”
“Are you asking what my costume-turned body is from or what realm I hail from?”
“Where you yourself hail from. Myself, I’m a native of Malonia. From your weapon, I’d say you’re from the eastern side of Xerkeria.”
“I am afraid I do not know any of these names. I am merely a traveler and seeker of adventure, and my only home is the world of Equus as a whole, though at the moment I currently reside in the Castle of the Pony Sisters in the Everfree Forest of Equestria,” he explained. He turned to face the Crystal Empire before adding “Though from the looks of things an Equestria with some notable differences from this one.”
“You don’t know of those places?” I scratched my chin, before realising. “Oh. You’re from Earth. Forgive me, for I’m not from there. My world is simply named Ranreia. I suppose you’d call it a ‘fantasy world.’ That would explain how you know nothing of wards. Where we are now is the Crystal Empire, which is different from Equestria.” I heard the distinctive noise of teleportation behind me. “It seems as if we have some guests.”
I turned to the Alicorn sisters as they appeared. Celestia turned to Gilgamesh, a bit shocked by his appearance. “Xante, who is this?” I bowed.
“Celestia, this is Gilgamesh. He’s the guy who helped me get rid of Alucard.” She turned to him, cautiously.
“Pleased to meet you, Mr… Gilgamesh.” Beside her, Luna was emerging. I noticed that Gilgamesh seemed to be a bit shocked. I nudged him. “Hey, big man. You alright?”
He didn’t really seem okay, just kept staring. I jumped up, waving my hand in his face. “Hello? Earth to Gilgamesh?”
It was at least another thirty seconds of awkward silence before he turned to look at me. He quickly grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. “That’s-! But they-! With the arms! And the clothes! And the-!” he then began motioning to his chest. “I mean, I knew they were different but not this different!”
Luna looked at him as if he was suffering from Tourette's. “Art thou insane? Or art thou simply mentally challenged?”
The warrior looked to her before turning his head and covering his eyes. “Please, a moment! I need time to adjust to gazing upon thy splendor, beautiful Princess of the Night!”
“Why is Luna being here so different? What’re they like on your world, shoggoths or something?” Actually, that was a really weird mental image. Luna seemed to like his flowery speech.
“In my realm they-” he began to explain before turning to look at the two alicorns and then turning back to me. “Do they know? Should we tell them?”
“They kind of guessed from my appearance that I’m not of this world. Plus, they saw Alucard.” I cleared my throat, turning to the two alicorns.
“Attention, Princesses. You probably already guessed this, but I am not from this world, and neither is he. He’s from another dimension, where you’re apparently not anthropomorphic.” I then turned to him.
“Good explanation, do you think?”
“Um, yes, I suppose. Ahem,” he turned to face the two sisters, looking to Luna for a moment before switching his focus to Celestia. “Indeed, I am from another Equus where the residents of thy kingdoms are mere ponies. Well, perhaps ‘mere’ is not the correct term. They are still formidable, especially the other versions of you two, but they walk on four hooves and are without certain… anatomies.” He took a quick glance at Luna’s chest before averting his eyes. I swear I could see steam coming up from underneath his helmet. “Forgive me.”
I shrugged. Eh. If you have a functioning set of reproductive organs that haven’t rotted, then all luck to you. Still, if he was originally from Earth… “So you originally came from Earth? I’ve been there a few times. Mainly, I was there at the signing of the Declaration of Independance. Oh, and at the inauguration of every single American president.” I sighed, remembering my little visits. “I’d pop into the Oval Office, talk about how ‘the balance of worlds has shifted,’ slap them in the face and then walk out.”
He just stared at me a moment. “You’re totally making that up.”
“I am not. Look- here’s a video of me doing it.” I pulled out the little iPhone, and turned one of the videos on. I wanted to keep a record of my time, after all. The video clearly showed me appearing in front of Obama, and then my hand came around and slapped him.
“The balance of worlds has shifted! Remember my face, for I am Xante Mugwump, lich extraordinaire! Good luck, Mr Obama!”
With the video finished, I turned to him. “I’d like to see the proof that I didn’t just do that.”
“Ok, one, how do you have an iphone working here? Two, if that actually happened, why don’t I remember it? I watched that speech live on television, you know.”
“One, I bought it and then made a very crude ward to convert magic into electrical current. Two: it’s quite simple. I’m sorry to tell you this, but I specifically blotted that part of the memory out. It’s a spell called Suggestion: all I did before was cast Suggestion through the camera crews and audience. You never noticed me or Obama doing anything out of the ordinary. Epic level people from my world can go to any other world if they have the spell, and you might never know.”
“If it makes you feel any better, Suggestion only works on minds that aren’t used to the arcane. I can’t do anything like that in this world, thanks to the magic. And it wasn’t mind control- more like a subconscious command.”
“... You know what, I don’t even care if you’re telling the truth or not anymore. I stopped even caring about going back to Earth within the first week of being warped to Equus, and I certainly don’t care now. Whatever happens to that realm is not my problem. So this particular conversation is over, especially since it seems they are outright lost,” he finished, motioning towards the two sisters.
I shrugged. “I really like Earth myself. Your achievements are… frightening. And beautiful. Still! The past is in the past.” I turned to Celestia and Luna. “Where I come from, there’s a spell to traverse the barrier between alternate dimensions. Unfortunately, I was… sent here, by an eldritch being that had sold a young man an artifact enabling him to traverse the barrier. Whatever this being is, it’s also preventing me from leaving.”
Celestia nodded sagely, folding her arms and causing yet more steam to appear from Gilgamesh’s helmet. “So that’s why you’re here…” she stood still for a moment, then turned to me. “Mr Gilgamesh. I don’t exactly trust you, but you did get rid of a potential threat, so I thank you. However,” here her aura flared up, “threaten this kingdom and you’ll live to regret it.”
Surprisingly, he chuckled in response. “Oh, I promise you I intend no harm against the citizens of Equestria. However, I wouldn’t mind going a few bouts with the two of you. Friendly competition of course, nothing life-threatening. But now, on to more important matters. Noble Lich Xante, seeing as how I have provided my services to you in your hour of need, would you perhaps be willing to aid me with my own troubles?”
I bowed. “Truly, if I didn’t, I could never look myself in the mirror ever again. If you need my assistance, then let me do this.” I focused my own power, concentrating. With a small amount of effort, I had created a small cube of Bifrost Ice, my personal specialty. I handed it to him.
“I got the idea from your gloves. I can travel to your world through my own spell, but this’ll simply make it easier to travel. Call on me with this, and I shall render you whatever assistance you need. but if you need help right this instant, then I shall naturally help you.”
“And I greatly appreciate the offer,” he said while taking it. “Also, I feel I should mention the gauntlets I gave you are no mere summoning tool. The Genji Gloves should provide you with great defense against both blows and magic, and more importantly make you immune to spells that are designed to inflict the Paralyze and Toad ailments upon you. However, I am afraid I must ask for your aid in more immediate concerns. In my realm I search for objects very important to me, yet I know not their whereabouts. Do you perhaps have some spell or device I could use to search for them?”
I scratched my chin. “Sorry. Most of my arsenal revolves around freezing things and shooting rainbows at other things. A search spell would only really be useful if you’ve already warded your stuff. Sorry I can’t help you out much.”
“So it seems I am still without a heading. Most regrettable,” he sighed. After a moment her perked up again. “Although… Xante, am I correct in assuming that when I was, um… ‘distracting’ the vampire lumberjack, the song that began playing originated from you?”
“Yes, it is a spell of my own invention. Pretty easy. If you want it, then I can offer it to you as a gift.” My finger lit up with a rainbow light. “It’s a simple ward scheme that I can draw on your armour. One question: how much magical control do you have? It’ll affect the ward scheme slightly.”
“Well, as I said before my magics work by knowledge of intent and my own will. I can fire beams from my eyes, materialize missiles, improve my physical abilities, and alter the size of my enemies, just to name a few abilities. I also have the ability to transform my own body, or rather, I will once I retrieve the objects I seek, and I have an innate connection to the wind. I’m afraid I don’t know much about wards, however.”
“That’s fine. Alright, here goes.” I drew a quick triangle on the front of his body. With another flick of my finger, I simply wrote what I wanted the ward to do. I then added a second layer on, frowning in concentration. Gilgamesh watched as the triangle glowed with a rainbow light. To finish, a small picture of an ox appeared within it. I then pushed the ward in.
“There, done. Now, test it out. Think about a song you want to play, and imagine it playing.”
“Hm. Let’s see…” After a moment of pondering his eyes turned to Luna. “Ah, I think that’ll work.” A beautiful piano piece began to play, its slow and sombre notes echoing across the mountain. “Well, seems to work just fine.” He deactivated the song before turning to the Princesses. “Hail and farewell, fair Princesses of Equestria. And farewell to you, noble lich.” He bowed to me as well. “May the winds of freedom always carry your wings.”
I nodded to him. “May your quest to find your objects go as smoothly as a greased pig on ice.” Not my best metaphor, but hey, who cares?
“... What an odd farewell. However I appreciate the sentiment. If not for our bout with a certain hairy fiend my time here meeting you would have been completely enjoyable. And so, I bid thee farewell.” He raised his naginata into the air, cutting another hole in reality before crouching down. “GILGAMESH, AWAY!” And with a jump he was gone.
I watched after him for a little while, before turning to Celestia and Luna. “Well, that happened.” I turned, ready to leave for a trip around the world. Unfortunately, before I could, I felt another arm grip me. I turned to Celestia. “Still don’t trust me?” She nodded silently.
One cannot accomplish miracles in a day. I wasn’t expecting her to trust me immediately, but come on, vampire lumberjack. She smiled benignly. “I don’t trust that you’re completely honest. So… I’m sending you to stay with my student in Ponyville.” Oh. Well.