Applegate

by Flutters Is Shy

2- Dumbfounded Amongst Others

The hybrid form was... female. Painfully so.

Inspecting myself, I was covered in red hair(Fur? Was this fur? It didn't feel like how I remembered horse hair feeling. Though these weren't really horses, were they? Didn't really matter now that I thought about it, since this was a dream it could feel like barb wire and still be perfectly natural.) from my head to my...hoof. Hooves? Trippy. I had a long swathe of hair that descended from my crown and even all the way back down my neck. It was dark blonde, almost as orange as the female horses coat. Thankfully I didn't have a butt tattoo, that would have been too much.

My two dream hallucinations had started to pull them selves out of their "daze", and were looking at me again.

"Think you can get offa me?" I asked the big guy, his hoof still firmly planted on my ches-...barrel? I really should have read up on horse anatomy before having this dream. The big lug looked at me with confusion in his eyes, and removed his hoof from my midsection. I brought myself to my feet-HOOVES, and brushed myself off. My backpack hung loose on my back now, but that was all right. The big guy looked like he was about to say something, so I interrupted him with a fore hoof flung forward to point wildly behind him. I made sure I wasn't pointing at anything in particular, and yelled out as loudly as I could.

"OH MY GOSH A DISTRACTION!" Once their heads had whipped towards where I was pointing, I turned on a dime and ran down the path. Good god for once in my life it felt good to run. The wind whistling through my hair, my legs thudding against the ground, it was a truly exhilarating experience. And to have gotten such a reaction...god, wouldn't have thought that trick would work even in my dream. But hey, my dream. I chuckled to myself as I ran, this body was fast, with a capital F. The trees on either side of me zoomed past, and I could hear the two chuckleheads behind me trying to keep up.

As the minutes rushed by, I found the road becoming more even, and widening. I made my way over the lip of a hill, and stopped dead. Before me I saw what looked like a large town, full to the brim with colorful buildings and ponies. I grimaced a bit at this, my subconscious was apparently messing with me. This was supposed to be a lucid dream now, why couldn't arrive at someplace cool like on the desert planet from star wars or middle earth? Tons of cool stuff I could morph into there. As I was caught up in my thoughts, the worst thing ever popped up in front of me. It was the pink one.

"Hi there I'm Pinkie Pie I know you're new here because I've never seen you before and I know everypony in town because well I'm the resident Prolific Party Pony Pinkie Pie and I was wondering something very very very important and that is do you like cupcakes and cake and fruit punch?"

I stood there floundering for a second, apparently this hyperactive menace had asked...about...if I liked cake?

"Uhhhhhhh...yes?"This apparently was not the right answer, causing the obviously sugar laden pony to squeal to such pitch that it caused my left eye to twitch. She then invaded my personal space with a spine breaking hug, and then rushed off with a "meep meep!"
Friggin road runner physics.

"Hey you, wait up missy!" Great, it looked as if 'Applejack' and her brother had finally caught up. I would just will them away, but that would take too much thought process. Instead I calmly walked off towards the town, annoying duo in tow. "H-hey, wait up!"

"Can't help you, too busy ignoring you!" I called out behind myself, I was mildly pleased to hear the big guy sputtering in what I can only assume was rage. I don't like talking big irl, but in an imaginary setting like this, I felt safe antagonizing a random asshat.

I continued on my way, ignoring each and every attempt those two made to converse with me. I had gotten a little antsy coming so close to the town, even though I knew it wasn't real. To this end I managed to skirt my way around the outskirts of the town, finally finding myself heading towards some sort of...cottage near a thick forest.

"Why you heading out to Fluttershys? You a friend o' hers?" Applejack asked from behind me. She and her brother were still following me, it didn't look as if I was going to get rid of either of them any time soon. To try and alleviate this, I turned off the path and headed into the forest. they kept on following me, asking me questions, trying to get a response out of me. Several minutes later, she had apparently gotten so pissed off at me that she decided to grab my tail(yeah, flouncy long thing it was)with her mouth. Disgusting. I turned to chew her out, when something decided to tear my leg off.

I was lying in the dust for a few seconds, listening to Applejack and Big Macintosh yell in surprise and terror before the pain reached me. I had never so much as had gotten a broken arm before this. I can say with absolute certainty that this was a horrendous feeling, it felt like every single nerve ending from my hip and downward were on fire. I can't say I was paying much attention on the outside world at this point, but I was certain of one thing.

This was no dream.

~------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------~

Applejack bucked the timberwolf square in the chest, throwing it backwards against a nearby tree. It's body shattered into a collection of branches and leaves, but she knew that where there was one, there was bound to be more. the thing had ripped into the poor mares right foreleg, completely severing it at the lower joint. It was bleeding freely, and the mare looked to be in great pain. She yelled at Big Mac to "go get help!" as she carefully lifted the mare onto her back. She may have been...that other thing, wandering around Sweet Apple farm. But at this point in time there was only the threat of this poor mares life on the line.

Applejack ran as carefully as she could, trying not to jostle her cargo as she made her way to the hospital. On her back, the mare gave a low moan and then started to...melt. Her body twisted and warped on her back, forcing her to a stop. Within a minute, the tall biped that she and her brother had seen was lying on her back, limbs dragging along the ground. Applejack panicked for a second, before she heard the tell tale snore that signified an asleep individual.

With but a second to think, she turned towards the large crystalline castle in the middle of town.

Twilight would know what to do.

Author's Note:

Edit- yeah, I originally had Aj heading towards twilights "tree".
I made an accident. My bad.

Comments

[BeebarbX]

Despite this being an obvious attempt at trying to join a group concept greater than itself, this shows some promise. Though it needs much improvement.

In the 'displaced' type stories I've read, the individual didn't get transported until after they paid for the enchanted item. The way you had him 'pick it up and go' comes off rushed, at least clean it up and expand on it in some way.

All the speech is blunt, making it seem like a singular personality is speaking. Yes, they may have different names, but that often isn't enough.

Way to rush to the 'monster' concept, with Apple Bloom no less. With any one of the crusaders there would probably be a degree of childish curiosity in the beginning. Don't write character's dialogue around what you want to happen, write it around their personality.

If you want the 'monster' introduction so bad, make it believable. Have him come out of the everfree in a way that could be misconstrued as aggressive.

Your tags are wrong for a 'displaced' story, you are not doing a crossover, merely using one element of something else for a HiE story. The 'crossover' tag should be a 'human' tag. -tags seemed to have changed since comment was made-

Really? 'You wont even have to worry about the two hour time limit'? I may not know what series the object is from, but that is the most obvious 'make my main character a OP mary sue' thing I have ever seen.
Not to mention that every single other displaced story pegs the merchant as a huge jerk, the kind of person who wouldn't do any sapient being any favors.

Also, it's "won't", and aquired is spelled "acquired" do you ever let spellcheck do it's job?

A displaced story is not something you can rush or do only a half-decent job with. You have to be able to pay attention to detail. Any interaction with other displaced may require that you have some basic understanding of multiverse theory, so you don't write yourself into a 'makes no sense' corner.

Many if not all of the displaced come from seperate human realities (or so it seems from the stories I've read). So saying "what with all the talk of people dressing up in cosplay going missing" in your description makes little sense to me. At least try to explain it in the story.

I've been wanting to write a 'displaced' story myself, but I haven't because I know I'm not ready yet. It is a promising concept, but it needs fixing fast.

Note: I am aware that I have been making changes to my comment, but this is an unusual situation. It is rare for me to find something with such promise that has issues, and is something I myself wish to pursue.
I tried writing once, but knowing a lot about good writing, and actually being a good writer are two different things.

[nemisisheadhunter]

Good start.:)

[Citadel]

Has potential, but like beebarb said it could use some work.

Animorph fan here, wonder if the Ellimist or Crayak will show up. Ha just got the title

[Citadel]

5039000 well he isn't op yet, let's hope the Author is up to the job here. I've seen so many interesting stories fail after the first few chapters as they quickly become stu's or reuse the same old recycled material of meet main six, live with one of them, insert slice of life here with little difference. The theme of overly friendly human acting like ponies can do no wrong, are always right, meekly obeying them with no emotion other than happy or sad is so terrible. Course same goes for the opposite end of the spectrum when the human is full of rage it suspends belief to how stupid they act and ponies are complete pushovers.

[Zeyon The Green]

Hmm... the author's last name and blue morphing cube? Why is there no crossover tag? I'll read this later.

[Flutters Is Shy]

5043313 I didnt put the crossover tag because its not the characters from that series being crossed with mlp.

[Zeyon The Green]

5043361

The morphing cube should be enough, but alright. Your story your rules...

[Flutters Is Shy]

5043496
Would you believe I'm making it up as I go along?

In all seriousness though, I just keep learning new things. If I have the wrong tags, its my own fault. I actually already changed the tags once(due to my own ignorance) because of the helpful comment by one of the readers.

[Zeyon The Green]

5043573

Yeah I can believe that. I do it sometimes myself.

[BeebarbX]

5043496 Believe it or not, but that 'morphing cube' alone certainly isn't enough to warrant a story being called a crossover. References and borrowed material are fairly common in many forms of writing.

[Zeyon The Green]

5046947 I concede that I did not know crossovers had rules as such, if that is the norm then I am not arguing.

[Infinty Blade Brony]

I'm hoping he will at some point shout "IM A PRETTY PONY!!!" I will lol

[Flutters Is Shy]

5132676
I got a Discord chapter in the works. It might be under duress, But I think that line can be managed~

[Glowing Ember]

IRL: in real life. You said in in real life.

[TheUnknownWarrior]

5132849

"OH MY GOSH A DISTRACTION!" Once their heads had whipped towards where I was pointing, I turned on a dime and ran down the path.

Applejack & Big Mac right now = MUTHA FUCKIN IDIOTS

[PrinceJonathan]

I find it curious how they see this "thing" morph into a pony and they aren't immediately screaming "CHANGELING!" and breaking out the pitchforks and torches.

[Razzy]

That distraction technique never fails.

[BlackPowder]

5732179
Changelings dont "melt". They burst into flames. Obvious giveaway.