Greetings, My dear friend Twilight.
The content of your letter has both my sister and I intrigued, to say the least. While there have been many documented cases of interaction from beyond our understanding of the confines of this realm, written logs are oft to not a pale substitution for face to face interaction. If this arrangement is amiable to you and your guest, Luna and I would very much appreciate a chance to sit down and talk. If we were to inspect him ourselves, we might be able to find something that you may have missed. Not due to your own fault, but to the fluidity of the energy at play. Yes, I realize I accidentally insulted her, that's why I had that second part put in. No. No. I'm not redoing the letter, its fine as is. Its FINE Luna. Because I said so that's why! Because Penning Avista already wrote out almost an entire letter! No, we don't have to tell her to stop, she isn't just going to write down everything we're saying. She's new Luna, not scatterbrained. Avista? Start again from here, if you would? Okay. To clarify, we would both very much like to meet this Wade Tonight, if that is preferable to the both of you. Awaiting your response,
Your good friend, Princess Celestia
Twilight stared at the note for several seconds as she had finished reading it out loud. Wade had burst out in laughter when she had gotten to the part where her teacher had miscalculated the over-zealousness of her new scribe, but had managed to to collect himself long enough for her to finish her reading. First impressions are everything, she thought forlornly. and my beloved teacher just ruined hers.
"So, that sound alright to you?" She asked Wade, who at this raised an eyebrow. What could he possibly be thinking? He had the opportunity to not only meet her teacher, but her sister as well! Was he excited? Was he anxious? Twilight could give him some pointers if he was! OOOOoooh!!! She could write up flash cards! Oh wait. He couldn't read Equish or Unicorne. Drat. Or she could have him write on them too! That would work!
"I guess...I mean, I don't have anything against that..." Yes yes yes!
Twilight conjured another sheaf of paper, and quickly imprinted a single word on it before thrusting it into Spikes claws. He looked at the single word, and gave her a cheeky grin. "Oh, just send it Spike, hurry up, we can't waste any time!" The sooner it got to the Princesses, the sooner they would come over, right? Twilight greatly missed the quality time her teacher used to impart upon her, but she'd never sacrifice what she had gained for her move to Ponyville. Any time she could monopolize her mentors time, would be a period which she heavily looked forward to.
"Time? I thought you said they wanted to come over tonight?" Wade asked. Well, that's when they said they WANTED to come over but that didn't mean they couldn't come over earlier...and stay later! Twilights musings were cut short, however, at the crass blast of air accompanying the arrival of her teachers reply.
"Well met!" Spike read off, holding the letter out in front of himself. "Mine sister and I shall arrive 'pon 5:30, we wish to converse over supper. We anticipate the exchange! Our sister now meets with a noble, and knows not when she will be free. If thee need be, please address thy next letter onto myself, and We shall oversee any concerns. Your friend, Princess Luna of the Moon and Stars." Spike held up the letter to Twilight, who took it in her magic. Re-reading it no less than three more times, she came across a frightening revelation.
"WE HAVE NOTHING FOR DINNER!" She wailed, flailing her hooves above her head.
"Don't you have eggs and pancake mix?" Wade asked.
"We still have a few ready made meals, I could fix up a couple...."Spike trailed off, wilting under Twilights horrifying scowl.
"We can't serve her r-meals! I only have those because they're easy to prepare for when I don't feel like cooking! And no," she coldly stated, staring at Wade. "Just no. I invited the Princess of the SUN and the MOON to have dinner at my HOUSE. I am not going to have them sit down and eat PANCAKES!" Twilight nearly yelled. What was she going to do? She would...she would have to..."Spike! We need to SHOP!" she shouted. " And we only have 3 hours and 17 minutes! C'mon, lets go, we haven't a moment to waste!" With this, she made a momentary image of herself that lingered in the air as she zipped out the front door. Noticing her number one assistant was still inside, she poked her head back in the open door. "C'mon Spike, I need your help!" Twilight grabbed Spike in her magic, positioning him upon her back. Seeing Wade simply standing where he had been,(looking at her in...amusement?) she gave him a rushed goodbye. "Uhhh, just stay out of trouble and if you go out be back by five, okay? Bye!"
~----------------------------------------------------------~
And like that she was gone in a flash of pinkish purplish light. Huh. Wasn't Luna the one from the halloween episode? Guess I'd just have to wait and see. looking around, I was immediately struck by a sense of boredom. Twilight had three bookshelves laden with books that I could see simply from where I was standing in the entryway, but I didn't have high hopes for them. I couldn't read the stupid menu, so why would any of her other stuff be any different? I supposed I could read my kindle or play on my ds, but I didn't really feel like doing that. I... as much as I was embarrassed to admit, I wanted to explore. No one said I couldn't, in fact Twilight seemed to think that I was going to just go out. Be back by five indeed.
I was suddenly performing a spinning roll through the air, a pink blur attached firmly to my chest in a lung crushing hug. I landed heavily on my back, and when I was finally able to see past the spinning stars that seemed to oh so love my eyes, I saw the same pink terror from the first day. Smiling down at me from where she was standing on my chest. Dear god it was...uhhh...I couldn't remember. Ponky Pay? Pinky Ray? Something along those lines. An afterimage of pink streaked through the open door before it dissipated. Why couldn't Twilight have simply closed the stupid door?
"Hi!" she chirped happily.
"Get off," I grunted angrily.
She leaned her head closer and I swear I could smell cake on her breath. Didn't ANY of these damn ponies have a scrap of an idea about personal space? Touchy feely grabby lot. Too much for my comfort.
"Get," I muttered, placing a hand under her chest and pushing her upwards, "Off."
Well. this was an odd position to find myself in. She just...hung there. Her back legs were straddled over my waistline(NO NO NO GET YOUR DAMN MINDS OUTA THE GUTTERS DAMN YOU SHE IS A HORSE)and her front legs dangled from their own weight. And she just hung there, doing nothing to disengage her barrel from my hand. Smiling at me. Then she did something impossible. Her tongue came out and entered her hair, then returned holding an envelope. She then slapped it down on my forehead. Ew. This was just too much. I had to get this crazy horse offa me.
I started to acquire her. Once she went all 'trance state', I could just shove her off and run. I really had to start getting some male morphs though, this was becoming embarrassing.
"Whaaaatcha doooin?" She asked, seeming to have no trouble staying awake. And completely focused. Wonderful, she was immune. Why am I surprised? "Oh, you're doing that. you don't wanna do thaaaat~" She trilled. What was she-
Oh holy crap my arm went all pins and needles on me. I lost the ability to hold her up and she flopped down on top of me, before I was able to shove her off to a side. "Weeeee six out of ten!" she whooped, having slid across the floor and pulled a large card with the number six from...somewhere. Maybe she had it with her before she canon-balled into me? Why would she be carrying it around though, for what possible reason?
"Iiiiiiiiiii...~"OH GOD NO SHE WAS STARTING TO SING, "Wanna wel-come you, yes I real-ly do~, I wanna wel-come you to this love-ly love-ly town~" NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-
I...hate singing in public. It makes me all shades of uncomfortable. And seeing someone else start singing isn't much better for me. It just cements in how bad my own singing voice is. I prefer to leave singing to the clean sterility of my headphones. I sing when I'm alone, of course, I'm only human...but the times you'll hear me singing are numbered fewer than the fingers on my hands.
"Stop stop stop stoooop!"I managed to choke out, and to my utter amazement she actually did. "Please, no singing." Her smile slightly faltered, but was quickly restored. "How bout...we just talk...like normal people. Okay?" I nodded hopefully with this statement, and she nodded along with me. In such a fashion I couldn't tell if she was actually listening to me though.
"But I'm not a people, I'm a pony!" She said with another wide smile. "You missed the party I threw for you, but I can't really fault a pony for taking a well deserved nap, Dashie takes a WHOLE LOT of them and sometimes its a bummer because then I can't hang out with her or go pranking, but I digress I was talking about you not about me, since you missed the last one I'm inviting to you to another one tonight!" I...I...I....I...I...got nuthin.
"I...I..." what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?!!? WAIT. I HAVE THE PERFECT EXCUSE! "I'm sorry, but me and Twilight are having dinner with...uhhh..."Holy shit what was her name? I forgot her name! "Celestia," aha, nailed it! "and her Sister."Hah, suck on it universe!
"Oh, shoot! Guess I'll have to reschedule!" she belted out cheerfully. "I'll give you a new invitation tomorrow then, okay? Laters!"
With that she twitched and was gone, leaving a trail of pink and the scent of cotton candy that led out the door.
So yeah. That happened. Apparently I narrowly avoided one massively uncomfortable situation for one tomorrow instead. Maybe I could find a rat and just hide from her. Forever.
"For-ever!" Holy shit where did that come from. The pink horse was poking her head back in through the door. For some reason. "For...e-v-e-r..."she trailed off, disappearing from view once again. The hell was wrong with her.
That just made me resistant to go outside though. What if everyone in this stupid town was just as unerringly friendly? Worse is if they were all staring at me, questioning what I was. I regretfully said a silent thanks to the pink demon for delaying my leave, if she hadn't I might have just walked out without donning an appropriate disguise. Hmmm. I didn't want appleprick disturbing me (I might run into her in town, who knows.), so the wonder twin and Flutterbat morph were out. Could go Twilight again, but the lack of wings might draw more attention to it than anything else. That left one morph. Annoying Pink.
I turned around and started searching for Twilights room. One thing I had noticed very quickly at the deli was that there was a very common trend. There wasn't a single adult I saw that didn't have a butt mark. That was the one thing my morphs seemed to lack, for some reason. I guess the morph will pay attention to hair length, but doesn't give a shit about tattoos. Technooooology. And as far as I figured, Twilight was a girl. Girls liked clothes. I remembered Rarity was a clothesmaker, so even though I didn't see anyone wearing them didn't mean it wasn't a thing. If I could find a coat or something in her room, I could cover my butt and save my modesty in one fell swoop.
I found that gym again. A bunch of weird machines that I didn't recognize. continuing on, I found a bunch of guest rooms, and even a freaking pool. No clothes. I eventually found her room, but I couldn't get in. The door was open, but it had some sort of pink bubble stretching over the doorway. Well. That was a dead end. I left that hallway, and found a peculiar row of guest rooms. One had balloons and streamers poking out from under the door. The door opposite had a rusty horseshoe hanging on a nail from it. The next two in the row had a poster of a bunch of pegasi in bodysuits, and a doorhanger thing that had the number 47 on it with a picture of a beaver. The last door in the hall had a plaque shined to a finish hanging from it. I knocked twice and waited for a response, upon not receiving one I opened the door.
This was...I think it was Raritys room. Or guest room or whatever. Perhaps they had sleepovers or something. This might have been an even better find than Twilights room, what better place to look for clothes than in the room of a clothesmaker? There was a large, floofy bed with tons of ruffles and lace. I think if I lay on it, I'd sink all the way to the springs. Looking in the closet, I found nearly a mall's worth of clothes. How could one person own this much? Bah. Looking through the multitudes of cloth, I came to a realization. There was nothing but dresses here. And I sure as shit wasn't going to be wearing one of those. Pulling aside one hanger, I came across the greatest find of the century. A simple white cloak with hood, no frills or anything else fancy. Nothing obviously feminine, as far as I could see. Long enough that if a pony wore it, it would reach all the way back down almost to the hooves.
Perfect.
After getting lost on my way back to the front door, I finally made it back to the start. A wall clock said it was 3;27, so I had eaten up a good chunk of my free time. Oh well. Beginning the morph, I quickly shrank as my spine restructured itself to better fit a quadruped. the nails on my hands merged and grew, becoming a hoof on each limb. My ears billowed and moved to the top of my head as my skull stretched and smushed itself into the correct shape. And finally my hair and tail grew at an accelerated rate, filling my field of view with pink. The morph finished, I inspected myself in the mirror by the door. (A checklist was taped to it, denoting something to have to do with books. I know it was books because she drew several of them all over the list.) I guess Annoying Pink curled her hair or something, seeing as my hair and tail were completely flat. To add to that, my colors looked a bit...darker?
Guess she dyed her coat or something. All the better, now I probably wouldn't be confused with the Annoying Pink.
I wrapped the cloak around me (the neck clasp snapped closed like magic), and it fit like a snug little glove. Best of all, It settled right over my butt, hiding my lack of tattoo. Perfect.
I thrust the door open, and stepped out into this brave new world.
~-----------------------------------------------------------------------~
The hell is wrong with the crazy town.
From the get go I was lit up with fearful stares. Eventually I got fed up and walked over to a cowering pony, who shrank from my approach.
"Is something wrong?" I tried to ask as calmly as possible.
"Sweet Celestia Pinkie I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean it here have a daisy-" she shoved a daisy from her cart into my mouth at this point. She then ran off shouting "I'm sorry I hope you feel better please don't hate meeeee..."
I looked around at the multitude of ponies who for some reason at this point were doing their damndest to avoid eye contact, and issued my thoughts on the occasion.
"What." At this everyone did everything in their power to not draw my attention. Which I guess was a good outcome. Apparently flat hair 'Pinkie' was a thing around here. One which the townsfolk were scared shitless of. Not the best outcome, but still. Better than everyone trying to make friends though. Actually kinda felt like home.
"Pinkie Pie, dear... Are you feeling alright?" Asked a soft, somehow regal voice from behind me. I mentally groaned, recognizing the voice in question. Rarity. The woman whose technically stolen clothes I was now wearing. Wonderful.
"Names not Pinkie Pie, and I feel fine." I tried to break away from Rarity by walking away, but lo and behold she matched my pace and direction.
"Allright then...Pinkamena. Are you feeling alright?" Dear lord she really wasn't going to let it go. "I can't help but notice...you happen to be wearing my depression coat?" Depression coat? Seriously? I guess it was rather bland compared to the rest of her self chosen clothing. Probably self made at that.
"I'm not Pinkie. I'm the human? Didn't Twilight tell you about me?" This was already uncomfortable enough.
She blinked, then released a deep breath I hadn't been aware she'd been holding. Her face lost the worried look she had held, and she leaned too damn close to me and whispered in my ear. "Thank Celestia, I thought we were on the lip of another Pinkie Pie breakdown. The last time she got like this, she thought the Cakes were moving away because they didn't like her. She almost blew up the Sugar Cube Corner, said she wanted to go out with a 'bang'. Apologies for the way everypony's bound to treat you for this, its not you its just how you look. That does raise the question however as to why and how exactly you came to be wearing my depression coat? I thought I left that dreadful thing at Twilights..." she trailed off and I could practically feel her thinking up her next question.
I swept the cloak away from my side briefly, letting her see the lack of a mark. "Had lunch with Twilight and Applejack, noticed that everyone seems to notice the lack of a mark rather quickly."
Her eyes filled with understanding, and she gave a little nod.
"Borrowed this from your guest room, hope you don't mind." If I was right, the next words out of her mouth would relate to 'why didn't you pick something more fabulous?'
"Hmph." she let out a slight snort, " You could have at least picked an ensemble that wasn't so...dreary. I had some truly magnificent choices in that closet, and you chose... well, that." Effing called it.
"This was the only thing in that closet I liked. Plain, and simple. No frills, no added nonsense. Just a piece of clothing that does exactly what its supposed to. Cover up."I shrugged my shoulders, and let the cloak settle deep around myself. Surprisingly, this answer seemed to sate her.
"Did you say human?" asked a wall of green suddenly in front of me. WHAT WAS WITH THE LACK OF PERSONAL SPACE IN THIS STUPID TOWN???
"No Lyra, she said cumin. You know, the spice? We're just planning on a nice dinner to help Pinkamena feel better. Now if you'll excuse us, I think I really must get Pinkamena back to Twilights, don't you?" With a smile, she started to pull on me. Directing me back to the stupid crystal castle. Oh well. I guess I'd had enough excitement for now. At least the green horse wasn't all up in my face anymore.
"Guess I was just hearing things...awww." Damnit, now I just felt bad. She turned and walked away, muttering to herself as she went.
A blur of pink and black rocketed past us, and I managed to choke out a question. "The hell was that?"
Rarity looked off towards the departing tumbling ball of pink fluff and black...chitin and let out a bored reply. "Oh, that was just Chrysalis and her mare friend. I swear, ever since her daughter took over as queen of the changelings she just runs around willy nilly. She's almost as bad as Pinkie." she looked back to me, " The real Pinkie, I mean..."
"Nah, I get it. She's...weird." We arrived back at the castle somehow at the precise time Twilight and Spike came back, both carting several bags worth of food. They both took one look at me and jumped to the assumption that everyone else in town had.
"Pinkie, its going to be okay, how about you just come inside and we can talk this out, all right?" Okay, this form was actually starting to piss me off.
"Not Pinkie. Wade." I muttered, brushing past Twilight through the front door. I started to morph back, bringing my hooves up to undo the clasp around my neck. I kinda liked this thing, it was pretty darn comfortable. So I didn't wanna go and wreck it. I draped it over my arm, and finally raised up to my full height. And then everything went black.
~----------------------------------------------------------------------------------~
I woke up a couple hours later to a giant horse touching my forehead with her horn. She had a flowing head of blue, green, pink and purple hair. It flowed in an unseen wind. It was freaky.
"Nyeaghh..." I slurred out, causing her to smile for some reason. She turned away and called out to Twilight, I think. I was still waking up. Sue me.
I raised myself to a sitting position, I had been lain out on a couch I remember seeing in one of the rooms between the front door and the kitchen. I felt pretty good considering I had just blacked out. What was with that? It only...oh holy shit it only happened when I morphed back. And it was getting worse! Crap, the only cool thing I get out of all this and it turns out it doesn't like me. Wonderful. I dragged myself off of the couch, pitching to my feet.
"H-hey, take it easy!" Oh hey, Purple was worried about me. She stood beside the BIGGEST pony I had seen so far. I guess that was Celestia. Never saw her on the show, although I think she was in the opening. Purple picked me up with her magic and dumped me back on the couch.
"Please, relax young one," Great big pegacorn that she was, Celestia actually had a pretty soft voice. " You're suffering from magic exhaustion, you have to allow your body to rest in between exertions." Great, I was getting tired from using up something I didn't have? Wonderful.
"Thats...I dun use magic." Oh hey, my lips still refused to properly say what I wanted them to.
"Oh but you do young one," she said with a tilt of her head and a slight smile. "It may not be a magic accessible by me or my little ponies, but it is an energy just as magical, nonetheless." She levitated a familiar blue box into my sight. "Quite an...interesting relic I must say. It is tied to you, and through it, you are tied to it. If I am correct, you should be, hows the phrase go? Recharged, as it were? Yes. As long as you lead a healthy life and rest fully, you shouldn't encounter any more of these 'fainting spells'. And if you keep using your magic-" at this I snorted and tried to tell her I didn't 'do magic' again, but she shushed me. "If you keep exercising your magic as it were, you should find yourself grow stronger as a result. As one would in all walks of life." She smiled at me again, and at this point I was pretty sure I was half imagining this whole interaction. With a sigh and a soft smile from her, I fell back asleep.
~---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------~
When next I woke up, Twilight chewed me out for 'ruining the night'. I apparently slept through dinner, and it was only after several hours the two princesses finally had their fill of talking with Twilight all by her lonesome. Apparently Spike had gone naptime shortly after dinner, allowing Twilight to have her fill. I'd worry what they'd been talking about, but oh well. Twilight informed me that the most important thing they had talked about was the whole 'dimensional thing'. Neither Luna(yeah, I never even got to see her, bummer.) or Celestia had been able to find out anything new about sending me home while I was asleep. But they wanted Twilight to tell me that apparently they would 'keep looking for answers.' Bah. Another dead end.
I flopped back onto my back and was prepared to go back to sleep, when Twilight hauled me back upright with her magic.
"Don't you have a barn to go fix?"
Was it already morning? Sod it all.