"So...basically its just a title?"
Twilight looked over the lip of the book she had levitated in front of her muzzle, and gave me an amused grin. "It's a title attached to an agreement of fealty. Did you even read any of the papers she gave you?"
I hadn't. Couldn't really, but that was beside the point. "Can't read Unicron, remember?"
"Unicorne. It has a silent sylable on the end," she corrected me. Wait...I said uniCRON. What the hell did a silent sylable have to do with anything?
"I couldn't read it, regardless. Is it still a legally binding contract or whatever? I thought I'd be getting at least a few diplomatic immunities or something cool like that..."
"According to your cover story, you're a legal citizen of Equestria. You'd have trouble convincing anypony that you'd deserve foreign dignitary status. Although technically you are an ambassador from a previously undiscovered nation...In the end it doesnt matter. You signed the papers she hoofed you without taking precautions that would allow you to understand them. You willingly took the badge of office, without understanding the responsibilities that came with it. So congratulations. You now LEGALLY have to go running at the princesses beck and call. Could have had me simply read the papers off to you but nooooooo, 'it's fine Twilight, I don't need to read anything, that'd be not foalish of me at ALL, It's not like this could go wrong or anything'. Reap what you sow, as the saying goes." She finished with a upward curling of the edges of her mouth, visibly supressing a giggle.
"I didn't say that," I snapped.
"I was paraphrasing." She retorted.
All in all, it was just a fancy title. I couldn't get away with any minor crimes, I couldn't arrest anyone, regardless if they were doing something wrong or not. I didn't get any funding or anything like that. I was legally allowed to act as a mediator between two parties on behalf of the diarchy, but that was pretty much it. As far as I could figure, anyway. Twilight had resolutely refused to help me after the fact, saying it was my 'own darn fault for acting so foalhardy'. According to her, if I wanted someone to help me figure out what was written on the forms I had been given, I'd have to ask one of the others. Or learn how to read it.
"What...is that?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. Muzzle. Snout? whatever.
"What is what?"
"That smell. Is that..." She set her book down, and stalked closer to me with her nostrils flaring. "Oh sweet Celestia, its you! When was the last time you bathed?"
Oh. I guess I was kind of ripe. "Uhm...when did I get here?"
"Six days ago. Thats just disgusting."
"Uhm...two...days before that?" I muttered, avoiding the dissaproving glare I was being drilled with.
"Thats...BATH. NOW." She pointed a hoof towards the maze of hallways.
"And change into what, exactly? Its not like I planned on coming to horseland and packed extra pants and underwear."
"You don't have to wear clothes-"
"Oh ho yes I freaking do." I snapped, cutting her off. "Its kind of a social taboo for my species to walk around naked. You have no idea how uncomfortable it is for me watching all of you walking around without a single scrap of cloth to hide your private parts. Humans only get naked when they're about to have sex, or when they're in the privacy of their own homes..." To her credit, she did blanch at this.
"We do too wear...you thought we just walked around without ANY modesty?"
"...yes? I can tell you aren't wearing anything right now-"
"Yes I am." She stated snootily.
"Really. Cause from where I'm standing, it looks like you're buck naked."
"Buck? What does kicking trees have to do with this? Anyway, I'm wearing overwear, see?" She dragged a hoof along her side, pulling up a strap on her hindquarters. She released it, and the band dissapeared again. "They're designed not to be obtrusive."
"Allright, fine, you aren't naked. You're wearing magical underwear-"
"Overwear."
"...UNDERwear, that only makes it LOOK like you're naked. Woop de do. That still doesn't help me any. As I said, I don't have a change of clean clothes, so taking a bath wouldn't help the smell any. Maybe I could get Auric to make me some clothes..." If the twerp would actually answer any of my calls. I had tried seven more times to get his attention, but as of yet he hadn't seen fit to respond.
"Guh! Really, so theres NO way you'll forgo clothes, all because of some sort of petty pride?"
"More shame than pride, honestly." What was so hard to understand about that?
"FINE, take this," she levitated a handful(hoof full?) of bits over to me, "Go over to Rarity's and get her to make you a couple spares, since you NEED them so bad. Don't bother coming back unless you abandon your 'clothes pride', cause I don't want you smelling like that," she waved a hoof at me, "in my house."
"Well as long as its YOUR money, I guess I can't really complain, now can I?"
"Go on, get."she waved a hoof at me, returning her attention to her book.
~-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------~
This was THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!
There was no inspiration to be had! She had finished all of her backlogged orders, and even had time to work on her personal projects, but...but...BUT! Her muse was silent. Her quill without ink! The colors of the world had grown dark for her. In a word? She was bored. She couldn't think of anything new to writ to the page. Maybe a customer would come along and need her expertise, save her from this nightmare?
Rarity turned her gaze towards the door of the boutique, willing the door to open. Nothing.
"Oh, pooh. Will not a valiant knight arrive to save me in my darkest hour?" she recited, casting a leg above her head in a dramatic fashion.
The door remained steadfastedly shut. And nopony even so much as knocked on it!
"Drat. Well that was fruitless. I suppose...I could always go and see what the others are up to." Rarity let out a low sigh. Applejack was undoubtably sweating in the marketplace under the midday sun, selling her families wares. Not her scene, at all. Perhaps she could bring her a sun umbrella, to help her keep cool? No, she'd most likely simply refuse it anyway, saying it was 'driving off customers' or some other excuse.
Rainbow Dash would be a pointless attempt as well. She'd just want to fly around, and even if she did manage to get Rainbow Dash to accept a new hairdoo, it would be ruined in only a few minutes, with the way she flew.
Twilight was playing caterer to the human, Wade. She hadn't exactly left a faverable impression that night, caterwauling on and on after the poor dear had up and fainted. Thank goodness the human had been for all intents and purposes asleep, if that had been the impression she had left on him, he probably would never want to see her again. And then she'd never get a closer look at the clothes he had been wearing~
She had only gotten a slight look when he had transformed(and such a GHASTLY method as well, Rarity had been sure she was almost sick at one point.) but the very fact that he wore full length clothing was in itself a curriosity.
The front door slammed open, shaking Rarity from her thoughts. Was it a customer? A friend? A newcomer to thrust her out of her inspirationless funk?
"Rarity! Are you in here?" Oh. No, it was only her sister.
"Right here, Sweetiebelle." Rarity called, waving a hoof at her sister tiredly. It wasn't that she disliked her younger sister, its just...she had been expecting fate to send somepony else. Her sister just...didn't appreciate the hard work she put into becoming who she was. But in the end, she WAS her sister.
"Rarity! I need your help! My cape ripped! Look!" the diminuative unicorn levitated a cape of red and gold cloth over to Rarity. Sure enough, there was a large tear directly in the middle of it. Not to mention all the other instances of wear and tear present on it.
"Not only that, look here, these frayed edges! These stains! This warping of the fabric! Were you actually out and about with it in this state?" Under her verbal onslaught, her younger sister wilted.
"...yes?" she choked out.
"Unacceptable. From now on, you bring it to me for a check up EVERY month, understand?"
"Yes, Rarity..."
"And see if you can't get the other two to bring theirs by, would you?"
"Yes, Rarity..."
"Good! Well now, I have absolutely NOTHING else going on with my schedule, I'll have this done for you in a jiffy. Just sit and wait a few, okay?"
"Okay!" Sweetie Belle happily chirped.
It was at that moment the door opened again, and in walked in a a bright red mare.
"Ummm, hello?" She sorta sounded like Applejack. Slightly deeper timbre.
"Welcome darling, to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique!" Rarity belted out over a humming sewing machine, where she was using her magic to hold a golden strip of cloth against Sweetiebelles cape. Her intent had been to simply patch the cape, but the fabric had proven too badly damaged. She was forced to strip the seams, and replace the fabric entirely.
"Hello Rarity. And...little filly. I was hoping to get some specialty clothes made?"
"...Do I know you darling? I can't say your face brings a name to mind..."
"It's me, Wade?" She said, closing the door behind her.
"Oh, Wade, do come in! I'm in the middle of a project, but it shouldn't take me much longer. Sit a spell, Sweetiebelle, introduce yourself."
"Hi, I'm-" she was inturrupted by a dissaproving 'tut-tut' from her sister. "Ahem. Greetings and salutations." With a smile and a nod from Rarity, Sweetiebelle continued. "My name is Sweetiebelle, it is a pleasure to make your aquaintance." With a glance back to Rarity(who by this point was devoting her entire attention to a particularly stubborn snarl of thread) she leaned closer to the newcomer and spoke in hushed tones. "Sorry about my sister, she can be rather overbearing some times."
"I...gathered as much." Wade replied, leaning in to match Sweetiebelles whisper. "So...sister? My condolences."
"Your what?"
"...my apologies for your non given choice in family members."
"Oh, she's not that bad, but she does-" She was inturrupted by Rarity's looming face, only inches away.
"Sweetiebelle! Where did you get this shade of thread?!!?" she held out the golden thread, her eyes darting back and forth from Sweetie Belle to the thread.
"It was in your closet."
"No wonder I can't find an exact match, I've stopped carrying that shade for MONTHS! Perhaps I still have a few strands left somewhere...otherwise I'll have to replace it all and start from scratch!" She then stalked off, muttering to herself.
"Like I was saying. She does have her 'quirks'. Sometimes she's kinda obsessive on certain subject."
"You don't say. So..."
"You're the human my sister told me about, right?"
~--------------------------------------------------------~
I probably would have done a spit take if I had been drinking something. As it was, I was left sputtering as I tried to formulate a response. What was the point of a cover story if everyone that knew was just going to tell someone else?
"She...told you?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yep!" she replied, bubbly.
"Okay then. That mean I can morph back and you won't freak out?" I may have been a bit ripe in my human form, but it was MINE. And it was certainly my most preffered form.
"I don't mind. Rarity said it looked really gross when you change, does it really?"
Well. In the books it had always been a bit of a freakshow when they described the process. So I had to assume this was pretty much the same. I couldn't really describe it, seeing as I had yet to really see it, so I decided to give her a first row seat to the wierdness that is me.
"Eugh, I think I'm going to be sick," she retched, before I was even halfway done morphing back. I guess that proved what she thought of the process. Guess I'll have to take her word for it.
I finished, and rose to my original height. I may have left my backpack back at the 'friendship castle', but I had retained my long sleaved shirt(complete with the tattered and bloodied right sleeve) over my t-shirt, with my jeans and sneakers. And for some reason, whatever Sunbutt had done to the diplomat medal made it so it didn't morph with me. So I just hung it from my neck like a necklace. I had forgone wearing Rarity's 'depression cloak' over due to the base fear that she'd take it back, or insist on modifying it past its present appearance.
So...how was I supposed to do this? Its not like I could just strip in the middle of her store, and just hand her my dirty underwear and say 'can you make something like this while ignoring the horrid stench of crotch rot?' If I did that, she'd probably just torch the pair where she stood. Ordinarily, I'd just log online and google pictures or diagrams of a pair. As it stands, that wasn't exactly the kind of thing I had stored on my phone...
"Were you Fluttershy earlier this week?" chirped the adorable little horse girl from behind me.
"Nyeagh," I choked off, restraining my yelp of surprise. "Ummm, yes. Technically. I have a morph of Fluttershy and her bat Ferdin-" I was suddenly interrupted by a mass of leathery flesh flapping in my face. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAGH!" No, I didn't scream like a little girl. No. That had to have been someone else. Couldn't have been me.
"Ferdinando, stop! You're scaring him!" Came the calm tones from the familiar Fluttershy. She was standing in the middle of the open doorway. Huh, that might have actually been a big problem...Ferdinando stopped fluttering around my face, and flew over to Fluttershy as she walked inside and closed the door behind her.
So it was Fluttershy, and the bat named Ferdinando. What were the freaking odds of that? That had to be statistically impossible. Regardless..."Hey Rarity?" I called over to the seamstress, who was looking between two different spools of golden thread. Apparently there was some sort of miniscule difference in their shades. I sure couldn't tell the difference.
"Yes, darling?"
"Do you mind if we put out the closed sign, so I can walk around as normal? And lock your door, so some random pony off the street doesn't walk in on me in all my two legged glory?" I got a slight giggle out of the filly, apparently I don't have much in the way of 'glory'.
"Oh, I should have thought of that. Fluttershy, be a dear and set that out, will you?" With a squeak and a short flap of her wings, she flipped the sign on the front of the door.
"So, in answer to your question, yes, I do have a Fluttershy morph." I directed at the nearly laughing little filly. Apparently I amused her. "But it's not Fluttershy exactly. Its a mix of her and Ferdinando-" I paused in my pointing at the bat, seeing as he had taken this opportunity to fly over and attach himself to my shirt sleeve. "Yeah. Him."
"Coooooool~" Sweetiebelle said, staring intently at Ferdinando. "I was just asking, because earlier this week Scootaloo saw Fluttershy without a cutie mark, and we were all wondering if that was you."
"...Scootaloo." I stated dryly. If the name was anything to go by, could it have possibly been- "Orange coat, purple hair? Mane and tail, I mean." Surprisingly, if you just said hair most folk round here would think you were talking about their coats. Main body, what have you.
"Wow, how did you know?!!?" Sweetiebelle had an awed look in here eyes, and probably thought I could read her mind at this point or something.
"Her name is 'Scootaloo', and she rides around on a scoot-er. I conected the dots."
Her face screwed up in the most adorable expression of contemplation. "What does that have to do with anything? Really, how did you know?"
...Well that didn't make any sense. what was so hard to get about that? Scooter, Scootaloo. They sounded almost exactly the same! Wait...sounded? Oh. Duh.
"Tell me something Sweetie, do the words scooter and Scootaloo sound at all the same to you?" Her face fell with confusion, but she answered anyway.
"No," she snorted, "Those don't sound anything alike!"
"Fluttershy?" I asked, turning to her.
"What? I...no, no they don't sound alike...sorry..."
"Well then. I guess this is simply another case of the multilingual spell acting wierd. Those two words almost sound identacle to me."
"Well thats odd," spouted Sweetiebelle.
"I think thats...rather interesting..." Came from Fluttershy, as she tried fruitlessly to hide within her hair. She kept on opening her mouth like she wanted to say something, but whatever it was never made it out.
"So...What brings you and...Ferdinando round these parts?" I asked.
Fluttershy immediately brightened at this, getting a huge bashful smile as she broke into her explanation. "Oh, well you see, Twilight said you were over here, at Rarity's..."
"Ummm...okay? Did you need something from me?" Why had she been looking for me? I didn't do something wrong did I?
"Oh, no, thats not... Ferdinando wanted to see you!" With that the flying rat attached to my shirt sleeve gave a happy chirp, flapping his wings outward and letting me see that he had... somehow, a huge smile on his face. Creepy. But cool, I guess. "It seems you really made an impression on him the first time you came by, he just can't keep quiet about you!"
...That was kind of creepy. "Ferdinando...talks?" I asked. I figured I might as well ask, if he was intelligent, I didn't want to insult him by assuming he was some sort of stupid beast. I mean, all of the animals at her house showed freakish levels of intelligence. For all I knew, this was normal.
"Oh...umm...Its not so much that he speaks...its more along the lines that I understand, due to my connection to all of my animals..." Okay, that just was more confusing.
"Okay then. So little buddy, you wanted to see me?" He nodded his head up and down. Seeing as he was upside down, would that have been down and up?
"Actually...we were both wondering..." Fluttershy fidgeted on her haunches, tapping her forehooves together in a nervous manner. "If you might want to adopt Ferdinando... as your pet?"
The hell am I supposed to say to something like that? I'm terrible with animals, but I don't want to just up and rebuff their request for such a petty reason. Maybe I should just accept, and see where this went?
"I...never really had a pet before," I muttered, rubbing my chin. "Are you sure you want a guy like me being his owner?" The little bat gave a furious nod, making my arm bounce up and down.
"Well that looks like a yes to me..." Fluttershy giggled, hiding her mouth behind a hoof.
I stared at the beaming little guy attached to my shirt. Fine. Whatever. And if it turned south, it wasn't my fault.
"Guess I have no choice then." I hoisted the little guy higher, looking him right in the eye. "Welcome to the family? I guess?"
Wrong answer. Batty attached himself to my face, letting out squeals of what I can only assume was joy. I handled this situation masterfully, though.
"Stop! Stop moving!" Yeah, I handled it remarkably. That wasn't Fluttershy crying out for me to stop flailing around in a panic, noop.
"Watch out!" Thank you Sweetiebelle, I might have tripped over...okay, so I did trip over that basket of cloth. But it was TOTALLY unrelated to the bat attached to my face.
"Are you all right?" asked Fluttershy, looming over me where I had...lain down. Yes, I lay down on the floor because...because I wanted to, thats why.
"...fine."
"Are you sure?"
"...yes."
"Well...okay then...if you're really sure...Oh! I know!" She lept forward, tearing Ferdinando off of my face. Then she rushed out of the store, like her tail was on fire.
"Hmm," snorted Sweetiebelle. "I guess... congratulations on your new pet?"
"Does it count, seeing as she just ran off with it again? I have to say that was...unexpected."
"She's like my sister. She can be kind of obsessive about her interests. Hers being animals, obviously."
"I am NOT obsessive! I simply have a policy about everything I do being perfect!~" Trilled the white unicorn, sweeping a finished cape around her little sisters shoulders.
"I... I didn't mean-"
"Oh think nothing of it Sweetiebelle, we all have our little...quirks?" She finished with a smile, confirming that Sweetiebelle's hushed tones had proven slightly too loud. Rarity didn't seem to mind. Guess thats family for you. "Wherever did our dear Fluttershy run off to? And she left the door open to boot..." With a slight tinkling noise, the door locked closed.
"Now...am I to assume you needed my expertise on a...particular matter?" she asked, fussing and adjusting the cape around the little filly.
"Er...yes. As much as it embarrasses me to say, I came to your little town with only the clothes on my back, pretty much." Rarity let out a slight gasp, and little Sweetiebelle rolled her eyes. "I haven't had any clean clothes to change into, so my personal body odor...to be honest it has gotten pretty bad."
"You don't need to wear something-" Sweetiebelle started, but I inturrupted seeing as I had already had this conversation earlier.
"Yes I do. Long story short, its a taboo in human society. A human getting naked only happens in the privacy of their own house, or when they're bathing. Otherwise it could be taken as indecent exposure."
"Thats stupid," stated Sweetiebelle with a bored look on her face.
"Well I think that is just quite marvelous! An entire soceity where wearing clothes is mandatory? Can you imagine the styles? The culture? The...the...the...the clothes!" Rarity had by this point gotten a manic look in her eyes, and for some reason she was squeezing her hair downward.
"Rarity, you're drooling," came the dry remark from Sweetiebelle.
She levitated a handkerchief and dabbed at her mouth, before throwing it in a bin. "Well, really, can you blame me? This whole situation is simply to die for! Now what did you need? A hat? A shirt? a robe?!!?" She stalked closer to me with every guess, cornering me against a wall. "Oh my stars!" She grabbed my shirt sleeve with her magic, dragging it closer to her eyes. "What in Equestria did you do to let your poor shirt end up like this?"
"Well," I tried to seperate the unicorn from my shirt, "A hammer I was using exploded, and ripped it up."
"Oh my, are you allright? Is this dried blood?" She used her magic to draw back the sleeve, revealing my unblemished skin. "Nothing?"
I freed my limb from her iron grip, and responded as best I could. "Damage to my body doesn't stay when I morph. Wish the same could be said of my clothes..."
"Oh, say nothing more darling, I'll have that fixed up for you in a jiffy!"
"Well, no, Thats not what I'm here for."
"What, but, but, but. but," She sputtered, halfway through the process of levitating my shirt off.
"I am in need of some undergarment... spares, if you will." She kept looking at the shirt sleeve.
"Of course, whatever you need, but I insist on seeing to this as well!"
"Well, okay then,"
"Just strip, so I can get some measurements-"
"Umm, again, with the tabboo thing. I was actually hoping you could just inspect the underwear in question, and make a few based off of that?"
Rarity scrunched up her face in what looked like...dissapointment... and frustration. "Without precise measurements, I won't be able to create a garment that fits you perfectly...but if I must, I'll see what I can do."
"Allright then...do you have a bathroom I can use?"
~---------------------------------------~
They were...atrocious.
They were shaped similarly to overwear, but with far more fabric, designed to fit entirely over the hindquarters. And nearly all of the fabric...was covered in bodily stains. Sweat, urine, fecal...leavings...No wonder humans wore clothes all the time, if they went around without protection they'd probably leave refuse everywhere they went! It was accompanied with a foul smell, as well.
I see why he made me pinkie promise not to dispose of these... If he hadn't, I probably would have set them on fire the moment I saw them...
Still, it provided a valuable template from which to work off of. The waistband was made of a stretchy material, and Rarity was hardpressed to find a comparable substance. Maybe magically enhanced cotton? Oh, but that fabric swelled when permeated with sweat...
Eventually, she had managed to finish a set of 10...strangely named underwear. She had spelled them the same as overwear, seeing as they were so similar. Magically resistant against bodily effluents and outwards byproducts like dirt and mud and dirty mud...Maybe she did have a bit of an obsession when it came to cleansliness...
Now if he would just let her take a crack at that shirt of his...it was such a travesty, the poor thing was almost begging her to fix it up.
"Wade darling, I'm done~! Would you like...to see...the finished...product?" Rarity stuttered to a halt. Sitting in the middle of the foyer, over a half played game of chess were two...Sweetiebelles. Staring at her with wide, confused eyes.
"I...do I even want to know?"
They looked at each other, than back at Rarity before responding in adorable unison.
"Probably not."
Rarity closed her eyes, a migrane threatening to overtake her. "Well then, since a certain Wade is no longer here, I guess I'll just have to throw these out, won't I?"
Sweetiebelle on the right looked at Sweetiebelle on the left. Sweetiebelle on the left looked on at Rarity with an incredulous look stamped on her face.
"Just because I look like a naive little kid, doesn't mean I am," stated the left Sweetiebe-...stated WADE.
"Hey!" Sweetiebelle protested, drilling Wade with a hurt look.
"No offense. It was your sister that assumed it of us, not me."
"Hey!" Sweetiebelle directed towards Rarity.
"I did no such thing! I was only... Okay, so I was joking with you, but I didn't mean any offense... Gah. Your clothes are ready. Change back so I can fix your shirt, will you?"
"Awww, but I was winning!" Sweetiebelle squeaked, forcing a grin onto Rarity's face.
"Just because I'm going to morph back doesn't mean we can't finish our game." Wade said.
"Yay! I'm gonna stomp all your castles!"
"If I didn't have them hiding behind my pawns, maybe."
"You're on!"
Wadiebelle's flesh started melting, the colors and textures changing as he grew larger and larger. How exactly did that type of spell work? All the texts Twilight had given her over the years stated that you couldn't make mass from nothing, so what exactly was he borrowing from? Or in the case of him transforming into Sweetiebelle, where was all that extra mass going?
"Here."
"What?" Rarity intelligently replied, snapping out of her introspective daze. Wade stood in front of her, holding out his long sleeved shirt in a wad of twisted cloth. He was wearing clothes underneath his clothes! How wonderful! It was simpler shirt, short sleeved so it didn't cover the entirety of his arms. Navy blue, it meshed well with his pants... "Oh yes, thank you," She said, grabbing the shirt in her magic.
"How long do you think that will take?"
"What, do you think I'm gonna beat you too quick?" Sweetiebelle piped up.
"Guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" Wade replied.
"Oh, it shouldn't take me long at all, just finish your game and I should have it fixed up."
~-----------------------------------------------------------------------~
She was good. Even with how badly I had been misplacing pieces in the beginning of the game(hooves, how does they work?), I shouldn't have lost THIS badly. She systematically picked off every head piece I had, then went to town on my pawns. I managed to deprive her of her knights(she called them 'guards', and the bishops were for some reason called 'scribes'. The queens were called 'royal knights', which in itself was confusing. And of course, the kings were in fact 'princesses'.) and one of her castles, but she held onto all the rest of her pieces. I didn't even manage to kill off any of her pawns. This was an OFF day.
"And that," she stated, sliding her 'royal knight' into a fence with her castle,"Is checkmate!"
She even managed to free up her 'scribe' with that move, pinning my kin-princess with a three way checkmate. Cheeky little girl.
"And just like that," Rarity stated, stepping forward with a certain restored piece of apparel in her magic. "I am finished. Give it a go, would you?"
It was...well she had replaced both the sleeves. With some sort of black, silky looking material. Well. At least she didn't bedazzle it.
"And for your services," I picked up the bag of bits Twilight had given me, holding them out to Rarity.
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I want you to take this in good faith, and you come to me for all your clothing needs, you hear?" Why would she...oh right.. 'generosity'. I wonder if she did it because she wanted to, or if she did it because she felt it was to be expected of her? Regardless. Free shirt and undies, yaaaaaaaay. Now I could go back to the castle and take measures to avoid the pegacorns ire.
"Mokay then. I guess I'll be off then..."
"Awwww, won't you stay for another game?" Sweetiebelle whined at me. Cheeky little brat, she just wanted to win again.
"Sorry Sweetie, But I'd rather continue when I'm not having such horrible luck. Maybe tomorrow, after I've cleared my head of the viscious thrashing you gave me?"
"Promise."
"Fine. Tomorrow. I'll beat your butt, I do so swear." I patted her on the head, and proceded to put the the shirt back on over my head.
"You mean I'm going to win, don't you?" she asked, cheekily. She was a cheeky kid. Very cheeky.
"Only if you're lucky." I started to morph back into my wondertwins form, seeing as it was what I came here in. It'd be weird if 'she' went into Rarity's store and never came back out.
"Oh, Wade, before you head off, do you think you could do a favor for me?" Oh, already she was expecting things of me? Generosity is not my element, lady.
"Depends?"
"Oh, well, I think Twilight left this here before," she levitated a large, leatherbound book over to me. "If you could just take it back to her, that would be a tremendous help."
"Are you sure its hers?" Just because she was obsessed with books, didn't mean it was hers.
'Who else but Twilight would lug around a book in a foreign language? In Ponyville, I mean. Thats sort of something only she would do in this area."
Allright, fine. Twilight was a biblophile, she had weird books. Apparently she absentmindedly left them places, too. I took the book in my hair( yes. hair. Its prehensile) and held it there with the bag of new undies and bits. Not like I could put them on like the shirt.
~-----------------------------------------~
"Nyeaflgl-" Came a strangled cry from the front room.
"Hello? Wade?" Twilight called. Was he home already? It had only been...4 hours. Huh. Guess she had lost track of time. Entering the front room, she was struck by a troubling sight. The bag of bits she had given Wade, a bag of cloth, and large book with text in a language she didn't recognize on the cover were piled next to the front door. Wade was nowhere to be seen. "Wade? Are you back?" If he was back, he would answer, wouldn't he?
Picking up the book, she was hit by a feeling of familiarity. She couldn't read the text within it...but it looked so familiar. Twilight was SURE she had seen this type of text before...
"OH THANK BEING OF OMNIPITANT POWER AND ABILITY!" Came Wades voice from behind her. Whirling around, Twilight saw...Wade. Covered in whipped cream and holding a pile of books.
"Wade? Where did you come fro- Where did you get those boo- WHY ARE YOU COVERED IN WHIPPED CREAM?!!?" It better not be another 'alternate Equestria'. Wade it seems, had been zipping back and forth between them, trying to find a way home. He responded to pretty much anypony who called on him from his 'token', but as she had warned him, it seems he had finally found a world that didn't agree with him.
"It's only been a minute here?" He asked, gazing at the clock on the wall.
"I asked you a question, Wade."
"...I don't wanna talk about it." He shivered, obviously remembering something.
"Gah, fine. How long was it 'over there', Wade?"
"I've been stuck in that Tartarus hole for three hours." Wade had some odd sayings. Twilight would have guessed they had seperate meanings that the multilingual spell just wasn't getting across.
"Was it really that bad?"
"Two words. Donkey Kong." He might have been about to say something else, but a hole opened up in the middle of the air and deposited a glowing, golden banana, which smacked Wade in the face.
"No!" Wade shouted, flinging the glowing banana across the room. "Reproductive activity you!" Odd...his words continued on long after his lips had sealed in an angry frown. And with that he stalked off down the hall.
"Wade!"
"What."
Twilight levitated the bag of cloth off of the floor, it had to have been what he got made at Rarity's, he wasn't carrying it when he left...Twilight threw it at him, careful not to make it too fast to catch. "Take a bath, even with all that whipped cream on you, you stink to high heavens."
"Yes mom."
Snarky little jerk.
~-----------------------------------------------------------------------------~
That sucked. That sucked bigtime. I got called over to another displaced Equestria, and from the start I knew something was up. The displaced there...well he was a certain ape with a necktie. He apparently had been cosplaying as Donkey Kong, by putting on a cap and a necktie. And nothing else. He went to a con(Miami) and bought a 'crystal coconut' from our lovely one of a kind merchant. At least I learned that he never took the same form. 'Donkey Kong' met him under the guise of a black man. At least he wasn't afraid to embrace diversity.
After recieving the crystal coconut, Kong was sent to his own version of Equestria. A version where all the inhabitants were anthro versions of the populace I had come to know. Effing weird to see Twilight with jubblies. Even more awkward, seeing as the entire populace was hornier than a bull toad. To hell with that nightmare. What. I'm not a furry. I found the entire situation balls to the walls uncomfortable.
Pair that with the fact that 'Donkey Kong' was just as horny, and called me simply because he 'thought it might be fun'. His coconut had wierd magical powers, and allowed him to summon whipped cream. As he stated, 'Whipped cream party!'. All in all, I had learned a valuable lesson.
Screen my damned calls.
At least one good thing had come of all this. While trying to throw a bookcase at Donkey Kong, I had gotten sucked back. So now I had seven Equestrian books. In perfectly. Legible. ENGLISH.
I reclined on my bed, having taken my shower(Rarity made me RAINBOW colored underwear. What the heck) and did my best to clean the whipped cream off a book.
Legal Law And You, A Complete Compendium of Equestrian Legislature
Well. Not like I had anything better to do.
~--------------------------------------------------------------------~
"Where is it?" The woman asked, pawing through a pile of papers.
She gave up on the pile, and opened a drawer. Finding nothing within, she returned to the room she had previously been in, searching in a stack of books.
"Where is that blasted diary?"
She suddenly stopped, a revelation hitting her.
"God damn it," She stated in perfect english, "I must have left it at Rarity's."
With a slight sigh, Lyra slammed the door behind her.