//------------------------------// // 21- Dawn of Darkness // Story: Applegate // by Flutters Is Shy //------------------------------// “Okay… is this thing on? Could need a lil´ help here. Pretty please? Hello…? Please?...” I heard coming through the void. I whipped my head around, dislodging Ferdinando from his perch. "Sorry little buddy," I apologized, watching as he flew up to roost in the rafters. "I just got a call. She sounds like she's in trouble..." I pondered whether or not I should accept the summon. She sounded like she needed help, as evidenced by her straight out asking for it. That being said, I could very well be heading into a situation I couldn't handle. "Screw it," I muttered, accepting the pull into the void. “Guh… what the…” I muttered as I looked around. I couldn't see shit. It was pitch dark, and the air around me smelled like wet dirt. Was I underground? I didn't have much of a chance to reflect on my given situation. A thick limb collided with my midsection, sending me flying with a meaty crunch. A few seconds later I found myself capable of coherent thought, but unable to to move in the pile of debris I found myself half under. I could barely think over the stabbing pains I could feel racing through my torso. So I morphed. Duh. Whatever the hell hit me was big. Strong. Strong enough to break my spine with a single strike. I couldn't feel my legs, a dull persisting pain halfway down my back. I was inside a room where I couldn't see a darned thing. There was apparently at least one big bad pissed off something. If only that, by the sounds echoing around the room there was definitely a fair amount more. I needed power. I needed nightvision. I had one morph that could probably fit the bill of both options. Dante. The crappy version of him, true, but he was still stronger than I was. I finished the morph, Authors Note And then during the writing process we both skipped that scene. We continued on and pretty much forgot about it, leading to the confusion that Wade apparently morphed without reason on Katz's story. Woops. Well, I could postpone this chapter even longer than I already have, for next to no reason. Or I could simply release it as is, giving you a little blurb to try and excuse my laziness. Okay, so to set it up from here, Wade picked a fight with a big diamond dog. He got his ass kicked, almost instantly. He morphed Dante. He got his ass kicked again, this time only slightly after instantly. It's Wade, so that's kinda par for the course. I struggled free of the rocky debris I had found myself buried under -quite a trend I was finding my Dante morph with, hopefully I didn't make this a tradition.- And made my way to my feet with the help of an outstretched hand. An outstretched hand I noticed, was almost completely covered in an armored glove of some sort. Looking up at my savior, I suddenly felt my insides clench in fear. Now, I haven't played much of the series, but I recognize the character model well enough. Well, as familiar as a rule sixty three version of it is. But that helmet, that chest piece, those glowing red eyes... it was the Overlord. Big Bad Evil Guy of the franchise. She was practically radiating malice and intimidation, just standing there with my hand still encased within her own. A displaced as innocent looking as Donkey Kong had turned out to be an overbearing pervert without the slightest shard of common decency. Now I was staring down one who was quite obviously evil? Good god I was going to die. There was no way around this. Unless I could distract her and escape... "Oh my god a distraction!" I yelled in terror, pointing behind her. Her head twitched toward where I was pointing, so I freaking RAN. Actually made it seven steps before a clump of minions tackled me to the ground. Over...lord lady slowly walked to me, her steps slow and deliberate. Finally, she stopped beside me, then stooped down to a crouch beside me. "Did you seriously just try to 'look over there',me? Are you really that freaking stupid?" She pushed a minion on my neck off, and tried a diplomatic smile. "Okay buddy, how about that? My Minions gonna release ya and then, the two of us will have a nice, civil chat like the reasonable adults at least on of us is? Hn? Sounds good?" she slowly drawled, teeth breaking into a slight smile.She had semi long brown hair with bangs slightly hanging over her eyes, her eyes were yellow glowing wisps, a nose that was a bit on the snubby side and a slightly thin mouth. Her entire skin was as black as charcoal, so it was kinda hard to make out details like her eyebrows. Regardless, she was cute. The minions growled in irritation, almost daring me to make an ass out of myself so they could tear me to pieces with their masters consent. "I like civil chats. Can I get you to pinkie promise to it?" Okay, so the delivery sounded childish. but if I could rope her into a Pinkie Pie Promise, if she broke it at least I MIGHT have a pie slinging party pony at my heels to help fend her off while I headed for the hills. Better than nothing. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eyaAARGH!" and made the neccesary motions, only to poke her eye with her finger. "Goddam shit!! Every damn time!" she swore and rubbed her face. "Okay, there. Now... just let me..." With a sheepish smile she shooed her Minions of me, some of them making disappointed noises. "Aw, don´t be like that. Make yourself usefull, gather the Reds, bring their nest to the portal. Oh, and don´t forget the smelters and the treasures." she told her loyal little monsters who scampered off afterwards, happily gibbering. She...actually knew the chant. That means she met the annoying pink one before, and was on the up and up...or she just wasn't afraid of shit. "Allright...you have my attention. I can't really scarper off to my own Equestria whenever I want, so feel free to talk as candidly as you want." If I stalled for as much time as I could, I might be able to wait out whatever would come to pass. So...Whats up? You needed my help on something?" "Well, goody... or rather... not goody. That really depends on the point of view here..." She said, obviously trying to strike up a bit of small talk. "O~kay, how about we start over again, now that no crazy Pug on steroids is trying to rip us a new one? My name is Umbra and... oh." She...did she just blush? It was hard to tell with her completely black skin, but I'm pretty sure she just blushed...so cute..."Oh shit man... I just... you got seriously trashed back then! Are you all right? How are you all right? When that Alpha Dog smashed you against the wall, I swear I heard some bones break!" "I'm fine," I stated, running a hand through my new, SHORT black hair. "You must have heard wrong." Letting out an audible sigh she continued, "Boy, thats a relief. Well, like I said, names Umbra but for the most I am simply the Overlady. As for whats up, the ceiling I guess?" she gave a weak laugh. "Hmm, well, and help? Nice to offer, I could use some competent help to haul all the loot from the Alphas vault to the portal to my awesome fortress. Sucker went and snatched my Red Minions for his forge but not with me, no siree. Now he´s coal and his all his base belongs to me." She stopped to give me a short, intrigued once over. "Say, what´s with that mini cosmic cube thingy? I mean, I found it in a pile of bits, suddenly a voice proclaimed 'call me if you need help', I guess I paniced a little as that asshat tried to kill me. Next thing I remember is you plopping from thin air." Great. Maybe THIS is what I should get recorded. I'll have to ask twilight if I can record a phrase on a magic paper or something. Or I could ask her about how to acquire a trotmare. If I could just do this once and have it over with, that would make my day. "First a question of my own. Do you know ANYTHING about the world we're currently in, possibly relating to a tv show? And were you perhaps at a con of some sort before you found yourself...here?" "Hmm, well, as far as I know, this is the planet Equuis, the land of Equestria, a place called the Macintosh Hills. Thats a mountain range that borders to the wasteland. Its all part of the 'My little Pony' verse, created by Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Do not ask me where we are, season whise, I have yet to make contact with the ponies. Well, except for fucker Crytal Flask." the last part, she added with a terrifying, low growl. Didn't look like she was going to fly off the handle like Rocky the Raccoon though, so whatever. "As for the con thing, yupp, went to a con with a friend. Bought a replacement gem for my Gauntlett of Dominance there. Then, poof, I´m here, trying not be torched by freaking Crackle the Dragon for tryin´ to eat her misrable little hellspawn of a kid!" "I'm just going to assume 'crackle the dragon' is a reference to something. Okay, so you're a normal Displaced, thats good to hear. To give you more information on the first question, some sort of interdimensional asshole picked up a bunch of humans, and slung them across the multiverse all to their own personal little Equestria. He calls himself the Merchant, and NO, I don't know anything more about him. All my information is secondhand. If you want more information, keep a lookout for-" I fished in my pants pockets before realizing the token wasn't there. I must have left it in my backpack... "A golden coin. I thought I had it in my pocket, but I don't, so I can't show you what it looks like. Its almost the same as a bit, but the head and tail is different. It has a seesaw and the letters A and U on one side, and an eclipse thingy on the other side." "Ah ha. Displaced. Kinda fitting." She gave a nod. "And the bastard responsible is called the Merchant hn? Good, now I have a name I can put on that wankers gravestone!" She growled, radiating ...something around her left hand before letting it flicker out. "Sooo, this coin, if I find it, will it summon another guy like you? Do I get that right? And didn´t you had brown hair before? I´m pretty sure, now that I could get a better look at you." "Brown? Yes. I went into my battle state," I bluffed, it technically was a 'battle state' but it didn't hold a candle to what it was supposed to be. Devil Trigger, why hast thou forsaken me? "Although you can probably tell, I'm not THAT much stronger." I was neglecting to tell her about morphing or the damage healing. if it turned out she wanted to put me six feet under, it would be a definite advantage if I could morph back when she turned back, and skedaddle while the getting is good. You never know, I might actually manage to live today "Battle state? Like, Son Gokus super sajan or Narutos sage mode? That is so cool!" She squeed as she put an arm around my shoulder. "And you can´t be that weak, I mean, you took that beating like a real Champ. Hey how about..." She suddenly stopped. "Uh? You´re not the voice I hear normally." She said, looking off towards a wall. Ooooookay, guess she had some sort of telepathic back and forth around here. Or she was just crazy. Wonderful. "Hey, good work Gnarl." she proclaimed before returning her attention to me. Not all that hard to do, seeing as I was still being held against her by her arm around my shoulder... "Hey, my coustodian just told me that my Minions are done here, so how about we go back to my place hn? This burrow stinks to much like wet Dogs for my taste and we could have a nice snack there, rest our feet a bit... plus, I kinda feel like I should make it up to you somehow that I dragged you into my mess. Wadda ya say Wadey?" I took a second to think on it. I had literally had nothing to lose at this point. She apparently could co-ordinate the nasty little buggers with her mind, so I had that to work against. And this dirt hole DID smell horrible. I was also hungry... hopefully this didn't turn out to be a 'Welcome to dinner, but you ARE the dinner!' scenario. "Sounds...good to me?" "Goody!" she cheered, making a few steps forward, only to turn around and add in a slightly sutltry tone "You won´t regret that handsome, I promise." with a wink for the extra effect. Dear god. Holy hell. Hamina hamina~ "Hey Gnarl?" she started again, speaking off to another wall, "Have Wiener prepare some of the nice foodstuff, I´m bringing a guest over. Nope. Just a cool guy I nearly killed by accident." I really hope she's talking to someone. That would make this REALLY bad if she were crackers. After that, she took the lead and after a while, we thankfully exited the Diamond Dog den. There was a giant freaking dragon, just sitting next to a swirly thing, a visible scowl on her face. Snout? "Umbra! Took you long enough! I was about to go without you. Your Imps are allready back home. Who´s that?" She asked, towering over me. Big. Big Dragon. Spike was one thing, he was a BABY dragon. He was cute and cuddly. This...this was a monster. Sleek scales, ferocious teeth, and eyes that peered to your very SOUL. And claws that could shred me like paper. Spike could crush diamonds in his maw, I shudder to even THINK what this...lady? could do if she tried... "I.I.I.I'm....Wade." "Onyx, meet Wade. Wade, meet Onyx. He´s cool. Play nice." I added, seeing that Onyx was giving me the Evil Eye. With a 'Hmpf, whatever.' the dragoness turned around and stepped onto the swirly thing, dissapearing in a small coloumn of light. Patting my shoulder, she tried to reassure me, "Hey, I think she likes you," Wouldn't THAT be a fright. Hopefully she's just joking, "Now come on, I wanna show you my extremly epic Tower of dark Awesomeness. Just step onto the round stone. It´s like beaming." After that, she grapped my hand and more or less pulled me into the light with her. I landed, once again, upside down and facefirst. We had come to a...throne room? There was a throne, at least... She picked me up and checked over.Probably checking to make sure I didn't have a concussion or something. "Heh, sorry about the landing. Happens to me now and then to." I lied to make him feel better. White lies are no real lies, shut up! "Anyways, welcome to my Tower and my throne room Wadey. Its a bit underfurnished at the moment but I am working on that." With a shuffling, a wrinkled little minion came into view. "Ah Milady, there you are. And your guest too. Wiener had prepared a meal as per your orders, it is allready served at the dining room. Oh and Onyx said something about being in the treasure chamber if you need her. I just hope the scaly lug wont eat all of your Ladyships hard earned riches." "Thanks Gnarl." She turned towards me, "C'mon, I'll show you the way." After leading me through a few underfurnished corridors, passing a few hard working Minions wearing white overalls and yellow construction helmets we reached the dining room. Really, just a big room with a moderatly big table and chairs. On the table sat serveral plates with steaming dishes consisting of Almost anything you coulod imagine. Potatoes, chickenlegs, fresh bread and even a bottle unlabled wine. Holy shit. She took her seat, and gestured for me to take a seat too. "Well, dig in buddy. It´s not a grand feast but fuck, its delish. Wiener sure knows how to cook." She smiled while helping herself with the first course. I sat down, careful not to cause too much noise, and leaving myself a window to jump out of if need be.(Don't know if this is a room with a window, if not tell me and I'll re-word it) Figured out why I was so weak, why only a handful of measly little minions were able to leave me a wrigging ball of helplessness. I could FEEL three of my ribs snapped completely through, my flesh was keeping the flesh adjacent thick, and immobile. Who knows what other kinds of damage my body was currently trying to heal? Well, Dantes body. Thank goodness I had morphed, my own body would have been pounded into a literal paste, nothing but gooey bloody paste... "MEAT." I mumbled, around a mouthful of saliva. I knew it would taste...DAMN IT. NO WONDER I COULD SMELL IT, BUT THE SMELL WASN'T WHAT SET MY TASTE BUDS OFF. This form of Dante had an extremely low sense of taste. I could put anything in my mouth, but It wouldn't do anything for me. It would just be a wad of crushy cardboard. So I morphed back. She apparently bought my 'battle state' lie, so this shouldn't raise too many suspicions... The smells from the table pervaded my nose and mouth, allowing me full satisfaction of their senses. MEAT. It wasn't easy to get ahold of, except in certain circumstances. Maybe there was a bigger market for it in this world, I wonder if I brought back a sack of it, if Twilight would help me cook it? Probably make me share with her friends, make a big dinner out of it and everything. Magic flowers that help you so you don't get malnutritioned were alright...but they didn't taste the same. They tasted like flowers. no duh. "Ahem." Better not to make an utter fool of myself. I took a single chicken leg and potato. If I wanted more, I could get it after I finished... "Wow dude, no offense but that was kinda gross." I laughed at that. "Shifting kinda is. My dragon and disguise forms are even more of a spectacle. Flesh forming into scale and chiton, I actually made a little filly lose her lunch when she saw it." In truth, Sweetiebelle had only seen me morph into myself, her, and the wondertwins, but she addmitted she felt queasy just watching that. Half truth, I guess. "Seeing as I haven't had actual meat in a while, would you mind if I started in on this?" I held up the chicken leg. "Wohoho, wicked. By all means, dig in. That´s what I brought you here for after all. We still have wagon loads in the kitchen." she poured herself some of what looked like wine and took a swig. "No real meat in a while eh? Lemme guess, you crashed down in your Equestria, some ponies found you and as soon as they noticed your canines the went all 'Ahhh, predator, meat-eater, monster! Please don´t eat my foal, here, eat my neighbor instead!' on you, am I right?" I asked between two hearty bites, speaking the pony part in what sounded like an impression of one of the flower sellers. Couldn't be sure, though. "While that's the case in most Equestrias I find," I took a bite of chicken, "In my Equestria, all the horses are omnivorous. Something about the higher content of protein found in meat being required for higher thought process. Its hard to get a hold of though, and expensive to boot. So some bright guy got it in his head that they should magically breed the flowers to give the same proteins, to help get rid of wide spread malnourishment. They do the job, but they taste like flowers." Again, flowers that taste like flowers, gee wiz, amiright? "You can still get imitation meat, in fact that's whats sold in most purely carnivore delis. It's magically shifted to LOOK like a cut of meat, has the right texture and smell, but it just doesn't taste the same." I poured myself a glass of water, rinsing my mouth of the delicious meat juice so I could start anew. There's just certain things you never notice as how amazing they are until you're deprived of them for any given amount of time. "Good for you. I swear, if the Ponies here even try to make a scene for what I am, I gonna flip some serious tables on them. I mean, seriously, it is cannon that they eat eggs and butter, drink milk, eat baked goods, all the stuff a true vegetarian/herbivore would never dream about eating." Disposing of her blank chicken bone in best viking impression by throwing it over her shoulder, she grabbed another. "That fake-meat sounds a lot like tofu to me though. Clever little horsies." We spend the next better part of half an hour with stuffing our faces and talking about random stuff. "That hit the spot, alright." With a content sigh, she leaned back in her chair. "Hope ya liked the good, oldfashioned human eatin' Wade?" "I much appreciate it. Honestly, I'd rather tofu, to the synthetic crap. But you don't want me just hanging around, eating your food, do you?" If I could figure out what she was really after, maybe I could swing this to my advantage. Maybe trick her into letting me acquire her dragon or one of the minions. Thin, wiry little guys, they could possibly be useful. In a display that would have made Rarity proud, she adapted a mock expression of dismay. She even put a hand over her heart for effect. "Why Wadey, you wound me so. Can´t a lovely lady like me not simply enjoy the presence of a handsome rouge like you, without having ulterior motivations?" God that was adorable. Even with the pure black skin, I felt a pang in my chest. Now THIS was a woman. Abandoning her charade, she leaned forward, speaking in what I had to assume was her best 'let´s talk business' tone. "Okay then, lets talk serious. It´s obvious that you don´t really trust me, not that I would hold that against you. A bit of distrust is quite a healthy thing. But I am not your enemy Wade and I do not intend to become one. I would rather prefer to be an Ally, we are both Displaced after all, aren't we? I am still quite intrigued about your cosmic cube thing that called you here. Is it possible for me to make such a thing for myself? Such a, lets call it token, shall we? Of course I don´t expect you to part with any Information without receiving some form of compensation. I am more then willing to reimburse you in every possible fashion for your help." "I didn't make my token, Auric did. I keep meeting Displaced that seem to be able to make their token on their own though, so my best bet would be, pick up something you want to be your token, and try to make it into one. If you give it to me, I'll hand it off to Auric the next time I see him, and he'll 'spread it across the void'. Or whatever it was that he said he did." She took one of the small, ornamental pieces of metal off of her capes hem and gently ripped it of. After a quick search she found a passably long string of leather in her pouch thing and laced it through the small hole in the blank talisman. She stood there for a few seconds, sparks dancing around her. "To you, who hold this trinket. No matter if you wish to conquer or to protect. No matter if you wish to destroy or to create. I do not care if your Intents are black, white or any shade of gray, call my name and I will come. But be prepared for the judge of our actions will be Time alone. I am Umbra, the Overlady. The Mistress of Minions. And this is my token." It was now a small, drop shaped talisman with the outlines of her helmet etched into the surface. Carefully she handed her new trinket to me. After taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she stated "Well, that was something. Now my friend, let us discuss your payment." "Well then, that was some extremely expensive information I just gave you," I gave a slight smile, "Considering overhead and the personal worth of that information to my self, I think...Well, I think that's going to require a payment of a certain token. And not any token. This token is one of the most expensive I can think of at the moment, It calls an individual of such power and beauty that the world shake when they simply reply..." Yeah, I was doing the FMA 'room and board' rant. Sue me. "Oh wait, you already gave it to me. Well I guess that's settled, wouldn't you say so?" She blushed again, before responding,"Why, you certainly know how to handle a lady, you charmer." she underlined the statement with a refined chuckle. "But I insist, there must be something else that could be interessting for you." "Well..." I trailed off, looking away, "My current Dragon form is rather...lacking. If you know whom I'm talking about, then it's basically just a carbon copy of Spike. Baby version. It has good jaw strength, fire resistance...But it doesn't hold a candle to your friend." I turned back to Umbra, cocking the most confident of smiles that I could. If I actually managed to pull this off, that would be amazing. "If I could simply get a tiny bit of her aura, that would improve my dragon form all that much. If she was willing, of course." "Hm, we can ask her but I can´t promise anything. She can be quite cranky, especially if she gets the impression that you want to steal her soul or the likes. She nearly incerniated me once because I made a joke." She said thoughtfully, slowly making her way to the door. "So, wanna risk it handsome?" Well. Theres a reason they call it risk and reward. "Wouldn't hurt to ask her, would it? It isn't really like stealing a part of a soul." Okay, lets see if I could spin the acquiring process as something else..."Everything one does leaves energy behind. Almost like imprinting a memory on a rock simply because you walked by it. I can absorb this excess energy by simply touching something. There is a chance of the energy overwriting the energy I previously had..." That would explain if I acquired a morph, and then was asked to display it. Hopefully. "Wow, that sounded pretty deep. I think that could work. Come one, Onyx should still be at the treasure chamber." After that, she lead me up the flight of stairs towards the Towers top. As expected, Onyx was indeed occupying the treasure chamber. The black Dragoness was napping on a small pile of gold coins and gems not included. "Hey Onyx, wakey wakey!" She shouted, rousing her from her slumber. "Hnngwhosdead?" She chucked a fist sized sapphire her direction but it landed harmlessly in front of me and Umbra. "Not cool sis! I just had the most sick dream ever." Onyx half snarrled, still visible drowsy. "Yes yes, I´m a bitch, I get it. Just one quick question and you can go back to Sleepyland." "If you let me sleep then, ask along." So she did her best to explain my...plan to Onyx as far as she had understood it. Halfway through, Onyx looked like she was about to toast us but nevertheless heard her out. After she finished, the Dragoness rose from her bedding and walked over to us, starring down at me with a slightly open maw and small specks of fire escaping between her teeth. "Okay, so you twerp want to absorb some of my aural energy in order to make yourself stronger?" Onyx growled dangerously low "And that won´t damage my soul? At all? Because, if I ever find out it did, I gonna hunt you down and feed you your own bowels!" "I shudder to think about how that might actually work. And you scare me enough to think you'd be able to follow through on such a promise." To my credit, I managed to hold onto bladder, as much as my shaking nerves wanted to let it loose. "All I need to do is touch you, and I suck off a bit of excess energy. Something that you've already used, which is outside of you, yet clings to you before dissipating you simply because it was once a part of you." This was complete and utter bullshit. I didn't really understand how the morphing worked, because it WAS SUPPOSED to be completely technology, but my certain flavor just happened to work off of magic. Somehow. I held out a hand, and tried to give the terrifying dragon lady a comforting smile. "Would it make you feel better if your friend stood by with her club ready to bash my head in, should I attempt anything untoward?" Onyx puffed out her chest in what looked like pride. For some reason. I can only assume she had something up one of her scaly sleeves. "Hmm, alright, do your thing. But remember, no funny business or you're done before you can regrett it." Onyx replied in a eerily casual tone As she took my hand. OW OW OW OW OW OW OW. She had a grip like a freaking vise. Suppressing a wince of pain-the last thing I wanted to do while this ferocious dragon was HOLDING MY HAND was show weakness. After this though, I was going to be wringing it out with great big squeals of pain- I looked her straight in the eyes. She returned the look with a scathing grin. She wasn't affected by the trance. God damnit. Her grin just got wider, as she squeezed my hand all that much tighter. So I decided stupidly that I'd try to give her a scare. As I stated before, I'm an antagonistic jerk. I started the morph, skin and clothing melting and hardening into blackened scales. I honestly don't think she noticed, so intently she was maniacally glaring into my own eyes. One would think she'd have noticed them changing colors... Finally, it was finished, and I gave a sharp laugh in her own voice. "Congratulations. Your energy was strong enough that it completely deleted my previous Dragon State. That isn't easy to do." Instead of being surprised, she circled around her clone, giving me a once-over and faster than the eye could follow, slapped me on the ass with a resounding SLAP. What was with so many people in the various alternate Equestria's doing or trying to do perverted things to me? Regardless. she didn't slap me hard enough to hurt through her scales, so whatever. "Well, at least now you aren´t such a twig anymore." Onyx approved "Damn, I got some hot piece of ass, hn Umbra?" That seemed to startle Umbra out of any coherent thought. "Hrgljftsxtz?" "Well then, if we are done here, I gonna get back to catching me some Z´s. See ya round twerp." And with that, Onyx plopped down on her treasure bed again and shortly after started snoring. "Conks out awful fast, doesnt she?" I remarked. "Hn, yes she does. Does not mean she´s a heavy sleeper though." She mused, "Soo, anything else you might could use?" She turned to me, "Oh and how long do these calls keep one summoned? Is there a timer or something?" "No specific timer that I can think of. One journey lasted three whole days, and another was less than a minute. Its random, and as far as I can figure, you won't get a warning when it happens. One second I'm there, the next I'm not. Bet I'd be an awesome hide and seeker. Well, more hide than seek, anyway." I trailed off, trying to think of something else I could wheedle out of her. " Come to think of it, do you happen to have any...wads of magic or otherwise unstable magical items you'd like me to get off your hands? My Sword state might be able to absorb them, and create more weapons..." I was just guessing, of course. But seeing as Crystals form had just up and sucked up her magical weapon like a fat kid at a milkshake factory, I might be able to do that to other things as well... "Well, no, I don´t have any magical special refuse but thanks for the offer. Hey, say, wanna see smoething really cool while your still around?" "Something cool? I swear if you drag me off to look at a cold themed item, I will glare at you disapprovingly, regardless of how cute you are." I said with a slight grin. Flattery didn't hurt, and it would help me get away with as much as I could...like this gemstone dragon-lady had thrown...I never really noticed how the light glistened off of them...or how...tas...ty...they looked? Oh great. Her Over-ladyness was giving me an odd look, so I tossed her the gem. "Guess I got her appetite as well. Can't imagine what crushed minerals would do to the inside of my stomach once I turned back..." I ended on a short laugh. "Well, should I have invited you to show you something wet then?" She replied with a ever so slight smile and a waggle of her brow before catching the saphire Onyx had used as an improvised projectile. Chuckling, she pocketed the gem. "Heh, you should see her pop bits like they were peanuts. Would be propably really hard to stomach hn? Anyways, lets go." And down we went, down all the winding staircases right into dark dank pits underneath the Tower. She led me to our intended destination. A crappy looking hut and big...really big underground river. Sitting in front of his small hut, an old blue minion was busy surveying as two Reds roast some rats on a scythe. Noticing Umbra(they barely gave me the time of the day), the robe clad Minion croaked in his eeriely resonating voice "Ahh, Milady. Do you see dead Minions?" "Well, thats why I am here. And to introduce you to a new friend." She gestured to me, "Norbert, this is Wade, he´s somewhat of a shapeshifter. Wade, this is Norbert. Norbert here is propably the oldest Blue you will ever find and he is also responsible for raising my Minions. But that is not the best part, hold onto your proverbial seat, he can raise the dead!" she turned to Norbert "Hey, we had a little skirmish and lost a few Minions earlier today. Could you please reanimate one?" Slowly, the Minion Dead rose and waddled over to the wild stream of the Soul River. "As you wish." Norbert croaked as his eyes glowed briefly and with a flick of his wrist, a brown Minion with a dented Diamond Dog helmet on his head and a pickaxe in his hand rose from the river. Another flick of Norberts wrist send the Brown onto the caverns floor and after the realisation that he was alive again had finally settled in, the Minion gave his necromatic overseer a resounding smooch on the cheek before scampering away. With a smug smile, Umbra turned back to me "Pretty rad hn?" "Having trouble not thinking of the river Styx with this show..." It was rather mesmerizing to watch. "But yes. That was pretty damn bad ass." "I now right? The Blue Minions are by far my favourites. Allthough they are weak in combat, they can heal/resurrect fallen Minions, are the only ones able to swim, are practically immune to all but the most powerfull forms of magic AND they can turn themselves invisible for a short ammount of time." she gave a wistfull sigh "I hope I find their hive soon." "Speaking of...aren't the blue guys aquatic? I could be wrong, while I may know of them," I returned a glare one of the little dirtbags gave me, "I'm not fully versed on their capabilities or otherwise. Besides 'drag over loot with mouse, watch them upgrade themselves' If you know what I'm saying." I finished with a wink. "Hmm, given the fact that they do not drown in amusing ways and from everything Gnarl told me, yupp, they are. Or at least amphibious. And of course I do not have the slightest clue whatever you are talking about." "Of course not, just ignore my rambling," Oh, she KNEW what I was talking about. That just meant that she was keeping it from the little guys. who knows what they'd do en-mass if they learned she was just a vanilla human originally...better keep my lid on that. "You wouldn't mind if I tried to...create a water form from one of them, would you?" "Why, of course not. I said I would reimburse you, didn´t I? Unfortunatly the only Blue that is available at the moment is Norbert here, so I am affraid he had to do. You would not mind to let Wade here aquire some of your aura?" Proping himself on his scythe, Norberts gaze shifted from Umbra to myself before a nearly unnoticable smile flited over the old Minions lips and he nodded, beckoning me to do my thing. I slowly morphed back, careful to keep my eyes locked on 'Norberts' as I shifted, and I was actually able to keep my eyes open for almost the entire time due to what is apparently a second eyelid of some sort that dragon lady had. Maybe dragons in general have it? Regardless. I held out a hand to the crotchety little guy. "Put er there, ol buddy ol friend ol paaaaaaaaaaaaal~" The very moment my hand touched his, Umbra did something that created an explosion behind me. The cavern multiplied the sharp crack freaking thunderstrike of scariness. "NYAFLGAHF." I stated intelligently, , jerking my hand away and doing some sort of three sixty pirouette while squawking like a lunatic. Falling on my ass, I managed to get a glance from Umbra before she broke down, laughing hysterically. To his credit, 'Norbert' kept himself composed, with only a delightful eyebrow arched over his eye to indicate his mirth. "Oh wow, pfeeww... my everything hurts like hell but that was so worth it. Hey, no hard feeling hn?" "Hard feelings, in my tailbone." I pried myself off the floor, rubbing my aching butt. "Honestly, I'm glad you only did that. There was much worse you could have done. Can I try to get a water form now? Or would you like to throw me off a cliff to see if my flight form is up to the task of flying back up?" "Sorry, sorry *snrk*, got that out of my system now. Please proceed." I held my hand back out to 'Norbert' and he looked at it with disdain. "Come on Norbi, don´t be like that. We had our share of fun, now be the bigger man and shake." With a small huff from his nose, the wrinkly blue bastard finally did as she asked him to. I grabbed his hand in my own, and almost immediately he went into a trance state. Head lolling and drool pooling from his lips, I tried to salvage this situation. "Right. She already saw me do this with the big dragon lady, You aren't fooling her, just so you know... Fine, since you want to continue with your theatrics... MWA ha ha. Ha, ha ha. I am...stealing your soul, yeah. Mwa ha ha. Seriously, you can stop that at any time." I trailed off as the acquiring process ended, and he shook his head of his daze. She gave a slow clap, "Wow Wade. That sounded allmost a tad evil there." she said as she walked over to me, leaning in to breath in my ear "I like bad boys." NYAAAAGH oh god. I may have been laying on a bit thick, but what if she actually...So what? It's not like such advances were unwelcmome...had never really gotten any luck back in the real world. "Oh do you now? Sadly," I looked around the room in a dramatic fashion. "I don't seem to see any around here. Too bad, guess you'll simply have to put up with me..." God, she was absolutely adorable when she screwed up the corner of her mouth in a grin... "So...Do you wanna do something? You've show me around your home, and a cosy little place it is." I cringed as a little red minion darted past me, carrying what looked like...Okay, I don't want to think about that looked like. "Or do you just want to keep me around to compliment you on your radiant appearance?" I said with a smile, "I'd be more than willing to, just so you know." Her cheeks grew darker than her black skin once again(Its hard to notice, but its like it's sucking the light out of the area) so I knew I hit her 'blush button" again. "Besides that, have any board games? Anything to pass the time until you have something for me to do?" "Well, such a shame. But you are a pretty good prize too. Careful what you offer, though. I might end up chaining you to a wall in my fungeon."She paused, stopping to think up an answer to my primary question, "That would be a pleasure. Minions are fine and dandy but they cannot compare to a being with real sapiens. And yes, crazy as it sounds, I really have a game of chess around. Care for a game?" Fungeon? Fun dungeon. I might be more worried if she didn't just rip off Wreck it Ralph. Next thing I know, she'll be asking if I'd hit someone with glasses...I would of course be required to respond by thwacking them over the head WITH their glasses, but I digress. A game of chess with someone different than the pint sized terror? Sign me up. I hadn't won a single game against her yet, and an opponent with a different gait and world view would be for the best. Twilight had offered several times, but whenever she had I had been hurting from my previous defeat. Not condusive towards a good game. "Chess? As long as you don't call the pieces by the silly names the ponies have for them, I'm game." I gave a slight smile. "I've been honing my skills against the little filly I mentioned earlier. She's a real killer. Cheeky little kid. Keeps on manuevering me into pincers. Real poker face on her too..." I trailed off. "Well, we aren't going to get this game going just standing here, are we?" I asked, a cheshire grin stamped on my face. "Silly names? Lemme guess, they propably call the Rooks Guards and the Queen Princess? And don´t worry, I won´t demolish you. Too much." she supplied as she led me to a...sort of living room. She brought me over and sat me down alongside a table with a...minion centric chess set set out on it. "Guest has the first move." I fingered the pieces, each one a magnificently carved chunk of stone. "They call the bishops 'scribes', and the knights 'guards'. Even more stupidly," I picked up my first pawn, two spaces from the left and moved him two spaces forward. "The queens are called 'royal knights', and the kings are predictably 'princesses'. Guess we cant fault them for taking the game and changing the names to better fit their own view of the world." "Seriously? Ah well, each his slash her own cup of tea right?" She remarked. She tried to two move checkmate me. Good, so she at the very least knew her way around the board. I retaliated with an open threat to her front line with my bishop, and she backed off to see what I would do. Freeing up my right castle by getting my rightmost pawn killed off, and I took one of her bishops. the first head kill in the game. "Giving the first real kill? How generous of you. I might take offense though, if you give me any more pieces. No one wants a reward to be given to them, truth is," I licked my lips as I looked her in the eyes. "They like the chase. They like to earn the reward, so that it will taste...that...much...sweeter~." I crooned, watching as she misplaced a pawn. A bit cheap, I will admit. But now I got a free piece off of her. She suddenly looked me deep in the eye, leaned forward, and retorted in a seductive growl, "Chains. Fungeon." And like that my concentration was shattered. With a startled grunt I misplaced the bishop by a whole two squares, placing it right next to a pawn for an easy kill. With the amount of heat my face was giving off, I might have been giving her a sunburn, but she still managed to ignore my condition well enough to take both of my bishops, and three more of my pawns over the next few turns. Finally, I was able to say full word sentences without my voice cracking like a prepubescent teen. "Wreck it Ralph references? Heh..." Alright, so almost comprehensive sentences. Gimmie a break. Her brow arched a bit in confusion. "Ehrm, nooo? Like in BD..." she trailed off, her mind focusing on something else. I had to do something...she had me on the run, with only two pawns, a single castle, both my knights, my queen and my king left. If I didn't rattle her now, I had as much chance of winning this game as her actually wanting to have sex with me. So...nill. But what the hell could I do to make her lose concentration? She handled the flirting like it was second nature, and just threw it back in my face with the force of a tiger slamming me over the head. Definitely a strong, vivacious lady. Wait...she knew about My Little Pony, the tv show...so it stood to reason she was probably like my sister. Obsessed with cute things. Prone to squeal at the drop of a...who was I kidding, this was a lady who was sitting in a tower that may as well have been made out of skulls, this wasn't going to work...but I had nothing else to lose. She was too close to me in terms of skill, if not above me. The endgame was already decided, if I didn't do something drastic. "You're not going to beat me, are you miss overlady?" I drawled, adding in a healthy dose of childish whine before I started morphing. Multihued curls struck up from my head as my body shrunk, twisting inward on itself. My vocal cords melted until my voice was a perfect match for my Equestria's butt kicking chess champion of a youngin'. "That would make me ever so sad, it would indeed..." At the end of the morph, I opened my eyes as wide as they could go, and fixed Umbra with what I HOPED was a 'puppy dog' look. Her face grew blank, her eyes mere pinpricks as she tried to formulate a response. "C-cute." She muttered as she placed her queen right next to one of my remaining pawns. Allright! it worked! Now I just had to...dagnabbit. I could barely see over the lip of the table, let alone the entire board. How the heck was I supposed to move the pieces now? I didn't want to just morph back, I only had-wow I only had 13 'magic' left, according to the watch...So I couldn't just waste this. I could...of course! Sweetiebelles a unicorn! Why didn't I think of that earlier? I raised myself up so I was standing on the seat I had previously been sitting in, my two front legs propping me up on the edge of the table so I could actually see the board. Okay, so I just had to...I forced a tendril of magic to my horn, wincing with the effort it took. I enveloped the pawn in an aura of emerald tinged energy, and simply slid the pawn diagonally up to the right, bumping into her queen. With a wide smile of triumph at Umbra due to my success (seriously, magic is hard, I was almost panting from that simple move...) I tried my best impression of the adorable, cheeky little hellion. "I got'cher queen, now king me!" I chirped, trying to mimic her head movements(eyes closed in a smile, head slightly titled to the left, mouth closed at the end in a slight, not mocking way...It was adorable when she did it to me...)as best I could. I suddenly got a feeling in my stomach like a hook, and felt myself slipping backwards. With a loud thump, I landed in a heap on the bedroom floor, at least the sheets provided me some small comfort from the unforgiving hard floor. I roused myself to a sitting position, silently seething for a few seconds. "OH COME ON!" I roared, my displeasure evident in my...well, psuedo my voice. "I almost won, I had her on the ropes and and NOW you bring me back?" I asked the vacant rafters(Ferdinando must have gone out, or perhaps was in a different section of the castle...), but no 'gods of the multiverse'(if there really were any) felt the need to respond. It was then that I got an idea in my head. Why couldn't I just invite her over here? I had her token, and I REALLY wanted to win a game of chess...among other certain scenerios that might happen with certain attractive females...MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, WADE. I started to morph back, so I could actually get to the freaking token in my pants pocket. I fished it out with a forefinger and thumb, and called out as grandly as I could. "Umbra, the Overlady! I call upon thee, to right what has been wronged! We must finish our fight, of that we must be certain! Come, Overlady! Come and face your DOOOOOOOOM!" Okay, so it was a tad over the top. But hey, I was locked in my own bedroom, away from prying eyes and ears to condemn me- "Wade? Whats going on? Whats with all the shouting?" Twilight called through my door as she opened it. Locked. Yeah right. Against a unicorn, a lock is as good as a post it note saying 'Please take off your shoes.' With a flash of light, the multiverse deposited a certain overlady on top of me. "Wade?" She asked. Twilight stood in the open doorway, looking at the two of us sprawled on the floor. Umbra practically straddling me from how she had been deposited in this world, I knew this wasn't exactly a 'work friendly' position Twilight had the pleasure of seeing my new friend for the first time in. She let her opinion on the situation be known, as she hoisted the both of us up in the air, separating us, and dragged us both through the halls to a wide, 'living room'-ish room. She set us both down on opposite sides of a couch, and levitated a chair opposite the couch, before sitting in it. "Seeing as you're currently living in my house, I feel I need to lay down a few ground rules," She started, a pad and quill hovering beside her. "First and foremost. My home is not a place you can bring your otherworldly friends for some 'wedlock loving', If you insist on doing stuff like that then do it at their houses. In a word?" She wrote three words on the first line of her pad, then turned it to face us. "No Hanky Panky." God damnit. If I could hide my face any deeper in my hand, they could install a door in the elbow and open it to see my forehead. On the contrary, Umbra looked like she almost couldn't hold back her whooping gales of laughter. "Wow, you thought were where about to Roll around under the sheets? Seriously? Well, I have you now that I neither putt out nor let anyone into my panties before the third date. Plus, IF, big if mind you, Wadey-kins here where to make a homerun on me, there would be a lot more things involved. Chains, cuffs, a ball-gag, a blindfold, a nice and tight corsage, some nice thigh high boots, candles, a riding crop..." Oh god this couldn't get any worse. Twilight had a look on her face like someone had just slapped her with a fish, and I was trying my damndest to compose myself. And failing. Oh, and she just went on and on about the kinky stuff she was planning on, and I swear I heard steam hissing off of Twilights face. "Stop stop stop stop!" I pleaded, waving my hands in front of me. "I actually want her to like you, not think you're some kind of sex fiend..." I let out a low sigh, before continuing. "Twilight, she just came by to finish a game of chess, NOTHING NSFW was happening, I SWEAR." I stated, spelling out the 'nsfw' in their proper letters. Twilight took a moment to compose herself, okay she took an entire minute of hyperventilating to compose herself, but eventually she was back to her normal(I use that term loosely) analytical self. Which in meaning she started asking questions. "So then, are you from another Equestria? What is it like? Is there another me there? What are you, your skeletal structure looks similar to Wades, but your skin and other..." she was checking out Umbra's chest. Goddamnit, "areas appear different. Are you a female? Are you the standard template of what a human female looks like? Are you dating Wade? To be honest for a while there I thought he was a colt-cuddler, but I guess that clears that up... Are you a warrior? Whats your armor made out of? I sense a strange magical index from you, would you mind if I gave you some tests?" Finally Umbra saw fit to inturrupt her. Thank god. She took a deep breath, and made her greatest effort to combat her on lung capacity. "Yes I am. I am affraid I can´t really say that. Until now I was stuck in the Badlands, giving my best not to be eaten by Dragons and avoiding being cut to gibblets by a mad Unicorn Scientist named Crystal Flask to achieve some obscure 'Unicorn Supremacy like in the time of the three Tribes' Bullshit and liberating a stolen Minion Hive from a pack of Diamond Dogs. Is there another ou? Given the Multiverse tendencie to fuck me over, propably. I had not the pleasure to meet her yet. If it is a her. Maybe my Equestria is a Verse with swapped genders and your counterpart is a guy? For what I am? I am... complicated. Yes, I am similar to Wade in many aspects and yes, I am indeed a female. Women would be the term you are looking for. The things you seem to find so interessting at my chest are my breasts. Hmm, change my skins color to one similar to Wades and replace my eyes for some like Wades, make me one or two heads smaller and then you have pretty much the standard human female. No, I am not dating Wade. Not yet at least. For now, I just enjoy antagonizing and embarassing him." She did a long gasp. Surprised that she was able to force that many word regardless. Kudos to her. "Yes, I´m pretty much a warrior but also a practitioner of, until now, combat based magic. Hmm, what does that make me effectivley? A Witch-Warrior? No, to much armor. Dark Paladin? Hell no! Deathknight? Nope, my heart is still beating. Anywho, my armor. Its mainly made of the best steel you can get on the market, infused with the souls of one hundret Brown Minions and fifty each from the Reds, Greens and Blues. You want to do some tests? Feel free but I cannot guarantee that you will like what you eventually find. Oh, my name is Umbra by the way." Twilights eyes had actually gone blank near the start of her rant, and I could almost HEAR the gears turning in her head. Finally, she responded. "But...I've met Crystal Flask, he's a nice guy..." Twilight slightly halted at a sudden glare of fury that filtered across Umbras face, but continued just the same, "He's the head of the CCR, theres no way he could be a supremecist or anything like that!" (What time frame is your universe in? if yours is before mine, I could add in a whole subplot about CF becoming famous based off of his 'dragon biology' research, before becoing a public relations leasone. He only performed disections on dragons he FOUND, of course...They were already dead, of course, its not like he had ANYTHING to do with that...you know?) "Seriously Twilight? She says all of THAT and the only thing you take away from it is THAT? Who cares what her world version this guy is, obviously its different." "Nice Guy? NICE GUY??" Umbra roared, jumping straight up "And he is still alive? Where is that fucker? What´s this CCR?" She did what I assume was hyperventilating for a few seconds, before slumping down on the couch again. "Y´know what, I don´t care! He´s your universe´problem, I allready took care of mine." Her eyes had FIRE spilling from them. WHAT THE HELL. not just the flickering she had before, actual freaking FLAMES pouring out and heading skyward. Made it look like she had horns... slowly, the flames died down, and Twilight was able to pry herself from her hiding spot from under her upturned chair. "He's not a problem! Whats the matter with you?!!?" Twilight yelled at her, levitating her chair to an upright position. "Professor Flask is the leading herpetologist in Equestria! His findings have advanced medical study by decades, and after all that, he's dedicated his time to bettering pony-changeling relations! Why, I ask you, would somepony like that POSSIBLY be some sort of wackjob 'tribalist'? Obviously you got the name wrong in your world, cause theres no way somepony like Professor Flask would ever be like that. You're wrong!" Twilight stalked off, mumbling to herself, before settling once more into her chair. "Hn, you know Twi, let me tell you one thing: the brighter the Light, the darker the Shadows it produces. Maybe your Crystal Flask is a nice guy, maybe he is just a brilliant actor. He wears small, round glasses, his mane and tail are of a light grey color, his coat is somewhat ochre-ish and his eyes jade green. He has a assistant, a Unicorn mare by the name of Dawn. She has a cream colored coat, her mane and tail are chestnut brown, she dons her mane in a braid and has beautifull auqa blue eyes. Just telling you this in chase the good Prof suddenly starts hiring Griffin mercs and the mysterious deaths of dragons and other exotic beings starting to amass, so you can´t say I did not warn you." With a deflating sigh, she gave a weak smile. "It´s just hard to sympatize with someone who tried to gut me and my best friend like fish. Can we... change the topic? Please?" Twilight had a look of concentration on her face, like she was trying to remember something. "Are you sure her name was Dawn? It wasn't ANYPONY else? It couldn't possibly be some OTHER unicorn mare with a cream colored coat, brown mane and tail, and aqua blue eyes?" Well that was...something. Umbra was trying back away from Twilight as much as she could, halfway over the back of the couch as Twilight had her front hooves on Umbras shoulders, her wings beating a staccato beat to help her stay upright. If her face was any closer, I'd swear she had romantic intentions... "TELL ME." "Yes. Her name was Dawn, as sure as Celestia raises the sun and Luna the moon. No mistake possible." Umbra rasped. "I'm...I'm sure thats just coincidence... Yeah! It has to be...or you simply met an earlier version... a DIFFERENT earlier version! YEAH!" Okay, this was getting ridiculous. "Twilight?" I asked, causing her to whip her head threateningly towards me. "WHAT!??!" "Do you really have to do this from a position that makes it look like you're trying to rape her?" After a bout of sputtering, she lowered herself to the floor once more. "So who the heck is Dawn, and why are you having a panic attack?" A good enough question in my opinion, but it had an unintended effect. It tore Twilights attention from her, to ME. "Dawn Delight was Proffessor Flask's research assistant, back before he came across his first dragon corpse and truly started his research into their biology. Some account say she left with him on that expedition, but she didn't return with him...From his own reports they had a falling out before his expedition, and that was the last he ever saw of her..." "So? whats that have to do with anything? So they had a spat, and never talked to each other after that-" "You're missing the point, NOPONY ever saw her again, she left a note saying she was tired with life, and was just going to walk into the Everfree forest to end it!" Ah, kill-you-dead forest. Seeing as I had been there barely five minutes before it tried to off me, I guess that was a pretty good place to go if you were feeling suicidal...not that I condone it. "And after? When they showed the note to her mother?" She leaned in close, her voice dropping to a whisper, "It turns out it wasn't her hoofwriting." "So they had a spat about working ethics, Chrystal Flask had his goons off his assistant or he even offed her himself to keep his terrible, little secret a secret, burried her body in an unmarked grave somewhere and then he a faked a suicide note. You know, now I am really glad that I killed that bastard. That means at least in my Universe, I have done one good deed and saved a live." Umbra replied in a flat, nearly monotone voice. Twilight gave her a disgusted, horrified look. "No. I refuse to believe that of him. He may be a bit of a loud mouth, but he is not a murderer. I don't wanna talk about this anymore, have fun with your sadistic..woman of a girlfriend, I'm going to go organize my files." She turned and walked off down the hall with a huff, dissapearing from sight. I took a couple seconds looking between her retreating form and the still seething Umbra, before stating, "So then! How bout that chess game?" She looked at me for a few seconds, "Wow, you really are anti-confrontational guy, arent you?" "I'd rather stay out of the way of confrontation, yes. Theres not much I can do about...that whole mess right now, so why stress about it? So whadaya say about that game?" I gave her a hopeful smile. "Yeah, why not?" she agreed with a sigh "But I may be not at my best though because at the moment I feel like a prisoner on the death-row waiting for the fire squad. Heh, wanna bet how long it will take until Celestia will shows up to A) banish me to Tartarus, B) turn me into stone or C) jumps straight to reduce me to a smoldering pile of ash because Twi send her a nice letter about me?" Well that was a lovely little picture she painted. A little bit of a loophole though, "If she sent you to...wherever tartarus is, you'd just poof over to your world eventually. She couldn't stop that. Or at least I don't think she could. Second, arent the elements of friendship or whatever needed to enact the 'stoning' ritual? As far as Twilight's told me, they're gone, used to make this castle or whatever. She and her friends can still become imbued with the magic or whatever, but they all have to gather in the castle first. In that one room with all the REALLY uncomfortable looking thrones. So if it comes to that, all you gotta do is bar the front door," I joked. There were tons of windows, Fluttershy and RD would still be able to make their way in, but Rarity and Applejack would be stuck outside. Yeah, Pinkie Pie would already be inside, SOMEHOW. No use preparing against her. "And if Celestia comes a knocking, you can always just be REALLY friendly and on your best behavior? No sense in antagonizing someone face to face, is there?" I asked hopefully. "Stoning eh? Think we could maybe talk Sunbutt into sharing her blunt with us if she eventualy shows up? Been a while since I had a good one." A small chuckle stole itself from my lips, followed by a shudder at the thought of the pink Demon herself. "Yeah, better not antagonize the Being that has a freakin´ Star as a power source... Hmm, I wonder wo would win a match between Last Order Alita versus Celestia?" She stood up and managed a smile. "All~lrighty-then, now where´s that chessboard? We still have a match to finish!" Chessboard! It was...uhh....to be truthful, I didn't know if Twilight even HAD a chessboard. I walked to the doorway, and yelled down the hall, "HEY TWILIGHT! YOU GOT A CHESS SET??!!?" I waited for a response, but I didn't get one. Seems she was already out of earshot. "I...uh...guess we'll have to see if we can find one on our own?" I half joked, flashing Umbra a smile. It was about an hour of walking through hallways and checking random rooms that we called it quits. Most of the rooms were empty, but some of them had been downright...weird. An entire room filled to the brim with erotic paintings of sunbutt. Another room with nothing but...claw shavings, I think. And yet another that had bowls upon bowls of various pasta, all of them kept at a brisk temperature of 45, if the thing on the doorway was anything to go by. "Okay." I muttered, sliding into a sitting position with my back to a wall, "I don't think we're going to find a set here. Twilight might actually have one, but seeing as we can't find her, I don't think we're going to find it anytime soon." I looked out a window, and actually had somewhat of a good idea. " I could just go and get Sweetiebelles set, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we borrowed it..." "Sounds like a solid idea. Now shoo, of with you. I guess I just wait here. Don´t want to risk a panic eh?" "Unless you have some sort of transformation power I don't know about, or can become a living shadow or have super snake skills, That might be for the best." I nodded. "Hmm, no to all three and I highly doubt that a cardboard box scittering around would fool even the Ponies." she admitted with a smile. "Kay, will do. Surley Sparklebutt has some nice books that I can read. Been a while since I read something good. Toodles." It was a rather uneventful trot to the Boutique. I knocked on the door of the Carousel Boutique, before I remembered it was actually a store and not just someones house. Pushing my way inside, the stupid little belle attached to the doorframe let Rarity know she had visiters. "Just a moment dear!" came a muted reply from somewhere in the back of the shop. "Take your time, its just Wade." I called back. I was currently in my Flutterbat form, having decided that even if I didn't know how to fly, being able to take off in a hurry would be wonderful if I got mobbed by another 'you have our condolences on your horrible circumstance Wade' group like last time. Seriously, the vultures had bunt cakes and everything. I would have rathered if they'd just stayed away from me. "Wade!" came the high pitched voice of one of the most terrifying strategists I had come to know. "Are you here to play me chess?" Looking down at the personified ball of cuteness that is Sweetiebelle, I couldn't help but supress a momentary heart attack. I wonder if she practices this, or is just that blindly cute? It has to be rehearsed, no one could come across like this unknowingly... "Actually, a friend of mine is in town, and we were looking forward to settling a game of our own. If Twilight has a set, we can't find it..." I trailed off, her exuberance evaporating into dissapointment. "And you were wondering if you could borrow Rarity's. Its right over there," She pointed to a wall, where said chess board had already been set up, all pieces in their places. So she had been waiting for me to show up, even going to the extent of setting up for our game. Great. I hadn't promised anything, but I still felt like I was letting her down, somehow. How long had she been waiting, anyway? It was already after noon... "You...wanna come with? Maybe challenge the winner? Gotta warn you, I'm pretty close to victory, and I'm getting good enough that you probably wont stand a chance..." Her face wrinkled in constrained laughter, "Right, like how you randomly waste your moves? If you really think you can beat me, then its your problem..." Despite her gentle teasing, she hurriedly gathered up the board and pieces into a saddle bag. I took one step outside, and Ferdinando came out of nowhere, latching onto a swathe of Flutterbats long hair. Kinda painful, but somehow not all that intrusive. Almost like my hair just got heavier for no friggin reason, but still noticible. "Ferdy!" Came from Sweetiebelle. "Did you come to wish me a swift victory on the plains of battle?" she chirped. I swear, if anyone ever ruins how adorable she acts... "So, come to spend some time with me?" I asked, the little bat bobbing his head up and down, in turn the motions causing me to bounce my head up and down, to little Sweetiebelles amusement. Suddenly, Sweetiebelle went silent, ducking behind me. Ferdinando also tried to hide himself as deep in my hair as he could. In a few seconds, I was able to see why. It was a terrifying looking unicorn, her body only slightly smaller then Big Macintosh, a long swathe of brown bed head hair and a likewise styled tail. Her eyes were exactly like the Overlady style yellow whisps, and her mark was the same outline of her helmet that she used for my token. In a bloody red, that stood in stark contrast to her oily black coat, that seemed to suck the very light from the air. What she did next though, halted all thought process. She walked up, right in my face, and licked me. Not just a quick little 'leagh', but a long, erotic sounding tounge scraping from the tip of my muzzle all the way up to my forhead. Then she had the gall to give me a toothy smile, and remark, "Hiya." "Nyaflgaf...sass...fras.....gyufol...naaaaaaaa?" I asked to the extent of my intelligence. I couldn't...This...I didn't....bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Okay then. after that mental hiccup, I managed to pull myself back into a sembance of intelligence. "Umbra," I managed to choke out, "I thought you said you didn't have any transformation abilities?" I asked as the little ball of chess pried herself from behind me to get a better look. Ferdinando stayed deep in his hiding place, tucked tight to the back of my head. Giving a chuckle, Umbra twirled around on the spot to show of her disguise. "Well, Twi had a book on that subject lying around so I thought I give it a try. You like?" Crouching down a bit she smiled at Sweetiebelle. "Hey there lil´one." she cooed. "Umm...hi?" Sweetiebelle started, getting a better look at Umbra. "Are you... a friend of Wade's?" She asked, cocking her head to the side like a confused puppy. "Why, yes I am." Gently she ruffled Sweetiebelles mane. "My name is Umbra, nice you meet you." She shook her head suddenly, and turned to me. "He, not to be rude Wadey-kins but I think we really should go back to Twilights place. I´m running pretty low on juice and the last thing we want now is a panic hn?" Great. So she was doing something that she couldn't keep up for long. Wonderful. "Think you can keep it together till we get back to Twilights?" I asked, picking up Sweetiebelle and sliding her onto my back. I didn't like people in my personal space, but we might have to make tracks faster than her little legs could keep up with. Wouldn't want to leave her behind, after all. Maybe I could see if Umbra could actually use the magic crystals I had gotten off of that other version of Rarity? I still couldn't figure out how to get them to work, and Twilight said they were just crystal with a wad of magic in them, I should be able to use them. Can't, though. With a slight nod from Umbra, we both set off at a brisk jog. If Twilights castle had been off at the edge of town like that other Equestria I had see, we might not have made it. Seeing as our version was smack dab in the middle of town saved our bacon. We made it up the swooping staircase, opened the door...and Umbra shimmered, the vissage of the black unicorn dissapearing as I slammed the door shut. We stood there panting in the foyer, before Sweetiebelle hopped off my back. "How come yours can't be cool like his?" She asked, eyes darting between us. "Hers." I huffed. "..." she took a good long look before responding. "Sorry, you just look almost exactly like Wade...different coat color and mane length though...do you have a tail?" "Pffff... what... I... no, I don´t have a tail. Wade, what ideas gave you these ponies?" "I give them no ideas. They make them all on their own." I stated, trying to catch my breath. I started morphing back, disturbing Ferdinando from his perch. He clung to the back of my head, transferring to my shirt collar once I was done. "Come on, I wanna try something." "Try what?" chirped Sweetiebelle. "I got a couple magic crystal thingies from another version of your sister, Apparently they use them as mana potions."Sweetiebelle perked up at mention of her sister, but didn't interrupt. "I can't use them for some reason, but maybe Umbra can..." "Sweet..." Umbra half moaned. "A nice bat you have there by the way," She weezed out, causing Ferdinando to perk up and give her a glance over my shoulder. "This is Ferdinando-" "Ferdy!" chirped Sweetiebelle. "Nickname, but whatever," I continued on, finally reaching 'my room'. Technicalities and so on. "Okay so just give me a minute, and we'll see if these work." "A pleasure my fine Chiroptera." Umbra nodded towards the bat. I started rooting through the chest at the foot of the bed, pushing aside Rarity's 'depression coat' as I found the crystals I had gotten from...well, Crystal. I stood up and tried to activate one of them, but just like last time, no dice. "Hmm, what do we have here?" She asked, inspecting my 'trophy shelf'. What? It's not like I could do anything with them. I kept Dante's bell, Rockt and Groots Stun Baton, and I think Auric's coin was in my backpack for easy use. If I had actually BROUGHT my backpack with me. That might have been useful. "That´s one of those Mana gems?" "Yeah," I tossed one over to her, "See if they don't work for you, the way it was described you just have to concentrate on it, and it activates." She straightened, a halo of magic surrounding her briefly. "Wo how Wade, this is rad! My Manapool is re-fulled to the max and they cured my magic hangover too. These things are the biggest thing since the invention of Toast!" Huh. Guess it worked. "Glad they work for you. Here, you can have these too, they don't do anything for me." I handed her the other two gems, closing the chest after hiding the golden banana at the bottom of the chest. Theres an item I don't wanna talk about. If only I could just get rid of...waitaminute... "Hey, do you find yourself in combat situations often?" I asked, opening the chest back up. "Why, yes. I think you could say that loud." "Here," I said, pulling out the golden banana and tossing it to her. She paused for a couple seconds, probably listening to the stupid chant with the jungle drums, before asking- "Ooooh, banana?"yeeeep. "Thats a token I can literally think of no use for unless you need a distraction. It belongs to a Displaced who was cosplaying as Donkey Kong, by wearing nothing but a hat and a tie. not even body paint, if he can be believed. He's a raging..." I stopped, looking down at Sweetiebelle looking at me with a knowing glance. "What? My sister is Rarity, she leaves her crummy romance novels EVERYWHERE, nothing you have to say will be able to surprise me." Well I guess that answers what she thought of my 'please don't rape me' comments to Zecora... "Well alright then, to not offend delicate ears," I chose this moment to give Ferdinando a scratchy behind the ears. What? I can work with some puns..."I'll simply say that Donkey Kong is one of the biggest perverts you'll ever find. He'll chase anything that moves with the express interest of...having fun with it," This got an unamused raised eyebrow from Sweetiebelle, "And the inhabitants of his world aren't much better in that regard. He has a magic coconut that probably among other things, can summon an unlimited supply of whipped cream. I'm never going to call him, but maybe you can use him as a distraction while you're running from a dragon or something?" I know it was a bit cruel. But that asshat earned my ire. It was then the universe decided to piss in my cheerios. A hole opened in the middle of the air, and deposited another glowing, golden banana. By rocketing it at mach 10 directly into my face. I spent a few seconds rolling around on the ground, clutching my forehead and almost biting my tongue so I wouldn't fly into a stream of profanity. I don't care how...nonchalant she is about 'Rarity's romance novels', there are SOME things I'm going to try to avoid saying around her. What? I'm a...semi-responsible adult... "Okay then," I picked up the new banana, and flung it into the chest, "I guess that one really is yours now." "Well then, thanky I guess. Having a scapegoat slash decoy up my sleeve could come handy in the future I guess, if it saves my butt from being horrible mutilated," she stored the token away with the two crystals in her pouch. "So then, how about we finish our little game now?" "Allright with me, Sweetiebelle gets winner, that alright with you?" With a squeal of delight, Sweetiebelle whipped the chessboard and pieces out of her bag with a burst of emerald sparklies. In a few seconds, the game board lay in the middle of the floor with all the pieces in their places. I looked at the board before voicing my confusion. "Ummm, I don't remember where our pieces were...do you?" "Yes, in fact I do." She started placing the pieces in their respective places, recreating our battle previous. Cool. Wish I could do that. "Well, if I recall correct, you just sacked my Queen so now it is high time for some sweet, sweet revenge." she stated in a sing song voice and moved her castle, taking out my last one. "Check," She stated with a snide grin. Sweetiebelle looked at the board and back to us, as if confused as to why Umbra had moved her castle there. After a few seconds, I could see why. She had moved directly into position for me to take out her castle with one of my knights, and afterward my own knight would have her king in check! I slid my knight into position, and watched as her grin fall as she realized I had turned the tables on her. Screw a lie detector, I got a Sweetiebelle 100% guarenteed chess detector! "You're really...? Okay then..." Sweetiebelle muttered, shaking her head. What? What did I do wrong? I put her in check, and took one of her pieces, how was that bad? I immediately regretted my move, as she slid her bishop across the board and killed off my knight. "Aaaaaaaaand now you've lost."Sweetiebelle said, pointing at my king, "No matter what you do now, she's going to bottleneck your princess into a checkmate with her scribes and castles." "Noooo, I could still make a comeback, I still have my queen-"I protested. "Royal knight, and maybe, if you didn't have it way on the other side of the board, pinned against the wall with your other guard," She pointed at my remaining knight, "As it is, it'll take you two moves to get your royal knight back into play, which you can't really do while you're in check. She's just going to keep herding your princess from this point, until its checkmate." ...cheeky little brat. "Fine, apparently I lose by default, " I said, shooting a grin towards Umbra. "Looks like you're up to take a beating from her. I shall watch on in muted horror. You were a valued companion, and I shall deeply regret your passing." Sweetiebelle looked back and forth between me and Umbra, "I'm not...that good, I swear..." "Woe is me, for you to have such sublimal trust in me. But alas, I shall face my demise in the way of a true warrior and so the Gods are willing maybe even prove the nay-sayers wrong." Setting the pieces back into place, Umbra smiled at the Unicorn filly "Now, have at thee oh cute one." She looked like she was wrestling with her common sense against grabbing lil Sweetiebelle and snuggling her like a little stuffed animal. "Woe is me, for you to have such sublimal trust in me. But alas, I shall face my demise in the way of a true warrior and so the Gods are willing maybe even prove the neigh sayers wrong." She said, putting all of the pieces back in their beginning places, giving Sweetiebelle a brilliant, adorable smile. "Now, have at thee oh cute one." The game started out without aplomb, and not a single piece being taken as they slid their pieces around the board. Sweetiebelle had constructed a queens guard, arranging her pawns into a checkered formation on the blue squares(The pieces were Celestia and Nightmare Moon themed, as was the board. Instead of Black and White, the colors were Blue and Yellow.). Umbra had instead freed her head pieces, leaving her pawns unmoved if she could. The only head piece she left immoble was her right castle, probably so she could use it to save her king if need be. Smart. I almost never used the castles in this fashion, I liked keeping my castles mobile. Then, the shit hit the fan. Sweetiebelle moved a pawn to threaten an outstretched bishop. "Now..." she said, the first vocal dialogue between them since the start of the game, "...we begin. Have at thee, and may this be a night of thunder." Sweetiebelle said a lot of weird stuff, I had to assume she read a lot of manga or something. "Heh, now we begin!" Umbra retorted as she snagged her pawn. Pieces were moved across the board, and more than a few were taken off it quick succession. It looked like Umbra had the advantage- A chess piece was moved by a small magic cloud a squeaky voice suddenly announced "Okay, Royal Knight please." "Hä?" Umbra choked out. Sweetiebelle had gotten a pawn all the way over to her side of the board without her noticing! "Check and mate I guess." Sweetiebelle let out. "Wat?" "Yeah, you see, my Royal Knight is threatening your Princess which is blocked by your last castle and my own. No matter if you move or nor, my next turn is my win." Can't say I was all that surprised. Sweetiebelle was a beast. She stared at the chess board, then at Sweetie Belle, and opened her eyes in a dramatic fashion and threw her hands up. As blue light begann to emanate from the ground she let out a creepy wail. "Sweeeeeeeeetieee Beeeelleeeeeeeeeee~" And she was gone. Sweetiebelle continued to look in the last place she had been, straight across the chessboard. Then she turned to me with a huff. "You have some weird friends..."