Apparently it isn't a crystal mansion. Its an honest to god crystal CASTLE. When I jokingly asked if she was secretly the princess of crystal, she bashfully replied "No, Princess of Friendship." Apparently there is also a princess of a Crystal Empire. Some lady named My Love Cadence.
"My Love Cadence?"
"Well, that's the direct translation, but the official title is still My Love Cadence." Wait, she just said the same thing twice.
"So, it IS My Love Cadence?"
"No, It's My Love Cadence!" Okay, this was getting ridiculous. Purple was starting to get on my nerves.
"Twilight, you JUST said My Love Cadence."
"No I didn't, I said My Love Cadence!"
"Twilight, I SWEAR I'm not messing with you. You have only said one thing so far. My love Cadence. That's it." Maybe she was the one messing with me. I didn't really know her all that well. She might just be having a joke at my expense.
Twilight stopped at her front door, (massive thing that it was. Seriously, this world had a bad habit of having large, annoyingly opulent stuff.) and stared at me with the confused look of a cat that couldn't get to the string.
"I watch the banjo go down the stream." She said.
"I...what?" Okay, if she was just going to start saying random stuff, should I join in too?
"Did you understand what I just said?" She asked.
"Something about you watching a banjo going down a stream?" At this, her eyes narrowed and then she decided to rattle off a looooong sentence of mumbo jumbo.
"Have you seen where I left my blender? I think it ran away with my nieghbors cat. I ate some leaves and got a rash. Take the lawn, it doesn't flip on Tuesdays." She then repeated this five more times, and I was starting to get worried.
And that's when I noticed something peculiar. Her lips didn't match with what she was saying. It was like watching a ventriloquist. Her lips flapped, but the words did anything but follow their movements. "Hey...how are you doing that?" I asked.
"Doing what? Speaking foreign languages? Well it took a long time, a lot of study, I have to keep practicing it all every once in a while..."
"Wait, what? You aren't speaking anything but English. I meant what you're doing with your mouth. Are you a ventriloquist?" What was she talking about, foreign languages? If this was a prank, it was a well thought out one.
"I'm not speaking...'english'. I'm speaking Equish. Now I'm speaking French. Now I'm speaking Spanish. Now, I'm speaking a rare, almost completely dead dialect of Latin." She seemed completely sure of herself, and it wasn't just her words. She held her self with an air of confidence, relaxed yet stable. Maybe she wasn't messing with me? It all sounded the same to me.
"All of that? That was all English. Every single word. Can you do something for me? Just say, 'potato'. Just the word, if you please."
She looked a bit puzzled, but complied. "Potato."
Her lips never even attempted to make the shape required to make a 'p' sound. Her lips opened, and it looked more like she was letting out a fluttery sigh.
"oooookay... now watch my lips. Potato."
Her eyes lit up with wonder, and she moved uncomfortably close. "How are you doing that?"
"Is there an echo somewhere around here?" I mocked. She was watching my lips with great interest. Kinda freaking me out, honestly.
"So, right now you're speaking Equish?"
"No, I'm speaking English. Its the ONLY language I know."I tried learning Spanish one semester, flunked out of the class.
She drew back and got a far off look in her eyes. She started muttering to herself, then got a frenzied look of excitement in her eyes.
"Maaaaaaaagic!"
"Wut."
~----------------------------------------------------------------------~
This was incredible. The human had some sort of multilingual translation spell attached to him! She had tested his reactions, and the results were exemplary! Every word he said were immediately translated into Equish, and vice versa! She couldn't understand how it worked, but the important factor was that it DID work! She would run some tests, and see if she could unravel its secrets! Even the most advanced(the known ones, at least) translation spells only worked for the user. And at that they only let the user understand the language spoken, AFTER it was spoken! To have an instantaneous translation spell, it would make it so much easier for foreign dignitaries.
Twilight let out an audible 'squee', and practically dragged the transformed human inside. Through the halls, down the stairs, she all but strapped the human to one of her 'testing tables'.
"Uhhhh, what are we doing on the bed big brother?" He asked with a nervous smile. "pomf?"
"What? Are you making a reference to something? Because if you are I didn't get it. What I'm doing however, is getting ready to run diagnostics on the translation spell you have attached to you!" Why did he look so worried? Didn't he realize how exciting all this was? A few days of testing and they might be able to make some headway on this!
"I thought we were going to look through my stuff and see if there was a teleportation spell or something?" Oh, drat. She completely forgot about that. Drat drat drat! She wanted to work on the translation spell now, not the teleportation one! AAAARGH. Fine, she'd focus on helping the human figure out how he got here. As soon as that was finished, TRANSLATION SPELL DECRYPTION!
~--------------------------------------------------------------------------------~
Crazy mare had dragged me down to the room I had woken up in. She levitated me atop a medical gourny, and I began to get worried. I asked her what we were doing, and apparently she thought the 'mystery' of the translation thing was the bees knees. I reminded her about the whole 'figuring out how I got here' thing, and all of her excitement evaporated like vapor. Good to know she held my safety in the highest regard. At least we were in the same room as my stuff. I shimmied myself off of the table, and walked over to my bag. I reached out a hoof and stopped. The morph was fun, and I'd be able to give my sister a heart attack with this once I got back. But right now, I'd rather have fingers. I like fingers. So I started to morph back.
Once I was back to my full height, I was struck by one of the worst feelings ever. Last time I felt like this was the first, and only time I was able to run the mile in under 7 minutes back in highschool. My muscles ached, and my stomach was trying to kill itself. A deep sense of weariness permeated my being. So I did what I did back when I ran the mile all those years ago. I collapsed on the ground, and puked all over myself. My poor, poor stomach. What was so wrong with being able to hold onto my lunch? Why?
"Whats wrong?!!? Are you all right?!?"
"Gimmie back Twilight ya stupid floor," I slurred out. I wasn't exactly feeling top of my game.
"I...is that a yes?" She asked, trying to get closer to check on me without putting herself any closer to the puddle of yuck I had produced.
"I'm...not feeling too good. To be honest, I feel like shit right now." I still didn't feel up to prying myself off the floor(seriously? even without the Rainbow Dumbass around...) so I just lay there. At least the floor was clean. Twilight was freaking out, levitating several books while she -as far as I could tell- tried to figure out what was wrong with me. "Twilight, I'm fine, really." she stopped whatever the hell it was she had been doing (she had at that point been pouring a brown colored liquid into a flask with a pinkish liquid) "I'm just...tired. really really tired. Imma lay here, k?"
"Well, okay...as long as you say you're okay...Mind if I get started without you?" I really didn't feel like getting up any time soon, so whatever.
I heard her rummaging through my bag, lifting stuff out and examining it with her 'tinkly' sounding magic. And then a sound cut through my tortured rest. The sharp sound of a zipper dragging itself open. Silence reigned for a few seconds and then came a question I had been wishing would never had been asked.
"What is this?" She trotted over to where I still lay, and floated something into my line of sight.
"Thatz a prezent fer my sister. Please dont get it in the puke."
"No, seriously, what is this? Why do you have a stuffed doll of Fluttershy?"
"Flutterbat." I clarified, managing to point a finger towards the ceiling to accentuate my point.
"That's beside the point! Why do you have a doll of my friend? I can see the keychain, Rainbow Dash's ego alone could spread her merchandise across the whole of Equestria and beyond. But this..." she trailed off, and she levitated the plushy out of my sight. I think she put it on the table with my backpack.
Okay, time to go into full bullshit mode. I didn't really have a clue how to explain this, but maybe if I made up something that sounded plausible... Hey, I'd watched enough sci-fi to be able to make up something...
"I won't lie, I'm not completely sure on the details. What do you know of multiverse theory?"
She was silent for a few seconds, then replied. "That's the theory that there is an infinite number of parallel worlds sitting alongside this one, which only differ in slight variations, correct?" Okay, so maybe this wasn't going to be as hard to pull off as I thought it was.
"My world is a bleeder world. All worlds surrounding it...bleed into it. And it bleeds into them as well. Ideas, thoughts, visions and the like. Follow me so far?" How was that? I thought it sounded pretty good.
"Interesting... a world with a weaker dimensional veil would result in certain things crossing over..." ooooooookay....
"Your world, as far as I can figure, has bled through into mine as a fiction education series. One which my sister really likes. I was at a convention before I got here, which is where I bought the plushy." I badly suppressed a laugh, remembering my sisters face when I finally agreed to buy her a 'Fluttershy'. "My sister's favorite character is Fluttershy, my parents wouldn't let her go to the con with me so she asked me to get her that. The keychain was for buying over 30$ worth of stuff." I heard Twilight scrabbling on another pad. Friggin scientist.
"And thirty...dollars. Is that a lot?"
"Nine dollars an hour is minimum wage. The plushy was expensive, but its pretty well made. Worth the dosh to see my sister smile. That explain your question?"
The scrabbling stopped, and I could tell she was a bit disappointed I wasn't still in 'exposition mode'. Even if I had just pulled most of that out of my crack. "Yeah, okay. I guess that explains that. I've seen weirder things. Namely Pinkie Pie..." Crap, that actually worked. yaaaaaay no longer in trouble. I managed to push my self up, and wiped the puke off of my chin. Twilight had all my stuff strewn everywhere, and was poking at my Kindle.
"Find any...teleportation spells or whatnot?" Twilight placed my kindle down on my wrinkled shirts( you never know when it might become really really cold) and turned to address me.
"No...I haven't found anything so far. I...have to ask. And this may like a REALLY stupid question, seeing as we've gone through all this trouble already...but did you teleport directly after picking up the magic cube?"
Well don't I feel like a flipping idiot. In retrospect, it was pretty damn obvious. I picked up the Escafil Device, and suddenly I was here. How did I not pick up on this? Gah. It is as it is.
"...Yes." I managed to choke out from around the massive amounts of self loathing. "That would be correct. I picked it up, and I was here."
"And you didn't think to mention this before now?"
"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me princess, not all of us are as smart as you." I complained.
"Well fine, no need to be such a baby about it. May I see the cube?"
"Yeah sure, it's right...uh..."It was in my pocket last time I checked, I put it in my pocket right before I morphed into Twilight...Maybe it fell out? "I think I left it up...in the kitchen?" Well if it wasn't up there I could panic afterwards. no sense in wasting a perfectly good panic.
"You should keep it on you after this." she said.
Oh gee, really? I'll keep that in mind.
We went upstairs, and I found the Escafil Device laying right there on the floor. Huh. I handed it over to Twilight, and she poked and prodded at it for almost half an hour before I got fed up and snapped at her.
"Anything? Anything at all? Kinda getting fed up just sitting here, nothing happening."
"Hold your racers...uhhh...well this is embarrassing...I never even asked your name, did I?"
Holy crap, she hadn't. None of them had. Half a day goes by, you'd think something as simple as a name would be dropped...
"My name is Wade. Wade Jallecks. Yeah, I know, its a weird name."
"Not really, Rainbow Dash has a friend over in Appleloosa named Wade Through. He's a tour guide, I think."
Well. That was certainly a new response. Its a nice feeling, not having my name ridiculed.
"So as I was saying," she continued, "I haven't found anything new. This stupid thing resists me no matter what I try."
"Try what?" asked the frightening appearance of the purple dragon. Dang lizard came out of nowhere!
"Spike! Where have you been?" Oh yeah. Spike. Spike, the magic draaagon.~
"Hey, you're the one that took off with Rainbow Dash." He said defensibly. "You just left me here, so I headed over to Raritys. She didn't really have anything for me to do, though." He looked a bit disappointed, but he perked back up at Twilights next sentence.
"Good timing Spike, you just reminded me of our never fail option!" With this, she made a quill and paper appear out of nowhere. She then pushed them into Spikes...hands? Claws? Whatever.
"Take a note, Spike." Oh god no it was playing out like the end of the episodes...they were going to send a letter to...uhhh. Celise? Terra? No, that doesn't sound right.
"Dear Princess Celestia." Celestia. That was her name. "Two days ago, a curious individual arrived at my doorstep. This individual was a human, and had been grievously wounded. At least, he had been wounded, before utilizing an ability he calls 'morphing'. This ability is very similar to a changelings transformation spell. This morphing ability allows him to recover from seemingly any wound as long as he shifts from one form to another." Dang, she was a smart little cookie. "He was unconscious upon his arrival, and to my utmost shame I found my self distracted by one of his belongings. For two whole days. He woke up today, and I learned that he was transported to this world against his will, and knowledge. He arrived right beside the main barn of Sweet Apple Acres, but sadly I was unable to find any traces of active or decaying magic in the surrounding area. Or on the human in question. Oh, and his name is Wade. Forgot to mention that. Anyway, I'm afraid I've run into a dead end, and I was hoping for some assistance from either you or Princess Luna. I apologize for my failure, and hope to rectify this in the future. I eagerly await your reply. Your faithful friend, Princess Twilight Sparkle." Twilight gave a self satisfied nod, then opened her eyes waved a hoof at spike.
"Wait, wait, don't roll it up yet, add in a p.s. " She composed herself, and continued. "P.S. Wade also seems to have a very advanced translation spell attached to him, one that makes even Written Word's Greater Understanding look like something a foal thought up on their first try. It translates in real time, and substitutes the audible variances for the subjects 'birth language'. From my preliminary tests, any language spoken to Wade is understood as 'English'. I have yet to decipher the spellwork, or test its range. Will keep you informed as to my progress."
Spike finished, and rolled the paper up and tied it with...something. He then breathed fire and burned the scroll to smoke. that smoke then flew out of a window in a tight ball. Just like in the show.
"So...now we just wait?"
"I guess so. It shouldn't take her too long, she's a quick reader and writer."
True to her word, less than a minute later, another puff of smoke flew in through the window, and magically became a rolled up scroll. Twilight grabbed it with her magic, and began to read.
"Greetings, my dear friend Twilight."