//------------------------------// // 18- Dirty Doors lead to Dirty Rooms; A Boring Day // Story: Applegate // by Flutters Is Shy //------------------------------// "Come ON." "Whaaaaat." "It's simple!" "Then you do it!" "It says 'shoe'! Its easy as pie!" "That doesn't change the fact that for me, with all the instructions you've given me, that clearly spells out 'aohgfsilgbvavi'(I actually tried to vocalize it, unsuccessfully). This just isn't working Twilight, its STILL just being translated into gibberish." "GAH!" She retorted, wandering off down a crystal hallway. So in short, trying to teach me binary worked out about as well as trying to teach me Equish. Horribly. "I'm going out!" I called down the hallway she had disappeared in. "WHY?" she called back. "BORED." And with that, I tried to find the front door. Emphasis on the word 'try'. Almost a week here, and I still hadn't been able to chart a mental map. I managed to find some sort of...crystal warehouse. Just rows upon rows of stacks of crystals and gemstones of some sort. It eventually happened though, I managed to actually find the front door. And who do I find there but- "Hi!" Annoying Pink belted out, halfway in the front door. "Damnit Pinkie," I uttered, dragging her inside and closing the door, "Why don't you just let everyone in Ponyville know there's a human living at Twilights? I'm sure if you hurried up, I could get dissected by some sort of nutjob by nightfall." She looked me with a quizzical look for a couple seconds, before breaking out into a huge smile. "Oh, you're being sarcastic!" "...Yeah, I'm being sarcastic," I was going out anyway, so I might as well get a morph done as soon as possible. I started my Flutterbat morph. It was risky with Q out and about, but apparently Fluttershy had talked to him, and he had agreed to only lightly prank me when he saw me. Better than nothing, I guess. I had already found gooey substance on my hooves three times, a thick vicsious fluid that reapeared several times when I managed to clean it off. I wouldn't do Flutterbat, but Ferdinando didn't like the wondertwins hair. According to Fluttershy, anyway. I had yet to be able to understand him besides the standard charades. She had brought him back yesterday, the day after I had apparently adopted him. She ambushed me at Twilights, touting an entire basket of bat treats(apparently he would fend for himself, mostly eating mealworms) along with several help books detailing specialty care. Couldn't read them, to her dismay. She made me promise to protect him with my life, in an extremely scary fashion. All low growls and rage filled stares. "...Euuughhhhh...You couldn't have given me a warning?" Annoying Pink asked, hiding her mouth behind a hoof. Hey, if you can't stand the heat, yadda yadda yadda. "Sorry. If you're looking for Twilight shes...somewhere in there," I waved a hoof off towards the maze of hallways. "Oh, she's currently in her second secret lab, located behind the magic painting." She...second? What?... I didn't have time to ask her anything, seeing as she started bouncing off down the hallway. Soon enough the enigma was gone, so I made my own way out the door. Rarity's store was closed, a sign claiming 'Nyeagjhfo Bejoifri Bloithugoe'. At least according to what Twilight had taught me so far. I assume it said something like 'be back soon'. Great. I knew Sweetiebelle didn't live there, but it had been the only place I could reliably find her for our games. So I couldn't just hang around, that'd be creepy. And I couldn't just walk up to someone and ask 'Hey, do you know who Sweetiebelle is? I swear I'm not a creeper, but can you tell me where she lives?' I don't care how much of a positive view Ponyville apparently had of me. That would only end in tears. "Are you looking for Rarity?" came a voice off to my right. Turning to look revealed an orange tailed and haired mare with a carrot on her butt. Imma call her Carrot Top. "Flutter-...No, you're Wade right?" Yeah, I guess Flutterbat isn't close enough to Fluttershy to escape close scrutiny. Oh well, this cut down on the time clarifying who I actually was. "Yeah, thats me. And you are?" I asked. "Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Golden Harvest." Too bad Carrot Top, I'm still going to be calling you this in my head. "Hi. I think I met you at Pinkies party. To answer your question, I was actually looking for Rarity's sister, me and her have been playing each other chess for the past few days now." "You mean Sweetiebelle? You do know she doesn't live here, right?" Oh gee, I never would have guessed. "I know, but this is where we've been meeting. Would've asked some...pony," I stumbled over the colloquial term, as unused to it as I was. "Where I could find her, but I thought that would be a tad creepy." "Why?" she asked, confusion stamped on her face. Could she really be this naive? "I...sorry, cultural differences. Since apparently it isn't...weird of me to ask, would you happen to know where she lives?" "Yeah, I'm good friends with Pearl, her mother. Although she's probably not at home right now," she stated, giving a soft smile. "I...Why would you think that?" I led, prompting her to continue. "Well," she started, letting out a giggle, "It is a school day. I would have to assume that she'd be where all the other foals her age are at this time of day. The schoolhouse." Huh. Well I guess it was rather stupid of me to think that someone her age wouldn't be in school. The ponies may be a bit technologically backward, but they were by no means stupid. Now just came the concern if I could go and wait at the school. I sure as heck couldn't take Sweetiebelle away from her studies just for a silly game. Even for my own amusement. "Well," I started, parroting her previous sentence, "Do you think they'd mind a stranger coming by to wait for a student? Or at the very least, to see how they do things here in Ponyville?" Honestly, sitting still and watching someone teach is one of the most boring things I can imagine. Better than anything I could have done at Twilights, though. "Oh! I'm sure they'd love that! My niece, Fall Weather convinces me to come in for show and tell every once in a while. The schoolhouse is," she turned to the left, pointing off down the road, "about ten minutes walk from here. You'll probably have to wait for them to start a recess or lunch before being able to talk to Cheerilee, though." "Who?" I asked. First time I had heard that name. "Cheerilee is the schoolteacher. I'm sure if you asked, she'd let you tell the class about your work at the C.C.R..." Yeah. I'd get right on that. As soon as I actually knew what the heck it was I did. Besides bunk at Twilights, mooching off her hospitality and doing dick all concerning changelings or changeling relations. "Well thanks for the information, I'll just let you get back to your day..." I trailed off, unsure as to how to continue. I couldn't just tell this lady to 'go away, I'm done talking to you now'. "So... are you going to be in town... long?" she asked, metaphorically waving away my parting words. "Just until the princesses student manages to find a way to reverse my... condition." I lied, flaring Flutters wings before tucking them tightly against my sides again. "Beyond that, it is a rather nice place, I don't think I'd be that averse to sticking around awhile afterwards. But I do have a job to get back to, I can't rely on the princesses paying off my bills for the rest of my life." "Yes, I can imagine that would be something important to you... so you should still be here for the next week or so?" she ventured. "Umm...yes? I guess so?" "That's great! Because I was wondering... maybe... would you like to get something to eat, maybe lunch or dinner or something?" I stared at her for a couple seconds. Not every day I get asked out by a carrot colored pony. Not exactly unwanted attention, coming from a female, but in the end it was attention coming from a female HORSE. A bit out of my comfort range. "Well, I don't want to insult you, but you do realize I am originally a male, regardless of a majority of the forms I've taken, right?" I didn't really want to accuse her of being a lesbian to her face, but if she was that might provide me an out to this situation. "Oh, I know, I did listen to the explanation given at the party. And I don't want to insult you," She blushed, scuffing at the ground with a hoof. "I do have ulterior objectives in asking you out..." "Such as?" I prodded, seeing as she was starting to clam up. If she didn't get this out in the open now, she might try to bother me with this at a later time. "Well...I...you know Fluttershy, right?" I took a moment to slowly walk in place, making a pirouetting circle. Once I was facing her again, I gave her a 'jazz hands' with Flutters wings. "I think it would be safe to assume that yes, yes I do," I stated with a short laugh. "Oh! Yeah, of course you do, I just meant..." she stopped, trying to find the words to say, "Well, if you could just help me out with this, I think after getting comfortable with somepony that looks like her..." her voice dipped to a whisper, and I noticed she was having a hard time looking at me. "I might be able to ask her out for real." Damnit. I really didn't want to get in the middle of something like this. Bad enough that she'd just be using me for her own goals, but if I agreed I'd be obligated to sit through a meal with someone that I didn't specifically want to, pretending to enjoy myself. I'd gone out with people I had no interest in before,(more than one friend that couldn't get with a girl unless they provided someone to go out with said girl's less than amiable friend.) and to date I had yet to find someone that I had actually romantic interest in. With this sort of thing, even that would be off the table. Eschewing the fact that she was a HORSE, I would just be doing this to help her try and woo the butter shaded pegasus. On the other hand, it might mean a free meal. All my meals were technically free, seeing as Twilight basically paid for...well... everything. But to be able to get out of the castle for a night... that was pretty tempting. "One condition," I stated, her eyes suddenly glistening with excitement, "This isn't a date. For both sides. For you, it's a possibility to get over your ironic shyness with the shyest pony in town. For me, it's a free meal and a chance to get out of the friendship castle and away from Twilights endless lectures dictating how she has little to no idea about how to turn me back to normal." The last part was mostly true, but substitute 'back to normal' with 'back home'. "Add to that the benefit of getting to spend my evening with an attractive young mare," I managed to not stumble on the word 'mare', but it still felt awkward on my tongue. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to put such an imposition on you out of the blue." "And then there's the issue of the fact that the form changing isn't exactly... voluntary. Or controllable. I might have to give you a raincheck if I happen to look like somepony else. Flutterbat and what looks like a female Big Macintosh do seem to be my most frequent faces, though." "Oh! I... hadn't really... considered that..." In reality, I could just look like Flutterbat whenever I wanted, barring a lack of energy. Even that might not stop me. I hadn't really tried to morph when the watch said I was too low. "All right then... hows tomorrow night sound to you? If you get cold hooves, or if the roulette doesn't saddle me with Flutterbat, we can reschedule. That sound good to you?" She took a moment to think, then gave me a nod. I said my goodbyes, and we both set off on our separate ways. It wasn't going to be a pleasant thing, and maybe I'd just end up brushing her off repeatedly by changing into Spike, or maybe Sweetiebelle. Speaking of changing into Sweetiebelle... A smile crept it's way across my face, as I felt an idea forming in my head. ~---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------~ "Sorry I'm late!" chirped Sweetiebelle, standing in the doorway of the Ponyville schoolhouse. This in itself might not have been too odd, seeing as although her attendance record was spotless, she was notorious for being late. Her, Applebloom and Scootaloo, the bunch. Cheerilee wished they would just get up earlier, instead of rushing to school like madmares every day. Regardless, the fact that Sweetiebelle was late wasn't anything new. What was new however, was the fact that she was already sitting in her desk, looking toward the newcomer in confusion. "What are you doing here?" the Sweetiebelle at the door asked the seated one. "I thought you were going to go dragon hunting or something today..." Well this was just getting ridiculous. Cheerilee couldn't fathom what was going on, but it stank of a prank. "If you would please Sweetiebelle, you are late. It seems all the desks are taken, but I'm sure Sweetiebelle wouldn't mind if you sat next to her on the floor, would you Sweetiebelle?" There. Whoever this newcomer was, if they wanted to crash the class they could very well participate, too. "No, I don't mind," Stated the sitting Sweetiebelle. "See Sweetiebelle, Sweetiebelle doesn't mind." The Sweetiebelle standing in the doorway was visibly shaken, much to Cheerilees delight. So this one was a fake...probably Discord in disguise. Well if he wanted to play around, he could stand to learn something as well. "We were just about to go over some basic math. You can just follow along with Sweetiebelle, alright Sweetiebelle?" The supposed Discord/Sweetiebelle sat down next to the one already seated, looking slightly disappointed. The rest of the class was heavily interested in the new guest, stealing glances and whispering among themselves. There were a couple frenzied whispers shot between the two, before Cheerilee shushed the entire class. "Now, can anypony tell me what 7 times 10 is?" ~------------------------- That...didn't go how I planned at all. That being said, I didn't start off with much of a plan. I just intended to show up, make some fuss. What ended up happening is that I wussed out and just bent to a random shoolteachers whims. I will say this, she barely batted an eye when I showed up, she must have been through some shit when two of the same child showing up wasn't enough to garner a reaction. "So you see, multiplication is in simplicity, just adding the number in question to itself, however many times you are multiplying it." God damn it. I already went though all this shit in school, and something as basic as multiplication was just...boring. I couldn't even talk to anyone, the one time I tried to talk to Sweetiebelle, the dang teacher shushed me. I was simply too close to the front, if only Sweetiebelle had taken a seat back a row. As it stood, I heard more than a few whispers that apparently escaped the teachers notice. Couldn't say I heard it all, but I swear I heard someone say 'great, theres two of them now. what a freakshow'. Little brat. Eventually, some form of recess rolled around, and we were allowed to mill around outside. I was immediately mobbed by Sweetiebelle, Applebloom and who I can only assume was 'Scootaloo' based on her orange and purple color scheme. The rest of the schoolchildren hung back, playing in their little groups, but I could see every once in a while one of them shoot a glance over at us. "So who the hay is the real Sweetiebelle?" Scootaloo asked, poking her muzzle right up close to me, inspecting me to the best of her ability. "Me," Sweetiebelle stated, smiling at her friends confusion. "Her," I supplied, unwilling to play along any longer. "Why are you here, Wade? Don't think I didn't like the way Cheerilee almost freaked out, but it is kinda weird. You didn't say you were gonna come by, I don't think you ever even asked..." "This is Wade?" Scootaloo asked, leaning in closer and prodding at my cheek, apparently trying to 'rub' my 'disguise' off. "Stop that," I snapped, brushing her offending hoof away, " And yes, I'm Wade. Pleasure to meet a friend of Sweetiebelle's. We actually met before, you pointed at my butt, gasped, then buzzed off on your scooter. A little rude to be honest." "Sorry..." Scootaloo trailed off, scuffing at the ground, "I just never saw an adult without a cutie mark before...I guess it makes sense, seeing as you're..." she leaned in close, her voice dipping down to a whisper. "A humane, right?" What was with this town? I swear, if any more people knew about me, I could start walking around like normal and no one would be surprised by something new. "Seriously? What about the word 'secret' do you ponies not get?" I directed towards Sweetiebelle. "Is there anyone you haven't told yet? I mean, Applebloom already knew, but I thought you'd at least not spread it any further than that..." "Scoots our friend," Applebloom piped up, "You can trust her, she's super trustful and stuff!" "Whatever. Well, seeing as my prank fell flat, I guess I'll just head back to Twilights." "Yer not gonna stick around? I'm sure Cheerilee wouldn't mind if you stayed..." Applebloom whined. "Indeed I wouldn't, but I'm afraid I'd have to insist you come clean as to your actual identity...Discord," claimed the schoolteacher, who was apparently standing right behind me. I'd have to figure out how these ponies were so damn stealthy, even since they had huge clompy hooves. The fact that she assumed I was Discord wasn't that much of a surprise. Who else around here could mimic the form of a foal? Even a changeling had their limits. "Ummm...not Discord." I coughed, feeling the stares of everyone on the playground. "I met you a few days ago? At Pinkies Party? I will admit I looked a bit different. A bit more red, a bit older?" The gears clicked, and her demeanor changed from defensive to welcoming. "Wade? I...oh....I didn't know you could even look like...well, a foal, to be honest." "Believe me, the affliction isn't voluntary, but I got a lucky roll of the dice. Well, it would have been better if my prank wasn't immediately squashed by a certain steady headed schoolteacher." I scuffed at the dust, my irritation showing. "So are you gonna stay now? Can he stay? Pleeaaaase?" came from the troublesome trio, each hitting the teacher with their best impression of a care bear stare. "I think it might just be better if I were to go now. Maybe come back once I don't look like one of the students. It would cause a little less confusion, and I didn't exactly make an appointment. Hows tomorrow work for you...Cheers?" Crap, I already forgot her name. And Applebloom even said her name less than a minute ago...craaaaaap. "It's Cheerilee. And I don't see why not, do you want to talk to the class about the C.C.R. or your condition? I'm sure that would make an interesting free writing assignment..." she trailed off, lost in her own thoughts. "I...don't see why not...Oh! Almost forgot. Sweetiebelle. Chess later?" I asked, addressing Sweetiebelle. "Well...I kinda already promised Applebloom and Scootaloo we'd go and try to get our cutie marks in extreme quill surfing... you can join us if you like?" Extreme...quill...surfing. By god if that didn't sound like one of the most terrifying things ever. Even if I had no idea what the hell it was. It still sounded scary beyond all belief. How the hell did you even begin to do something as kooky as surfing on quills? There wasn't an ocean around for days! "I...thanks for the offer, but that sounds a bit too...extreme for my tastes. You wouldn't be unhappy if I said no, would you? "Awwwwwww, you gotta come and hang with us sometime," Scootaloo pouted, placing a hoof on my chest. "Fine. Just nothing too kiddy or boring, allright?" Or too high tensioned. Quill surfing sounded fake, but I couldn't put it past them to do something so stupid. "Natch! We'll think up something so cool, it'll knock you off your hooves!" Scootaloo claimed, getting a resounding cheer from Applebloom and Sweetiebelle. That in itself was a bit troubling. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. I guess I'll take my leave, Miss Cheerilee?" "Very well, I look forward to whatever you have planned for the foals tomorrow." I said the rest of my goodbyes, carefully ignoring two brats who had very...troubling expressions perched on their faces. I made my way back to the castle, originally having slight trouble reaching the door handle due to my diminished height. I entered the friendship castle, stopping in the entryway to demorph. "Twiliiight?!!?" I called down the hall, my voice echoing off the walls. I waited for a few seconds, and waited as they turned into a full minute. I didn't recieve a reply. Guess she was out, or somewhere deep within the catacombs of this freaky castle. Either way, there was a very low chance of finding her. Far be it for that to put me off though. I took off down a random hall, checking every door as I passed. A green polkadotted door opened to reveal endless crates filled with ping pong balls. A pink door opened onto an empty room. A currogated door showed me a small room with a stethascope lying on the floor. On and on the endless doors continued, each having continuously weirder contents. I opened a door that had a gradiated purple door, and I thought I saw Twilight inside among the rows of assorted cases and knicknacks. "Hey, Twilight?" She didn't respond, so I entered the room and approached her. Turns out, what I thought was her was just a purple statue. Inspecting it up close, it didn't really look like her at all, it was a statue of an earth pony to boot. Disappointed by my inability to tell the difference between a living being and an inanimate object, I turned to leave. Turning around, like a big clumsy bull in a china shop my elbow nicked a precarious pile standing next to me. With a sharp yelp a gigantic pile tumbled down on top of me, pinning me with hundreds of pounds of stuff. I struggled, trying to push the random shit off of me, but my efforts were for naught. I was simply not strong enough. Deciding I had no desire to simply wait around to die or get saved like a complete pansy, I started to morph. I chose Dante because he's a super ultra awesomely strong demon, if I couldn't get this junk off of me with his body then I had no chance in hell. My body didn't change all that much. A slight stretching, and my arms got noticibly thicker. What the hell, I acquired Dante's devil trigger form, so why the hell was there so little change? Was I just unable to tell due to the mountain of stuff on me? I pushed upwards, and dislodged the pile from around me easily. Pushing my way out, I found myself waist deep in assorted sundries. It was then I noticed something odd. I had hair. So I wasn't able to acquire his devil trigger mode? Bullshit! No fair! And something else was off too... My hair, it was...it was too short. It was only a couple inches, max. I reached up and plucked out a single hair, so I could look at it. Black. A thin, silky black hair. Well that made no sense, I somehow managed to get the new version of Dante by acquiring him while in his devil trigger mode? Thats total bullshit! I really needed to figure out just what made my 'magical' escafil device tick, If I got any more surprises I might end up in a bad spot... I pulled myself the rest of the way out of the pile, accidentally breaking a case that had fallen with me. Pushing aside the splintered wood, my hand brushed against a chunk of metal that shocked me with a burst of static. "The hell?" I muttered. I picked up the thing, inspecting it better. It had been inside of a glass case, so I carefully pushed the now broken shards aside. Dante's skin was probably tough enough to withstand it, but I didn't want to take any chances. It was a triangular necklace, the metal grey with read accents and a ruby set into the center of it. Coming off the top and the edged sides, were a unicorns head and two wings. It was pretty cool looking, I guess. Digging back through the remains of its case, I was able to find a title card. Maybe if I could figure out what the hell this thing was called-if it even had a name, and the card wasn't simply a reminder to dust in here- I could ask Twilight about it. It had just been sitting in a dusty room among tons of other random junk, It's not it could have been too important. Turning over the card it read...Jaofjog Dasiuhg Oh right. Couldn't have just been sent to a world where they spoke English. I tucked the card into my pocket- my waistline had apparently lost a few inches in the morph, I was going to have to be careful getting free or else my pants would be forever lost in this mountain of stuff.- and thrashed around, trying to free my legs. Popping free in a tumble of random junk, I righted myself and stood up. It was then that something weird happened. The necklace heated up, warming my hand. Looking down at the thing, it started glowing. The smart thing to do in this situation would have been to immediately throw the suddenly glowing object across the room, and hightail it out of there. Instead, I did something extremely stupid, cupping it in both hands and raising it to my face to get a better look at it. And that's when something really weird happened. It exploded into little sparklies, drifting around the room lazily. They then coellesced, wrapping around both of my arms. I flapped my limbs and squealed like a pig being led to the slaughter, but it didn't help any. The light clung to my arms like glue, slowly solidifying. When it was finally done, I was surprised by what the dinky little neclace had turned into. Wrapped tightly around my -Dantes, if you want to argue semantics- forearms were two thick, metal gauntlets that were tinged with red and grey metal. "So...Twilight keeps a necklace that turns into a pair of human gauntlets in a random room with a bunch of other junk?" I mused to myself, checking the weight of the gloves by throwing a couple punches. They honestly didn't feel heavy, I could barely feel their weight at all. That could have just been Dante's form, though. I threw a punch towards the wall, getting into the spirit of things. I pulled the punch, not actually touching the wall. I wasn't stupid, Dante's body was obviously more powerful than mine. If I punched the wall in this form, it might crack. Despite my caution, I still managed to screw up. I threw another punch towards the wall, imagining myself punching through it with a kung fu yell. To my surprise, the gauntlet made a loud click and parts of it slid forward at the end of the punch. With an echoing 'WUMPH' it discharged a mighty blast of air that completely demolished the wall, sending chunks of cystal scattering into the hallway. "No. No no no. Oh my god, no! Twilight is gonna kill me!" I yelled, frantically trying to pry the gloves off before I destroyed anything else. They were resolute against my efforst, I could see no clasps or buckles. They stayed tight around my forearms, refusing to budge. "Come on you stupid things, get off! Whats the release word? Gloves off? End! Return to a necklace pretty pretty please?" Nothing happened of my efforts. Instead they seemed to do something akin to meteforically spitting in my face. The turned back into sparkles, and...entered me. I don't really know how to describe it. The just sorta flew into my back and eyes. Before I knew it, the gauntlets were gone. I was left standing next to the destroyed wall, wondering what the hell I was gonna tell Twilight. "Tell me what?" the particular stealthy little purple librarian asked, somehow appearing without making a sound from behind me. Apparently I had said that last part out loud. "Tell you..." I hung my head in shame. I didn't get any downtime to try and fix this before getting punished? No freaking fair at all. "That I found your necklace thing that turns into a pair of gauntlets that can destroy walls?" I looked back from the shattered wall to Twilight, her currious eyes scanning back and forth among the rubble. "Necklace? Gauntlets? There was nothing like that in that room. Are you sure that's the story you want to go with?" she asked, levitating the scattered chunks of crystal wall into an organized pile. "I'm not lying, it was in a small wooden and glass case, the necklace had a pegacorn rising out of the top of it, look!" I exclaimed, pulling out the title card from my pocket. "This was in the case with it, it's an item identifier, right? A display title?" She plucked the slip of laminated paper out of my grasp, hovering it in front of her face. A look of shock flitted across her features, and she took a wild look from me, to the room, and back to me once more. "The alicorn amulet?!!? But it wasn't supposed to be in this room, this is just a junk room!" she hurriedly rushed around the room, levitating things left and right, searching, "Where is it? The necklace! It has to be here, what happened to it?" "It turned into a pair of gauntlets," I stated dryly. "I...what?" "And then after that they turned into sparkles and flew into my eye." "...What." Twilight lit up her horn, dropping everything and turning her full attention on me. She dragged her horn light over me, creating a tingling sensation in my skin. "Nyeagh! Agh, no! God Twilight, that tickles, stop!" "I don't detect any of the amulets magic in you...But this wall didn't destroy itself..." Twilight continued to mutter to herself, delving back into the rooms mess, before finally giving up. "We...we can just look into that at a later point in time. I've been looking for you, dinners ready." Dinner? It was barely noon when I got back! "What? Twilight, it can't be dinner already, I got back around noon, and I've been exploring at most for a couple hours..." "It's half past six, you've obviously been at this a bit longer than you suspected. Come on, I got a surprise for you. I got something special for dinner tonight to cellebrate your arrival here in Equestria." I stared at blankly, "Please tell me you haven't set me up for another Pinkie Pie party. I'm telling you now, it's too damned soon for another one. I don't care if it hurts her feelings, I'm not going." Twilight laughed at me, a short guffaw that echoed throughout the halls. "Don't worry, it's nothing like that. I noticed how much you were were 'enjoying' yourself, so I decided I'd put together something much less...energetic. Come on, if you want to see it you'll have to just trust me." I pondered her words, and finally succumbed to my curriosity. "Fine. I'll bite." "Indeed you will," Twilight remarked, starting off down the hall. "Wait what? What did you mean? Twilight! Damnit Twilight stop laughing!" We made our way through the labyrinth, and what took me apparently over five hours of wandering was undone in under five minutes. I really had to ask Twilight for a map. As I walked into the dining area, I was hit by a familiar scent, one I had been yearning for since I had arrived yet been unable to slake. It was the juicy, savory flavor of meat that hung in the air. "Is that...?" "Meat? Yes. After bringing my concerns about your hay reaction to Fluttershy, she informed me that based off of you teeth," I unconsiously drew a hand up to my mouth, wondering when in sam hill the pink and yellow pegasus had been close enough to inspect my teeth, especially without me noticing, "you were an omnivore, like us. With slightly different nutrients that were capable to be absorbed. My own scans confirmed this. You should still be able to eat the synthesized meat, and even the flowers we all partake of," She waved me to take a seat at the table. "This however, is real meat, imported from the minotaur provinces. Theres less sapient wildlife there, and the minotaurs don't eat meat anyway so it's a profitable trade option for them." "But you're ponies, you're herbivores!" “The pony diet is mostly vegetarian, yes.” Twilight stated in a dry tone, titlting her head and reciting, “But that's mostly because there's not enough animal life to support everypony. Physically, we're omnivores, but since meat, other than fish, is hard to get, we've magically altered flowers to contain the same nutrients found in meat needed for higher brain functions. Meat is a very rare commodity that's reserved for special occasions. Even princess Celestia only has meat about four or five meals a year. Most ponies only ever get any on Hearths Warming Day.” Well if that didn't sound like something she practiced daily, I don't know what did. "Okay, I guess that makes sense. And hell if I'm going to be stupid enough to say no to a plate of meat." I guess it's true what they say. If it's a meat you don't know... Tastes just like chicken.