• Member Since 25th May, 2016
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"Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing." - Georges Danton


Equestria has thrived for millennia, led dutifully by its diarchy. Only the most capable and qualified of ponies can be responsible for such a bountiful legacy.



Cover Art by Jbond92

Proofread by my fantastic friends Rose Quill, Nova Quill, Heartshine Quill, RoMS Quill, Undome Quill, Regi Quill, and Wishcometrue (sadly she lacks a quill)

If you enjoyed this fic and are a fan of Fallout Equestria why not check out it's spiritual sequel, Fallout Equestria is a Very Serious AU. Also check out The Enchanted Library: The Secret Chapters and The Clocktower, three other spin-offs of a similiar vein.

"What the fuck did I just read? And why am I smiling?" - Corejo

"In any case, stories with the diarchs being generally horrible people are a hard sell for me, but this does such a brilliant job of crossing the line twice (or some much, much greater even number of times) that I'm eagerly looking forward to more." - FanOfMostEverything

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 266 )

The Fart Is covering The ball of light.

oh god i love stories where celestia and luna are loons

to be fair, Luna did retaliate by declaring the sun 'The Big Fiery Ball of Death!' which you know, sounds fine but being forced to use The Big Fiery Ball of Death in every sentence when referring to it is pretty time consuming.

Yes. I'd like some more of this. It's different enough to be addicting.

What the fuck did I just read? And why am I smiling?

Well this was utterly stupid in the best way possible. Thank you for sharing this strange adventure and the few giggles you got out of me.

I’m shocked she remembered Sunset in such a timely manner.

Good Lord. ...Okay, I'm intimidated and scared by your version of Tia now.

that....is a scary image; bow for Luna’s!

Well, this wasn't purposely sexualized in any way, shape, or form, and very accurately convays the amount of mature the activities Luna partakes in are.

I'll probably come out with a chapter somewhere down the road that's like... Princess Cadance is a well adjust adult who...exists.

You and I both know Cadance in your universe is either going to be the only sane being in existence, or is going to out thot them all and love every second of it.

*starts reading this chapter, stops, checks the rating of the fic, then keeps going* Ohhhhhh, okay.


"Princess Cadence Actually is a Well-Adjusted Adult. Flurry Heart is a Goggle-Eyed WMD."

Has a nice ring to it.

In any case, stories with the diarchs being generally horrible people are a hard sell for me, but this does such a brilliant job of crossing the line twice (or some much, much greater even number of times) that I'm eagerly looking forward to more.

“Wake up babe, it’s time for our walk of shame.”

Don't forget your necklace on the way out:trollestia:

Also, they gooshed the Princess. Or is that a punishment in their Diarchy?

Obviously, Cadance gets all the stallions and mares.

Celestia’s eyes shot open.

Oh fuck, I left her on the moon!

Liked, faved, eagerly reading more. Right from the first lines. Good job.

You don’t need to know why, but this chapter, while funny, is also a much-needed salve for something else I have going on right now. It’s nice to see a competent Cadance. And of course I have a soft spot for a reformed Chrysalis.

don't forget the nymphs and drones, sprites and spriggans, tiercels and falcons, drakes and dragonesses, draconequi and... there's just the one of those, Smoozes and Smeezes, toms and queens, bastards and bitches, sapient fractal-beings hailing from the nth spacial dimension...

I challenge Luna. To a best of three game series. Maybe I'll find someone worth playing.

Celestia probably has either a lot of mental back and forth with herself over Cadance being as well adjusted as she is, or she has a date bookmarked when she will celebrate her becoming insanely jaded as result of grappling with the ennui of eternity.

My rash isn't as bad as yours, to extend the metaphor to an unfortunate degree, but I agree on the welcome salve.

This is giving me a lot of Rick & Morty vibes. This isn’t bad, though, I like that show, but reading Celestia’s lines with Rick’s voice is hilarious.

I’d have gone with “burn” over “rash”.

But yeah.


reformed Chrysalis.

Drone:"My queen, weren't you supposed to conquer..."


Drone:"Uh.... what? How?"

"Mate, we're dealing with the princess of Love! She could make a Rabbi eat a boar tail end first."

"A what?"

"A sage of a human religious sect."

"A what?!"

"A nice enough species so long as you don't try to take their food. Or ridicule their religion. Or discuss politics."

“Yes, exactly. Like there’s one universe where I’m a trophy in an Orcish Lord’s Satanic throne room.” Celestia sipped her ‘tea.’ “I don’t think that’s an especially positive timeline.” She shuddered. “You mortals get turned into batteries, it’s pretty rough.”

This sounds like ShortSkirtsAndExplosions' The Last Tears in Tartarus

I love how you inserted both Heartshine and her fic here. The critic of original FOE is a beauty in itself as well.

Its pretty much certain that Cadance will go nuts, its a when not an if, and Luna and Celly will be there with cold brews and lawnchairs when it happens

Curious as to the story about time travel. I want to read it now.

I never said she wouldn’t, I merely questioned if Celestia was sure enough of it to be expecting it.

Uh it was a ham fisted reference to Hard Reset and its trilogy.

Wait, I've never read much of the main Clocktower story so I'm a bit confused, is that bit with the flame an actual thing? Cause it seems... different enough to be an actual thing

Alicorns are Well-Adjusted Adults With a Healthy Sex Drive

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