Celestia and Luna are Well-Adjusted Adults

by garatheauthor


Luna and Cadance are well adjusted adults with a slight generational divide

Princess Cadance stepped to the side, making room for Princess Luna to step past her and into the main atrium of the Crystal Palace.

“Auntie, I’m so glad you could make it,” Cadance beamed.

Luna smiled and dipped her head. “I thought it was about time that I paid you and your ponies a visit. Especially when I could justify doing so on happier terms.” She glanced at her niece. “Speaking of which, how is the Crystal Heart?”

“As strong and vibrant as ever.”

“That is good to hear. Did you figure out a way to keep it charged and in good health?”

Cadance nodded, gesturing for Luna to follow.

“Yes, I discovered that love magic was the key to keeping it going,” she said, leading them through the various opulent passages. “Who could’ve guessed that, right?”

“Ah.” Luna chuckled. “And how does one quantify love magic?”

“Oh, it’s just…”

“The strength of a bond between two or more ponies?”

“Nope! It’s literally powered by how many ponies are fucking in close proximity to it.”

Luna deadpanned. “Pardon?”

“Yeah! Just throw like one hell of a banging orgy every couple of months and that bad boy’s love tanks get topped right off.”

“I… see…”

“I am actually kind of glad you mentioned it though.” Cadance shook her head. “Since I made that little discovery, and implemented the appropriate changes, we’ve gone through a tiny bit of a public health crisis.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “You don’t say.”

“Chlamydia is up 80% across the capital, HPV rates have doubled in recent months, and apparently we’re experiencing a little flare-up of uh… herpes. I was wondering if you could possibly offer some advice on how to handle this?”

“Whoever could’ve seen this coming,” Luna muttered under her breath before looking at Cadance. “Yes, we can discuss it later. I have… a vast wealth of experience in dealing with viral flare-ups.”

The two of them continued forward, making their way deeper into the Crystal Palace. As they passed Cadance’s staff, Luna was puzzled, noticing that they simply waved and greeted their princesses, with none bowing to their grandeur.

Disrespectful, but it made sense when the empire had been ruled by a tyrant for so long. Plus, it seemed that Cadance had a more modernist sense of governance than either of her aunties. 

A princess of the common pony, so to speak.

As they progressed, one of Cadance’s guards stopped them.

“That was a great party you threw last night,” he said. 

He bore the dopey grin of a stallion who’d done more than just drink last night.

Cadance giggled. Her amused laughter was this soft tinkling sound, like a dozen little bells all chiming at once.

“I know what my guards like,” she commented, with enough flirtation in her voice to make the guard’s cheeks warm.

Plus, Luna figured that it was pretty easy to be loved by the common ponies when most of the staff had probably stuck their dick in Cadance at some point.

The three exchanged a few final pleasantries before the princesses slipped away and continued deeper into the palace. They had made it maybe a dozen metres before Cadance stopped, yet again, and waved her hoof frantically.

“Sapphire!” Cadance called.

A crystal pony’s ears perked up.

“Oh, Princess Cadance,” she beamed, waving her hoof in return.

The princess trotted over and Luna followed behind at a leisurely pace.

“Luna,” Cadance said, gesturing from her aunt to the blue and incredibly gorgeous crystal pony. “This is Sapphire. Sapphire, this is my Aunt, Luna.”

Sapphire dipped her head. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Luna said.

“Sapphire is one of my main confidants,” Cadance explained. “She was a holdover from the old crystal harem.”

“I’ll admit.” Sapphire laughed. “I am far fonder of our new management.”

Cadance leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Glad you think so.”

“You have… a harem?” Luna asked.

“Of course,” Cadance said, cocking a brow. “You don’t?”

“Well I mean duh but like… I just thought that what you had going on with Shining, Sunburst, and Chrysalis was…”

Cadance cocked a brow. “My marriages?”

When Luna didn’t respond, Cadance looked back to Sapphire. “So, did you hear the rumours about Lord Golden Oats?”

Sapphire grinned nice and wide. 

This was a mare ready to gossip.

“What happened?” Sapphire asked.

“Turns out that the newspapers caught him ragging on the head of the Crystal Miners Union,” Cadance said.

“Didn’t he just get leadership of the Social Democrats?”

“Right?!”

“Holy shit, that’s a bruh moment.”

“No kidding, like what the fuck was he thinking?”

“Think he’s going to get cancelled?”

“I wouldn’t doubt it. What he did was the opposite of cash money.”

Sapphire giggled. “Ok, but did you hear about Lady Grey?”

“No, what’s the tea?”

“Apparently she thought it’d be gucci to give a stallion half her age some oral.”

“No fucking way.” Cadance threw back her head and laughed. “I’ve never met a mare that thirsty before. She’s such a fucking thot.”

“Well you know, if she breathes…”

“Gods,” Cadance sighed. “Is there anyone left in my empire who’s still woke?”

“You?”

Cadance chuckled. “Well you know, you either die a hero or live long enough to get cancelled. And well… I’m going to be living for a hell of a long time.”

“I mean this kingdom is full of ponies who are living way too long,” Sapphire grumbled.

Cadance snorted and shook her head. “Savage.”

“Ok, but real talk.” Sapphire sighed. “You have this cohort of bougie ass ponies who need to get the hell out of the way and make room for-”

“I can’t force ponies into retirement,” Cadance said, shaking her head sadly. “And I don’t need you throwing shade at the aristocracy. It isn’t going to change shit and I sure as hell ain’t guillotining anypony.”

Sapphire bowed her head. “My apologies, Cadance. I’m just a little salty about things…”

“I understand.” Cadance cupped Sapphire’s chin and kissed her on the cheek. “And… you know I’m doing my best, right?” 

“I… I do.”

Cadance smiled and kissed her again, this time on the lips. “Are you coming to Shining’s birthday next week?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Sapphire grinned. “Is it going to be lit?”

Cadance chuckled. “Do you think I’d ever throw some basic-bitch shit?”

“I mean… I’ve been to your galas.”

“Ouch…” Cadance faked being hurt, “I’m shook.” She then smiled softly. “But for real, it’s going to be a blast.”

“Then I’ll be there for sure.”

Luna loudly cleared her throat and the two ponies paused, looked at each other in utter horror, and turned their attention to the Princess of the Night.

“I’m so sorry Auntie, I was just catching up with Sapphire,” Cadance admitted. “I didn’t mean to leave you unattended.”

Sapphire grinned nervously. “And our choice of language was probably a little jarring, wasn’t it?”

Luna studied them for a second before she burst out laughing. “Oh, I wouldn’t know about that.” She patted Cadance on the back. “Do try and remember that I have thousands of years of experience with being the younger sister.”

“Huh?” Cadance asked, blinking.

“It means that I’m well versed in being a rebellious little bint and talking like one,” Luna explained. “In other words, we’re gucci, bae.”