Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

Kris Overstreet's Sic Semper Heroibus (PresentPerfect's "Scopaesthesia")

Author's Note:

[Suspense][Comedy]

This is a continuation of PresentPerfect's Scopaesthesia (1,872 words, [Horror])

SPOILAESTHESIA: Twilight's complaints about the "feeling eyes on me" trope in a Daring Do novel lead to a lesson that her experiences—and lack thereof—aren't universal. Which is all well and good, but there actually is something else in the room watching her.

Twilight Sparkle continued cheerfully making her checklist. Checklists calmed her. They allowed her to impose order on a hopelessly chaotic world. For every time she had won a great victory over the likes of Discord or Tirek, she had won a thousand little victories in the form of a check mark on a piece of parchment.

But such victories would not help her now. Already doom crept up upon her on silent webbed feet, and no number of carefully planned methodical steps could save her from it.

Only the three of us remained: the princess, myself, and my knife, which I held at the ready. I approached from the rear, where her front-facing eyes could not spot me, yet where her hind legs waited to unleash tremendous pain at the least indication of any threat. It was both the safest and most dangerous path to what I sought; specifically the gap between the fourth and fifth ribs.

And yet the danger no longer deterred me, for now I knew Twilight Sparkle's mental blinkers kept me safe. All I needed was stealth, and in this the scratching of pen, the rustle of parchment, and the turning gears of a genius's brain were my allies. They kept her oblivious to me; ironic, as I would shortly make that oblivion permanent and total.

I gave a moment's thought to slashing her tendons, then decided against it. I had but one true target, and striking anywhere else would cost me the one guaranteed strike. And now I stood, close enough that a single determined rush and swing of my neck would—

"There you are, you naughty thing!"

What? No! Release me, you interfering harridan!

Twilight Sparkle startled at the sudden sound, turning to face the intruders. "Fluttershy? What are you doing here?"

"I'm just retrieving Billingsgate here," Fluttershy said, holding a thrashing duck in her forelimbs. The knife gripped in the duck's bill swished back and forth wildly but harmlessly, unable to reach anything at its angle. "He got into a batch of toxic berries. I need to get him back to the sanctuary before somepony gets hurt."

"Oh. You know, I never heard him come in?" Twilight asked. "Or you, come to mention it."

"That's all right," Fluttershy said. "I saw you were working on a checklist. You tend to... um... 'zone out'... when you do that."

Curse you for stealing my golden opportunity, Fluttershy! After I have done away with this pathetic pretender to immortality, you shall be next! I shall strike when you least expect it! Let me go so I may bring you your doom!

"Um, Billingsgate sure does quack a lot," Twilight said. "What's he saying?"

"You really don't want to know," Fluttershy said. "Anyway, he doesn't really mean it. And once he's had his medicine, he'll be dreadfully sorry about the whole thing. Anyway, um, if you'll excuse me..." With a little smile she flapped her wings, raising the three of us, her, myself and the knife, into the air, preparing to depart.

But as I am dragged away to endure imprisonment and ipecac, I tell you this, Twilight Sparkle: you shall never again be free from observation! My eyes shall always be upon you! Never again shall you know a moment's privacy, not a minute's piece of mind! No matter where you go, what you do, I, Billingsgate, shall see it! I see ALL!

Anatidaephobia: The fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Comments

[GreyNoise]

Peace was never an option.

[Darkstarling]

I knew it was a Far Side reference right away. I know it, and it was hilarious anyway.

“So, Professor Twilight, my old nemesis, we meet again. But this time the advantage is mine!”

“Ah yes, Professor Twilight, I thought you’d come. But which of us is the REAL duck Professor Twilight, and which is just the illusion?”

Epic.

Of course, at the end there, I also wound up thinking of something else.

[Misplaced Mage]

Billingsgate in costume!
i.ytimg.com/vi/wUVcd8pIA4A/maxresdefault.jpg

[Georg]

Watching, always watching....

[Kris Overstreet]

10465633 ... yeah... in his MIND...

[penguincascadia]

10465697

10465970

Oddly enough, there is a story about Billingsdate and a duck:

https://muse.jhu.edu/article/247480

[WanderingPony]

Fortuntately, even a quack assassin isn't good enough to take down Twilight Sparkle.

Or more appropriately, her friends.

[CrystalWaters]

I appreciate the Goose, but I'm glad to see it was just an irregular duck.

[King of Kings]

Fear of a duck watching you? There's a song about that!