Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

horizon's Real-Time Sympathy (GaPJaxie's "Tempest Shadow is the New Starlight Glimmer")

Author's Note:

[Random][Comedy][Offscreen Horror]

This is a continuation of GaPJaxie's blog "Tempest Shadow is the New Starlight Glimmer" (872 words, no tags)

SPOILERS ARE THE NEW SUMMARIES: Tempest visits the School of Friendship, leading to Silverstream understandably panicking at the sight of the Butcher of Mount Aris. Tempest's apology lists off ever-increasing atrocities she performed against the hippogriffs, up to and including not knowing which of the hens she slaughtered horribly was Silverstream's mother.

Yes, Ocean Flow is alive in canon. My personal theory is that Tempest killed her corpse back to life.

"On the bright side," Twilight said during the later Friendship Conference — with a Very Pointed Stare in Tempest's direction — "I can assure you all that she will bring that very same sense of thoroughness and efficiency to her friendship studies."

"Indeed," Tempest said, seeming to not even notice the glare. "For example, just last night, I delegated eighty-six squadrons of Friendship Troopers to go door-to-door to every single resident of Mount Aris."

Twilight blinked. The room went dead silent.

"Wait," she managed. "What? Why?"

Tempest shrugged. "To say sorry to the hippogryphs for my actions leading a hostile invasion force, of course. It was an optimal balance between efficiency, and providing a personal touch to my apology."

"That … but …" Twilight said, then did the little hoof-chest-breathy thing and gave Tempest a rigid smile. "Okay, let's have a talk about efficiency later, but for right now, I don't suppose you could call them back?"

Tempest shuffled her hooves, looking for the first time slightly uncomfortable. "I … don't know if that would be a good idea right now."

"It's okay," Twilight said soothingly. "We can handle the apologies later. Together."

"That's not the issue," Tempest said. "The apology phase is already complete. You see, I didn't want to risk missing any residents after they left for work or school, so I told the troopers to visit at 5 a.m."

Twilight stared helplessly, groping for words.

"Tempest," she finally said, "that wakes ponies up."

"That was the point, yes. Remember when you told me that Applejack would appreciate breakfast in bed for her birthday? An apology in bed seems like an even better way to start the day."

The rest of the room stared in horror at Twilight. Twilight doubled down on the rigid smile.

"Just to be clear," she said, "you had 'Friendship Troopers' storm into ponies' bedrooms at 5 a.m.?"

"With apologies."

"Across the entire city at once."

"Of course." Tempest raised one eyebrow. "… And?"

"…and. And." Twilight fluffed her wings, and said delicately: "You didn't see any problems with a tactical pre-dawn citywide, quote, 'friendship visit'?"

"Oh, of course," Tempest said, a trace of smugness creeping in. "But I accounted for them."

Twilight tried not to notice the way the rest of the room was quietly shuffling toward the exits.

"How so?"

"Well," Tempest said as if explaining to a foal, "if the city guards had noticed, it would have spoiled the surprise. And if the palace guards had noticed, we would never have been able to personally deliver an apology to the Queen. So while Squadrons 1 through 12 secured the front gate and Squadrons 13 through 67 climbed over the city walls, Squadrons 69 through 86 parachuted into the palace courtyard —"

"— of course, there was no way to get Friendship Troopers into the barracks with traditional tactics, short of a costly frontal assault. Which is why I made an agreement with Chrysalis, so I could deploy changeling infiltrators as Squadron 68 —"

"— but once the city was under control, it was a given that Chrysalis would betray me, which is why I also deployed the dragon I subdued last week as a reserve force —"

A throat loudly cleared from the front door. Twilight glanced over.

"My sister," a sleepless Luna said in a voice edging on Royal Canterlot volume, "would like to know why we are receiving reports from the Crystal Empire that they can see smoke rising from Mount Aris, and reports from the Zebran capital that there are refugees begging for aid on their shores."

"It's under control," Twilight and Tempest chorused.

They glanced at each other. Twilight let out a long sigh and facehoofed.

Tempest winced.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Does this mean I need to prepare another apology?"

Comments

[Darkstarling]

Well, if Equestria needs a Princess of War (other than Rarity) I suppose they know where to look...

Planning for Chrissi’s sudden but inevitable betrayal was far more amusing than it should have been.

[horizon]

I probably should have mentioned that I did some ninja edits on the original comment after posting!

Still, I think I did pretty well with this one.

[horizon]

9413495

(other than Rarity)

💯

[FanOfMostEverything]

9413653
Thanks for pointing it out! I usually put the originating fic in a shelf until each batch goes up, but with blog comments, I just keep the tab open until Sunday. Ninja edits have been quietly ushered into place.

Er, they would've been if I hadn't just mentioned them.

[Cerulean Blue]

An apology delivered by Force. You *will* like the apology, and we will definitely get around to delivering to each and everypony of you.