Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

horizon's Flurry Presentation (Skywriter's "It is always hard to post something on Candybutt Day...")

Author's Note:

[Adventure][Script Format]

This is the eventual product of Skywriter's blog "It is always hard to post something on Candybutt Day..." (62 words, no tags)

HOW WE GOT HERE: Skywriter just wished us all a happy Valentine's Day... and dropped a mention of Cadence's true holy day, a pegasine version of the Veneralia. I brought up the question of Twilight's sacred day. iisaw assigned her the autumnal equinox, with Cadence getting the vernal and the solstices going to the appropriate sister. zimmerwald1915 then wondered what that left Flurry Heart. horizon's answer? Vengeance.

Skywriter

In a world ... where Friendship is Magic ...

EXT. EQUESTRIA

[Camera pans over the peaceful land of Equestria, with ponies laughing and playing.]

EXT. CANTERLOT BALCONY, SUNSET

... and Cutie Marks are destiny.

[PRINCESSES CELESTIA AND LUNA stare at the horizon. CELESTIA'S Mark glows as she lowers the sun. LUNA'S Mark glows as she raises the moon. MRS. COZY, tea Mark on her flank, comes in from the foreground to push a teacart to the laughing Princesses, past a GUARD with a spear and shield Mark.]

SPLIT SCREEN

There is a princess for every season ...

[Cut to a four-way split, with CELESTIA at the Summer Sun, PRINCESS TWILIGHT at a harvest festival, PRINCESS CADANCE at a spring fair, and LUNA on the snowy night of Winter Moon. Each camera zooms in to a close-up of their faces framed by their seasonal colors. The faces freeze into a portrait quadriptych.]

INT. CANTERLOT CASTLE THRONE ROOM

... And every pony has a role.

[The camera zooms back from the quadripytch, which is a portrait set hanging over CANTERLOT CASTLE'S twin thrones. On the royal dais, the FOUR PRINCESSES are hosting a ceremony with LLAMURABI, THE KING OF EVEN-TOED UNGULATES.

The camera pulls back further, and faster, over the heads of an ENORMOUS PONY CROWD, until it backs through a small window at the back of the hall, into a DARK PALACE HALLWAY, where BLANK-FLANKED TEENAGED PRINCESS FLURRY HEART — in royal regalia — stares at the ceremony.

A single tear rolls down her cheek as she turns to leave.

The camera backs away to lead Flurry as she stalks down the hall, keeping her squarely in frame with the window behind. More tears spill down her cheeks. Her jaw begins to quiver. Ominous music builds.

Then her eyes widen as CROWD SHRIEKS begin offscreen.]

CADANCE (OS): (Screams)

[FLURRY HEART whirls around and bolts back for the window — just as a LARGE EXPLOSION blasts the hall apart and rockets her into the camera.]

EXT. DESTROYED CANTERLOT

[Light gradually pierces the darkness as rubble shifts. A large chunk of wall slides away, revealing a scene of utter devastation. A pink-white hoof bursts through the rubble, followed by a bruised FLURRY HEART. The camera pulls up as she screams — revealing that the flattened castle is entirely motionless and silent.]

FLURRY: Noooooooooooooooooo!

INT. YAKYAKISTAN CABIN

For Princess Flurry Heart ...

[Flurry poses in a martial arts stance, legs trembling, body covered in bloody bandages, as the DALAI LLAMA circles her form and adjusts one of her outstretched hooves. A new Cutie Mark of a double-edged sword is prominently emblazoned on her flank.]

EXT. ABYSSINIAN ALLEYWAY

... And some unlikely friends ...

[GABBY is walking down the alleyway when a MINOTAUR grabs her by the shoulder and whirls her around, a blade to her throat.]

MINOTAUR: Gabby! You are DEAD!

[GABBY grins, and green fire dances around her form, leaving behind a smirking PHARYNX.]

SFX: WHAM!

[The MINOTAUR crumples to the ground as THE REAL GABBY walks into frame, claws clutching a now-broken chair.]

GABBY: Nice try! But wrong on both counts.

MONTAGE SCENE

[Various preparations, as FLURRY, GABBY and PHARYNX equip a succession of weapons. FLURRY puts a stripe of face paint under her eyes. This is interspersed with teaser flashes of pitched battle scenes against ALPACASSASSINS and REINDEER SLAY TEAMS.]

... that role is vengeance.

INT. KIRIN FIRE ARENA

[A crowd of ROWDY TOUGHS is cheering and betting on a pit fight between two flaming kirin. Money is being exchanged and salt is being openly licked. Suddenly, FLURRY HEART bucks the front door open, GABBY and PHARYNX at her shoulders. The crowd goes silent as they turn to her.]

FLURRY: I'm either here to kick butt or chew bubblegum!

[FLURRY'S horn lights red, and a glowing blood-red aura unsheathes four different swords.]

FLURRY: And I don't like bubblegum.

TITLE CARD

FLURRY HEART 2: FLURRY HARDER

INT. TARTARUS

[Glowing red eyes open up in the darkness. An ominous silhouette shifts and advances.]

???: Mmmmhahaha. I knew the Last Princess would be back. So. Are you ready to accept my help?

[FLURRY HEART steps forward, bleeding and alone, hornglow weak, a grim expression on her muzzle.]

FLURRY: I think you know the answer to that.

[MUSICAL STING, out]

Comments

[Lurks-no-More]

This is awesome, and I would totally watch this movie. Also, I love the ungulate puns here; I'm genuinely struggling between deciding which one is better, "alpacassins" or "reindeer slay teams".

[garfan]

9475110

That would actually work really well though. Soothing dreams is something Luna is good at

[Darkstarling]

9475140
...
okay, so Luna has not just been plunged into a harem comedy. It's a trope inverted harem comedy where the protagonist has pledged herself to the ones pursuing her, and they all keep trying to help each other get with Luna even though they also want to be with her themselves, and it makes it SO much more awkward. Really, there's so much more comedy potential in well meaning disaster than the usual sitcom strife.

[horizon]

9475270
To be fair, "Dalai Llama" was kind of cheating — unless you can envision the head of a religion of peace as a badass warrior-monk.

I'm a little too proud of Llamurabi, though. And bonus points to FOME, who noted back in the source thread that Llamurabi "famously declared 'spit in an eye for spit in an eye.'"

[Skywriter]

I'm glad to see this not languishing on my blog.

[CoffeeMinion]

9475739
Absolutely hilarious. My only thought here is that “Dallai” instead of “Dalai” would hammer the pun home a little better. But this is great.