Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

FoME's Better Part of Valor (brokenimage321's "Brainstorming A New Next-Gen AU: All The Crackships")

Author's Note:

[Comedy][Random][Alternate Universe]

This is a fic response to brokenimage321's blog "Brainstorming A New Next-Gen AU: All The Crackships" (383 words, no tags)

BLOG SUMMARY: A proposal for an alternate universe containing a set of five crackships, three of which involve Shining Armor.

Luna probed the phenomenon with her magic. "Hmm. Fascinating."

"I know. Never thought my BBBFF had it in him."

"Judging by his paramours, he has much in—"

Twilight held up a hoof, going pale as she said, "Please don't finish that sentence, Your Highness. This is my brother we're talking about."

Celestia cleared her throat. In her best "chiding teacher" voice, she said, "I don't suppose the two of you would care to share your findings with the rest of us?"

"Indeed," said Rarity. "We trust you can at least explain what happened to Shining Armor?"

"Where he went?" added Cadence.

"An' why he did right after ya cast that paternity spell?" Applejack adjusted her hat like a general's helm.

"Well, the adrenaline in his system managed to sync his fight-or-flight reflexes and cornic lobe in such a way that he managed to reach safety without actually harming any of the mates who were threatening him." Twilight's lecturing smile gave way to another round of repressed retching as her brother and reproduction entered her mind at the same time.

"An' that means?"

"Put simply, fair Applejack, thy addition to his accidental herd was enough to send the young captain fleeing for another universe." Luna nodded at the ripple in spacetime. "A well-executed shift. We may need to partake of him Ourself upon his retrieval."

Comments

[Georg]

Poor Shiny. All the mares. *All* of the mares.

[FanOfMostEverything]

9161349
Swag powerful enough to ensnare the Princess of Love is as much a curse as a blessing.

[Georg]

9161383 Then the assassination attempts start...

"She's not good enough for you!" sobbed the distraught mare who had just been caught with a loaded blueberry pie outside of the concert. "I'll be out soon, darling! Wait for me! Our love cannot be blocked by mere iron bars or stone--"

The slamming of the police cart's gate cut off her tear-filled rants, allowing Cadence to turn to her husband and say in hushed tones, "They're getting closer. That's the third one this week."

"Are you counting the one with the baking soda and bittersweet cola cake who was screaming, 'If I can't have you, nopony can!' at the dance?" asked Shining Armor.

[FredMSloniker]

9161401
I nominate this for the collection.

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

9169097

... It's supposed to be Sunset? I thought it was Fluttershy this whole time!

Well, it isn't really anyone or anypony specific, I just started typing a comment and suddenly I was writing a short story, as it happens.

 

In any case, yes, WFRR does raise some truly disturbing questions. I'll have to read the book at some point, see if it ever addresses the issue.

There's a book?

>Checks Wikipedia summary of plot.

Oh. Ooooooh. That's certainly different.

 

I'm reminded of a tale of comic book character noir, where the funny animals who haven't had a gig outside of newspaper comics for years sell their bodies... by having well-off superheroes beat them to a pulp. It's okay, they recover off-panel.

Link?

 

At one point, the main character is horrified to find his best friend got a gritty reboot and the darker, edgier version doesn't recognize him.

One of the first fourth wall pony-fics I read was Batty Gloom's - whom you may recognize as the editor for PenStroke's Past Sins - "The Truth about Pinkie Pie", which is relevant to the discussion. May 1st, 2011... wow, ancient times.

 

Also, note that you can click the little checkbox on the side of a chapter on the story's table of contents page to mark that chapter as read (or switch it back to unread, for that matter.)

Yessssss, but then I wouldn't be able to tell which of the 65 short-stories of this anthology I have actually read, anymore. Kinda defeats the point, don't you think?