Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

Chinchillax's Mad Library Science (Rambling Writer's "Best Hell Ever")

Author's Note:

[Adventure][Mathemagic]

This is also a continuation of Rambling Writer's Best Hell Ever (2,191 words [Comedy])

BEST HELL EVER SPOILERS: See previous chapter.

Twilight quickly began working out a system in the best hell she’d ever been in.

She placed a horn on one of the bookcases. The entire library had been magically created just a few hours ago, and it looked like the entire thing was randomized.

She could "read" each book through her spell and get a gist for what it was. The VAST majority was completely random gibberish with sentences like: "bvje pctiphidn disqzrx uzdao pkjqzec! ccnrnzf ydd uuvuy inm huyg."

She spent a while on some calculations and spells, and it looked like the library wasn't actually infinite, which she was rather upset about. But still, 1.2x10^1834023 universe distances worth of books was still quite a lot to work with.

She smiled and then began to put the books in three major categories: Gibberish, Spell Checked, and Spell and Grammar checked. The Gibberish and Spell checked groups would cover 99.99% of the library. They would be organized purely alphabetically. The first book would be a book of: "AAA~A" then "AAA~B" etcetera for a perceptively infinite number of lightyears.

The Spell and Grammar checked would require a little more thought, but would definitely be the most rewarding. For now, alphabetically was the way to go, but give her a few billion years and she would have quite the "Best-of" section on her hooves. She squealed in delight at the thought.

She began to cast her spell, and was absolutely enthralled to see that her spell recursed through the library at faster-than-light—purely instantaneous—speeds. Being dead certainly had it's perks!

All the books around her—around the entire library—started shooting away and into their new spots. Twilight facehoofed when she realized that it would take numerous universe cycles of duration for most of the books to reach their destination. She quickly undid all her work and put everything back to where it randomly had been.

She placed a hoof to her muzzle in thought, and then it clicked. Teleportation!

She teleported each and every book 15 centimeters toward the center of their aisle, providing the perfect buffer space. For a brief moment, every single book that could possibly exist was held up in her magic. THIS WAS SO COOL!

Then she cast the super-massive teleportation spell, each and every book going to it's rightful place. The top 99.99ish% had the gibberish books, which she dyed their covers the color gray. Then the next .001ish% had the spell checked books, which she dyed light gray. And then the bottom of the library, where she would spend all her time, would have those .00000000~1% books dyed a nice lilac.

She teleported hundreds of millions of light years up and around to check her work. It all really had been alphabetized to perfection. She smiled gleefully and teleported to the spot her favorite Daring Do book would be in the Spell and Grammar checked section. It was there in all it's pristine glory!

Okay, it was missing the cover and the illustrations. But still—Daring Do!

All books that could have ever been written by Star Swirl, her favorite authors, even herself. Every single book ever! EVER! Twilight let out an ecstatic yelp of joy and then began to read.

Comments

[GullibleCynic]

I'm sensing some Library of Discord similarities here. Always welcome

[horizon]

The demon gaped. "But … but how did you figure out the infinite-reach teleportation spell? That should have been impossible!"

Twilight grinned, teleported them deep into the lilac section, and pointed to the shelf. "Turns out there's a book for that…"