Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

Brumby_Run's Ruler Take All (Estee's "Passing Størm Passing")

Author's Note:

[Comedy][Alternate Universe]

This is also an offshoot of Estee's Passing Størm Passing, and thus is also set in the Continuum.

PASSING CØNTEXT: In that explosive argument, Celestia insists she took a dive against Chrysalis at the wedding, the better to gauge the changeling queen's strength and devise a counterstrategy.

The semi-regular poker game the Bearers ran was not open to new players. The hostess made five invitations in a purely verbal fashion, with only the sixth being sent a scroll. Due care was taken to ensure that whoever put themselves forward as host was not inconvenienced. The first two to bust (or on rare occasions, cash out,) became the primary members of the clean-up crew. The first game in the cloud house managed to convince everypony that the duty of providing snacks was to be shared amongst them all. For the most part, the residents of Ponyville ignored it, although Chief Miranda Rights had been called that one time that the ice storm and Royal Canterlot Voice had threatened the structural integrity of the buildings neighboring the Boutique.

¹ Pony card games, like ponies themselves, don't have hands.

Seven sat at the table, watching as the golden field of the eighth raked forth the pot from the final grouping¹ of the night.

“To answer the question you are all trying to form,” Celestia said, “I spent the first hour losing to you so I could learn your tells.”

“Damnit! I spent the whole night, sitting. On a chair. On the GROUND. And I still lost!” Rainbow said.

“Indeed. Now, we did agree to raise the stakes, so the time has come to discuss your forfeits. Rainbow... You may keep your signed Wonderbolts program. If I ever decided to start a collection, I could simply order them to sign whatever I wanted. Up to, and including, my own flank. Instead, you can spend a week working for the Canterlot weather team. The updrafts over the carnivore restaurants need renewing.

“Rarity, the Gala is coming up again, and I haven’t a thing to wear. I’m sure you can find the time for my commission.

² See A Duet For Land And Sky, though reading the prequel first is strongly recommended.

“Applejack, I’ll need to borrow your coltfriend²—”

“Now wait just a darn minute!”

“Not for that! I wouldn’t dream...” She caught the smirk on Luna’s face out of the corner of her eye. “I only dream about it on very rare occasions. No, I had planned to have Snowflake look over the calisthenics program the guards use. I believe we need a more forward-thinking approach to training the guard.”

“...He’d probably really enjoy that,” Applejack grumbled.

³ See Enduriance.

“Pinkie Pie, as your foster parents are the world's foremost authority on the subject, I shall ask them to teach our pastry chefs how to make Princess Cake. Don’t worry, I’ll procure the durian³. But it might be wise for you to escort it from its homeland.”

“Awww... I’m gonna have to spend days smelling it. The mayor is going to kick me out of Ponyville again.”

“Fluttershy. After reclaiming some swamplands, a frontier town in the south has been overrun by ibises. They are wrecking havoc on their compost piles and trash cans. Would you go down and persuade them to move on?”

“...Ibis? ...Oh dear. ...stupid, smelly, grumpy bin chickens...”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Luna...”

“If you recall correctly, I did not agree to your terms. I played with only my original stake, and lost on my own merit. That means I am not subject to your forfeit.”

“...I just wanted to say that you’re no fun. And this,” Celestia stuck out her tongue, “PPfffttbtbttbtbtbtbtbtbtbtbtbbbb.” And blew an impressive amount of air, and a not insignificant amount of saliva across it.

“Which just leaves Twilight.”

“I know. You want me to clean your en-suite. I’ll start now, shall I?”

“That would be ideal. But to properly clean it, you will need to unclog the toilet first.”

Twilight took the proffered plunger, and stoically trudged from the dining room. After a few moments the sound of galloping hooves on marble could be heard. “Three... two... one...” Celestia counted down. Twilight crashed through the doors. “Ice-bucket,” she finished as Twilight stuck her muzzle in it and started dry-retching.

“By Discord’s talons,” Twilight shouted as she came up for air, “what have you been eating for the past moon to leave that?”

“Dashie, we are never starting a prank war with the sun princess,” Pinkie whispered.

“I don’t know. There is something to be said for setting yourself a challenge,” Rainbow whispered back.

Comments

[Speckle]

[B_Munro]

All that cake can't be good for the digestive tract...