• Published 6th Oct 2017
  • 2,913 Views, 697 Comments

Never the Final Word (Vol. 2) - FanOfMostEverything



The continuation of an open anthology of continuations of other authors' stories.

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Kris Overstreet's Still a Loon (MagicS's "Why Don't We Just Eat The Unicorns?")

Author's Note:

[Filk][Comedy]

This is a song parody inspired by MagicS's Why Don't We Just Eat The Unicorns? ([Comedy], 1,560 words.)

WHY DON'T WE JUST SPOIL THE STORY? Minister of Agriculture Applejack, when tasked with addressing a famine while Nightmare Moon refuses to raise the sun, offers the titular modest proposal. The question is whether Her Lunar Majesty is cognizant of her role in causing the problem...

This was a screwup
I'm making a note here- big mistake
Why did I think I could be the ruler
My little ponies
Are so very hungry, also tired
Everybody's sick to death of fresh mushroom soup

But a queen can't admit when she got it wrong
So I'll keep pretending I was right all along
Just fake it all while I flash a huge smile
That scares ponies who are still alive

I'm doing a queen's work
Keeping my ponies safe and sound
(Why isn't there a monster when you need one??)
So why can't my ponies
Figure out farming- that's their job
Why can't they find a crop or three that grows by moonlight

But I won't be discouraged by their ingratitude
Though the looks that I'm getting are a little bit rude
Why can't they see I'm right about my eternal night
My ponies who are still alive

Who am I kidding
I've made a huge mess- bucked it up
Now they've started talking cannibalism
I sent a memo
"No pony meat, please- it tastes bad."
(Faust I hope nobody asks how I found that out)

Being absolute ruler isn't one bit of fun
If this keeps up I'll have to bring back the sun
And my sister will go, "Lulu I told you so,"
In front of the ponies that are still alive

But at least they are all still alive
I managed to keep them all still alive
I mean, even Granny Smith hasn't died
(Send a guard to check that she's still alive)
(Still alive? Still alive)

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