Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

Caliaponia's Royal in the Hay (Pony with a Pen's "Celestia Has a Lot of Sex")

Author's Note:

[Comedy]

This is a continuation of Pony with a Pen's Celestia Has a Lot of Sex. (1,507 words, [Comedy][Sex], rated Teen)

CELESTIA HAS A LOT OF SPOILERS: With Flurry Heart old enough to not need her parents hanging over her, Cadence is eager to resume her duties as Princess of Love, including revising Equestria's sex education curriculum. Part of this is a campaign using the princesses as part of a campaign about healthy sexuality and relationships. Naturally, this means getting Celestia a date for the first time in centuries. Celestia insists that she hasn't had such an epic dry spell, really. Her guards back her up and manage to convince Cadence that Celestia is upping the show rating with them.

The air shimmered, and the two guards vanished, leaving a pair of flustered alicorns in their places. Luna's eyes danced with laughter, while Twilight's blush was almost incandescent.

"Orgies," Celestia repeated, resisting the almost magnetic attraction that had grown between her hoof and her muzzle.

Luna shrugged. "It was the best I could come up with at the spur of the moment."

Celestia sighed. "It's just as well Cadance didn't notice your arrival, but how did you even know to come?"

Twilight looked up from her study of the floor long enough to reply. "Err, Shiny can get, well, loquacious sometimes when he's inspecting the miniatures, and he was considering a siren temptress when, umm..." she trailed off.

"Say no more," Celestia snorted, before fixing the two of them with a look. "Well, you may have satisfied Cadance for the time being, but now she expects us to bed our guards. Any plans for that?"

Two pairs of ears wilted, and Celestia's hoof lost it's battle to stay apart from her brow.

Comments

[mastermenthe]

Hrmmmm...
Well, this is quite the pockle!

[Lurks-no-More]

Either they're going to stage a hilariously complicated show to get Cadence off of their trail, possibly with the help of Trixie, Starlight Glimmer, and incredibly uncomfortable Sunburst... or they have to actually date some guards.

[Georg]

8655009 "Ah, Corporal Straight Wings, is it? Yes, you'll do nicely. You're not presently married, gay, engaged, or currently seeing a steady marefriend, are you? Oh, you are? Well, bring in the next guard."

[horizon]

I basically headcanon this as canonical to the source story. Furthermore, I pretty much headcanon 8655009 as the canonical sequel.

[CrystalWaters]

8655009
8750282

Either they're going to stage a hilariously complicated show to get Cadence off of their trail, possibly with the help of Trixie, Starlight Glimmer, and incredibly uncomfortable Sunburst... or they have to actually date some guards.

To deceive an alicorn they need the greatest illusionist in all of Equestria...
Happily though, Twilight has a quick and easy way to find them without having to search the world or wait for them to arrive: Magic!

So say hello to Dame Trixie Lulamoon! (Just don't call her Lulamoon.)
Element of Magic, Night Court's Representative to Ponyville, greatest illusionist in all Equestrias, taken from her home universe, in need of a stiff drink, and annoyed at finding yet another reality where Twilight is the Element of Magic.

Worse yet, the spell has Trixie bound under a geas so that she can't go home until the task is complete.

Even worse, the portion of the spell which sends Trixie home is putting pressure on the boundary between realities and there's only so much time before there's lasting damage.

Celestia, Luna, Twilight and Trixie have only a week to convince Cadence that the alicorns are sleeping with their guards.

Twilight finished explaining the situation and apologised. "I was rounding up; it's a little over six days. Sorry."

In an attempt to avoid Trixie's glare, Twilight looked out a palace window and noticed the setting sun. "Wow, that was a long explanation. I guess it's five days now."

[FanOfMostEverything]

9627137
Refining the spell eventually leads to not so much a multiversal society as a multiversal business model: Rent-a-Trixie! For all your blue braggart needs!