[Crossover][This Will End in Pain]
The following is a response to Estee's blog "Patreon Blog Takeover: 'If it was completely fair, it wouldn't be a competition': balancing sports in Equestria -- and elsewhere." (5,047 words, no tags)
BLOG SYNOPSIS: A breakdown of athletic endeavours in the Triptych Continuum... and the many, many ways sapients try to cheat at them. Of particular note is hoofball, which Estee describes as "the bastard child of American football and rugby -- one which was raised in a deliberately-broken home. (It builds character!)"
The locker room for the Canterlot Cavaliers was nearly silent except for the sound of turning pages and the odd whispering as certain hoofball players attempted to sound out the unusual words on their copy of the invitation. Finally, Wind Gust closed his copy and looked around at his fellow athletes.
"Dis rulebook is too short. Dey must have broke it up into pieces, on account of it ain't got no rules for most of our plays."
"Like the Flying Piledriver," said Static Block.
"Or the Mitzocanitic Blitz Incantation," said Esoteric. "In fact, this has to be a joke. The Interdimensional League? I've never heard of it before."
"They shipped us fifty-six kilograms of .999 pure gold for a down payment," said Assay Line, the team owner, who had been lurking in the corner ever since he passed out the duplicated invites. "Substantially more is due on our arrival, and if we win all three of our exhibition games at this venue, we'll clear more net than the gross for a whole season in Canterlot." The wealthy unicorn's lips curled back in a vicious grin, reminding all of the players that he had once been out on the field just like them, and had plowed more than his fair share of opponents into the turf despite being nominally a Canterlot Royal with a pinkish coat and frilly mane. "They said it would be a lot of fun teaching a bunch of little paisley ponies how to play their game."
There was a low growl that went around the locker room, the kind that would make a full-grown lion decide on rutabagas for lunch.
"I'm in," said Heavy Impact, the quarterback, with a gap-toothed grin. "I tink we can teach them a lot too about how to play—" He squinted at the cover of the instruction manual "—Bloodbowl."
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Those poor, poor orcs. They don't know what they're getting into.
The Bloodbowl folks better hope these ponies don't bring the special effect from Age of Iron with them. Ponies may be hurt or disabled, but they just don't die.
Now I want the rules for the tabletop conversion. Blindbag ponies are more or less in scale with the 35mm minis that tactical games use.
Given Pony death resistance, it'd be even more hilarious when necromancy managers keep complaining about unfair recruitment bias.
Also, now I need a good MLP Bloodbowl crossover!
How did I only find this now?
8826090
I feel like the really hard part about making a pony team is that it feels like earth pony lineponies ought to be a 0-16 choice flavorwise, but as earth ponies, they should be Strength 4, which is probably too strong for a 0-16 piece. Maybe it could work if you gave them No Hands? Dexterous manes notwithstanding, I don't think an earth pony would have an easy time carrying a blood bowl ball - without a hands, "wingfingers", or a telekenetic field, they might well be unable to handle the ball.
So an Earth Pony Linepony might be something like:
MA: 7 S: 4 A: 3 SV: 7 Skills: Thick Skull, No Hands Normal: GS Double: A
Working from there, I think we get these:
Unicorn Linepony MA: 7 S: 3 A: 3 SV: 7 Skills: Horn(s) Normal: GP Double: AS
Pegasus Linepony MA: 8 S: 3 A: 4 SV: 6 Normal: GA Double: SP
Positional pieces would probably be Earth Pony Blocker, with Block and maybe Tackle, +1 SV and -1 MA; Unicorn "Thrower" with some assortment of passing skills, and Pegasus Catcher, with Catch and Dodge.
They might also get a Big Guy in the form of an Equestrian Minotaur, probably a 0-1 choice - basically a regular Blood Bowl minotaur but exchanging Frenzy, Wild Animal, and access to Mutations for Wrestle.
Other 0-1 non-pony options could include Griffons, Hippogriffs, and Yaks:
0-1 Equestrian Griffon: MA: 8 S: 3 A: 4 SV: 7 Skills: Loner, Claw, Frenzy Normal: GS Double: AP
0‐1 Equestrian Hippogriff: MA: 7 S: 3 A: 4 SV: 7 Skills: Loner, Claw Normal: GA Double: SP
0-1 Equestrian Yak: MA: 6 S: 4 A: 2 SV: 8 Skills: Loner, Thick Skull, Horns, Pile On
Alternatively one could drop most of the MA values by one or two and add Sprint and Sure feet, in accordance with the rules for the only extant quadrupedal piece.