Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

SIGAWESOME's Joint Chiefs of Nope (Kris Overstreet's "Expeditionary Force")

Author's Note:

[Comedy][Filk]

This is a riff on Expeditionary Force (see previous chapter) and Aurelio Voltaire's "The U.S.S. Make St Up" (Song contains explicit language.)

HOW WE GOT HERE: Discussing the Guard in the comments inevitably led to talk of them getting Worfed for the sake of the plot. And well, one thing led to another...

Well Ponyville is quite grim
For a show for little kids.
With ravenous little parasprites
And stampeding leporids,
And monstrous Ursas Major,
Timberwolves, and basilisks,
Cockatrices, and hydras
All thrown into the mix.

And now then there was Twilight's
Purple lizard son
He wasn't a meanie dragon
But his greed made him one.
The efforts of the Wonderbolts
He easily ignored
As he rampaged through Ponyville
To add it to his horde.

And I said,
"Send a scroll to Celestia!
Everypony run and flee!
The situation's going south,
We need the help of Harmony!"
I know that I'm a grown mare,
And I must do my part
But this is way
Above my pay
Please save us Purple Smart!

The chaos trickster god Discord
was locked up all in stone
'Till he was freed by fillies who
Di'nt leave well enough alone
He cackled with a flourish,
Snapped the talons on his hand
And then set about to spreading
Chaos magic 'cross the land.

And then there was the wedding,
All Equestria was in bliss
'Till it was crashed by changelings
And their bug-queen Chrysalis
She took out all the Royal Guard
And mind-controlled the groom
Then captured all of Canterlot
And stuffed them cocoons.

And I said,
"Send a scroll to Celestia!
Everypony run and flee!
The situation's going south,
We need the help of Harmony!"
I know that I'm a grown mare,
And I must do my part
But this is way
Above my pay
Please save us Purple Smart!

The boastful showmare Trixie
Challenged Twilight on a dare
Wreaking havoc on the town
With a stellar bear.
Twilight sent her packing,
But she was not finished yet
She returned and enslaved the town
With the Amulet.

Well Cerebus was distracted
Now Tirek's on the loose
He's scooping up the unicorns
And draining all their juice.
Nopony could hope stop him,
Their plans were doomed to fail
It has been exacerbated
By Discord's betrayal

And I said,
"Send a scroll to Celestia!
Everypony run and flee!
The situation's going south,
We need the help of Harmony!"
I know that I'm a grown mare,
And I must do my part
But this is way
Above my pay
Please save us Purple Smart!

Comments

[Speckle]

10250626
Oooooooooooooooh. That makes a lot of sense. For a second, I thought Chrysalis was about to snack on him o.o;