Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)

by FanOfMostEverything

FoME's (and River Road's) Last Standards (Monochromatic's "Taking prompts for fluffy ficlets")

Author's Note:

[Comedy][Alternate Universe][Romance... ?]

The following resulted from discussion on Monochromatic's blog "Taking prompts for fluffy ficlets" (193 words, #I'M GONNA BE TRANSPARENT WITH YALL, #IF YOU GIVE ME RARITWI PROMPTS, #they will probably take precedence, #but, #then again i miss rarilestia, #and raridash, #WHAT ABOUT RARITYxRARITY, #maybe, #DANG THO I LIKE NEED TO EXPAND BECAUSE MY ENTIRE LIFE STYLE IS ME GOING, #today i will write a non raritwi story, #and then my brain is like, #hey this outline you did is great but you know how it would be better??, #RARITWI, #look im sorry ok, #its my niche, #i love them, #what about raridashlight tho, #HMMMMMMMM)
Note that Mono is no longer taking suggestions. In other news, I may need to rethink my presentation method for blogs.

CONTEXT: I took that "WHAT ABOUT RARITYxRARITY" tag and ran with it, suggesting something involving parallel universes, because of course I did. River Road brought up a variant of "The Cutie Re-Mark" where each bad future has an ever-more shamelessly flirtatious Rarity than a more terrible villain. I responded with this:

Twilight and Spike barely had time to register the grassy expanse before they heard the familiar voice. "Another pony!"

Both sighed. Their resignation turned to shock as they took in what had become of Rarity in this timeline, her mane tangled and coat matted. She gave an off-kilter smile, as though she were out of practice. Her voice gave the same impression, accent absent and inflections strangely placed. "I... I haven't seen ponies in... in moons!" She gasped and brought herself muzzle-to-muzzle with Twilight. "We might be the last ones! We have to repopulate the species!"

Twilight pushed Rarity back until she had a little breathing room. "Firstly? We're both mares. Secondly, genetic bottleneck. Thirdly, there's a minor present."

Spike rolled his eyes. "After the last Rarity, I think we can say my innocence is officially dead."

"Hush, Spike. Let me have my delusions for now." Twilight turned back to Rarity, who hadn't stopped grinning like a madmare the whole time. "And lastly? I can see a stallion literally thirty feet behind you."

Rarity turned to look and scoffed. Her accent slipped back into place as though it had never left. "Please, that thing is wearing stripes with spots. It's sub-equine."

River Road's coda:

"And quite frankly, if he doesn't take off that hat soon, preferably to burn it somewhere and bury the ashes, we will be the last ponies around in a moment."

"Well, I'm glad to see you have your priorities straight."

"Fashion before flirtation, darling, it's a multiversal constant."

Comments

[CrystalWaters]

Though necessities might require a certain indecorous behaviour, a lady will never lower her standards to accept conflicting patterns.
Although, perhaps as part of an extremely avant-garde collection to shake up a stifling dullness...NO!